Summary: Death is only the beginning. The ones we love never really leave us. And sometimes we have to die before we can really live.
AN: So this chapter was a beast. It's the longest chapter I have written and I hope you guys like it. A lot of tears went into this chapter. Please don't expect the rest of the chapters to be this long it just came out this way. I have no clue why. And just FYI there is some swearing in this chapter I tried to keep it to a minimum but just wanted everyone to be aware. Also for my story Isobel cannot fight. Also this story takes place after he kidnaps Thea but before he goes after Moria. And Roy never ran away. Anyway on to the story I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow sadly. If I did Oliver would have pulled his head out of his ass by now and be the man we all know he can be. But that is clearly not happening so you can assume I do not own Arrow.
Darkness surrounds him. There is nothing around him. He is alone and so very cold. Time has stopped and it will never start again. He doesn't think, he can't think. His mind is blank and it will remain blank until the day he dies. Numbness has passed his bones and has been thrusted into his very soul. Desolation is all around him and will never leave him alone. He feels nothing yet anger is pouring out of his cells. They will burn, they will all burn. Everyone will suffer his wrath. Everyone will feel his pain. Then and only then when they have all burned will he finally know peace. And he will greet Death happily, like an old friend. One day people will tell the story of Starling City burning to the ground and why it happened. They will wonder why the hero didn't save them. Why he let them burn. And when the answer comes it will destroy them. They will understand his rage and his pain. But they will not pity him; they will not empathize with him. No they will fear him and all he has done. They will pray he died in the fire. Because if he didn't then they will pray they never come across him because nothing will sate his bloodlust. They will ask how did he become this monster, how he became the thing they all feared. And the answer will always remain the same. He is this way because she is gone, because she died, because someone thought her life was worth nothing. And they will all pay for that. He will become the monster he never wanted to be, but was so good at. He will bathe in the blood of his victims and rejoice in their demise. No he won't rejoice because he will never feel happiness. No smile will ever grace his face again. And then they will ask who is the monster in the dark? They will wonder who was the man that burned cities in his rage and the story tellers will reply in whispered voices the Arrow. And that name will send shocks of fear through everyone who hears it. The hero has become the villain. The moment is coming.
Right now though there is no rage only numbness. He looks down to the woman in his arms and only sees blood. He sees his future being ripped away. He sees her beautiful future being torn down with no thought what so ever. No one was there to save her, not even him. He said they could protect her, he was wrong. Oh god he was so wrong and everything is ending. He can see the city burning and everyone dying. He sees no one being spared from his rage and that should scare him but it doesn't. It only fuels the fire starting to rage within him. And he looks down to her just wondering how his whole world just came toppling down around him. How her light just got snuffed out. And when he thinks about it all he sees is red. There was red in his ledger, now it will be drenched in it. And there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. He has let her down for the last time. He brushes a piece of hair off her face and he remembers how this has all come to pass.
Oliver is bored out his mind, this meeting was sapping all the energy he had which for the last few days had been very close to empty. Every bad guy it had seemed had come out in spades. He never thought he would say this but he was in need of a vacation and soon. He looks to his right and notices Felicity is still not back from gathering all the papers the CFO asked her to get. And he is beginning to get a little antsy. That was according to his watch well over twenty minutes ago. It should have taken ten max. His cell vibrates and he's so glad no one noticed it because according to Isobel that is not proper for a CEO and more of the idiot she knows he truly is. He ignores it and tries to focus back onto the meeting because as much as he doesn't want to face Isobel and her condescending glare. He really doesn't want to face the wrath of Felicity. She told him to pay attention and to let her know what she missed so she can go back and double check what the CFO said. So he tries he really does but apparently he is not the only one who notices that Felicity is not back yet.
"We should probably stop right there and wait for Miss Smoak to bring us the papers you wanted us to see. Don't you think?" Thank goodness for Walter, Oliver thinks. Because he was getting ready to say something too.
"Of course, of course." The CFO agrees and everyone beings to chatter amongst themselves. He is about ready to talk to Walter when his phone starts ringing again. He pulls it out of his pocket and sees Felicity's picture flash across the screen.
"Felicity did you get lost on the way back here." He jokes and some people around him hear her name and look at him waiting for any news. Except the voice he hears on the other end is not who he was expecting.
"You should really be careful where you leave your valuables kid. Or someone could come by and take them." And Oliver's veins run cold as ice and he stands up and leaves the meeting not caring about the people in it at all. Slade sounds so casual, as if he was discussing the weather.
"Don't worry boy she is unhurt. But we need to discuss some things and I didn't want any distractions to be in our way." Oliver doesn't believe him but he doesn't know what to do other than to listen and pray Felicity will be okay. Dig is right behind him so he puts the phone on speaker and motions Dig to be quite. They both wait and listen for Slade to continue.
"I will let you know when and where she will be but for now I want you to wait and wonder what is going to happen to the woman you love and why you could do nothing about it. Until then you should really check your phone more often kid." And with that Slade hangs up the phone and Oliver's whole world comes crashing down around him.
"What did he mean you should check your phone more often Oliver?" Dig asks him quietly. Oliver remembers his phone going off during the meeting and checks his phone to see what it was. A picture message from Felicity and when he opens it he immediately drops his phone and collapses on to the couch with his head between his legs. He is going to be sick, that image is engraved in his mind forever. He senses Dig walk over to the phone and he can't do anything but feel with Dig when he hears the gasp of his friend. The image of Felicity lying unconscious with duct tape over her mouth and blood dripping down the side of her face probably from being blitz attacked will never be one they can forget.
He needs to cancel all his meetings for the rest of the day that way he can figure out where Slade is and in turn find Felicity. As if Dig knows his thoughts he puts a hand on his shoulder lets him know it will be taken care of.
"I'll meet you down in the lobby Oliver. Let me put some things into motion and then we will head to the foundry and let the others know what is going on." Dig doesn't wait just goes out the room and leaves Oliver with his thoughts. But Oliver can't wait around up here so he calls up Sara then Roy and tells them to meet him in the foundry as fast as they can. He hangs up and makes his way to the elevator, not even paying attention to the click clack of heels on the floor until someone is right beside him.
"Where do you think you are going Mr. Queen? We have a meeting to finish and more to discuss." Isobel snides at him and it that moment he has never wanted to hit a woman more than he has right now. But he can't focus on her right now. He will deal with her later when Felicity is safe and home with him where she belongs. The Count couldn't take her down the Doll maker couldn't do it and neither could the Clock King so he will be damned if a mad man like Slade Wilson is going to take her down.
"If you want Felicity to remain unharmed then I suggest you come back to the meeting Mr. Queen." And right as Isobel turns around Oliver grabs her by the throat and slams her into the wall. Thank goodness no one is around to see him do this otherwise he would have a lot of explaining to do but as this moment he doesn't care. Isobel is starting to turn blue from the lack of oxygen she is taking in and he couldn't care less. She is clawing at her throat and desperately trying to take in oxygen and Oliver feels some sort of sick satisfaction from watching her struggle. Until a hand is on Oliver's shoulder trying to pull him off of her, then a voice breaks through the rage induced fog of his brain.
"Let her go Oliver. You're killing her let her go." Diggle's voice is frantic and that alone scares him. Diggle has never spoken like that to him. He lets her go and whispers to her but loud enough for Dig to hear so he will know why he did what he did.
"Tell Slade if he wants to keep his precious little pet alive then Felicity better not be hurt." The elevator dings and he and Dig walk into but before it closes he gives Isobel a piece of advice.
"And Isobel when I find Felicity and stop Slade, and I will. If I was you I would run, run as fast and as far as you can go. Because when we find you and we will, you will wish that it was Slade that had killed you. Because we won't kill you, no we and by we, I mean Felicity, she will destroy you and everything you have ever done. She will ruin you. So run now and never look back." He lets the doors close then and the last thing he sees is the true terror on Isobel's face.
Neither man says anything on the way down. There is nothing left to say. They find Felicity and they stop Slade no matter what the cost. Oliver's mind is in complete chaos and he doesn't know how to settle it but the one thing that is recurring in his mind is the fact that Isobel is working for Slade and he slept with her. He has never felt more disgusted with himself as he does right then. He owes Felicity a major apology after this and to also let her know that she was right. Isobel is a slimy creature, or was it a hell spawn. She had so many descriptive adjectives for her. He will ask her when he gets back which one fits this new information. Until then he will stay focused on the mission and bring his girl home. The ride to the Foundry is done in silence both have too much on their mind. Oliver tries to think of what to tell the others and how to track her down. Because no one knows her system like she does. She is the brains behind all of what they do and everyone else is the brute force. How are they going to find her, that's what she does? She finds people, but how is she suppose to find herself. How can they find her, they need her here. He hates Slade more than anything right now and for the first time he wishes he has mirakuru in his system so he knows that he will be able to take Slade on. He can't lose her; he won't be able to handle it. Felicity has always given him hope when he thought he had lost it. What will he do if he loses his hope? No, he refuses to think like that. They will find her and they will bring her home and Slade will be no more after this. He didn't realize they were at the Foundry till John knocked on the window. And Oliver feels for John because those two have an amazing familiar relationship. He has already corrupted Thea and stole their relationship he will not let that happen with Felicity and John or the others. But how does one tell these people that the one they all cherish, the one who is supposed to be safe is now in the clutches of a mad man. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs he only sees Roy no Sara.
"Before you ask I don't know where she is. She should be here soon. I think she was trying to talk to her sister or something." Roy states with his hands in the air to ward off any other questions. Roy looks over to them and he knows Roy is wondering where the other part of their trio is. And he really doesn't have the heart to tell him because Roy looks up to Felicity like a big sister or sometimes a mom. But before he can say something, anything really, Sara comes barreling down the stairs.
"He has her Oliver." And Oliver's heart stops because how the hell did she know that already. But before he can ask her how she knows she continues on.
"Slade has Laurel. He called me." And just like that Oliver's whole reality comes crashing down around him. He knows what Slade is doing and either way he loses. Oh god he loses. What is he supposed to do? He sees John stiffen and his face goes slack and then before he can blink his face becomes acceptance resignation. He doesn't understand it until John's words from last year come crashing into him. 'When it comes to Laurel damn everyone else.' And while those words hurt, they aren't true anymore. Because like he told Felicity a few months back there was no choice to make.
"Oliver why are you just standing there? Get Felicity here so we can get Laurel back." Sara is panicked. And Oliver understands, he really does. Sara came back to protect her family and now one of them is in danger. Instead of saying anything to her, he hands her his phone with the picture on the screen. When she sees, she gasps and he wonders if she understands yet. If she knows what is about to play out.
"Slade called me and told me she was safe and he would call back to let me know where I can find her." And just like that all the pieces fall into place for her. And he wonders what she is going to say.
"You can't pick Ollie. You can't do it. We will find another way I promise. No one is going to hurt either of them." And before he can say something back to her she pulls out her own phone and calls someone. She walks away from him and is in a whispered conversation like she doesn't want him to know about it. He looks over to Roy and the boy seems completely confused and he knows he is going to have to explain everything to him. He doesn't look forward to this conversation.
"Slade has both Laurel and Felicity and is going to have me pick who lives and who dies." Roy looks stunned and very angry and he does not want to have to deal with a pissed off Roy.
"This has to do with something that happened on the island which one day I will tell you all about. But until then know Roy we will not let anything happened to either of them." He turns around to talk to Sara so they can work out a battle plan but she is nowhere to be seen. He looks to John and he shakes his head to indicate that he didn't notice her leave. He looks back to Roy and the kid is still looking really pissed so he is going to have to try a different tactic.
"Roy you can either train and practice or you can do whatever the hell it is that Felicity has you do to calm down because I am going to need you in control and on your A game when we go to get her back." And to his surprise it gets him to calm down. Roy nods his head at him and walks over to the training dummy and starts to practice. John walks over to his guns and starts to take them apart and clean them. He decides the best thing he can do is sharpen his arrows and make sure he has everything ready for the fight.
He loses track of time when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees he has a picture message from Felicity. He dreads opening it but he does any way because he has to. The picture is of Felicity bound and gagged this time awake and more apparently there is a gun pointed at her head. Below the picture is a message. A street address and orders to come alone or he kills her. He knows Slade means it. He looks over to his team and notices that Roy is focused on the dummy getting his anger under control, Sara is still gone and John is not there. He remembers John telling him he was going to go to Lyla to see if he could use some of her assets to stop Slade. He has no choice; he changes into his gear and leaves. But he also leaves the address and the threat hoping they can find a way around it.
He moves silently on the roof top hidden in shadows hoping they don't know he is here yet. He knows they probably do but he tries to be hopeful in this situation. He doesn't see anyone and that worries him. Where is everyone, where is the girls, where is Slade.
"Come on out boy, I can smell your fear." Slade's voice is taunting. He grips he bow tighter and leaves the shadows and just like that his worst fear is right in front of him.
Felicity and Laurel are bound and kneeling before him with a gun pointing to their heads.
"Quite poetic don't you think? Just how it happened that night. Put the bow down kid or I put a bullet in both their heads." Slade cocks the gun and Oliver immediately drops the bow.
"Please Slade don't do this. Let them go. This is between you and me. They have nothing to do with this." He begs. He hopes this can reach the man he once called brother but he doesn't know if there is anything left to reach.
"That's not how this goes and you know it. You get to choose who lives and who dies. And this has everything to do with them just as it had years ago on that fateful night. So take off the hood and show your face so she knows who you really are." Slade's voice is so calm and cold, it scares him. This is not his friend this is a monster. He can't reason with him so he will comply and hope the others get here soon. He lowers his hood and Laurel gasps in shock and Felicity looks at him in determination. She is not giving up on him.
"Pick Oliver. Choose who dies and who lives. Will you choose your long lost love Laurel or will it be the beautiful blonde assistant who broke down all your walls?" Slade brings the gun to each woman's head with a cold smile on his face. He wants to answer but either way he will lose and no one is coming.
"Neither." A strong voice rings out and all eyes turn to the pretty blonde who spoke.
"I will never let Oliver choose anything that deals with my life. This is my life so it's my choice. So I will pick for myself. And I choose me to die Slade Wilson. Because someone has to die and someone needs to show you that you don't get to win." And just like that he, Oliver Queen shuts down. Because once Felicity Smoak sets her mind to do something nothing will ever stop her. She stands up and turns around to face her executioner.
"But you will look me in the eye Slade Wilson when you do this. You won't be a coward and shoot me in the back. All I ask is you tell me, is all of this worth it? Was she worth it? Is she still worth it? Was she a monster like you or the beloved like Oliver says she was? Would she be proud of the monster you are today or the man you could have become? What about your family Slade? Your wife and your son? What will they think when they learn of the man you are? Will they cower in fear or will they feel ashamed and disgusted by you? Will they be shunned for what you have done? Or will someone get vengeance on you by killing them? Who will protect them when the masses come for them? Answer me Slade! You have to know these answers because these questions will come to pass." With each question she has gotten louder and closer to him. And he doesn't have the answers and they all know it.
"Tell me about her, Shado. Was she as sweet and kind as Oliver described her or was it all lies? Was she just like you a monster?"
"NO! She was sweet and beautiful and so very kind. She believed in us and she believed we would get off the island and we would all make it home. She loved with her whole heart. She was a good person with an amazing heart." Slade exclaims back to her and tears try to escape his eyes.
"Then why Slade? Why kill in her name?" She asks him desperately. Not for herself but for him. She is trying to redeem him. To make him see his wrongs. But it won't work, oh god it won't work. He has to tell her this.
"Because he killed her. He picked Sara to live and Shado died. That's why. It has to be like this." He tells her desperately. He is fighting her, but she is breaking his walls, slowly she is breaking them down.
"No Slade the gun was pointed at Sara and he jumped in front so he would die instead. Had it been on Shado at the end of the countdown then he would have jumped in front of it. Because that's what he does. He sacrifices himself so others can live. This Shado you see now who is she? Is she the woman you remember or just this angry shell you have created? Who are you really doing this for Slade? Is it for her or is it really for you?" He wants to yell at her to keep quite because it won't work Slade is too far gone. But he can't seem to get his mouth to work and his legs feel like lead and he can't make them move.
"It's for her; it has always been for her. Stop asking stupid questions. Stop messing with my mind." He yells at her backing away from her. He paces back and forth mumbling to himself. He's talking to someone. Someone who isn't there.
"Really because it seems to me that you are doing this for yourself because you weren't there to stop it and you have to do something to make up for it. Maybe if you had been there then everyone would have been spared the horrors of that island. But you weren't and Shado died and everyone had to face the evils of that island. But you are hurting and you want someone to hurt just as much as you do. But it doesn't work like that Slade; it can't because all you're doing is dishonoring the memory of this amazing woman. And she deserves so much better than that. And you know it. But if you are ready to kill in her name, to taint her memory then I am ready to die. I have lived my life with no regrets." She says it with such convection that everyone takes a step back. But he has a regret he never told her.
"Well go on then Slade do it. Be the monster your child will fear. Be the villain Shado would hate. Make sure she will never rest in peace." And just like that Slade's façade breaks and the dam breaks. But before he can make a move, a move that no one will ever know a bullet rips passed Felicity's head and hits Slade's armor. With a roar Slade pushes Felicity to the ground hard and Laurel falls to the ground as well as not to be hit with any bullets. Screams rip through the night.
"I told you to come alone. You will never learn. This all could have been prevented kid." Slade roars at him. He pulls out his sword and charges him for a fight. He picks up his bow and begins to fight back.
Slade is strong, stronger than he remembers and he is not for sure if he can take him. The fight goes on for hours it feels like, the others join in but still it's hard to bring Slade down. They have all been knocked down and breathing heavy when Slade stands up and he tries to get up as well but it hurts so much. He barley makes it to his knees when Slade takes his sword and rams it though his chest. Except it never makes it. Before he can move or stop it from happening Felicity jumps in the way and the sword pierces right through her abdomen. He never even saw her move. He screams out in anguish and everyone stops moving. Slade takes a moment and shock is clearly written over his face, before he pulls out the sword and steps back, the sword falling from his hand. Felicity looks down at her chest and falls backwards. He easily catches her. Her face looks completely astonished as if she can't believe she got stabbed or that she jumped in the line of fire for him. Neither thing he ever thought he would be thinking. He puts his hand over her chest to try and cover the wound to stop the blood pooling out around her. It doesn't work.
"Felicity look at me. Its okay, you're going to be okay. Just hang on." He pleads with her. Tears fall freely down his face. It's not fair, he never told her.
"It's okay Oliver. Shh it's okay. My life my choice remember. Please make sure she is at peace now Oliver. She has to be. Don't let this be for nothing." She is whispering and blood is trickling out from her mouth. And she is wrong this is not okay. Why does she worry about everyone else but herself? She is not okay.
"It doesn't hurt. Okay Oliver it doesn't hurt, its okay. I'm okay. Just stay with me for a little bit Oliver. Just for a bit. I don't want to be alone." Her voice is wavering and she is barely hanging on. And he doesn't know what to do. Her eyes glaze over and he has to keep her here with him.
"I'm not going anywhere Felicity. I'm staying right here. You're not alone; you are never going to be alone again. Do you hear me? I am never going to let you be alone again. Just hang on Felicity help is on its way. You just have to hang on. Besides I still have to yell at you for doing something stupid like this." She makes no move as if she doesn't hear him. But she has to, this can't be it. It can end this way.
"Someone call 911! We need an ambulance!" He looks around and no one moves. Why aren't they moving? Then he hears it the cackle in the chest, the death rattle when the lungs can no longer hold the air in and the lungs can take in anymore.
"Felicity stay with me. Please don't leave me. I love you Felicity. You can't go, you can't leave me alone. I haven't taken you out on a date; I haven't done anything for you. You have to stay so I can prove to you how much I love you. So I can prove it every day for the rest of our lives. Please Felicity don't go." He looks to the sky and prays for the first time in a very long time.
"Please God take me instead. Don't take her away from here. She is worth so much more than me. She has so much to give back to this world. Please take me instead. Let her live." Nothing happens and he curses. He does the only thing he can do he presses his lips to hers in chaste kiss and he can taste his tears on his lips. His forehead falls on her and they share her last few breaths and he softly whispers to her.
"I love you." She whispers back to him so softly he almost didn't hear it.
"I love you Oliver Queen." He pulls back and sees a smile on her face and then her eyes fall close and her hand that has been on her abdomen falls to the ground and her head turns to the side because it can no longer be held up on its own. And an animalistic sound pours from his lips and the heavens thunder around him.
They will all pay for this. She was getting through to him and they ruined it. She is gone because of them. They will all pay. She wasn't supposed to die. It wasn't supposed to end like this. They signed her death certificate. How could they? How could they do this to her? She loved them all and they threw back in her face. They killed her, they all killed her. He wants to kill them now at this very moment but he can't let her go just yet. He has to keep holding her. He has to keep protecting her. So they will pay but not now, no he will make them wait. Make them look over their shoulders for awhile wondering when he will attack. Wondering when will they die. He can see it clear as day and it awakes the dark person he use to be. He will make them all sorry for what they did. Just as that thought crosses his mind he hears it, the wailing and the sobbing and it reminds him of himself when Tommy died.
He glances up and Roy is crumbled on the ground with detective Lance holding him. Why is he crying, why does he care? Roy never loved her like he did. Then he remembers she touched every life she came in contact with. That was Roy's older sister and he did love her. True it wasn't like the way he did but he loved her just the same. Felicity always made sure Roy was taken care of and Oliver will continue to do that for her. Because this wasn't his fight he was thrown into it and he had to figure out where to go and what to do. So he will spare him when they burn, when the city burns. When they all fall to his rage.
A gentle breeze brushes his cheek and it feels like her and he knows she wants him to protect Roy and he will. He won't fail her not on this. Never again. But does it also mean to protect the others? How can he protect them when it's their fault? And he hears her words to Slade from earlier. Asking him if he was okay with dishonoring Shado's character and taint her memory. Isn't that what he will be doing? Can he be okay with that? Felicity would never forgive him for that. She will hate him and he is not okay with that. But what can he do, what can any of them do? They all loved her and she loved them. He doesn't know what to do. Does he give into the darkness or does he keep her alive and let her light shine through to him? Can he become the monster like Slade? Never caring who he hurts as long as someone is hurt as much as he is. Can he hate them for loving her, for being there when she needed them to be? For trying to save her? Was it their fault any of this happened? Was it Slade's, his or was it Dr. Ivo's fault? What should he do? He doesn't know, Felicity would know but she's gone and he is so alone and so very confused. Can he still be the hero she claimed he was or does he become the villain that she would fear and hate? He doesn't know and maybe he never will. And maybe that's the problem, he will never know.
Rain begins to fall and then a voice tears through the silence and all heads jerk to the voice.
"I can save her!"
So how many people hate me right now? So sorry about that. Was it as heartbreaking to read as it was to write? Cause I feel like it is. Thanks for all the reviews last week. Don't forget leave me a review. And yes all mistakes are still mine. I am doing this without a beta. Can't wait to hear from you guys. I want to hear all your thoughts on the story and on Wednesday's episode.