True Love Way

Chapter 12

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill 'im!" Charlie grumbled outside Bella's room. She'd just been told the details of the crash and how she was the sole survivor. If Charlie was having a difficult time watching over his daughter in a coma, and knowing she was carrying a married man's child, seeing her cry over his death was killing him. I'd actually pulled him from the room when I saw his face redden and his fisted hands begin to shake.

"Charlie, I know this isn't easy, but you can't let your anger get the best of you. Bella needs you to focus on her. You can't change what's done."

"I just wish we'd been able to resolve the problem entirely while she was out of it. Then she'd only be dealing with the loss once."

He was still preoccupied with the baby. "She's stronger now. It may not be necessary –"

His hurt and angry eyes flicked towards me. As much as I wanted to cower, I stood tall and tried not to tremble while he said what he had to say. "You know as well as I do that she'll be better off all around without this… thing. It could still kill her! And even if it doesn't, what then? She's far from being able to give birth. And then she's facing raising a child on her own? I'm sure the bastard didn't take care of her financially in the event of his death – that would have gone to his wife! He took advantage of Bella in life and left her with a world of trouble in death. He's a fucking prize, this guy. It makes me sick just thinking of my baby girl with a man like that. I'm disgusted with myself for not knowing what was going on with her all this time. Bottom line – I know now. And I'm not going to let him take anything else from her. Especially her life!"

Of all the things he could say… I'd come so far with my anxiety issues and self-doubt. The one thing Aro had never been able to fully convince me of was that I wasn't responsible for my birth mother's death. Deep in my heart, I still carried the burden of that truth. She did die because of me. The thought of Bella's child carrying that guilt was almost as horrific as the thought of her own life being in jeopardy because of the baby. Like Charlie, I did wish everything was different. I hated the idea that Bella was pregnant with a married man's child – if that was indeed the case. We still hadn't confirmed that with the only person who would know – Bella.

Charlie, on the other hand, was fully convinced. Either way, I hated that the baby could make her worse, or even slow down her recovery. I wished there was no baby involved – no affair ending only with the man's death. But it was what it was, and I didn't wish the baby unwell. He, or she, was innocent. He, or she, was part of Bella, and therefore worthy of consideration and love, not hatred.

"We need to be strong for Bella," I reminded him gently. "Just think about Bella."

"I am thinking of Bella! For Christ's sake! That's my baby g–" He cut himself off, overcome with emotion. "I need to get out of here for a while. Clear my head."

"Go," I encouraged. "I'll stay here with her." I could pull my shit together for Bella. I had done it many times in the years I'd adored her from afar. She never knew. Hell, it took my siblings long enough to figure it out. I was confident that I could hide my feelings about her pregnancy.

Rosalie was sitting with her head bowed when I went back in. She held Bella's hand. Bella's sobbing had ceased, but silent tears still streamed down her cheeks. Her free hand rested on her stomach. I don't know how we had missed the bump there when we first began our constant vigil. I know I had personally spent hours at a time just staring at her, oblivious to the protrusion. I wondered how many other blatantly obvious things I had missed in life with my head up my ass. I cleared my throat to announce myself, since I was at a loss for words.

My sister looked up immediately and issued a sad smile. She stood and leaned over Bella, whispering something soothing against her ear. She squeezed my arm as she passed by me. "Sorry, I have to get back to work. I'll drop by later. You'll be here?"

I nodded, returning the smirk she gave me. Of course, I'd be here.

"Do you need anything?" I asked softly when I took the seat Rose had vacated.

Bella snorted and then cringed as her hand moved to her bandaged head. "I need so much. So… so much. Mostly, a good cry without feeling guilty over it."

I wished I'd asked that while my sister was still here. Maybe she would know what that meant, or what I should say or do in response. I had no clue.

"Dad's pretty torn up, isn't he," she stated quietly when I didn't speak. "He's disappointed."

"He's scared, Bella. He's so worried about you." That was the truth. His disgust over the situation may have been what was surfacing, but I knew Charlie, and I knew that I'd never seen him frightened until the day Bella was brought here.

The tears flowed down her cheeks even faster, and I acted quickly to correct my mistake. "Bella, don't feel bad about that. It just comes with watching a loved one suffering. It's natural that he'd be worried about you. Maybe the world sees this cool, tough guy image he's got down, but inside he's a softy. Especially when it comes to you."

She smiled just a little bit before the weeping began anew.

I held my breath for several long moments and then released it. "I don't know what to do," I admitted. "Should I leave you alone? Do you need time to yourself? Should I distract you? Or do you need to talk? I'll listen. I'll leave. I'll do whatever you need me to do." I had been party to Bella's crying many times. I was used to the sounds she made – the choking sobs and sniffling, the cute little hiccups every now and then. All of it broke my heart and made me feel useless. It made me want to scoop her up, rock her, sing to her, and then whisk her off to a place where nothing could ever hurt her again.

"Rose told me you were there," she started out softly and whispered the next words, "at the crash site."

I moved my chair so that I was as physically close to her as I could get without getting in the bed with her. "I was. It was quite a shock."

"Did you work on me at the site? I know you're a paramedic."

"No. I only identified you. I'm licensed but not on a team. The crew had already done everything they could for you and were loading your stretcher on the ambulance when I saw you."

She hesitated. "Was it bad?"

"It was horrible," I confessed, whispering. "I sometimes think I could do the job. When I've been on rescue sites, I get this adrenaline rush… like nothing could stop me. That was the worst I've seen, even before I knew you were involved. I could never do that, day in and day out. Those guys are heroes. And they have balls of steel… well, not the female paramedics, but you know what I mean."

Bella snorted out a chuckle. "They could have ovaries of steel?"

"Of which I do not possess either," I retorted with a laugh.

"Thank you for alerting my dad."

"Uh-huh," I mumbled. "I didn't do it myself –"

"Did you work on… the other victims? From the plane?"

Shit. "No… I'm sorry. They had me doing the non-life-threatening things – bandaging boo-boos while they did the important stuff."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You never change." She looked away, pressing her eyes closed. "Did you see them at all?"

"Your… friends?" What should they be referred to as – friends? Or 'your lover and his wife'? I used my most calming dispatching voice. "No. I'm afraid there was nothing that could be done for them, Bella. No one could have saved them. You don't know how lucky you are to have survived."

Choking on a sob, she turned her head even further to the side. "Did they suffer? Do you think they were in pain?"

"I don't think so," I replied softly. "You were thrown from the plane when the wing ripped off in the trees. They… weren't. The body of the plane exploded on impact on the highway. They wouldn't have even known, I wouldn't think. It went down quickly."

Her head bobbed up and down, either with sobs, or acknowledgement of my words. "I… I've missed the funeral, right?"

"Would you have gone?" The question was out of my mouth before I thought it through. Fuck.

Her sobs were renewed, and she turned back to me with utter distress in her eyes. "They were like family. Of course I would have gone."

I nodded slightly. "I'll find out where they were laid to rest. When you get better, we can go pay our respects."

"You'll come with me?"

"If you want me to, yes."

"You didn't even know them."

"I know you," I stated firmly. "If they were good to you, then I know they were good people. I would go with you."

"Edward…" My name was whispered with exasperation.

"What, Bella?" I gripped her hand in mine and wiped the tears from her cheeks at the same time. "What is it? What do you need?"

"I… I need you… to tell me what to… do," she sputtered. "Rosalie said the baby… my kidneys… the hemorrhage and everything… the baby…"

"Shhhh." I pressed my lips to her temple. "Getting upset isn't good for either of you." I felt her hand trembling in mine, but she squeezed harder. "I can't tell you what to do, Bella. I can only listen, if you want to talk about it. I'm here for you." I would listen to all of the sordid details if it meant sparing my sister from having to talk to her about any of it. I knew how difficult this was for Rose.

Bella took a deep breath, clinging to my hand. "She said the hemorrhage put strain on my organs… my kidneys in particular. I can live with one… if I lose the other. But can the baby survive? Do you know? Can you find out for me?"

"I'll ask," I promised softly. Inside, pain coursed through me, knowing that she would have been devastated if they had performed the termination procedure before she woke up. Clearly, the baby was more important to her than her own well-being. "It's not Rose's field, but I do know there are other options. She mentioned –"

"Don't say it!"

"– dialysis." We spoke over each other, and I sat up straighter to look at her. "That's all, Bella. I wasn't going to say anything else. She said dialysis is an option if your kidneys get worse. It's safe for the baby, too."

Suddenly, her arms were around my neck. Tubes dangled from her wrist and others pulled taut. I loosened her grip hastily to reach across for the IV pole to give them some slack. Then I held her. It was torture and bliss all at once. Every hug we'd ever shared ran through my mind – the elated, excitable ones, and the heart-breaking pain ones. The ones that said 'I appreciate you' and the ones that said 'goodbye'. I was crazy for doing this – for putting myself in this situation at all – but it was unavoidable. I had no choice in the matter, and if I did, I would still want to be right here with Bella.

~ 0 ~

The next few days were more of the same. Charlie was hostile on the outside, completely shattered on the inside. Bella was too emotionally overwrought to even consider making any decisions. Luckily, she had stabilized, so it wasn't an urgent matter. It was just a waiting game.

"Distract me, Edward. Tell me all about your life." Bella was sitting up in the bed and looking much stronger, but very stressed. She had just spent a tense day with Charlie, who had little to say to his daughter while she was 'being so pig-headed'.

I pulled the chair up to her bed to settle in for my shift with her. "You want to go to sleep already? Talking about myself isn't my favourite thing, and it will bore you right back into a coma."

"Oh, shut up!" She laughed softly and shook her head at the irony of her words. "No, don't shut up. Dad barely said two sentences to me all day that wasn't related to my comfort. I need stimulation. Talk to me."

"Okaaaay." I settled in, stretching my legs out in front of me. "I got a call at work from a farmer today. This is stimulating, so listen up. I've had farm accident calls before, using involving lost digits in machines, but this one involved a bucket and a cow."

"Is this a joke?"

"No joke."

"Do I want to know what happened? Freak milking accident?"

"No, no. Apparently this cow got stuck… wedged in between the barn and a tractor that had broken down or something. Anyway, he couldn't move it – the cow, I mean. And he's worried about it starving, so naturally, he fills a bucket with some feed and drops it in front of her. Well, she can't reach it, so he starts out holding it for her. Cows chew incredibly slowly… he got impatient and strapped the bucket to her head so she could finish up while he tended to the other animals."

"And it got stuck?"

"Yep."

"And she's still wedged?"

"Yep."

"I shouldn't laugh… the poor cow! But how is that a 911 emergency?"

"Exactly my point! I spent almost half an hour on the call, getting all the info… I kept thinking at some point along the way, there's going to be human involvement requiring an ambulance. Maybe fire services. You'd never know how impatient this man is by his speech pattern. He's a slow talker. I wanted to reach over the phone line and strangle the story out of him. Finally, when it became clear he was calling for the cow, and it was no longer breathing, I told him I couldn't send an ambulance to resuscitate his cow. I'm not his favourite person."

"That's okay. He's not the cow's favourite person!"

"So, no steaks for me."

Bella chuckled. "You get stimulating calls like this often?"

"Sadly, no. They make for good small talk."

Her face fell. "You're making small talk now? That's what this is?"

I didn't know what 'this' was. I was simply talking. After weeks of reading to her motionless body, two-way conversation was foreign to me. "I could read to you."

She didn't respond, and the expression on her face told me nothing.

"Do you need anything? Another blanket? A drink?"

Her eyes pinched shut and she shook her head. "No, Charlie. Thank you. I'm fine."

"Charlie?"

"You're acting just like him. Clearly, you feel the same way he does. You just cover it a little better."

"If you mean that I worry about you, then yes – I am just like him."

"Why? We haven't seen each other – haven't spoken – in years. Why do you care?"

Her sudden confrontational tone got my back up. "It wasn't my choice not to speak for eight years."

She turned her head away, blinking back tears.

"It's not like I went out looking for you that night of the accident – if I hadn't been driving by with Emmett at just that time, I wouldn't even know you were here. But I was there. And you are here. And I couldn't stay away." I did my best to eliminate the bitterness I could hear in my own voice. I hated to bring it up, but it had to be said. We couldn't just carry on as though nothing had happened. She had kicked me out of her life, and now I was forcing my way back in. "I haven't even asked you, so I guess I should… do you even want me here? Would you rather I just left you alone again?"

"Yes… no… I mean, yes! I want you here! No, I don't want to be alone." Her tiny voice with those last words made her sound incredibly vulnerable.

"I won't leave you alone," I vowed.

"Why are you here, Edward?" she asked more pleadingly. "You should hate me. I thought you did – you stopped sending me messages."

"You never replied," I countered. "I thought that's what you wanted."

"None of what happened was what I wanted. It's just how it had to be. I read every one of your messages. It hurt like hell seeing them every day, but I looked forward to them at the same time."

"Want me to send eight years' worth now?" I quipped. Bella snorted, shaking her head. "To be frank with you, it hurt like hell that you never sent one response all those months. But I understand."

Her head snapped up to look at me. "Do you?"

"I think so." I hesitated. "I… I don't really know. I figured you must have had a good reason. Truthfully, I thought I may be hurting you more by sending messages – reminding you of Jasper. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to keep being selfish."

"How were you selfish?" Bella whispered.

"I wasn't only keeping in touch with you for your own sake… part of me didn't want to let you go. A huge part. It didn't take me long to realize that last conversation we had was you saying goodbye, but I persisted anyway. When you didn't respond at all, even just to tell me to knock it off, I assumed you weren't even checking the messages. I was talking to blank air. But it still made me feel connected, if that makes any sense."

"I didn't want to hurt you. I had to let you go along with Jazz. I didn't ever want to be the cause of an issue between the two of you." Tears welled in her eyes, and her lip quivered. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

That was something I'd never expected to hear. She'd had a world of hurt thrown on her, and still, she realized that I'd been hurt too. "It's over," I said with a shaky voice. "We're two different people here today."

"Are we?"

Our gazes locked as though we were trying to see into each other's minds – into the other's soul. I wasn't seeing battered Bella with her head bandaged from surgery, carrying a child inside of her. She was the girl from a decade ago, who would come to me with her problems. She was the girl who just knew me, without me having to explain myself. She was the girl who'd given me hope for a decent life despite my shortcomings, and the girl who'd crushed my deepest dreams. In that moment, I forgave her. She couldn't have known just how much she meant to me – that it would devastate me to cut me out of her life completely. It was pure selfishness for me to want her to feel the same.

"Can we start this over?" I asked softly.

"Tonight? Or entirely?"

"Both." A grin spread on my face, growing wider with anticipation. "I want what we had, if that's what you want."

Two tears streamed down her cheeks despite the bright smile she wore. "I want. More than anything."

~ 0 ~

Charlie had to return to Forks for a couple of days. Luckily, it coincided with my days off, so I made Bella's hospital room my second home. I brought both of us better pillows, a blow-up mattress to lay on top of the cot so my back wouldn't seize up without a bed for a few days, and an endless supply of snacks.

Bella was fighting with twisted tubes leading into her wrist when I arrived.

"Easy, easy!" I dropped my bags and rushed to her bedside. "Let me do that." She had managed to completely twist them somehow, so I unhooked one from the shunt, untwisted it, and grabbed some tape from the cart in the corner to secure it once more. "There. Better?"

"It'll be better when I'm not attached to a stupid pole!" she grumbled.

"Are we cranky today?"

"My ass is sore. I've been in this position for too long! Even if I could go to the bathroom more often, at least I'd be more mobile!"

"I'll see if the catheter can come out. Would that make you happy?"

"Immensely!"

I arranged to store some ice cream in the staff's fridge while the nurse took care of Bella's request. She was sitting in my chair when I returned, smiling like an angel.

"You brought cookies!" she mumbled around a mouthful. "I snooped."

"You stole! Little bandit!" I laughed as I chastised her and went to work on my mattress.

"Peanut butter… mmmm. My favourite, thank you. Oh! I hope you planned to share!"

I grinned over at her. "Too late now!"

"So tell me again, why are you a dispatcher and not out in the field? You were great with the IV. Better than some of the nurses here."

I put a finger to my mouth, alerting her of the nurses right outside the door. "Long story. Basically, I got pneumonia again just before finals. I managed to get certified, and over the illness, but when I went to do the physical for a job, I didn't pass. My lungs are shit. I've been doing more cardio since then – it was a wake-up call for more than just the job."

"You look really healthy," she stated, plucking another Nutter Butter from the box. "You look great! Did you go for that laser eye surgery, too?"

"Nope. Contacts. You'll see my glasses again, I'm sure. I usually give my eyes a rest from the lenses when I'm not working. I'm still the same as before – just less flabby." I noticed her eyes scanning me up and down, and I turned away nervously. "Anyway, even if I hadn't gotten pneumonia, I wouldn't have been cleared for the field. I may have the skills required, but my history of anxiety isn't compatible with those situations. I couldn't rely on adrenaline to get me through everything. It's easier over the phone. I'm not face-to-face with the people, so it's easier to handle. I can separate myself from it that way. Dispatching is a good position for me."

"Plus, it gives you stuff to talk about in difficult situations."

I stuck my tongue out at her for teasing me. She grinned coyly before gripping her stomach.

"Oh! I have to pee again!"

I helped her stand and pushed her pole along as she waddled over to the washroom. I waited by the door. "Still happy to have the catheter out?" I teased her.

"Shut up. I don't know what you're so smug about anyway… you were insane enough to volunteer all-day and night to watch over me. You'll be along for every trip, my friend."

"Touché." We washed together, and I got her settled in the chair again.

"They're talking about releasing me."

I froze in front of Bella's chair as she made her random announcement. "Really? Well… that's good news, right?" She'd be gone. Again. My days with her were nearing an end, just when we'd started back up. I'd lose her. Again.

She shrugged. "I can't go back to Phoenix. Dad wants me to go home with him."

"What do you want?"

"I… I can't live with him right now. Not with the way things are between us. Plus, I need to be close to a hospital. A good one."

I nodded my understanding. "Bella, I haven't said anything because I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but now that you mentioned it… why can't you go back to Phoenix? Is there something you don't want to return to? Someone…?"

"It's the travel. They won't let me travel."

"Ah. Right. So you'd go back, if you were able to?" I tried to sound casual. I hoped I sounded casual. I needed to know if her baby's father was killed in the accident, or if there was someone else – not out of judgement – but curiosity. Was there another guy no one knew about?

She paused, hugging one of the pillows I'd brought tightly against her chest. "I honestly don't know. There's not much there for me. I've kind of drifted away from family. And it would be too painful to be around NAU."

So it was true – she was carrying her mentor's baby. Part of me was relieved to know there wasn't another guy still lurking about who could come in at any moment and steal what time I had with Bella. "Is it just the proximity to the hospital keeping you from Forks, or Charlie?"

Another pause, longer than the first. "This is more Charlie, I think. He doesn't agree with what I'm doing. I can feel it every time he's in the room. Rosalie said stress is the worst thing for me and the baby right now."

"Sure," I said in agreement.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll bleed out again and it won't be a problem."

"Don't say that!" I knew she was kidding around, but just thinking of it was painful.

She stared at me – the way she used to when she had something she was keeping deep inside. There was something she wanted to get out. Did she trust me enough to be that person whom she could share anything with again?

"I didn't mean to snap at you," I said softly. "You don't know what it was like for us watching you in a coma all that time."

"Do you feel the same way Charlie does?"

I gave up trying to inflate my air mattress and shoved it aside to sit on the edge of the cot. "How do you mean?"

"Dad feels he failed to 'take care of my problem' while I was incapacitated. He wished the accident had 'taken care of it' even before that."

I blew out a heavy breath. I couldn't believe Charlie would have said that to her. It's no wonder she was feeling tense around him. "He's under a lot of stress, Bella. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way."

"That's what I heard, straight from his mouth. He was talking to one of the doctor's in the hall yesterday about my condition."

Even though Bella had been hurt by his words, I felt relieved that he hadn't actually said that to her. "Charlie's not looking at the whole picture," I reminded her quietly. "He's only thinking about you. The fact is, you would heal much easier if you only had yourself to work on."

"You think I should—" she squeezed her eyes closed "—terminate?"

"I didn't say that."

Deep brown eyes bored into my soul once more. "What would you say?"

I had to word this carefully. I had a feeling my next words would make or break us. "I would say you need to do what's right for you. You've had some tough times, Bella. But you've always considered all of the pros and cons and made insightful decisions for yourself. I know it's tough to do that right now, but it is your choice."

"Would you help me with that? Please? I can't think straight. What would you do? If this was your baby, what would you choose?"

"I'd choose you," I replied without hesitation. It sounded desperate. Colour flooded her cheeks, and I'm sure mine showed my awkwardness as well. "That didn't sound right. That's not what I meant." My hands began shaking a little, so I clasped them together and wedged them between my legs. "Bella, I'm the wrong person to ask for many reasons. The most important one is you – I don't want you to have complications. It's a miracle that you survived the crash in the first place."

"I know," she whispered. "What else?"

"Huh?"

"You said there were many reasons – so what else?"

"You're really putting me on the spot here," I chided with a smirk to hide my nervousness.

"I know that. I'm sorry. I just really need to talk this out. Is it too much to ask? Seriously. Be honest with me."

"Honestly… it's difficult to answer, but I will. Um… I don't know how to put this…"

"Just spew it," she suggested. "I swear I won't react. I'll just listen. I need to hear it."

"I don't want kids." I looked her in the eye for a reaction despite her profession that she wouldn't. There wasn't anything detectable. "I can't say that I'd want to put the baby ahead of you, because I've never wanted a kid. I can't get my head around the fact that someone I don't even know would be worth all of this. That's horrible, right?"

She shook her head. "No. It's how you feel."

"I can see how other people get attached… I suppose when you really want a child, it's different. I'm sorry, I just don't see how this baby's life is worth more than yours."

Bella was listening intently. Her bottom lip was sucked in as she thought about my statement. "You seem to think it's an either/or thing. Do you know something I don't? I know my kidneys could fail, but is there something else they haven't told me?"

"God, Bella… I don't want to cause you more stress. This is just how I feel. It's not important."

A smirk curled up one corner of her mouth. "You haven't been attending your therapy sessions. Let me remind you – you are important."

I snickered, quite amazed that she wasn't upset with me. "Okay, despite the fact that I don't want kids myself… God, how do I put this?" I twisted my fingers together, making them move in unnatural ways. "I feel for the baby, too."

"You care about the baby?" she asked with a smug grin.

"No. I feel sorry for him."

She dropped her grin. "That was blunt, even for you."

"Jesus! I'm sorry!" I flew to my feet and began pacing. Over the years, I'd learned to control my habit of inappropriate blurting. Why was it back? Why now? "That didn't come out right. Let me explain…" I rushed towards her, my eyes pleading with her not to be upset with me.

"Take your time," she advised me in a gentle tone. "Or blurt it out. I don't care which way I get it; I just want to know what's in your thoughts."

"I don't want your baby – or any baby – to grow up feeling like I did. That's it. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

She reached for my hands, tugging on them until I knelt in front of her. "Edward… what is that?" Her voice was undemanding, but her eyes continued to beg with me to let it out. "Is that why you don't want children of your own? Because you think they'll have anxiety, or lung problems?"

I shook my head. "I'm sure my lung problems are from my frequent bouts of various illnesses. They're just weak. Anxiety… well, that's another issue. I don't know if my birth mother passed that on, or if I own it entirely. That's my point. I don't have my mother around to find out. She was young, Bella. I'm sure she had options posed to her… if she'd taken another option, she'd still be alive. She died because she chose to give me life. She put my life ahead of her own… and I'm not worth that. I don't know that any baby is. That's just my feelings, and I don't want your baby to ever know how that feels."

I'd never seen tears fall from someone's eyes faster than they flowed from Bella's. Her chest was heaving with deep, rapid breaths as she gripped my hands.

"I had no idea." Her lips didn't move, and the words were barely audible. "My god… I had no idea."

"That was too much." I pulled out of her grasp and stood. "I'm sorry. I said too much."

"No!" She braced herself with the arms of the chair and stood more quickly than she should have. She wobbled on her feet and I raced forward to steady her. Her arms wrapped around my waist, tubes dangling from her wrist. "All this time… Edward… you've been carrying that around all this time? It wasn't your fault!"

I chuckled softly against her hair. "Bella, don't stress yourself about it. Certified professionals have been unable to convince me of that. I've accepted it. It's fine. It doesn't mean that I don't think anyone should ever have babies, I just know that I wouldn't be able to put someone's life at risk for it. I'm not saying that you should feel the same. This is why I said I'm the wrong person to ask. I can't make this decision for you. He's not my baby. Only you can decide."

"It's not my decision to make," she whispered. "He's not mine either."

I eased back slightly, certain I'd heard her wrong. "Excuse me?"

"He's not my baby," she repeated, breathing heavily. "I made a promise to carry this baby… to give him life. It was more than a legal agreement, it was a vow. I can't just give up on that. Do you understand?"

"No." I shook my head rapidly. "I don't understand. I'm sorry. I'm completely fucking lost here. Can you explain?"

"I'm a surrogate, Edward – a mere vessel for this baby to grow in. He's not mine."

My lungs felt like they were filled with bricks, and my legs were made of rubber. I leaned against the bed to steady myself, drawing Bella to stand between my legs. "What? Who's…? When…? How did this…? I don't understand. You're having a baby… you're putting your own life at risk for someone else?" This news was the last thing I expected.

"I made a promise, Edward. How do I go back on that? Marcus and Gianna were very good to me. They treated me like their very own daughter. She had several miscarriages… the last one left her unable to ever conceive another. They were heartbroken. Gianna came to me and begged me to carry their baby for them. She'd been through in vitro – she had eggs stored. I saw her desperation, and after everything they'd given me, how could I refuse to even try? I went through all the tests necessary, and they fertilized her eggs. They were implanted in me –"

"You conceived medically?" I blurted. "Not… traditionally…?"

She snickered, as she grasped two handfuls of my shirt. "No, not traditionally! I didn't sleep with Marcus! Ew!"

The bricks were suddenly gone from my chest, and I was laughing hysterically. Bella soon joined me.

"You thought I'd sleep with a married man? An old married man?" She continued laughing, thankfully. I'd never felt more stupid. "Jesus! Is that what my dad thinks, too?"

I nodded, no longer laughing.

Her head dropped to my chest as she fell silent. "No wonder he's so… He thought I was involved with Marcus. That's so off the mark. Honestly. I'd never… Marcus was my Sociology professor. He spent a lot of time with me, working on my thesis. Encouraging me to write beyond that – to turn my paper into a book that could help others. There was nothing sordid about it. He took several of his top students under his wing. I just so happened to befriend his wife, also.

"Gianna is… was… an artist. Some of her work was being featured at a gallery here. That's why we were coming to Port Angeles. She insisted that I go with them. She wanted me and the baby there at her side." She stopped talking abruptly with a tiny sob. "She painted the baby's room herself. It's beautiful. He'll never see it."

"Shhhh, don't upset yourself with that now," I said soothingly. "Bella… there's something I have to ask. You said they implanted several eggs –"

"I'm not having multiples," she responded quickly. "It's only one. Three failed, but this little guy was determined." One hand released my shirt and fell to her rounded belly. "He's a fighter."

When she put it that way, even I couldn't deny it. The little guy had already been through so much, but he was still hanging on. "Sure seems that way," I admitted softly.

"Edward, please don't be upset with what I have to say."

I tilted her chin up to look at me. "I'm listening."

"I feel like this baby is hanging on for a reason. He made it through the in vitro… he survived the crash and my surgeries. I can't help but feel like he's still with me for a reason – like Gianna and Marcus created this beautiful life that was meant to be."

"Even without them?" I had to ask.

She nodded with tear-filled eyes. "It's their decision to make, not mine."

I wrapped her in a tight hug, exhaling heavily. "It's out of your hands then. We'll just let it play out." I began a series of silent prayers to see her through this. She had done something so unselfish, it wouldn't be fair to not let her see it through.

A/N ~ So you know, you made me smile all week with your responses last week. It brought out more feedback than any other chapter and you're all getting where this is going. So pleased! I thank everyone who took the time to post a comment. :)

Huge thanks to msj for making me smile constantly with her pre-reading bubbles and encouragement and more importantly, her friendship. Thanks for the rec, BB - it's such an honour to share readers with you!

And of course, my beta-reader Shug for always accepting my chapters with excitement and a keen eye for my boo-boos.

Until next Monday... thanks for reading. XX ~ SR