True Love Way

Chapter 13

"Are you sure about this?"

A week later, Bella and I were standing in the courtyard of the hospital. She no longer had a need for the IV – both she and the baby were growing stronger by the day. She still needed close monitoring in the event that she required dialysis, but she was set to be released the following day. Fresh air seemed to perk her up even more, so we'd been talking daily strolls around the perimeter of the grounds for the past several days.

"Well, I survived my previous roommate, and he snored obnoxiously. Of course, I wasn't trying to sleep when he was, so it wasn't a big concern. Did you inherit Charlie's nasal issues?"

Bella laughed and swatted me. "I hope not! I've never had a roommate, so you'll have to tell me if I do."

"Oh, I will. Don't worry."

"I promise to give you your space. And if you snore, so be it." She teased.

"I don't!" I feigned disgust. "I'm a perfect roommate. So that's your new home away from home right over there." I turned her to face the street corner. "That white building."

"That's your place? I knew you were close by, but that's literally across the street!"

"Uh-huh. Perfect solution to your problem, like I said. I have a spare room. You're near the hospital…"

"And I won't be alone," she added softly. "Thank you, Edward. Somehow, you're always coming to my rescue."

I felt my cheeks heating up. I didn't want her feeling any obligation to me in any way. Offering her my spare room seemed like the logical solution. It certainly wasn't causing me any hardship to have her near me for a longer period of time. This also felt like the right time to broach a questionable subject that I'd been putting off.

"Did Rose talk to you this morning?"

"This morning? We had breakfast together, but then she got paged. Why? What was she supposed to talk to me about? Is there a problem? Is she going to tell me I can't leave now?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. We were just wondering how you feel about something." I urged her to sit down. I had no idea how she would react. "We haven't said anything to Jasper about the accident. Now that you're going to be staying at my place, I think we have to let him know. Are you okay with that?"

She quirked an eyebrow at me. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Ummm…" I tittered like a schoolboy. "I don't know… I guess we just assumed you'd have residual feelings."

"None. Whatsoever."

I lifted an eyebrow at her. "None?"

"Did you think I've been pining away for him all these years?"

"Ummm…"

"I haven't been," she stated flatly. "I haven't gotten into another relationship like that, but Jasper isn't the reason."

"Oh."

"He's your brother. You can tell him whatever you want."

"Okay."

"Will it be awkward for you? If it is, I can leave when he visits or whatever."

"He doesn't visit. He lives in Seattle."

"Oh."

"They have a daughter… Emily. She's about five or six months old now." I just came out with it. "I thought you should know."

She nodded. "He's still with Alice?"

"Yeah."

"Edward? Seriously… I'm fine with it." She nudged me with her shoulder. "I just don't want you feeling weird about it. It's history. I'm happy for them."

"Yeah? Okay." I let out a breath. "Whew! I was nervous about this whole thing. I guess I didn't have to be."

"Nope. So, are you gonna tell him?"

I shook my head. It was not a conversation I wanted to have with him. We had never discussed Bella again after that day in my room. "I'll leave that to Rose. She has better delivery."

"So which apartment is ours?" She leaned against me, twisting around to look at my building.

"Second floor… see the balcony with the blue towel on the edge? Home sweet home."

"Sweet!"

What was sweet was her referring to my apartment as 'ours'. I liked the sound of that a little too much, if I were completely honest about it.

~ 0 ~

Rosalie had gone shopping for Bella, purchasing some maternity clothes and 'girl stuff'. She brought it to my place after she washed it all. I directed her to put her things in my room. It was closer to the bathroom. I'd moved most of my things into the spare room. I was glad that Rosalie was around to help out, because I didn't have a clue what she would need. Lauren had also picked up a few things for her and brought them over the night after I told her about the living situation. She was still being utterly supportive and still questioning me as to when she could meet Bella. I continued to put it off. Mistake number one.

"Hold on… Give me a sec…" Bella stopped midway up the stairs to my apartment, gripping the handrail. A light sweat glistened on her brow. "Man, am I out of shape!"

"It'll take some time. You've been inactive for a long while." I leaned against the opposite rail, just behind her. I was ready to grab her in case she wobbled. "Want me to carry you the rest of the way?"

She snickered, taking some deep breaths. "Like you could."

"You doubt me?"

"I do."

"That's a challenge." I smirked at her, inching over to her side. "Brace yourself." I wrapped her arm over my shoulder as I stooped. "Ready?"

"You're insane!" She laughed and then squealed when I did in fact, pick her up. "Oh my god! We're on the stairs! Don't drop me!"

"I won't drop you! Pfft!" I took each step extra carefully, just in case. Truth was, I wasn't so sure of myself, but she felt good in my arms. She had a good grip around my neck, and she smelled really good. "Okay… this is us." I braced my foot against the wall, supporting her with my leg as I unlocked the door. "Here we go!" I kicked the door wide open and carried her through.

"Ohhh, Primal Edward!" Bella giggled uncontrollably, just like the old days.

"Hello!"

I halted just inside the door. I was completely aware of how this must look to Lauren, but still, I didn't put Bella down.

"You must be Bella!" Lauren didn't seem fazed by our grand entry. "I'm Lauren."

"Oh… hello." Bella swung her feet as they hung over my arm. I still didn't have the sense to correct this.

"Bella got winded…" I explained abruptly as my legs kicked into gear. I rushed towards the couch and sort of tossed her down. "On the stairs. It was too much for her. I didn't want her to fall."

Lauren smiled graciously and slid an arm around my waist. She kissed my cheek since I was staring dumbly at the floor, afraid to look at either woman in my apartment. "I thought you'd appreciate a home-cooked meal, Bella. I hope you like veal scaloppini. It's one of Edward's favourites."

I shrugged off my jacket for something to do. "Smells delicious."

"And you have perfect timing, as always. It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes. Wine? Bella, I'll bet you're dying for a drink after all that time in the hospital. You have to try this wine! It's from my private cellar."

"Bella can't drink," I blurted.

"Oh." Lauren's eyes flashed from Bella to me.

"She's pregnant."

Her eyes moved back to Bella. "Oh. You never mentioned that. Bella, would you like a glass of milk? I think Edward has some apple juice in the fridge, if you'd prefer."

"I'm fine. Nothing for me, thank you."

I accepted the wine glass from Lauren, sneaking a peek over at Bella. If she was uncomfortable, she didn't show it. Neither did Lauren. The two struck up a conversation about various dishes. Apparently, Bella enjoyed cooking as well. It carried on throughout dinner. I had nothing to add, thankfully. If I'd attempted to speak, it would have been gibberish at best. Something completely random and stupid at worst.

"I brought over a little care package for you the other day, when Edward told me you were coming home with him. If I'd known you were interested in cooking, I would have set you up in the kitchen, too. Well, there's lots of time for that. I'm sure you won't be up to it for a little while yet… just let me know what you need, or send Edward out. He's a good errand-runner even if he's useless in the kitchen." Lauren smiled at me affectionately.

"Oh, I won't be a nuisance. I'm just really thankful that Edward's letting me use his place as a landing pad."

"Bella needs to be close to the hospital," I stated.

"Of course she does!" Lauren gave me a kiss on the forehead as she bent over me to clear my plate. "He told me that part. He's a little forgetful these days."

Bella smiled at her, while staring at me.

"What?" I whispered in a hiss when Lauren busied herself in the kitchen.

"You're the least forgetful person I know. Yet, you forgot to tell me about your girlfriend."

"I told you," I insisted in a whisper before clarifying. "You were just unconscious at the time."

Bella snickered, shaking her head at me. Lauren knew nothing of our after-dinner exchange. The matter of my memory, and any other details I may have omitted, were not brought up again over the course of the evening. Bella appeared to be wishing herself invisible as Lauren and I said goodnight at the door.

"I know better than to even ask if I can stay tonight," Lauren murmured against my ear.

I smiled at her appreciatively. "I'd like to get Bella settled – make her feel at home."

She returned to my earlobe for a nibble. "I can be patient, my love. But I do miss you. And this is what you've been missing." Her lips moved to my neck in precisely the spot she knew drove me over the edge.

I chortled, gripping her waist. "I'm aware of what I've been missing. Thanks for the dinner, Lauren. You know how much I appreciate you, right?"

With a smile and a gentle stroke along my jaw, she nodded. "I do. We'll get together soon." She tilted her head up in anticipation of our usual parting kiss. What she got instead was my I-hate-audiences chaste kiss. I then patted her on the head for some unknown reason.

After closing the door, I turned around to find Bella in a highly amused state. I knew to expect some teasing from her. It was her way.

"Your girlfriend is lovely, Edward."

I waited. That had to be the bait.

"She is! I'm being serious." Despite her profession, amusement still twinkled in her eyes. "Aside from the fact that she's so utterly gorgeous I feel like a troll next to her, she's so nice that I can't even dislike her for being perfect."

"You're far from troll territory," I stated.

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes. It was just like our teen years. "Whatever, dude. Last time I checked, a half-shaved head with Frankenstein stitches was not a mark of beauty. She didn't even remark on it… see? Nice. She totally could have flaunted her perfection."

"My sister does not do 'Frankenstein stitches'." I quirked an eyebrow at her. I could tease if she was going to. "I take offense to that comment."

Colour flooded into her cheeks as she smiled at me timidly. "Of course she doesn't. I've just had better days in front of the mirror than these past weeks."

Instantly, I felt like a shit for teasing her. I recalled Alice being super-sensitive about things when she was pregnant – things we'd joked about with her for years suddenly drew tears. I'd barely thought of anything but Bella being pregnant since we found out. The 'pregnancy shit' Jasper had spoken of seemed relative only to Alice. It was difficult to associate any of the moodiness with Bella. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her in any way, so I dropped the teasing.

"You've endured a lot, Bella. A month ago, I didn't even know if you'd regain consciousness, and now look at you! If your hair never grows back, you'll still be the most amazing woman I know. It's who you are that makes you beautiful."

Tears shimmered in her eyes as she gazed up at me. "My hair's not going to grow back?"

"Shit! I didn't mean it like that!" I was flying towards her, preparing to offer comfort and make up for my stupidity, but then she cracked a smile.

"I'm teasing," she said softly. "Otherwise, I'll be crying for hours. You still know exactly what to say to me."

"Seriously?" I chuckled. "Most of the time I just spew what's on my mind and then regret it. I thought I was over that, but apparently not with you."

"I love that about you," she whispered, staring intently into my eyes. A few breathtaking seconds later, she dropped her eyes and waved her hands around. "Okay. I need to stop making myself all emotional. Quick, change the subject. Talk to me."

"About…?"

"Anything – work, hobbies, how you met Lauren… whatever. Stimulate me!"

That was the second time she'd asked to be stimulated. Feeling my cheeks heat up at the thought of stimulating her in a very specific way, I busied myself clearing away the empty glasses from the coffee table. "I haven't even given you a tour of the apartment. Don't you want to see where you'll be living?"

"I've managed to find the most important features – kitchen and bathroom." Her voice came from directly behind me as I loaded the dishwasher. "Sorry, I startled you."

"You're quite stealthy for an invalid," I quipped.

"A pregnant invalid."

"Indeed." Closing the door on the dishwasher, I turned to smile at her. "Well, come on and I'll show you the rest. We have a balcony, of course."

"Where you dry your towels." She nodded, remembering when I pointed out the balcony from the hospital grounds.

"Right. We get morning sun, when there is any." I opened the door to the bedroom nearest the balcony – what used to be the spare room. "My room."

"You have a treadmill in your bedroom? That's different from the guy I used to know."

I smirked at her. "Mouth is the same. Body conditioning is better. You're welcome to use it whenever you'd like."

"Perfect. I'll run and watch you sleep at the same time."

"If I'd moved it into your hospital room, I'd be ready to run a marathon by now. You'll never catch up to me with the sleep-watching thing." Noticing her cheeks flush, I figured she was self-conscious about that so I changed the subject. "Let's go see your room now. It's next to the bathroom."

"Good! I hate having to go so often."

I opened the door and clicked on the overhead light. "There's a smaller lamp at the bedside, too." I pointed out. "Some closet space… and the top three drawers of the dresser are empty, so you can use them. There's towels and stuff in the cupboard in the bathroom. Rosalie took all the clothes she picked up for you home to wash, so they're all there for you. I didn't go through the bathroom stuff she bought you… I wouldn't know where you'd want to keep anything. I don't have much in the bathroom, myself, so there's lots of space in there. You probably noticed that already." I was rambling, but she was allowing me to. She hadn't issued a peep since we'd walked in. Finally, I looked over at her. She was staring at the corner of my room, between my bed and the window.

"Is that…?"

"The White Ghost?" That had to be what had caught her attention. "It is."

Her hands covered her mouth, and she stumbled over a few words before anything made sense. "You kept it all this time?"

"Was I not supposed to?" I asked seriously. "It was Gran's… I had to take care of it."

"You really did. It's huge!" She went over to examine it closely. It was potted on the floor and stood almost to her shoulders. "They don't normally grow this fast!"

"It's been almost a decade," I reminded her.

She shook her head. "Still… you have a way with cacti." She turned her smile on me, and I felt like melting on the spot. "Or Gran's White Ghost really likes you. This is perfect. I'll feel like she's with me when I sleep."

"That's why it's here," I muttered to myself. It was a steady reminder of Bella's heart for me. I had always found it so endearing that she loved her gran so deeply. It also reminded me of the two nights we spent together in Phoenix. Looking at it nightly, I often wondered if I would have done anything differently in those days if I'd known what the future held. It struck me then that even months ago I had no idea I would ever even see Bella again, let alone have her right here with me. The future is completely unpredictable.

Realizing Bella had moved to sit on my bed, and I was still dumbly staring at the cactus, lost in my thoughts, I quickly snapped out of it. "You still want stimulation?" I grinned wickedly at her.

"Ummm…" She tittered as she eyed me suspiciously.

"Don't move," I ordered, dashing to the closet. I retrieved the small bag I'd stashed there earlier in the day. "I forgot I had this – a homecoming gift, of sorts. If this doesn't stimulate you, I don't know what will."

I reached into the bag and pulled out a fluffy pair of socks. They were orange and bright pink – striped, of course. They'd caught my eye in the window of a yarn shop between Lauren's restaurant and the hospital. I'd gone in and begged the owner of the shop to sell them to me. They were meant for display only, but they screamed to be on Bella's feet.

"Oh my god!" She broke out in laughter as she hugged them against her chest. "They're so soft! Help me put them on?"

She was still having issues bending, even after her abdominal incision from the first surgery had closed up. I carefully lifted one foot, then the other, pulling on her new socks.

"Funky!" She wiggled her feet, admiring them. "I love them. Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome," I replied with a shy grin. I felt self-conscious about it now that I'd given her the gift. It seemed really personal, even though they were just socks. "They didn't have underwear to match, so it's just the socks."

She burst out laughing, clutching onto her stomach. "What?"

"Oh my god." I buried my face, groaning. Surely, I wasn't reverting to my teenage ways of always blurting out random stupidity continuously. Where the hell had that come from? "Why did I say that?"

"I don't know! It was completely random!"

"I'm sorry –"

"Don't be! I haven't laughed like this in… I don't know how long. Edward?" She pried my fingers off my face. She was still smiling, and her cheeks had a healthy glow to them. She looked amazingly beautiful. "I did something really stupid. I have to tell you about it because you'll understand. I work at ASU – classroom assistant, sort of. I don't technically work there – I write. But I just like being there when I'm not working on something. Anyway, I was there with a small group of students and a TA after class one day, and I don't know what brought it on, but the TA really pissed me off. So I pinched her."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, amused. "You pinched her? How did the students react to that?"

Colour flooded her cheeks. "Well, it's not every day you see your TA get toe-pinched."

"You didn't!"

"Honestly, I have no idea what came over me. I guess I was so comfortable in our little lounge area, discussing books… I don't know. I was mortified! It was all I could think about for days. I haven't worn sandals on the campus ever since. Just in case."

"Probably wise. Should I wear body armour in case you decide to go after me?"

"I'll keep them sheathed around you." She grinned, admiring her socks.

While it pleased me that she liked my gift, I was also sad that she didn't plan to walk around barefoot. I rather enjoyed her feet as well.

"Did you pick some out for Lauren, as well?"

"Huh?" Damn. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Even if these weren't one-of-a-kind, I wouldn't have purchased Lauren a pair. In fact, I had been on my way to see her when I'd spotted them in the storefront, and didn't even continue on to her restaurant afterwards. "No. They're not really her style."

"Well I love them! Thank you. You've both made me feel so at home here." To prove her point, she curled up in the middle of my bed. She looked so tiny there. So vulnerable.

"I hope you weren't too uncomfortable with her being here when we got home. I honestly had no idea she'd planned to do that." If I'd actually made my way to see her when I'd set out to, I would have known. My own fault.

Bella looked thoughtful before she responded. "I was surprised – I'm not going to lie."

"Sorry."

She nibbled on her lip the way she always used to when there was something on her mind. "I don't know why I thought you'd be alone… I mean, you shouldn't be. I'm glad you're with someone really great. It was just… a bit of a shock. I'll get used to it. Don't let me get in the way."

"You're not in the way," I assured her.

"Well, don't feel like you have to sit in and babysit me. You can go out and do whatever it is you do together – not that you have to go out. It is your place, after all. I mean… I'm just saying that if you want some privacy or whatever, I'll just stay in here."

Judging by her awkwardness, I deduced that 'privacy or whatever' meant intimate time. Having been party to locking myself in my room while my brother had sex across the hall in our house growing up, I knew that wasn't something I'd be putting Bella, or any roommate, through. "You don't have to worry about that. Contrary to what you saw today, Lauren isn't here all that much." With our busy schedules coupled with the fact that I was being a piss-poor boyfriend, I imagined she'd be here even less.

~ 0 ~

It turned out I was wrong about Lauren staying away. In fact, she was at my apartment more often over the next couple of weeks than she'd ever been. The one night she convinced me to allow her to sleep over put an end to her asking. There was no chance in hell that I could have sex with Bella in the same apartment, regardless of Lauren's efforts. It was humiliating and awkward to the extreme. Lauren left without even having breakfast with us.

She was back on the weekend, however, when Charlie and my parents came for a visit. She suggested I go to her place for the night while so many people were here to see Bella. A normal guy would have been going nuts having gone this long without sex with his girlfriend, but I've never been normal. A huge part of me was relieved when Charlie got called back to the station early, leaving me off the hook for a sleep-over and all it entailed. My parents took the spare room; I got the couch.

My ever-patient girlfriend was beginning to lose patience with me. I was aware of it, and did what I'd always done best – ignored it.

One day, I dropped by the hospital on my lunch to see Rose. In months prior, I would visit Lauren, but deep down I knew it was a losing battle, so I opted to not alienate my sister as well as my girlfriend.

"I was talking to Lauren last night," Rosalie began as we sat at our corner table in the cafeteria.

I raised my eyebrows in interest. "Oh?"

"She was checking our schedule for the weekend. She wants us to get together for a dinner date."

"Okay…" I vaguely recalled her mentioning something about that to me, but I couldn't remember the details.

"Bella will have to stay overnight when she comes in for her tests. I'm fairly certain we'll do her first dialysis."

I frowned, poking my fork through my salad. "She seems to be so tired lately. That will help her?"

Rose nodded. "Absolutely. So, we were thinking of a quiet night in when Bella gets out. Lauren said she'll cook for us all. Emmett and I can bring over some movies. What do you think?"

"Cool. Sounds good." I wasn't thinking about dinner and movies. I was more preoccupied with how Bella would be feeling. She often perked up when people were over, but when we were alone, I saw how truly worn out she was. Many times I'd carried her into bed after having her fall asleep on my shoulder watching TV. She had also adapted to my rotating shifts and switched her sleeping habits to match mine. I was used to it, but it couldn't be good for her.

I told Bella about the proposed plans that night, and she was fine with it. She was chatty that evening, both excited and nervous about her tests.

"We might find out the baby's sex. I only want to know so I can stop calling him 'him' if he's not." She chuckled as I settled in next to her on the couch. "You've always referred to the baby as 'him', too. I like that. I think we're right. I've always felt like he's a boy."

It was different seeing Bella excited about the baby. She normally got sad when she thought of him. "Do you want a boy?" I felt like I had to say something, but talking babies wasn't the norm for me at all.

She twisted to look at me, her hands moving to her belly briefly before jerking them away. "I don't want either," she said softly. "This is so messed up. I never wanted kids. Seriously. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Part of me is so angry with Gianna and Marcus for leaving me in this situation, and I hate that. It's not their fault. They wanted this baby so much. They never would have opted to leave me with him. But they did. And now I don't know what to do."

Her hands couldn't seem to settle anywhere. They were moving from her belly to her sides, up to her hair and back down. I took hold of them to stop her from flailing around in uncertainty. "You'll figure it out," I said soothingly. "There's time."

Looking down at our hands in her lap, a small smile appeared. "Can we talk about this a little? I mean, if you don't mind… if it's not uncomfortable or anything."

"Have you ever known me to be uncomfortable?" I teased with a sardonic snicker.

Pulling her hands out of mine, she reversed the hold. "Edward, seriously – you're being so great about all of this. So supportive. I don't want to make it worse for you in any way."

"Contrary to what I've exhibited with my occasional slips of verbal awkwardness, I have grown more comfortable with myself. I don't freak out over every conversation nowadays. You can talk to me about anything. Just like always."

"If you say so." She seemed ready to debate that fact, but changed her mind. Instead, she sunk further down into the couch and dropped her head to my shoulder. She freed one of my hands, but still hung on to the one closest to her. I stared down at our intertwined fingers. Okay, with anyone else, that would still freak me out. That was a fact. No matter how many quirks I'd overcome, having my hands touched was not one I ever thought I'd be able to conquer.

"There's a trust fund – for the baby," she began in a quiet voice. "There's no financial burden attached to him, so that's one major factor out of the way. Marcus set it up months ago. I'm sure their entire estate would have gone into it at this point."

"Shouldn't the lawyers have contacted you about it? I can have my dad look into it if you want."

She smiled up at me. "Maybe. Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. There is just so much to consider, and I don't know what they would want from me, beyond delivering a healthy baby. Would they expect me to keep him? Part of why they asked me to be their surrogate was because they knew I wouldn't change my mind at some point and want their baby for myself. They knew I didn't want children."

"Do you think that's changed? You think they'd expect you to feel differently because the circumstances have changed?"

"That's my dilemma… I feel like in some way, I'd be letting them down if I make the wrong decision. I don't think I can be a mother – not a good one, anyway. On the other hand, how can I just give their child away? What if someone horrible gets him? What if he's not happy and loved and well-cared for?"

"What if he ends up in a home like I had with siblings that are his best friends?" I countered.

Bella hummed against my shoulder. "That would be awesome. I wonder if I'd be able to follow-up with him – you know, make sure he's doing all right and all down the road."

"More questions we could ask Dad about. He is quite familiar with the laws in regards to surrogacy."

"Do you find it funny that there are so many similarities? Of course, I'm much older than your mother was, and you weren't implanted in her..." Her voice trailed off with a little chuckle. "This is crazy."

I gave our clasped hands a shake. "What's crazy?"

"It's almost like we were brought together for a reason."

"Now, you mean? Or years ago?"

"Both! I'd never be here with you right now if I hadn't –"

"Hadn't what?" I encouraged her on.

"You earned my trust back then, you really did. If we hadn't been like we were then, I wouldn't be able to do this. Any of it. You were a factor in me deciding to even attempt this surrogacy."

"I was?" I asked in shock.

"Mm-hmm. Esme and Carlisle are amazing parents. They deserved you. I know that Gianna and Marcus would have loved this little one just as much as your parents loved you. They deserved a chance to have that with a baby they couldn't physically have together. And then there's me – there's absolutely no way I'd get through this on my own and maintain any level of sanity. Just knowing that you're here and that I can talk to you… you have no idea what it means to me."

Her grip on my hand tightened. My other hand moved to rub the back of her hand with my thumb. I had no words. We simply sat together, holding hands, each lost in our own thoughts. It was a moment of serenity like I'd never felt before. The peacefulness ended with my apartment door opening.

Bella lifted her head from my shoulder as Lauren walked in. We acted together, unfolding our hands.

"I should have knocked?" Lauren asked.

"We were just talking about the baby," I explained. I should have stood up and gone to her. I wanted to get up. For reasons unknown, my body stayed put. Bella stood instead. I noticed then how tired she looked. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she was paler than I'd seen her in weeks.

"I should get to bed. Thanks for letting me unload like that. Good night, Lauren."

"I brought dessert for the three of us. You don't want to join us?"

Bella shook her head, offering a tiny grin. "Thanks, but no. I am extremely tired. I'll give you two some privacy. Enjoy."

Only when Bella was closed up in her room did I manage to stand. I was fully aware of how we must have looked to Lauren when she walked in. I had more explaining to do. Lauren cut me off with a kiss when I began to babble an explanation. We shared a piece of the cake she brought over and talked about our day. It was like we'd done many times, but there was something off about her demeanor. I felt obliged to give an explanation another try.

"Bella's struggling with her decision about the baby's future. I think she really needed to get some of her thoughts out. It's upsetting her."

The familiar look of concern passed across Lauren's brow. "It must be so difficult being in her situation. I don't envy her."

"It doesn't help that the people she was closest to were the baby's parents. And they're gone. I don't particularly want her talking to Rosalie about this – it's a touchy subject for her."

"Of course! I understand."

She would. That made me feel even guiltier for… for what, exactly? "Bella was a really good friend to me at a time when I didn't have anyone. I want to be the same for her now that she needs it," I explained softly.

Lauren nodded, avoiding my eyes.

"You don't think it's anything more than that do you?" I probed gently as I stroked her back. "We're friends. Period. That's all it's ever been."

With a sad smile, she finally met my gaze. "It doesn't matter what I think."

"Of course it does! You've been affected by this, too, and I've neglected to tend to you throughout it. I'm sorry, Lauren. You deserve better. You honestly do."

"Better than you?"

"Better from me," I corrected. "I appreciate everything you've done to help with this. I don't let you know that nearly enough. Can you be completely honest with me? Have I hurt you? Does it upset you that I'm with my friend more than you lately?"

"Honestly?" She turned on her stool at the breakfast bar to face me. "It doesn't upset me that you tended to her in the hospital or that she's here with you. I think it's wonderfully generous of you. It's one of the things I adore about you, Edward – your generous heart. To be upset over you caring for your friend would be hypocritical, so no. I'm not upset by that. What hurt was seeing you together tonight. I should not have put us in that position. I'll knock from now on."

I frowned at her. "Lauren, you're not going to walk in on us in a compromising position," I scoffed.

"I believe you. I don't expect I'll ever walk in and find you in bed together. I just don't want to see what I saw tonight. It doesn't mean it was wrong – I just can't watch it."

"Watch what?" I needed to know clearly what she was upset by.

Slowly, she extended her hand and placed it on the back of mine. I flinched and pulled away, placing it on her waist instead. Her head dropped with a heavy sigh. "That level of intimacy that you just can't pull off with me," she whispered. "That's what I can't watch."

I turned to her then, pulling her into an embrace. I kissed the top of her head repeatedly as I held her. "There's nothing romantic between Bella and I. I swear to you."

"Not romantic… intimate," she countered, pulling away slightly. She kept her arms around my neck loosely. "You've never let me hold your hand."

Shit, shit, shit! That was one thing I couldn't amend. "Lauren, I have this thing –"

"I know, honey. I know. You don't have to explain."

"I do, though! All my life, I've had this… thing… about people touching my hands. I can't control it. It used to be wrapped up in a bunch of other anxiety issues, but it's the one thing I've never been able to manage. If I'm even able to shake someone's hand, I have to go wash immediately. That's with everyone – even family. It's not you, Lauren. I promise you. It's me."

"But Bella is capable of breaking through," she pointed out. "Not me. That's what hurts." Her arms slid from my neck down to my chest as she stared at me in remorse.

"Shit. I'm sorry." My voice was barely audible. I felt like shit, and there was nothing I could do. Or was there? Releasing her waist, I drew my hands down my face, breathing in and out deeply as I gathered courage. My heart was racing as I eyed her hands in her lap. Tentatively, I reached out and ran the back of my fingers over hers, barely making contact. The back of my neck began prickling. My heart felt like it was going to pound through my chest. She held very still while I tested my resolve. I pressed on with it, despite the fact that I felt as though I may pass out. Or vomit.

It's silly… it's just Lauren's hand. You're being ridiculous.

My head knew I could do this, but my body disagreed. Moisture broke out on my forehead. A bead of sweat actually rolled down the back of my neck and my hands began shaking. Before I could lose nerve – or dessert – I reached for her wrist and turned her hand over. My trembling fingers ran across her palm before my thumb traced her fingertips, and she remained like a statue for me.

I can do this…

I placed my palm on her fingertips, while my fingers uncurled to stroke her palm. Suddenly, my airways closed over and I emitted a choking sound. She pulled away abruptly.

"This is ridiculous."

"I'm sorry," I panted.

"I know! Edward, come here." Her arms went around my shoulders. "You don't have to do this. I'm sorry for even making you feel like you had to try. I know you're uncomfortable. I know that. I won't do that to you."

My understanding girlfriend was back. She was stroking my hair and placing kisses along my hairline. I gripped her tightly as my heart fought to slow down so I could breathe.

"I'm sorry I put you through that," she whispered against my temple. "It's okay."

We moved over to the couch to snuggle for a bit before she left. She assured me that it was fine – she'd get over it. It was anything but fine, however. She'd drawn attention to something I'd never even considered. I'd had sex with three women in my life, but holding Bella's hand was by far the most intimate I'd ever been with someone. And it wasn't the first time. I'd had that intimacy with her back when she was my brother's girl, too.

A/N ~ Bet you all know what's coming up with Lauren. Does it surprise you that Bella moved in with Edward without any fuss? Let's hear it.

There's a part in this chapter that was for a certain reader - did ya catch it, PinkKnitsIndeed? ;)

Thank you Shug, for beta-reading. And msj for existing in my life. Oh yeah, and pre-reading too. :D

Until next week... thanks for reading. XX ~ SR