True Love Way
Chapter 15
"Are you sure you're up to this visit?" Bella and I had just returned from the laundry room, and we had only a few hours before our guests were to arrive. Jasper, Alice, and Emily had made the trip up to Port Angeles. They'd stayed with Rosalie and Emmett overnight, and all five of them were coming over to my place for the evening.
"I'm fine. You're the one recovering from pneumonia; I should be asking you if you're up to it."
"Hmm. If I say I'm not, do I get to be babied again?" I asked with a smartass smirk.
"I think you milked that." She wagged a finger at me with a playful scowl. "That said, I wouldn't be adverse to a nap… you know, if you're worn out after working all night and then hauling laundry up and down the stairs. If you're not sleeping, I'm not."
"Both beds are stripped. Do you have the energy to make them?"
She eyed the pile of folded linens and then me. "We do one now, one later."
"Deal. Who's first?"
"Your room."
I picked up a set of sheets and headed for the spare room. She went the other way. "What's up? Is your noggin not working? You just said my room."
"Uh-huh. This is your room, right? You gave it up for me? I figured that out when you walked into the wall that first night you were sick. You didn't do it again once I moved you in here, because you know the path from here to the bathroom without your glasses. You can have your room back."
"It's better for you. I don't normally have to piss three times a night."
"I can see my way across a room," she argued.
"You barely make it sometimes from the next room. If you have to cross the apartment, we'll be doing more laundry, mopping up piss, and I promise, I'll be teasing you about it until the end of time."
She rolled her eyes at me. "You're so stubborn."
"You're one to talk. What does it matter what room I'm in?"
"Because I'm staying in your home! You should have your room!"
"I don't want my room."
"Edward…"
"Fine. We'll nap in your room." I walked across to where she was. "This will be me, sleeping in my room… which is your room. Happy?"
The two of us made up the bed together in silence, removed our pants, and climbed in. "I really don't care which room I sleep in, Bella."
"Don't start up again. I don't have the energy to argue with you. You win."
I acted out some fanfare until she smacked me. Then she cuddled up next to me, and all was grand. She was better than a sleeping pill for me. Just having her at my side relaxed my entire body and I was on my way to dreamland.
"I really like the idea that you had Gran's cactus in your room," she said softly, stirring me from the edge of sleep.
"I like the idea that you're here with Gran's cactus in my room – which is now yours," I murmured sleepily.
"Goodnight, Stubborn Edward."
"Goodnight, Equally Stubborn Bella. See you in a couple of hours."
~ 0 ~
The phone woke me up.
"Dude. What are you doing in there?"
"Uh…"
Emmett laughed over the phone. "We're standing in the hall. Can you let us in?"
"Shit! Yeah, yeah… hang on. Uh, hang up. I'll be right there." I threw the blankets aside and reached for my glasses, then my jeans, hauling them on as I headed for the bathroom. Bella had water running, so I banged on the door to give her some warning. She must have just woken up herself.
"You were sleeping?" Rosalie ruffled my hair as she gave me a greeting kiss.
"The alarm didn't go off," I said in excuse before greeting Jasper and Alice with hugs. Emily was asleep on Emmett's shoulder. "Hers either," I quipped nodding at the baby.
"She partied all day… and half of last night," he teased.
"You can set her down in one of the beds," I offered.
Alice shook her head. "She rolls a lot. I brought a portable playpen." She began setting up the mesh pen with skilled practice. It took her all of twelve seconds. "Where's Bella?"
"Bathroom. Hey, she's kind of cute now." I took a good look at Emily as Emmett laid her down.
Jasper cracked up, but Alice looked appalled. "As in, she wasn't before?"
I didn't see what was so bad about that. She wasn't attractive when she was born, but she is now so it's all good. "Well her face isn't all smushed up and wrinkled like it used to be. And she's got hair. She used to look like one of those Pound Puppy toys."
"Edward! What is wrong with you?" Alice may be small, but her fiery personality could heat up in one second flat. "You just said my daughter was ugly!"
"No… well, I guess in a way. I said she was, but she's not now." This amused everyone except Alice, but she quickly forgot about me when Jasper's attention turned to Bella.
Bella came up beside me and gave a shy smile. "Hi."
"Bella! Wow, you look great!" Jasper sounded surprised but sincere. He approached, arms extended for a hug. "I'm sorry for what you've been through," he said to her quietly as she accepted his greeting. I had a feeling he wasn't only referring to the accident.
"Thanks," she said softly. "Hi, Alice." Bella gave her a little wave.
"You remember me?" Alice beamed, and her eyes shimmered. It suddenly hit me that she may be feeling anxious about this meeting, too. She had no idea what to expect from Bella.
"Of course," Bella responded with a generous smile. "It's good to see you. I hear you have a little one. Where is she?"
"Yeah, our little Pound Puppy is asleep over there." Jasper laughed and gave my shoulder a punch.
"Geez. Remind me never to say what's on my mind again," I grumbled.
"Edward called Emily a Pound Puppy," Alice informed her. "Apparently my daughter was quite ugly."
I wondered how this made Bella feel, but when I turned to look at her, all I saw was supressed amusement. "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. He doesn't see very many babies. Can I have a peek?" She joined Alice at the side of the playpen, smiling down at the sleeping little girl. "Oh my! She's beautiful! Congratulations."
"Thanks." Alice replied softly. For the first time since I'd known her, she seemed timid. Even during her awkward crushing phase of getting to know Jasper, she didn't appear this demure. "I'm sure your baby will be gorgeous, too. Right from the start." She couldn't resist shooting me one more glare. I simply smiled back. "When are you due?"
"Nine weeks…?" Bella looked to Rosalie for confirmation. "Something like that."
"Nobody mentioned a baby," Jasper commented as he turned to me. His eyes looked strange. They didn't exactly look surprised. It was something else. "You didn't tell me Bella's pregnant."
I shrugged. It wasn't my news to tell, so I really didn't care if he felt left out of the loop. With the way my family blabs, I would have thought he'd know all about it. As we settled in to get caught up, Alice seemed intent on talking all things pregnancy and babies. Jasper seemed to catch on that Bella was merely being gracious about it and would change the subject every time his wife brought it up. I was just pleased that it was going so well. I kept watching Bella for signs of discontent or anxiety. She honestly didn't appear affected by seeing her ex with his wife and baby. I supposed she had managed to get over him in the eight years apart. Eight years…
Bella joined me on the kitchen side of the breakfast bar, giving me a bump with her hip. "What's the smile about?"
"I was just thinking how quickly eight years can pass. It doesn't seem that long ago."
"Since we were all gathered this way?" Bella looked more somber in her reflection of the past than I did. "Funny, to me it seems like a lifetime has passed."
"You okay?" I tipped my head down to speak to her more quietly. "Do you want to rest? I can ask them to go now."
Bella smiled up at me, a devilish twinkle in her eye. "We haven't spent any time with the Pound Puppy."
"I'm never living this one down, am I?"
"Never." Bella snickered as she linked arms with me, dragging me towards the living room. The Pound Puppy had awoken.
The next three hours were spent watching my family watch my niece. They cooed over every sound she made, even when she passed gas. I was certain she got her dad's sphincter muscles, and I'd never found anything remotely endearing about Jazz's ass gas. I took mental notes on where she slobbered so I could remember to Lysol those spots when she left. Bella seemed slightly more enchanted by her than I was, particularly when Emily lunged, grabbed onto her and smiled.
"Oh my goodness, you're fast!" She praised the baby with the same smile they all used for her accomplishments. Reach out – smile. Blow a bubble – smile. Fart – smile. If only adult life could be so simple. "Look at those teeth!"
"She has teeth?"
All eyes went to me.
"What?"
"Edward, you have met your niece, haven't you?" Rosalie teased me, laughing at my ignorance.
"She's almost a year old, dude," my brother announced. "Of course she has teeth."
"A year? Seriously?" Time seemed to be in warp speed for me, but even still, that didn't seem possible.
"How old did you think she was?" Bella asked with a gentle grin.
I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe five, six months."
"Ten months and eleven days, Edward."
"Thank you, Alice. But you're off by a few hours. She wasn't born until almost midnight."
"That, you remember, but not her age?" Emmett laughed at me. "Ohhhh! I know why you remember the time…"
The four of them went off on a moment by moment detailing of the day of Emily's birth, filling Bella in on the excitement. It had been one of the longest days of my life, but they wrapped it up between them in under ten minutes. And yes, I was right – Emily was born at 11:56 pm. She had then been whisked away to the neonatal ICU unit, and my brother was a wreck. That's what I recalled the most about that day. It was the weakest I'd ever seen Jazz. Nothing had frightened him so much as the thought of losing his little girl… or his wife. He'd cried on Mom's shoulder. And then Dad's. By the time he reached me, he was all cried out and telling me how lucky I was I could pop a pill at times like those. Lucky. All I could think about was my own entry into the world and how no pill could have saved my mother. Was childbirth really worth all of this? Babies could lose their mothers, fathers could lose their little girls. Mothers could lose their sons…
"Where are you?" Bella's soft voice brought me back to the room. The others were competing for Emily's attention, but Bella was focused on me. "Thinking about your mom?"
How the fuck did she do that? I nodded. "And you."
"I'm not going to die in childbirth, Edward. I promise you."
"You can't know that," I argued stoically.
"Edward, look at me." Her hand tipped my chin towards her. "I. Promise. You."
"Well, if you promise…" I grinned to appease her. I wouldn't accept it as truth until she had delivered and was healthy again.
"I swear on Gran's White Ghost, and you know that thing isn't dying."
"It's too stubborn."
Nodding, she chuckled at me. "Just like me."
"Ready for all of this, Bella?" Jasper broke into our private little talk. "It'll all change once your baby's here."
Bella leaned back on her arms, staying with me on the floor. Her position made her belly pop out, and I was aware of just how pregnant she now was. The months spent with her had seemed so brief. I looked at her every day, and she always looked just like Bella – now, I was seeing Pregnant Bella. Really Pregnant Bella. Could-give-birth-any-day Bella.
"Nooooo. Not ready in the least," Bella responded. "I haven't got a clue what I'm doing."
Examining my brother and sister-in-law's expressions, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that no one had told them a thing about Bella's situation. It had explained the look on Jasper's face when he'd said no one told him she was pregnant – he was hurt that he'd been left out. Now, something else mingled with that hurt.
"You know what? We should get going. Emmett has an early shift tomorrow, and none of us got much sleep last night." Rosalie was quick to her feet, saving us an awkward moment.
Bella aided Alice in collecting Emily's things, making sure she had everything packed up before we escorted them out.
"We should do this again soon." Jazz seemed sincere in his statement and perhaps was reluctant to leave so early. "Maybe get a sitter. We can go bowling."
"That may have to wait. They'll think she's smuggling out a bowling ball." From my place behind Bella, I wrapped my arms around her belly. Her hands went to mine as she leaned back against me, chuckling.
"He's sweet… insinuating my gut is merely bowling ball sized."
"I had a beach ball," Alice announced. "Seriously. Yet she was so tiny when she came out… it's shocking. You'll be amazed. Emily was premature. Eight weeks early. That means you have one week to grow to a beach ball and have a tiny little one. Of course, I hope you don't deliver early! That's not what I meant! You'll have nine weeks to expand and have a healthy baby right from the start. But you'll still look good! I mean, you look amazing! You probably won't even gain weight anywhere else. Just the baby. You'll have a healthy baby. Don't worry about a thing. Worrying isn't good. I really should just shut up." Alice finally clamped her mouth shut and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just really excited about this… and kind of nervous. I don't want you to hate me."
"I don't hate you!" Bella released her grip on my hands and extended her arms to Alice. "Don't ever think that. We missed out on getting to know each other, but that can change. I don't hate you, Alice," she murmured softly as they hugged. Alice was crying when they let each other go.
Jasper moved in and placed a kiss on his wife's head, stroking her back lovingly. Then he embraced Bella. "Thanks, darlin'. You're a much better person than I could ever be. Be well. And take care of that little one. We'll see you soon."
~ 0 ~
I received a call from my brother the next morning, inviting me to lunch, just the two of us. I was working second shift, so we agreed to a late lunch/early dinner before my shift.
"We're heading back to Seattle tonight, but I wanted to spend some more time with you before we leave. It seems like forever since we hung out."
"Yep. Now we know why Dad didn't have a spectacular social life." I grinned across the table at my brother. "You're following in his footsteps all the way." One similarity I was grateful he didn't share was Dad's penchant for lecturing. He always meant well with his talks, but they always left me feeling like I wasn't good enough. Jazz still kept it real – we just shot the shit like we always had. No lawyer bullshit mixed in.
"You're lecturing me on non-existent socializing? Ironic. How things have changed!"
"Well, I'm not so different, really. Most of my socializing is still done with Rose and Emmett. Just like the old days. It's too bad you live so far away."
He nodded, sipping on his Coke. "Yeah. You might know how old your niece is if we were closer."
I slapped my forehead. "Is Alice really pissed about that?"
"Nah. She knows you. No harm, no foul. It's easy to let time get away." He tipped his head to the side. "Also easy to fall into the past, it would seem."
My stomach dropped. Suddenly this wasn't about shooting the shit. I felt like I was sitting across from Dad, about to get grilled on my life.
"When exactly was Bella's accident?"
I saw the lawyer wheels turning in his mind, piecing together the facts. "I don't know… four months ago maybe? Or three? I've lost track. You had so much going on when it happened. Rose and I didn't want to upset your life even more. We wanted you to enjoy having Emily home and get used to all of that. She was in a coma for the first weeks. I didn't know how she'd feel about having any of us there with her, you know?"
"Sure, sure. I understand. So you didn't get involved with her before the accident?" He was working his questioning in casually around bites of his meal. It still felt like an interrogation.
"No, Your Honour. Our first contact was on Highway 101. She was unconscious at the time."
Jazz smirked at me. "Smart ass."
I set my fork down, leaning on the table. "If you've got a direct question, just come out with it."
"The baby…"
"Is not mine," I completed his thought for him. "Obviously. Nothing has changed between me and Bella. We're exactly the same – friends. Nothing romantic."
"I know the baby isn't yours. But did Lauren know that?"
"What? Yeah! Of course!"
"Relax, Ed. I'm still trying to get caught up here, remember? It just seemed like things were going really well for you two, then Bella appears – pregnant – and you break up. It's completely rational to consider the fact that it's related."
"Bella didn't break us up," I hissed out.
"It's coincidental then," he countered.
I sighed heavily. Giving up on my food altogether, I pushed my plate aside. "It was my fault, not Bella's. I put her before my relationship with Lauren and it suffered. I wasn't a good boyfriend. She deserved better."
"It was your choice to end it?"
"Not really. Kind of." Looking into my brother's eyes, I saw concern. Perhaps I'd been wrong with his intentions all along. He wasn't fact-digging. He just cared. I filled him in on how everything with Lauren had just sped up, and I wasn't sure it was the direction, nor pace, that I wanted it to go. He let me speak, nodding his understanding and adding bits to the conversation here and there. When I finished up, he was staring down blankly, looking reflective.
"What's up?" I encouraged him to say his piece.
He shook his head. "I'm just thinking how you weren't ready to say three words to Lauren, but you're diving into a kid with Bella. Are you sure about this, Ed? It's a huge step."
"They weren't any three words – they were words I'm not sure I feel. I don't throw them around," I countered. "And I'm not having a kid with Bella."
"It may not be your kid, but you're living with her. You'll be involved. I know you, bro. You'll be hugely involved."
"Jazz, she doesn't even know what she's going to do with the baby. It's a tricky situation. She's under a lot of stress right now, so it's not coming easily."
Jasper nodded. "Rosalie filled us in on the surrogacy," he confessed. "She thought it would be better for Bella if Alice didn't get too attached to the idea of another baby in the family. She kind of throws herself into these things."
I smiled back at him. I realized I was reading him wrong. I was anticipating judgement, so that's what I'd seen. This was just him trying to catch up with me after being left out. "I've noticed. So you understand why she's feeling so uncertain."
"Sure. Yeah. Absolutely." Jasper's face twisted as he chewed on the side of his cheek – a nervous habit he had that I knew well. He had more to say.
"Spill it." I never wanted this conversation repeated, so I preferred to get it all out at once.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's just all so convenient."
I scoffed at him. Maybe the judgement was there after all. "Sure. Maniacal Bella plotted this whole thing. She arranged a flight that would crash precisely at the moment Emmett and I were nearing that section of the highway – killing her best friends, mind you – just so she'd be back in our lives. Do you realize how insane that sounds?"
"I know –"
"She could have just picked up the phone, Jazz. I would have answered."
"I know! See, you're overreacting."
"I am? I see it differently."
"How so?" Maybe he was more like Dad than I'd thought. His voice was completely calm, contrasting my escalating anxiousness. He even tented his fingers under his chin the way Dad did when he was placating me.
"You're jealous," I stated flatly. His eyebrows arched, and I continued. "We've all had these months to renew our relationship with Bella, and you haven't been part of it. You want to make this all about you."
"Not even close, bro. Honestly, you were right months ago – I don't want to be involved in all of this. But you're involved, and so here I am. This is about you. Only you. I'm worried about you. You had a good thing going, and you just dropped the ball the moment Bella reappeared in your life. I know how you felt about her all those years ago, and I know it hurt you to be cut out. Why would you want to do that to yourself again?"
"Maybe because I'm not seeing this as being all about me," I suggested. "Because this is about helping someone I care about."
"Exactly. That's exactly what I'm doing here, dude. Look… I care about Bella, I really do. I want her to be well. Happy. I feel horrible for her – she's been through so much. I really want that to turn around for her and see that she's happy."
"But…? I sense a but."
"But… more so, I care about you. I thought you were over your feelings for her. You actually had legitimate relationships with other women. You and Lauren seemed perfect together. Then the break-up happened, and I saw how you were with Bella last night. I saw how you look at her. I saw how you protect her and defend her. It's still there. You're way too involved in something that has great potential to devastate you."
"Again… it's not about me, Jazz. I can handle whatever comes. I have grown up. I'm not the fragile little weakling I was when we were kids. I won't fall apart and have a breakdown."
"And your heart? Can you deal with what it does to that? Ed, you're my brother. I've loved you my entire life. I've looked out for you my entire life. That's not something that will end. We're brothers for life. You know that?"
I nodded sullenly. The truth was I didn't want him looking out for me. I'd finally reached the point where I felt we were just regular brothers. Obviously he didn't see it that way. I was still pathetic in his eyes.
"I'm worried that she's going to take advantage of you… of your heart."
"Wait." My eyes flew to his, and I gripped the edge of the table, digging my fingertips into it in anger. "You think she's taking advantage of me? Using me? How can you say that? Christ, Jazz… sometimes I'd swear you never even knew Bella."
Shifting in his chair uncomfortably, he hung his head. "You're not the first to say that. I'm well aware that I was never as in tune with Bella as you were."
"How could you even suggest that, Jazz? Do you know why she cut off of us out when you broke up? For us. Us, Jazz. You and me – so we'd never be strained because of her. She wanted to avoid moments of utter bullshit like this, I suppose. I will always defend her, and it has nothing to do with old feelings I had. I'll defend her and help her in any way possible, because I know her. It's not because of me, but because of who she is. I really don't want this to be a problem between us, but that's how it's going to be."
Jasper couldn't even look at me. He held his forehead with both hands. I think they were trembling slightly. "I shouldn't have said anything. This wasn't what I was aiming for – making you upset wasn't my intention, Edward." His voice trembled as well.
I blew out a breath. "I know that. You're probably right, too. I'm overreacting."
"No." He snorted out a little laugh. "You're one hundred percent right. And I was wrong a decade ago. I was incredibly jealous of you then, you know. The thing you had with Bella… I never could compete. I hated myself for it, but every time she wanted to hang out with you instead of going off on our own, I was jealous. I envied the way you connected – how you always knew what she needed. It should have been me, but it just wasn't there with us, you know? I felt inadequate."
Hearing this confession, I felt like I was in an alternate universe. "You felt inadequate? You? Jasper Cullen? That makes no sense, Jazz. You had it all."
Finally he looked at me. "Not everything, bro. You had the one thing I couldn't capture… Bella's entire heart."
I shook my head, trying to clear out the fog that was building. None of this was making sense. I couldn't even form a sentence to ask him to clarify. I thought for sure I was having some sort of episode where he was saying one thing, but I was hearing it as something else entirely.
"It's true. Things weren't great between us even before she went back to Phoenix. Like a selfish prick, I wanted her full attention – I wanted her devoted to me and me alone. By that point, she'd stopped comparing you and I… at least to my face, anyway. She knew it got under my skin. There was always this underlying feeling that she'd rather be with you. It created a lot of conflict, because part of me wanted you to have that. You never saw your value, Ed, but Bella did. She saw you as Rose and I did… and that was great. On the other hand, I loved her. She was my girlfriend, and I should have had the closeness you two shared."
"I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am." I also realized how much my brother actually did care for me. It would have killed me back then to know my friendship with Bella hurt him in any way.
Jasper waved off my apology. "None of it was your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry if this is making things worse. I just think it's time for it all to come out. "Remember that Christmas I went down to Phoenix? It was four days of continuous reminders of how inadequate I was. Four days of thinking she'd be better off with you. Her grandmother never once called me Jasper. It was always 'Edward'."
"She called Renee 'Bella'," I reminded him. "Gran was just confused."
He shook his head with a little grin. "I don't think so. I think the ol' girl knew what was in her granddaughter's heart. It was a bitter slap of reality. I swore I'd never go back to Phoenix. That's one reason I couldn't go to the funeral."
"Yeah. Alice was the other."
"That's not all. I knew you could do what she needed, not me. I wouldn't have had a clue. I would've said something wrong or done something stupid and made her feel worse. And I couldn't be there to see you take care of her how she needed right then, because it should have been me. I decided then that it was over between us. I could never be what she needed. You always hit the mark on that. I really thought you would have figured it out spending those days alone with her."
He paused and waited for me to stop gawking at him stupidly and respond. "Jazz, you're making my head spin. I have no idea what you're talking about."
"It's so obvious… Bella wanted you, Ed. Not me."
"You're cracked."
Chuckling, he shook his head. "Nope. I'm a realist. Take an honest look back some time, and you'll see it's the truth."
This had to be a joke. Had to be. But it was a cruel one, and Jasper wasn't a cruel man. He had done some stupid things – heartless things – but he was never cruel to me. As my pulse raced I stared at my brother across the table. I saw the guy who'd carried me home on his back when I'd tore my knees open after a bad fall. The guy who'd pushed the big kid who teased me mercilessly at the park into a mud puddle. The guy who gave me pep talks and always… always… made sure he told me I was good enough – for anything. Was that guy capable of being so vicious to me? Being so cruel as to make me think Bella had actually had deeper feelings for me than she truly did? Was the brother I had always known and admired not at all what I thought him to be? I searched his eyes for the truth. I only saw compassion and regret. Not one ounce of cruelty.
"Ed… I fucked up back then. Big time. With Bella, and with you. I'm not looking to repeat that. I know that you know Bella better than anyone, so I have complete faith that you know what you're doing. I won't waste another second wondering if you're being taken advantage of. You know what you're getting into." He waited for a response that didn't come. "This is me admitting I was wrong and begging you to forget I could even think you couldn't handle this."
A numb sensation was coursing through me. My limbs felt like rubber, the rest of me like cement. All but my heart that continued to thump away in my chest. He was waiting for a response. "Okay," I mumbled.
"I'm glad we had this talk though. I'm seeing things completely different. It's like we've got a second chance to set things right – to make it how it was always supposed to be."
"What are you talking about?" I couldn't take it anymore. My thoughts were swirling in the fog, pieces of now and then getting mixed up until nothing at all made sense to me.
"You and Bella. I want you to know that I'm over it – the whole jealousy thing. If you want to be with her, I'm fine with it."
"You're fine with it?" Although my heart continued to beat up my insides, my head was suddenly clear. And raging. It mustn't have shown on my face because my brother was smiling at me.
"Yeah, man! Go for it!"
Go for it? Like Bella's an acquisition? If I'd heard correctly, he had just confessed that Bella had always had feelings for me other than friendship, and now he was giving me permission to act on my own supressed feelings? "You're giving me permission? Is that right?"
He frowned. "Not permission –"
I nodded, shoving my chair back hastily. I reached for my wallet and tossed some bills on the table to pay for our meal. I didn't want to say more – something I'd regret. "I've got to get to work. Thanks for lunch. Um… tell Alice goodbye. It was good seeing you."
"That's it? You're not going to say anything else?" Jasper stood to walk out with me.
I waited until we were outside, sucking in some of the cool air to calm myself down. "Yeah. I do need to say something else actually." I looked up and down the street, anywhere to avoid looking at my brother. "It's great that you're 'fine with it'. Great. Just so you know, I don't know what's going to happen with Bella. Or the baby. Or Bella and the baby… I just don't know. I do know that whatever becomes of it, I don't need your approval." I set my jaw stubbornly, risking a glance at him. He was suitably shocked by my statement, but there was something more.
"You know something, Ed? I have never been more proud of you than at this very moment. Fuck, yeah!" He threw his arms around me, slapping me on the back with all his might. "I have underestimated you for the very last time."
Despite my comments to him, it was clear that I did in fact need his approval. Right or wrong, his approval of me – of the man I'd grown to be – meant everything to me.
~ 0 ~
Luckily, my shift was short one dispatcher, so there was steady work to keep me occupied. I wasn't so lucky once I went home. I felt sick. Not pneumonia or bronchitis sick – nervous sick. I hated arguing with my brother, no matter the outcome. Then there were the things he'd said to consider. The stuff about Bella and how she'd always wanted me. Sure, it was obvious that we were better friends than they ever were, but what exactly did he mean by 'wanted me'. Romantically? No way. Physically, she was attracted to Jasper, my polar opposite. She couldn't have 'wanted me' that way.
Could she?
Had she said so? Or was Jasper just assuming because of the comparisons she made early on, or our close friendship? He'd said it was obvious, but to whom? Certainly not to me, and if Rosalie ever caught on, she'd never said anything about it. She would have told me.
Wouldn't she?
I stayed awake for hours thinking back. The last thing I thought about before sleep finally took me was the vow Jasper and I had made to never let a girl come between us. By giving his permission, I think he had paved the way so that wouldn't happen.
Hadn't he?
~ 0 ~
"Good afternoon!" Bella smiled and waved from the kitchen as I made my way to the bathroom. I grunted a greeting of my own and disappeared. In the shower I talked myself down.
She's still the same as she was yesterday. Nothing's changed.
But everything had changed, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that. I wanted to rush out and take her in my arms, finally professing the love I'd carried for her for a decade. It was overdue. Sensibility told me to take it slow. Even if she had felt more than friendship all those years ago, it didn't mean she still felt the same. Now was not the time to pressure her into something more than she wanted.
Even if she did want it, she had enough to deal with in regards to the baby and her health.
No. I couldn't add to her stress.
Nothing's changed. Go out there and smile. Compliment her for not plowing Alice – for being so gracious and mature about everything.
And tell her she's pretty.
I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was smiling. And blushing. God damn it!
"Wow, it smells great out here! Is it really that late in the afternoon?"
Bella removed a pan of lasagna from the oven. "I figured you'd be hungry whenever you woke up, so we'll eat dinner early. Is that okay?"
"Perfect! Thank you." I went over to take a deeper inhalation of her heaven in a pan and moaned my appreciation. "It looks great." And then I remembered my pep talk. "So do you. You slept well I take it? You were out cold when I got home."
Bella's cheeks were as flushed as mine had been moments ago when she looked up at me. "I did sleep well, I suppose. The bed… your bed… smelled like you from our nap." She tittered, shaking her head. "Pregnancy. Enhanced sense of smell." She busied herself tossing a salad. "I tried to wait up for you. I guess I didn't make it. Sorry."
"You need your sleep, Bella. Here, let me help with that." I took the bowl from her and tossed as she poured the dressing.
"How was your lunch/dinner thing with Jazz?"
I dropped the bowl.
Bella laughed. "Well, still clumsy, but lucky. It landed right-side up!"
I mopped up the little bit of splatter around the salad's landing spot so Bella wouldn't slip later on. "It was… interesting."
"I had an interesting evening as well." She sliced the lasagna into perfect squares and prepared our plates. "I had a visitor."
"Oh?" I took the plates from her to set them on the breakfast bar. She didn't know anyone in Port Angeles except Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett was working. Rosalie would have been glued to Emily and entertaining Alice while Jasper was with me... Shit! "Please tell me Alice didn't take the opportunity to come bond with you."
Bella laughed, shaking her head. "No. I have a feeling that's still to come, but no, it didn't happen last night."
Compliment her on how she handled Alice… "By the way, you went above and beyond with her. That couldn't have been easy. For what it's worth, she was nervous. I've never seen her unsure of herself around another woman. I don't think you'll have to worry about her meddling the way she did with me in the beginning."
"She meddled?" Bella seemed to be glowing. Her entire face was lit up in a smile. Her eyes were clear and bright and so very content looking. "I only met her that one time – at the party. I don't really know anything about her other than she can talk a lot."
I nodded in confirmation. "She can. She means well. It took me a long time to get used to her. She can be a bit much, but when she's devoted, there's no stopping her. She'd do anything for anyone in the family."
Bella continued smiling as she started into her salad. She didn't comment further on Alice.
"Sorry. I completely went off on a different subject! So who was your visitor? Do you mind me asking?"
"Not at all," she replied casually. "Lauren dropped by."
A/N ~ Don't hate me for the cliffie! Or for bringing back Lauren... she's not really back. Well, you'll see. To make up for it, I offer up a rec for a fun and tittalating (*snickers*) very quick piece of writing. Like your Edward in glasses? Like him cheeky? Like him just plain hot but oh-so-sweet? Like humour and witty banter and no shortage of lemons? BilliCullen has provided us with the best of the above with Game Show: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7768146/1/GAME_SHOW (or check it out through my favorites). Srsly, it's such a treat, you all should read. And so you know, it's probably not the best thing to read covertly at work. Just sayin'. LOL
Shug is my beta-reader supreme. msj is my glue, my rock, and inspiration. Oh, and pre-reader. ;) And my readers are the sweetest motivators ever! It means so much that you take the time to read, and comment, even when I completely slack off on replies. There were so many comments that made me giggle, smile and say 'Hale yeah!'. You all rock in a huge way. Thanks so much. XX ~ SR