Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.
AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story you guys make my day. I try to answer everyone's review if I can. And thanks to everyone who followed or favorited my story. You guys really have no idea how much that means you to me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my story. Updates will happen every weekend, if I can do two a week awesome for me but I am aiming for one a week and like I said on the weekend. Anyway on the story I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver and Felicity would already be together and forever and Thea would be back home where she belongs. Seeing how that has not happened you can tell I don't own it.
He doesn't really remember what it was like to have family and then Thea dropped into his life. And before he knew it he had one hell of a family. And now just like that it's all gone. Fell away on the drop of a sword. It's not fair. It shouldn't have been her. She was his sister; she didn't care about his past or what was running through his blood. Well she did care about his past at least part of it. The part that meant he had no family. She just swooped in and scooped him up and claimed he was part of her family now. And that was that. No one questioned it, no one dared to. She was really the leader of their rag tag group of heroes. The mother in the family and everyone knows you don't mess with the mother. He wishes he didn't remember what it was like to be loved. To know what love feels like. Because now that she is gone. It's going to be gone to. Why couldn't someone else have to do what she did? It just wasn't fair. He was too late and the heart was gone. And soon the soul will be. Because there is no way any of them can go on without her. Whoever said it is better to have love and lost then never love at all has never known this loss. To know loss so great that every part of you shatters into a million pieces. This pain, this hurt, this loss will follow him to the end of his days. He hopes that it won't be that long. He can't survive this for much longer and he really doesn't want to. It's too much for him. The air is tingling with something, he doesn't know what is but he knows he doesn't like it. The moment is coming.
He knows others are here but he can't honestly care about them right now. He can't care about their pain because right now his is all he can handle. Why did she think she was the only one who could do this? He needs her, they all need her. They can't function without her. To even think about it makes him hurt and seethe. Surprising though the rage and the anger don't come, he doesn't have to worry about controlling it because it's not there. The only thing he feels is sadness. A sadness that is seeping into his very bones. It shouldn't have been her. Why couldn't have been Laurel? Nothing against her or anything but they can all live without her. Well maybe not her dad or her sister, but the others can. What they can't live without is Felicity. The girl who gave them a home, a purpose, a smile when they needed it. He doesn't mind Laurel but she will never be Felicity, never be his sister. The one, who made sure he ate, had plenty of sleep and clothes on his back that he didn't have to steal. She bought him clothes not to be sympatric but because she cared and she wanted him to know what love is. To know what it's like to be cared for. Who will care for him now? He doesn't fit in with the rest. They only tolerated him because of her now that's all been ripped away. Who is going to care for the lost boy? No one is and he cries for that reason. He wants to run away, run so very far away but his feet won't move or they can't move. Maybe it's both, maybe it's neither. The sky cries in the distance. It knows what is going to happen next. The moment is coming.
Instead of running away he falls to his knees in sorrow. A gut wrenching scream comes from his mouth. He never knew he could make a sound like that. The lost little boy is all alone and then an arm reaches around his shoulders and holds him. And he knows he is not alone. The family is mourning together. Holding onto each other is all they can do. The badge is digging into his chest and he can't believe that Officer Lance is the one holding him. Shouldn't he be with his daughters? But he won't ask that because he wants someone to hold him, to not let him fall into the darkness. He needs someone to keep him grounded and he doesn't care who it is. She always liked Lance always told them to be nice to him, to respect him. He did a lot for them and he paid the price more times then he should have. As Lance holds him while he breaks down he thinks he might just listen to Felicity because she never sent them down the wrong path. Can Lance cope better than he can? He did lose one daughter although Sara is back so maybe it's not the same. No for the longest time they all thought Sara was dead so he has mourned a daughter now it has to be another one. And Roy hates it; he hates all of this just so much it hurts. He wants to break Slade's face or curl up into a ball and cry like a baby he's not for sure. But he thinks he is leaning more towards crying because as soon as the anger and rage come they go just as quickly. He thinks that might be Felicity's doing. She always did hate it when he got angry, not because he scared her but because she just didn't like those emotions. He cries even harder because that would be something Felicity would do, make sure he isn't angry. Take all the anger from him. It hurts so much. The moment is coming.
He's grieving for her and yet he thinks of the family in the basement. The ones who ordered Chinese food and then would blast music and just dance around without a care in the world. The ones who would laugh at each other and cry with other and who made a well oiled machine with team Arrow. She always made sure they were all taken care of, who is going to do that now? Who is going to make sure that Sara makes time for her father and sister, makes sure Diggle is spending time with his ex wife, to make sure Lance doesn't go back to the bottle or Laurel either. Who is going to make sure Thea gets everything she needs on her inventory for the bar, to make sure he knows he always has someone to talk to when it all gets too much. Who is going to make sure Oliver sleeps, eats hell just even live? No one that's who. There is no one out there who can replace her, no one who can do what she did. No one who can make them a family. She was the heart and soul of the family and now it's gone. What is any of them going to do? How can any of them survive it? She had her whole life in front of her and now it's been snuffed out, without a thought. The light is fading all around them. A darkness is settling around them, around everything. What will happen to the city when the heroes become the villains because the light is gone? Will they become villains or will they just give up? It scares him knowing he doesn't really care either way. The moment is coming.
He hears a buzzing in the silence he has created in his head. It sounds like wailing and he wonders if it's from him. But his throat is raw and no noise is coming from him. It's coming from the person who could destroy them all, Oliver. The lover to the light. It kills him to see his hero, the person he looked up to the most so distraught. Whatever he is feeling he knows Oliver is feeling it a hundred times more. Felicity was practically his mother but she was in every sense of the word Oliver's wife. Except they never got to have that part of the relationship between them. He hates that because they loved each other so fiercely, and to have it end before it ever really began is just cruel. They deserved to be happy and now they will never get to have that happen. What did any of them do in their past lives to deserve this? Or was their luck just that bad? Oliver survived so much pain and so much loss, he deserves to be happy. If any of them deserves to be happy it's Oliver. He had that with her and now it's been ripped away in the blink of an eye. Oliver's grieving is killing him; it makes him hate the situation so much more. He doesn't want to hear any more of the pain coming from him. It hurts him too much. It makes his head spin and he just wants to shut it all off. Without him even knowing he has covered his ears with his hands. He just wants it to all be quite. It's too much for him. The moment is coming.
He wants to hate her so much for doing this to them. Hate her for deciding that they can live without her. That her life was disposable. It's not. They need her and now she is gone. And he hates her for that. For deciding that this was the only way to save them all. Because that's what she does, she saves everyone. She is the true hero out of them all. They were just the muscle for her. Why did she have to be so stupid and do that? A cold anger begins to form in his chest, and then he feels a kind warmth on his cheek and he can see her smiling in his head. The smile she gave him when we was being hot headed. And it calms him down immediately and he just collapses in Lance's arms. He keeps whispering I'm sorry and Lance just holds him tighter. He doesn't hate her, he could never hate her. And he wants to be sick for thinking he hates her because she was doing what she thought was right. Always putting everyone else above her. And she wanted to save Slade because she believed he could be. She always believed that people could be saved. Especially if they were their own worst any enemy. Slade would have fit in with them. They all suffered from that problem. But now he is going to pay for it. The moment is coming.
He doesn't want to but he has to, he looks over to her. And he can't help the tears that fall from his eyes. She doesn't look like she is in pain she looks so peaceful. She is pale and the blood pool continues to grow but he doesn't think she can feel it. He wants to go over there and whisper to her how sorry he is for not getting to her sooner, but something is holding him back and it's not Lance. Besides this moment belongs to her and Oliver. His pain and grief can wait. But he would love to say good bye to her. As if she knows a warm breeze brushes his cheek and he can feel her gentle hand on his shoulder. He hears her voice in his head telling him to close his eyes. She doesn't want him to see this and never one to not listen to her, he does as she said. He can see her clear as day telling him it's going to be okay. That he will get through this, they all will. Because she believes in them. And he believes it because she would never lie to him. He ignores everything around him and focuses on the hug he knows she would give him, the one he feels right now. He doesn't listen to the broken sob only her saying good bye and he knows. The moment has come.
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