Notes: This started out as a simple Tumblr prompt: Alice and Cyrus meet before he was a genie. I'm not even remotely sorry, this is absolute gold to me. This fic's probably going to have shorter chapters and a more sporadic update schedule. As if anything I write doesn't have a sporadic update schedule. Also, because I've seen way too much of Tenth Kingdom and I'm way too amused by stuff like this. Also, I'm in no way, shape, or form sorry that this is basically turning into Alice is Unnecessarily Sassy: The Fic

Dirty Rotten Scoundrel

Now Alice understood why the Rabbit told her to keep her hands and feet inside the portal at all times. This was not Wonderland. She wasn't sure where she was, but she knew Wonderland and this was not Wonderland.

The only place in Wonderland with this much sand was the Chessboard Desert. Her surroundings, while distinctly desertish, looked nothing like a chessboard. All around her, there was nothing but an ocean of tawny beige waves. At least she'd been lucky enough that the portal dumped her in the middle of an oasis.

She sat down at the edge of the water and unlaced her boots. With no way to know where she was and no way to get to her intended destination, it would be best to stay put for now. She was near water, one of the trees looked like a date palm, the trees provided enough shelter, this would be just fine until she figured out what to do next. Which was probably nothing too grand given that she had no idea which way or how far to walk to find other people.

She slipped her feet into the cool water and spotted a smooth, flat pebble within arm's reach. Alice picked it up and tossed it up in the air a few times to test the weight before idly skipping it across the water's surface. Even with the harsh sun, this wouldn't be a bad way to spend the afternoon. At least, if she wasn't trying to figure out how to get back to Wonderland in the meantime.

The last time she left, she thought she had the perfect proof. However, it turned out to be poorly thought out because as it turned out, a beachcomb wouldn't work without a beach to comb. Although she was less than eager to return it to the Gryphon, he was an awful whiner and couldn't for the life of him understand why she wanted to prove to anybody that Wonderland was real because he spent the majority of his life pretending that it's madness wasn't, she had promised to do so.

This time around, she thought she might catch a Dragonfly and bring that home with her. If it didn't burn through her bag before she could get home.

Then she heard a noise behind her and turned to look. The young man's eyes grew wide and he muttered, "Oh shit," a good deal louder than he probably meant to once he realized that she'd seen him.

He was a bit taller than she was, although not by much, and had a kind, albeit rather shocked expression. His clothes were all a dusty beige color, not dissimilar to the sand itself, and she couldn't help but notice that he had impossibly fancy hair.

"Have you been watching me this whole time?" she said, standing up and walking towards him.

"What? No. I'm just here to get this back," he said, reaching up into the branches of one of the trees and pulling down a heavy looking bag. "I'm so sorry to have disturbed you. I'll be on my way now." He started to walk off into the desert, the bag slung over his shoulder.

"Wait, where are you going?" she said, walking after him. He may be able to lead her to civilization, or just anybody who might be able to help her.

"You have no idea where you are do you?" he said, turning back around to face her.

"Absolutely none," she said.

He gave her a look, arched an eyebrow, and said, "Alright, fine. I can't just leave you out here, come with me."

"Where are we going?" she said, running to cover the distance between them.

"Agrabah," he said, the quizzical look not leaving his face. "Aren't you forgetting something?" For the first time, she realized that she was still barefoot. She darted back to get her boots, and although she half-expected him to have already left by the time she finished lacing up her boots, he was still waiting for her.

"Thank you," she said, running back to him. "For reminding me about the shoes and for helping me. I'm Alice."

"I'm Amin," he said after slight pause. "So Alice, what brings you to this fine place?"

"I'm a traveler from a far off land," she said, knowing full well that it was better not to say that she was from another dimension, "returning this," she said, opening up her bag and taking out the fine mother of pearl, aquamarine, and coral comb, "to a friend."

"Lovely as its bearer," he said. She told herself that the blood rushing to her cheeks was from the hot sun. "This land you're from, what's it like?"

"Wondrous," she said, putting the comb back into her bag. "There are fields and forests for miles around and the flowers in the spring…" She wasn't sure what it meant that the Tiger Lily's and Dandy Lions came to mind before the neighbor's roses. "Although I'm afraid I don't know much about it, I spent most of my life traveling. This, "Agrabah," can you tell me more about it?"

"It's much like any other city I'm afraid," he said, shifting the bag to his other shoulder. "Sunrise over the minarets is a sight to be seen. The Great Astrolabe isn't all that bad either. Although if you're as seasoned a traveler as you say you are, then you probably already know that."

"I certainly don't," she said.

"Well then Alice," he said, grinning at her. Almost against her will, she smiled back. There was a fluttering feeling in her chest. She hoped she wasn't coming down with something. "I suppose I shall have to show you around."

"I think I should like that very much," she replied. They walked a while before she asked, "So Amin, what are you doing out here with a bag hidden in a tree?"

"I'm something of an artist," he said. "I was working on a project with some University students in Ankara and I have some things I'd rather not risk losing."

"And so you hid them out in the desert? It doesn't seem like a very well thought out plan," she said.

"I'm the only person who knew about that place. It's off of the trade routes and I was only gone for a day," he said.

"I thought you said you were working on a project."

"Consulting on a project."

"I hope it went well."

"Good as gold."

"If it's not intrusive, might I ask what sort of project it was?"

"It's not intrusive at all. Well, you see I work in words," he said. "I told them stories, stories that they may find pleasant at times and unpleasant at others, but stories that I needed to tell nonetheless."

"What kind of stories?" She always did like a good story and it might make the walk go by quicker.

"The best kind. Or the worst. It all depends on your point of view. I like to think that they're the best kind. You may think them the worst. The story they heard was of a merchant's son who'd become separated from a caravan and in need of help on his journey home, but I have many more where that came from." From the way his eyes lit up, she could tell that Amir was passionate about what he did, excited even. She hoped that she would get to hear one.

"It sounds like a lovely story. I can't imagine they wouldn't like it."

"They liked the story. They didn't like the ending. You see, the merchant's son had really been a clever bandit the whole time. I gave them all the clues they needed to put it together before the end, but they couldn't put it together in time. I think they felt cheated."

"Well, you could tell it to me and I'll let you know if you told it well," she said, readjusting her bag. It was a bit heavier than she should have packed it, although she'd been expecting Wonderland rather than this both stranger and less strange land.

"Would you like me to carry that for you?" he asked, gesturing to the bag.

"I can handle it," Alice replied.

"I know you can, but it's easier to appreciate a story when you're not burdened," he said, shrugging and staring off at the horizon.

"I think I can live with that," she said, handing the bag over to him.

"Then let us begin the tale of Cyrus and the Caravan of Marvels," he said, a confident grin spreading across his face. "A long time ago in Agrabah…"

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"And so, having faked his death at the hands of his accomplices, Cyrus returned home to his mother and brothers, and they say that all of them lived happily until the end of their days," he said as they reached the city gates. Alice couldn't believe that anybody hadn't liked the tale, he'd hidden everything so masterfully until the end, it was a thrill to listen.

"That was absolutely splendid," she said, tucking a strand of sun warm hair behind her ear. "You knew it so well too."

"When you spend your life telling stories, it's almost as if you live them," he said, maintaining eye contact with her as he picked his way through the crowd. "The characters are like your family and their adventures are your adventures."

"You can never have too many adventures," she said, following close behind.

"That's a good philosophy to have," he said, laughing a little. "You like danger, don't you Alice?"

"A bit," she admitted.

They reached an open square with a fountain in the center and held her bag out to her. "I said I'd show you around, and never make a promise I can't keep, but do you mind waiting here for a few minutes? I just have a little business to take care of." He gave her an apologetic look.

"Oh I'll be fine, don't worry," she said, setting her bag down on one of the benches.

"I'll be right back," he said, waving to her as he merged with the crowds.

Alice hadn't been sitting down for more than a minute before a woman, only a little older than she was, in a blue dress embroidered with green flowers got up from the fountain and came to sit by her. "You may want to check your bag," she said, adjusting one of the lapis pins holding her headscarf in place.

"What?" she said.

"It is clear from the way you're dressed that you're not from around here. That young man you were with is not as harmless as he appears," the woman said, folding her hands in her lap.

"I think you must be confusing him for someone else, Amir is a storytell…"

"That's what he told you his name was?" Her voice sounded equal parts exasperated and disbelieving. "At least he didn't lie about being a storyteller. I know he seems charming, but I've been friends with his elder brother for years. Cyrus is…"

"His name is Cyrus?" Just as it did for the students, all of the pieces came together just a bit too late. He'd told her exactly what he was doing out in the desert and she'd bought it all wrapped up as a neat little package. He wasn't working on a project with those students. He was conning them, just as Cyrus in the story did the merchant caravan. Of course they wouldn't like the ending. He'd been cheating them the whole time.

She opened the bag and found that, just as the woman cautioned her, the comb was gone. "That smug bastard!" She didn't care who heard her, didn't particularly care about her vocabulary either, this was almost unforgivable.

"If only I had a dinar for every time someone said that about him…" the woman muttered.

"I'm so sorry to be a bother, but do you happen to know where I can find him? He took something rather important and I would like to get it back," she said, closing the bag a bit more harshly than she probably meant to.

"There's a bar he likes to visit, the Crowned Eagle. If you go down that street right there…" the woman pointed to the street right across from them, "until you reach the bazaar and take a left after the third date seller you see, down the road with the well at the beginning until you reach a building with a ship on the door. Take a right down the street after that one and keep going until you see the sign, you can't miss it. Can you remember all that?"

Even if she couldn't, Alice was determined to find him, so she nodded and thanked the woman for her help before setting off to find Cyrus. It appeared that fate, or a dimension hopping rabbit, had other plans though as she spotted the Rabbit hiding behind a potted plant in the bazaar.

"Alice! I've been looking everywhere and everywhen for you!" he said as she ducked behind the plant with him.

"Everywhen?" She supposed that after over ten years of this sort of nonsense that Wonderlander's odd sayings should no longer surprise her, but she'd never heard everywhen before.

"This is why you don't mess around with the portals, you stuck a hand out or something, I told you not to, but you did, and now you've wound up not only in another dimension, but hundreds of years in the past," he said, tapping his pocket watch in a very irate manner. "Come on, we have to go before something happens."

"Already happened Rabbit. Somebody stole the Beachcomb and I have to return it to the Gryphon and you know how he gets…"

"And you're just going to hunt them down? Alice, they could be anywhere by now, not to mention the risks involved…"

"I know exactly where Cyrus is and this won't take me long at all."

"But the risk…"

"Do you really want to explain to the Gryphon that I lost the one thing that he doesn't hate about Wonderland?"

"Alright, point taken, we'll go and find your Cyrus, but if this goes badly, I'm tunneling us right out of here."

She could accept that and as the Rabbit followed her through the streets, her resolve to fix this little situation grew. She couldn't believe she'd fallen for that, but he'd been so charming and sweet.

"Alright, this looks like the right place," she said, glancing at the sign above the door. "You may want to wait out here Rabbit." The Rabbit agreed with her, nervously checking his watch again.

The bar wasn't quite as seedy as she'd been expecting. It was certainly cleaner than Underland, smelled better too. But seated at a back table, playing cards with a group of probably equally unsavory characters, was the very man she was looking for.

"You thief!" she said, striding right up to the table, glaring at him the whole way.

"I have no idea who you are or what you're talking about," he replied, not looking at her and drawing a card from the deck.

"You told the truth about one thing Cyrus, you are a story teller. You are a damn good storyteller, but you're an arrogant twit and I don't care how I get it back, but I need to get that comb back and…"

She was drawing looks from the other card players. They were evidently ether familiar with his behavior or just as clueless as she used to be. Even she knew that getting into a fight here would end badly and she didn't think that asking politely would work, but there had to be something she could do to get the Beachcomb back. Then she said, almost without thinking, "I'll play you for it."

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

"But how did you…you didn't even know how to play when we started…" he said, his mouth hanging open a bit more than he really meant for it to as he stared at yet another winning hand. She had to have been lying before, he'd done that often enough, he couldn't believe that he'd missed the signs.

"I told you," Alice, if that was even her real name, said, picking up the fine comb from the center of the table. "I like to win." With that, she got up and left the card table. Before she left, she turned to the other players. "And by the way, he's cheating all of you."

He could only stare at the empty door frame as she left. He never lost at cards, yet a woman who claimed no experience beat him. He'd even cheated and he still lost. She had to have done something, or gotten very lucky or…then it hit them.

The numbers. Every now and then she'd mutter a number under her breath. At the time, he'd thought it a very strange sort of tell or nervous twitch, but now he knew. She looked at the deck of cards and she just did the math.

His heart raced, yet he felt an overwhelming sense of calm. That was an incredible thing he'd just witnessed. She'd beaten him at his own game. He couldn't believe it, but when he thought about it, he started grinning like a fool. That Alice, or whoever she was, was something special. He almost didn't notice when one of the burlier card players picked him up by his shirt collar and dragged him out back.

He was still thinking about her later that night when Taj was attempting to patch him up after the men and women he'd played cards with beat him. Not that he could really blame them. He couldn't even feel mad at her for telling them about the cheating. He couldn't even be mad that the weeks of preparation that went into the Anakara scam were wasted when the aforementioned card players divided up his earnings amongst themselves. He could only think of the confident, satisfied, almost playful way she took back the comb and the sheer enthusiasm with which she'd listened to the story he told her.

"Alright, that's the worst of it," his brother said, handing him a cool cloth to hold to the swelling on his cheek. "What's happened to you is probably more punishment than anything mother can give, so I won't tell her what happened." Upon noting Cyrus' spacy expression, he added, "Are you feeling alright? I've told you a thousand times, if get hit in the head, you have to let me know if you're feeling off because it might be a concussion and…"

"Taj," he said, staring at the wall, visions of Alice still in his head. "It's not a concussion." He wished he'd been telling her stories for real rather that to scam her. "I think I'm in love."

"You definitely have a concussion."