Summary:

A/U This is my take on what should have happened after Addison's conversation with Meredith on "Piece of My Heart", and how these events will affect the lives of Addison and Derek, and those around them.

ThanX go out to my excellent Beta, AE.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

'Every Ship Must Sail Away' - by Blue Merle

Have you ever heard the sounds in the shadows of a song?

Have you ever felt the words blow right through from beyond?

Years pass, people change, bluer skies could turn to gray

Though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away

Every ship must sail away

Oh, change is in the air and you wear it, oh, so well

I asked you if you cared, if you care I couldn't tell

Previously on 'Maybe':

Meredith watched the struggle dancing across his face. she knew that she had a chance at winning this battle, she just had to act fast. So she did the only thing she could think of...something that they had been depriving each other of since they ended things. She rushed up to him, put her hands on either side of his face, looked into his blue eyes and waited for an invitation. Derek stared back at her. how could he deny her this? regardless of his deep love for Addison, he still cared about Meredith. He slowly nodded and that is all the encouragement that Meredith needed, she dived in. Derek wasn't reciprocating at first, and his eyes were open. He could see and feel the intensity behind Meredith's mouth and he couldn't refuse her what she sought. He encircled her waist and allowed himself to feel her warmth.

'Maybe' - By Agent Addek

Chapter 9: 'Every Ship Must Sail Away'

A cold front had definitely hit Seattle. The wind cried and sounded like it was in pain. The noises from the outside didn't keep them from doing what they longed for. He pushed her on the couch and pulled at her jeans. she quickly obliged and slipped them off, then made a quick grab at her shirt and slipped it over her head. She reached for his shirt but he beat her to it and rapidly tossed it over his head. the only barrier between them were her panties and his pants. They continued to ravish each other with kisses and only stopped for seconds to allow themselves to breathe. She finally reached for his jeans and tugged at them. the button came undone and she began to shove them down, he reached down to help her. He looked down at her, she was willing and inviting. He could feel her want for him and he couldn't deny that he wanted to bury himself in her. She reached behind to grab his ass and pulled him closer, making him grow harder. "I want you in me Derek." She demanded.

He had been about to oblige her when it suddenly hit him. It all rushed back. Flashes of Addison, her face, her eyes, her smile, her body completely open to him as he made love to her. He suddenly felt sick...and now all he could feel was instant disgust. not with Meredith, but with himself. When did he become this man? A man who could promise one thing to a woman he loved completely, the mother of his children, and then turn around and break that promise with one kiss. How had he allowed himself to be so selfish and destructive? How could he be the man that he wanted his children to look up to, when he couldn't even be a man that they could count on? Is this how his story would continue to unfold? would he continue to punish himself, Addison, and Meredith, by going down this road again?

Meredith could see that the want in his eyes was fastly fleeting. She tried to distract him by pulling him towards her and tried to kiss him again, but to no avail. "Derek?" She questioned, afraid of whatever was coming.

"I'm sorry Mer, I can't do this!" He said as he pulled away from her and picked up his scattered clothing. "Oh my god! How could I almost do this to her again? She was right not to trust me!" He mumbled to himself as he got dressed.

"Do this to who? To me? Derek, what are you talking about? You said we were moving forward, that you wanted this?" Meredith begged for an answer, any answer, as she scanned the room for her discarded clothing.

"I'm so sorry Meredith, I shouldn't have let it get this far. I got carried away in the moment. You kissed me and it felt good but it's not fair to you, to me, or to her. It's just not fair, I have to stop doing this! I can't do this any longer." Derek said,afflicted.

"Her? Who Derek? Just tell me, what is this about? Just tell me?" She finally yelled, tears reaching her voice.

"Addison." He simply stated.

"Addison?" She gasped, her pain and shock evident. "This is about her? What the hell happened? What did she tell you to make you give up on us? Is this why you flew out to see her?" She questioned.

"She didn't do anything. this isn't her fault Mer, it's no one's fault but my own." he said guilt-ridden.

"The hell it isn't! You spend a few days with her, then come back here and we're about to make love and then you say you can't because of her! How is this not her fault?" Meredith was beginning to lose her patience. Addison had always been someone that made her feel inadequate and afraid. afraid that she would be fighting a losing battle with a woman who knew how to always win. She knew that having her gone was too good to be true, so she had let her guard down and this is what happened.

"It's my fault because I should have been honest with myself a long time ago...if I had, perhaps it would have never gotten this far. I've hurt her so many times I've lost count..."

"What about hurting me Derek? Because you hurt me countless times and I don't see you bending yourself backwards to make it right. How can you say that when she did this to you! She cheated with your best friend Derek, remember? Or have you completely forgotten what she did to you?, the pain she caused you! Then for her to come and try to keep us apart after we found each other, this was her doing." Meredith said defiantly.

"I know I've hurt you and I'm terribly sorry! That is why I came over here tonight to speak with you, this has to end. This constant back and forth can't continue to go on. Meredith, I do remember what happened between Addison and I, it's the thing that made me leave my life in New York. it's what brought me to Seattle and ultimately to you, But I've had a lot of time to think...after Addison left for Los Angeles, something was missing and I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't realize it until she came back for that consult a couple of months ago."

"What are you saying?" She said barely above a whisper.

"I realized that I was still in love with her, that I never stopped." Meredith let out the breath she had been holding. Her eyes implored him to stop telling her this, but Derek continued and she couldn't stop listening. "I had been so angry with her that I had convinced myself that all feelings for her had ceased to exist, but I was wrong. When she came back, I bumped into her outside of Joe's and I spent the evening with her, it was then that I was overcome with a feeling of such loss. It finally hit me that she was no longer in my life, that's why for months I had felt so...incomplete. We said our goodbyes, even though every inch of my being was hoping that she would stay, but she left. She left, and all I could do was move on with my life, and I knew it would be with you. But fate...fate brought her back to me."

"Please, just stop. I don't want to hear this. You're confused! I don't know what happened back in L.A., but I know this will pass and then you'll want me back Derek. That chapter in your life is over. We have this chance to start a life together and you're willing to throw it away because of nostalgia? I won't let you Derek. As much as what you're saying hurts, I know what's in your heart and it's me, it's us." She used this opportunity to get closer to him. her hand reached out to touch his face but he gently grabbed her hand and then put it back down. He could see the pain reflected in her eyes.

"It's not nostalgia, Meredith, It's finally the truth that I've been afraid to speak. afraid to speak because of all the pain that came with it, but I've forgiven Addison and she's trying to forgive me."

"Forgive you for what? You did nothing wrong!"

"I cheated on my wife, Mer. Just because she did it, doesn't mean I was free to do so as well. That wasn't even the worst part and you know it! I made her pay a thousand times over and then committed the ultimate betrayal by sleeping with you while I was suppose to be giving my marriage a try. What kind of man does that?" He asked rhetorically.

"A man who was in love with someone else! A man who loves me, who wants to build a life with me, and a house, and who wants children with me! That's the kind of man who does that!"

"But I'm not that man, Meredith! I thought I was, I wanted to be, but I'm not!"

"Then who the fuck are you, huh? Who the fuck have you been these past few years? If you're not that same man that wanted all those things, then tell me, who are you?" She shouted as tears began to stream down her face.

"I should go."

"No! You started this, now finish it. You owe me that much."

Derek shook his head, then looked up to stare her in the eyes. She was pleading with him to tell her. "I'm still that man who wants those things..." Confusion colored her face, then a beat of hope. He quickly disparaged it, "but I wanted them, and still want them, with Addison." he finished. Derek looked away, not able to take her agony. She was so still and quiet, then a sob escaped her mouth and it was her undoing.

"How could you do this to me again? I loved you when you needed someone, I still love you and I'm willing to give you whatever I can! And now you're saying that those dreams you said you wanted with me, had always been your dreams with HER! You son of a bitch! She rushed towards him and started to hit his chest with her fists, beating on it as forcefully as she could. Derek just stood there and took every blow until she finally tired.

"I'm so sorry Meredith."

"Stop saying that! Stop saying that because it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make this ache in my heart hurt any less. It doesn't make this sickening feeling in my stomach go away. So stop saying that you're sorry!" She wrapped her arms around herself and sat on the couch. She took a deep breath, then looked towards him again. "Then why come back from L.A.? If you're convinced you're in love with her, why come back at all?" The realization soon dawned on her, "...She asked you to leave, didn't she?"

"She needed to be sure." He answered.

"Sure of what? That she won?" Meredith said bitterly.

"This isn't about winning Meredith. I understand her reasons, with the babies coming, she couldn't..." he stopped when he realized what he had just said.

"What did you just say?" She felt her blood go cold and her body became rigid.

"I...I...I said that I understood..." he stammered.

"No...you said babies...as in plural. What does that mean?" She held her breath for the final blow.

Derek looked down at his feet. he hadn't planned on telling her about Addison's pregnancy. He knew she would eventually find out, but he didn't want to be so cruel and reveal that as he was ending things with her. it was too late, the damage was done and now he had to finish what he started. "She's pregnant." Meredith stood back up to face him.

"Is it yours?" she barely verbalized.

"Yes, they're mine." he said and couldn't stop a smile from forming as he told her. Then shock imbued his face as he felt the slap. "Get out! Get out now! I don't ever want to see you! Go! Please just go!"

He watched her twist in torment and wished he could somehow make it go away, but he was doing her more harm by staying. he reached for his jacket, looked at her sullen form and walked out the door. He bumped into Christina on his way out. she gave him the once over then rushed inside sensing there was something wrong. no doubt he'd be paying for this tomorrow and the many days after.

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She had been feeling a little edgy since she had come back from her lunch with Naomi...something that she couldn't really put her finger on. She decided that she just needed to relax so she grabbed a book, a hot cup of tea and a warm blanket. She situated herself on one of the chaise on her back deck and let the beauty of the view envelop her. Addison smiled to herself, already feeling a little better than she had before. This is why she loved living on the beach because even when things were turned upside down, something so simple as sitting out on the deck, closing her eyes, breathing in the refreshing breeze and listening to the ocean waves splashing on the shore, made everything else just fade away. Footsteps moving towards her caused her to suddenly open her eyes. She grinned at the familiar face. "Sam." she welcomed.

"Hey Addie, I hope I'm not interrupting?"

"Not at all. Come join me." She patted the chaise next to hers.

"Thanks. It's beautiful out here today isn't it?" He asked, as he laid back.

"It is." She replied. "Just taking all of this in makes some of my worries melt away." She stretched her arms out in front of her.

"Worries?" He questioned. She was quiet for a moment weighing if she should speak about her hopes and fears. She glanced at Sam and gave him the once over.

"At lunch with Naomi, I said something. Something I didn't want to admit, but that I fear could happen."

"What is it?"

"I know you said he'd be crazy to walk away from me again and I want to believe that, but I can't. I shouldn't, I don't have that luxury Sam. I have to entertain the possibility that he may not come back."

"Addison, you know that he loves you." He reassured her, but couldn't help but feel a tinge of pain.

"I do, but is it enough? Whether he wants to admit it or not, he has feelings for that girl. I would even say he loves her." She took a deep breath, saying it out loud made it hurt a little more. "What happens when he sees her?"

"He tells her it's over, that's what happens! He tells her that he's always been in love with one of the most amazing, brilliant, strong, smart, independent and beautiful woman he's ever known. that nothing and no one can make that love ever dissipate, that his love knows no time or boundaries. whether it's right or wrong, It's there and always will be." He finished with passioned whisper.

Addison watched him. She was stunned but a smile began to reach her eyes. she was taking in what he had just said. could it be possible that Derek loved her that unconditionally? The way Sam spoke filled her heart with so much hope, and like before, she once again flung herself into his arms. She always had a tendency to do that around Sam. there was something so inviting and comforting about him when it came to her. She knew that no matter how much time had elapsed before she reconnected with him and Naomi, nothing would change between them, and this only proved it to her. "Thank you, Sam. I really needed to hear that. I might need to hear that a lot...unless he doesn't come back and then you have to tell me how awful he is."

She chuckled and Sam joined her as he held her tightly, relishing in her warmth as she pressed her cheek to his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down her back. What he had said to her could very well be what Derek felt, but he knew that every word was true of him. All those things are what had always drawn him to her. It's why back before their respective marriages, he wanted to be with her, but things worked out the way they had and now here they were and those feelings were slowly resurfacing since the moment she came to visit. The love he felt for her before, had been lying in wait. He would never deny that he loved Naomi, of course he did! She had been a beautiful part of his life, the mother of his child, But their time had passed. even though they were trying things out again, he knew that it was the comfort that was pulling them towards each other. eventually it would pass and they would move on with their lives.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head and lightly kissed her. Then he chuckled to himself. His timing never ceased to amaze him. As always, when it came to Addison it was way off. with Derek back in the picture, it made him realize that he could very well lose out on being with her again. He understood that she was currently carrying her ex-husband's children, the key word being ex-husband, and he wouldn't deny that a part of him knew that Derek would end up letting her down. he would be there to pick up the pieces, and be there for her in any way that she needed him to be, and eventually, he hoped that this time...this time would be their time.

From the distance back at Sam's house, Naomi stood and watched in dismayed shocked. What she had witnessed earlier was becoming apparently true. The care in which he held her best friend could not be mistaken. How long had he been carrying this torch for the unknowing red head? Naomi wanted to look away but she couldn't bring herself to do so. she needed to see this in order to let him go. She couldn't deny that it was causing her a great deal of pain, but along with that pain also came doubt, anger and betrayal waiting to combust, but she wouldn't do it in front of Addison. She was mature enough to understand that her unsuspecting friend was in such a fragile state at the moment, that she had no clue of Samuel's feelings or intentions in regards to her. Naomi watched them for a few more moments, then left after she felt she had seen enough.

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Cause years pass, people change, bluer skies could turn to gray

Though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away

Every ship must sail way

Though it's gonna hurt for now, though it's gonna hurt for now

Though it's gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away

Every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away

Every ship must sail away, every ship must sail away