True Love Way

Chapter 22

"I'm not exaggerating, Bella. Wait 'til you hear him." After tending to Don Everly's needs and then cleaning up the disaster zone he had turned my apartment into, I was relieved to fill Bella in on his activity. And his rather unique howl.

"I feel so bad leaving you with him. You said he made a mess. What kind of a mess? Did he poop?"

"Everything but, I'd say. I couldn't find any output. He must have held his pee all day, too. But my god, he got into every low cupboard in the kitchen. You know his jumbo bag of kibble? Well it was shredded. I couldn't even tell how much of it he ate. It was everywhere. Couldn't be salvaged either, because it was combined with anything and everything that could be torn open. Cereal, potatoes, onions. He got into the garbage, too. You know that gigantic bag of flour Emmett brought by to encourage more cookies?"

"Oh shit, no!" Bella gasped, but then chuckled at the extent of our puppy's day of exploration. "I can't even imagine what the apartment looked like when you walked in."

"I swear I swept for over an hour. And then vacuumed. I'm still waiting for the flour dust to completely settle and sweep again before I go at it with a mop."

Bella hummed her agreement. "You'll have homemade glue."

"Papier-mâché on his pee papers." I had to laugh myself now that the apartment was relatively in order. "He didn't stop in the kitchen. Two rolls of toilet paper must've entertained him for a while. And the clothes in the laundry basket must have been interesting to him as well. You don't want to know what I found by the front door."

"I think I do," Bella challenged. "You've painted such a vivid picture of how Don spent his day I'm dying to know what he brought with him to his howling spot."

A smile remained while my laughter subsided. "Um… he's rather fond of your panties. I hope you packed your best ones, because our dog is a pervert and several pairs are going to need replaced."

Laughter filled the vast airways between us. "Edward, are you sure it was all Don Everly? You didn't have a hand in any of that?" she goaded.

"Gnawing on your panties? Nah, I'd prefer to do that with you in them."

Silence hit me.

Fuck.

I'd taken it too far. Just because we'd kissed – and she'd admitted to wanting me to kiss her – that didn't mean she wanted me to eat her out. It also didn't mean we were anywhere near the stage to joke about that, let alone actually do it.

"I'm sorry, Bella. That was ignorant. I don't even know why I said that. Well I do, but I shouldn't have. Please, just forget I said that. Can you even do that? Or do you really think I'm a pervert now too?"

"Honestly, I'm just cursing the distance between us right now."

My eyes widened in interest. The visual I had of hanging myself was replaced with a much nicer one. In it, I was kneeling between her gorgeous legs. Her hands gripped my hair, encouraging me to keep at it. "Yeah?"

"I'm wondering if you're blushing. I am, by the way. But in a not so bad way. I've never heard you say anything like that before. I'd like to see it in person. I bet you have that sweet blush you always used to have. Or do you not do that anymore? I think it would be an incredibly sexy mix to see you blushing while you're talking dirty."

I ran my hand down my face, feeling the heat radiating from it. "I'm blushing now, so you know. Fuck."

Her soft laughter filled my heart. "I think we just had our own version of phone sex."

"Was it good for you?" I teased.

"The first time is always a little awkward, right? We'll get better at it."

"I'm actually hoping there won't be much opportunity for phone sex. I don't like being apart."

There was a moment of sad silence between us. "I'll be back in a few days. What are you going to do about Don tomorrow?"

I shook off the sadness, as well as the horniness from seconds earlier. "I asked Emmett if he'd be willing to come over after his shift. He's working tonight."

"Aw, Don would love that!"

I hummed in agreement. "And even when he tires Emmett out, I think he'll appreciate having a sleeping person around until I'm home. I hope it's okay with Rosalie." An alternative struck me. "If not, maybe I'll ask our neighbour. Apparently you've been busy making friends as well as cookies? I met Bree today. She tried to calm Don Everly down a little bit through the door."

"How sweet! I can't believe you just met her today. Do you know they've lived there longer than you? They're both really cute, too. Why haven't you ever tried to hook up with the single girls right at your doorstep?"

"Okay, you're confusing me. One minute you want me to talk dirty to you, the next you're wondering why I've never screwed our cute neighbours? Do you want me to? Would it be hotter if you knew I'd slept with them?"

"On second thought, Emmett would be the best puppysitter in the world. Want me to call and beg?"

I let out a throaty chuckle. "I'm taking that to mean I should keep a friendly distance between myself and the cute neighbours."

"Any gnawing you do better be on my cookies, not theirs."

My eyes wandered to the dish of Bella's white chocolate chip cookies I'd brought into the bedroom with me, though my mind was flooded with a desire for a different taste altogether. I was liking innuendo-talking Bella. A lot. Before I had a chance to come up with a clever retort, there was a banging on my front door. Don bounded off the bed and raced out of the room. I hadn't imagined it.

"Someone's at the door. Want to wait for me?"

"I'm through waiting, Edward. I've wasted enough time on that."

My stomach dropped. "Sorry. I'll ignore it. Probably someone hawking subscriptions I don't want anyway. How's it going there?" I wasn't going to let Bella slip away now that we'd finally acknowledged there was something more than friendship between us. I would never ask her to wait for me for anything.

She laughed softly, relieving the lump in the pit of my stomach. "That's my lame attempt at flirting, Edward. I would wait forever for you. You can answer your door."

"Oh. Well, I'd rather not anyway. Tell me about your day."

"Let's see… Garrett took Dad to the prison with him. He was in heaven, seeing how it runs in the big city. He personally knows any prisoner he houses in Forks. I had a girl's day with Kate. It was nice. She says hello."

"And hi back. Tanya didn't go with you?"

"She was at a friend's house. Kate wanted to spend some time with me before the whole family got involved. That was the idea behind occupying Dad as well. I see why now." She lowered her voice. "They've got their hands full with Tanya. She's full-on thirteen-year-old girl. Any horrible thing you've ever heard about thirteen-year-olds, she's experiencing it."

I frowned in confusion. "She's thirteen? Really? I still picture her with pigtails and icing sugar on her cheek."

Bella snorted. "Uh… no. She's a totally hormonal teenager. Full of angst and internal strife between being a little girl with a woman's body. You should see her boobs! Oh my god! She puts me to shame, and my pumpkins are nothing to sneeze at these days."

I chuckled at her flirtatious joke. "Tell me. It really puts things in perspective, knowing that Tanya's all grown up. Reminds me of how long we were out of touch. I can't imagine you not in my life now."

"I know," Bella agreed quietly. "I miss you so much."

Don let out some small yips as the persistent person outside knocked again. "You may get to hear the howl," I informed Bella. I wondered how long he yapped and whimpered for before it turned to baying. "Though the neighbours probably aren't so anxious for that."

"Answer the door, silly! I don't want to come back to an eviction notice. Just take me with you."

I was smiling as I cradled the phone through the apartment. "I miss you too, by the way. I mean, I'm glad you're getting in some time with Kate – you really need it. But I'm greedy. And needy. I want you here."

"You're sweet. Who's at the door?"

"It's…" I clicked the lock to open the door. "Rosalie! And Nathan. Hey! What are you doing here?"

"Hi!" Bella shouted a greeting through the phone. "I miss you guys too! There's milk in the freezer and cookies on the counter. Unless Don ate them all."

I relieved Rosalie of the bags she had looped over her shoulder as she plucked the phone from me. "Bella! How did you make out on the flight? You're good? We were thinking of you the whole night. Emmett and I were on the phone half the night. He was working and I couldn't sleep." She charged into the apartment as if she was at home, shifting Nathan in her arm so she could cradle the phone and put the kettle on to boil water.

I followed her into the kitchen and reached out to take Nathan from her. She smiled, passing him over happily while she listened to Bella.

"I'm so glad it was a good flight with it being your first one. You slept through it all? That's awesome, baby. Good for you. You're an inspiration." Rosalie got to work lining up bottles of milk for Nathan in my fridge. "We're here to keep both of your guys sane while you're away." She spoke into the phone, but smiled at me as I swayed with Nathan in my arms. "I hear your baby was a little lonely. My man is coming here after work so Edward can go tomorrow without worrying. Nathan and I are going to stop him from binge eating cookies tonight… are those macadamia?"

"White chocolate macadamia." Her eye was already on the cookie container, so I lifted the lid for her to help herself. "Who's stopping you from binging?"

"My plan, big brother, is to eat half of them myself in order to save you from eating them all."

"So considerate of you," I commended her jokingly. I could hear Bella's laugh through the phone.

"I'm that kind of person," she quipped before turning her attention back to the phone. "I should let you get back to Edward. I just sort of stormed in and took over everything. He looks pretty cute, by the way. He's in his bathrobe. Hair's a mess. What's that white stuff? Have you got glue in your hair?"

"Flour." I heard Bella say it at the same time I did. "I'll explain later." We traded phone for baby and I turned away to say goodnight to my girl privately.

"Seems like you're in good hands there," Bella commented. "I'm glad they came over. You're all right with it?"

"Yeah… I'm a little confused as to why they're here tonight, but… yeah. It'll be weird with a baby here. Overnight. I don't know where he's going to sleep."

"He could sleep with his cousin," she suggested. "Don's got plenty of room."

I frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea. It's a dog bed, Bella. And we don't really know if Don's going to continue to be gentle with him."

"I was joking, Edward."

"Oh." I could envision Bella shaking her head at me, with that beautiful smile curling her lips up. "The memorial is tomorrow, right?"

"Mm-hmm. In the morning." Bella sighed, and I wished I hadn't reminded her of it. She'd been in such bright spirits.

"Call me if you get the chance?"

"I will –"

"Bella, you can call me any time at all, you know. If you're having a difficult time with any of it, call me."

"I'm not going to bother you at work."

"I switched with Ben. I'm taking his second shift so he can go to Angie's for dinner. Regardless, if you ever need me at work, text. I'll call you back as soon as I'm not on a call. All right? Rose is here too, don't forget that."

"I've got the biggest smile right now," Bella told me. "You make me feel so safe. So happy."

For the first time in my life, the three elusive words were on the tip of my tongue. I couldn't allow myself to blurt out an 'I love you' over the phone. I would want to see her reaction to that when the time came that it did come out. I knew it was inevitable, but I wanted it to be at a special moment. "Keep smiling, beautiful girl. And sleep well. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Can you make sure all my underwear is tucked away? I don't really want Emmett discovering them when he's playing with Don in the morning."

I chuckled as I imaged that scenario. "Sure thing, honey. They'll be just as safe with me as you are."

~ 0 ~

With Rosalie and Nathan settled into my spare room, I was actually able to get some quality sleep in. I felt completely rested when I heard my sister up in the early hours of the morning.

"Sorry!" she whispered as I poked my head out of the bedroom. "I just got Nathan back to sleep after his feeding. I tried not to wake you." She had her hair swept up into a messy knot, and had a baby blanket thrown over her robed shoulder. She looked like a goddess in terrycloth.

Smiling, I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. "You look so content, Rose. I love that. It makes me happy to see you like this."

"Same," she muttered with a chuckle. "You used to be so grumpy when I'd wake you up."

"This is hardly the same as you coming in and jumping on me."

"I could still do that." She pulled back from our hug with a smirk on her face. "This is a really bad habit I've gotten into, but after I get Nathan back to sleep, I usually make myself a coffee and call Emmett. You feel like joining me, or are you heading back to bed?"

I shrugged, feeling rested enough. "I could have coffee. I'm not participating in phone sex with Em, though. I'll leave that up to you."

She swatted me as I passed by her heading for the kitchen. "Bella sounds really good. We were seriously worried about her. She's such a brave thing – I was worried she was taking on too much, going by air with everything else on her mind. I guess she's more like you than we thought. She just copes."

I nodded, starting up the coffee maker. "Is that why you're here tonight? Worried that I won't cope with her being gone?"

Rose rolled her eyes dramatically. "'Cause you never worry, right? Is it okay that we're here? As soon as Emmett told me about your day with Don Everly, I started packing. I didn't even think about it until I was at your door and you weren't answering. I'm standing there thinking I've become Mom. It didn't help that Nathan was giving me this expectant look, like, 'Well, what are we doing here? Are we going in or what?'" She chuckled as she shook her head. "You'd tell me if I'm intruding, right? I don't want to be pushy. And I don't want you thinking I'm babying you like Mom did."

"You're not intruding, Rose," I assured her with a gentle smile. "I thought asking you to bring Nathan over would be too much to ask. That's the only reason I asked Emmett to come over after work. You've got your own little one to baby. You don't need to look after me anymore."

Rose rested her head on my shoulder as we sat at the breakfast bar, waiting for the coffee to brew. "I know. I knew you'd never ask. I'm just glad it's okay that I did this because sometimes we all need some help."

"What?" I snickered. "Are you kidding me? You've been helping me – looking after me – half my life."

She straightened herself up. "Is that what you think? That's how you see it? Seriously?" The buzzer went off on the machine, and Rose got up to click it off. "Edward, you're my brother. I didn't do anything for you that I wouldn't do for Jazz. We all looked out for each other. If I hung out with you a little more than you wanted, it was because I didn't want to be the odd 'man' out, so to speak. I knew you and Jasper would be closer, because you're brothers. I wanted to have that same experience. I never wanted you to think of me as the weak little girl. I could roll with the boys, y'know?"

My brow was practically hidden under my hair, I was so shocked. "You? Weak? Hardly! Come on, Rose. Admit it – you kind of felt obligated to make me feel like I was part of your group –"

"I've never felt obligated to do anything in my life, Edward," she informed me insistently.

"Rose… look, it's ridiculous to get into this now. We're adults. I've grown past the feelings of inadequacy I had when I was younger. It doesn't change the fact that you and Jazz saw it in me then, too. I know you pitied me. I could see it in your eyes, those silent twin exchanges you used to do when I was being pathetic."

Sliding a steaming mug over the counter at me, she leaned on her elbows in front of me. "Okay, let's get this straight once and for all. Those looks you saw weren't us seeing you as pathetic. You're not pathetic, Edward," she hissed. "We grew up not fully understanding why Mom coddled you as she did. It was like she needed to pay extra attention to you because she felt the need to do everything perfectly with you. She didn't quit nursing – she just left work and you became her sole patient. By high school, her fussing was way too much. You're a shy, deep thinking, deep feeling person. Jasper and I thought she was creating problems for you that didn't have to exist. But how could we tell her that and not make her feel bad? She just loved you. She desperately loved you. I fully understand her now, you know. I get it. I feel it every day… like I need to be the best mom in the world, not only for Nathan, but for his genetic parents, and Bella."

"You are!" I insisted. "You're a great mother, Rosalie. Nathan's lucky to have you and Emmett."

"Nathan's lucky to have so many people who love him," she countered. "You of all people should understand that. Mom and Dad loved you before you were even their child. Marcus and Gianna loved Nathan before he was even created. And then Bella loved him so much she was willing to put her own life at risk to have him." My sister's eyes filled with tears, and she wiped them away hastily. "Sometimes I worry that my love for him will never match Bella's."

"Are you kidding me?" I stood and went around joining Rosalie on the other side of the bar. I held her face as I spoke softly, but firmly. "Rosalie, you loved him before you even knew it. You fought for him, along with Bella. Don't ever sell yourself short on that. If it were up to me and Charlie, we would have taken the selfish route and put Bella ahead of the baby. Your heart never went there. That little boy in there owns you, I can see it in your eyes when you hold him, when you think of him. He's your whole world. Don't ever doubt that your love isn't strong enough. I do know how he feels, Rosalie. I've been fortunate to have your love my entire life and let me tell you, nothing can match it."

"Edward…" Rosalie fell against my chest, hugging the life out of me. "You always do that!" she exclaimed.

"Do what?"

"Make me feel like I'm something special –"

"You are."

"That's got to be the same for Bella. It's why she fell for you. You have a way of making everyone you love feel like they're the most spectacular human being in the world. God, you are so special, Edward, and you don't even know it."

I heard a low whimper coming from the spare room. It wasn't the puppy kind of whimper. "We've woke Nathan," I said softly. "Look, why don't you go splash some water on your face, and I'll see if I can get him back to sleep. Okay?"

Rose looked mystified as to how I would do that, and dubious, but curious enough to encourage me to go try. In all honesty, I figured I'd fare better with the baby crying. I probably wouldn't say anything to upset him. Dealing with my sister's emotions was another story.

"Hey, little guy," I called out softly as I approached the bed. Rosalie had set him in the middle, far from any edges, and had pillows lining the floor on either side of him. Carefully, I sat on the edge and stroked his head. "Did we wake you? Did you have a bad dream?"

What would babies dream about? Did they dream at all?

He wasn't being soothed by my head-rubbing. "Want to come see me? Huh?" I'd never picked up a baby before. Nathan was the first one I'd held, and he'd always been handed to me. Since he was on his back, I slid one hand under his head, and the other under his bum to lift him with care. His hands stayed fisted, but his legs kicked wildly until I drew him in against my chest. I began pacing slowly with him in my arms, from one end of the room to the other and back.

"Were you scared when you woke up in a strange place? I hope you get used to it here. You used to live here, you know. Before you were born. I like you being here, so I really hope you like it too. I'm really not crazy about the idea of your poopy diapers being around, but I do like the way you smell right now. Mommy makes you smell so good. I wish Don Everly smelled this good. We were out in the rain last night, and he kind of stunk when we came home. Can you smell him? I think I'm used to it now. I don't notice. I wonder if my apartment smells like baby poop and puppy sweat. We need to get Bella home. She can bake and that will take away all the stinkiest of stinks."

I paused my monologue to fully admire Nathan. He had calmed down while I was talking to him. He was nestled tightly against me, gazing up at me while his hands seemed to have their own agenda – though he didn't seem to know what it was any more than I did. They punched out and then withdrew. His fingers curled and uncurled. At one point, he reached up and touched my cheek. I returned the gesture, stroking his soft cheek with my thumb.

"You're much softer than I am. You're like Bella. And your mom. I'm prickly." His hand pulled away and began going wild again. "Are you trying to get it in your mouth? Is that it?"

He opened his mouth, letting out a wide yawn. His sweet breath washed over me, and I couldn't resist lowering my head to kiss his forehead. When I pulled back, he blinked at me with heavy lids. He was well on his way to falling back to sleep, if only his hands would stop moving. I shifted him slightly so that they were trapped between him and my chest as I began pacing again. Within a few trips back and forth, he was out like a light. I made several more trips, not ready to put him down yet. Holding him this way, watching him sleep so peacefully felt incredible. I ran my lips across his downy hair before I finally set him back down on the bed.

"Goodnight, little one. If you need me, I'll be right out there." I didn't whisper for his sake – he was deeply asleep. It was more for my own benefit. I was still coming to terms with my feelings for this little miracle baby, and I didn't want my sister getting fuel to tease me.

Rosalie had brought our mugs over to the living room and motioned for me to join her on the couch when I crept out of the spare room.

"He's asleep." I continued whispering.

"You don't need to whisper," Rose stage-whispered before breaking into her normal voice. "He's actually a good sleeper. Voices don't disturb him. You figured out what to do." She smiled at me with pride.

Taking a seat, I exhaled with vigour. "It's kind of invigorating, being able to calm a little tiny person that way. It's like he totally trusts me to do what's right for him. How does he know that I'd never hurt him?"

My sister's eyes were watery even though she smiled at me. "Babies have this wonderful faith in humankind. Plus, you'd never hurt anybody, Edward. You are calming. It's why you're so good at your job. It's your voice… and the way you just say whatever comes to mind. It's soothing because there's nothing fake about it. You're good with him. Really good." Rosalie twisted a stray lock of hair that had come loose from the pile on her head. "Surprisingly good. You have a knack for this. Maybe you'll change your mind about children?"

I huffed out my disagreement as I reached for my coffee. "Beginner's luck."

"Maybe it's all about him. It's Nathan you're good with. I think you two bonded before he was born."

I smirked at her. "Well he did like to kick my ribs while I tried to sleep. It's so weird, Rosalie – seeing him this way. I mean, before he was born, he just seemed like part of Bella. Now he's an actual person. A whole different person. But he's still the same. Know what I mean? I think he may have been punching me, not kicking. His arms move around so much. Are all babies so intense? He stares at me like he's trying to communicate. It's kind of intimidating. But then, he seems satisfied no matter what I do, so in a way it's really gratifying – just holding him. Do you feel that way every day? Every time you hold him?"

I couldn't read my sister's expression as she stared at me in silence. It was a bit of a sad look, but something else… pride? When her tears started anew, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. All I knew was that I'd said too much. I should have shut the hell up at some point that I couldn't even identify. I had no clue what I'd said that was wrong, but I'd messed up and now I'd have to do damage control.

Nothing came.

We sat on either end of the couch, facing each other and staring in silence. Slow tears fell from Rosalie's eyes and she delicately wiped them away.

"I want to ask you something – please don't be angry with me."

I nodded, afraid to say anything.

"Are you absolutely sure that this is working for you – me and Emmett raising Bella's baby?"

I frowned, seeing my error from moments earlier. "Shit, Rose. I was just on a rush. Random thoughts spewing out. I never knew Marcus and Gianna, so it was difficult for me to see Bella – pregnant – and not think of the baby as hers. That's all I meant. As soon as he was born, he became Nathan. Not Bella's baby. He's my nephew," I said empathically with an easy grin. "And he's pretty awesome."

"Don't get mad, but are you sure –" She cut herself off and took a deep breath. "Is she coming back – to you – for sure?"

Despite my promise not to get upset, I could feel the same anger I'd felt when Jasper questioned Bella's motives. "She's coming back, Rose," I muttered angrily. "Where is this coming from? I thought you and Bella were best friends again. You said you talk, so you should know where her head is at. What are you afraid of, exactly? That she'll want Nathan back? Or that she'll walk out of our lives again?"

"Edward, please try to understand. I had my head up my ass the first time around. How could I not see how you really felt about her all that time? And I didn't see the rest of it coming at all. I never thought Jasper would hurt her that way. He broke her heart, and she broke ours. I'm really trying to be super aware this time. I'm trying to catch all the things that I missed before."

"So you can protect us," I stated.

With a sniffle, she nodded. "At the same time, I don't want to have any doubts. I love Bella, and I want her in our lives. It's like we've been given a second chance to fix everything, make it all right, because it really got messed up the first time. I just hope that Bella's looking at it that way as well."

"She chose you and Emmett as parents," I pointed out. "You don't see that as a sign that she wants the same thing? Bella doesn't want children, Rose. She's never wanted to be a mother. After all she went through, fighting to keep the baby healthy and have a good life despite losing his parents – don't you think if she'd changed her mind about parenthood, she would have kept him from the start?"

Her eyes flashed away from me. I could read my sister's body language very well. Rosalie was probably the most confident person I'd ever known. She thrived on eye contact. Throughout our lives, any time she broke eye contact that way, it was because she had something to say that she was holding back.

"What? Just tell me for fuck's sake," I demanded. "I'm not gonna break or freak out. Just tell me what's on your mind."

Hesitantly, she looked over at me once more. "I think it was for you."

"What was for me?"

"All of it. I don't know how to put this without sounding like I'm a paranoid freak or that I doubt Bella."

My sister had me on edge. I had been in awe of the way she had simply accepted Bella back into our lives, just as I had. Rosalie had every reason to feel animosity towards her ditching us as she had. Had I been wrong? Was Rose still concerned that Bella was capable of doing the same thing again? When the possibility that she was on the same path Jasper had taken in thinking Bella was using me nudged its way into my brain, I shut down my paranoia and used my voice. My work voice best suited this situation.

"How about this – stop worrying about how it sounds, and just talk to me. Can you do that? What are you thinking, Rose? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid for Bella," she admitted softly. "She's been through so much – devastating events in such a short period of time. I'd like to think that I know her – that we know her – but I can't help but think she's holding back. She's strong, but she has to be holding back, Edward."

I wanted to protest and assure her that if Bella was struggling with anything, she would tell me. Truthfully, I'd had the same worries myself. What if she was only seeing the old me – the weak boy driven to panic attacks with the slightest provocation? I still had the nagging feeling that was why she was in Phoenix with Charlie instead of me. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to internalize her pain for me.

"I'll talk to her," I stated softly. "Let her know I can handle whatever comes at me."

"Good," Rosalie replied with a firm nod. "The one thing I'm certain hasn't changed with Bella is that she puts everyone else ahead of her own desires. Kind of like someone else I know." She smirked as she nudged me. "That's probably why you're so well-suited for one another. But it could be dangerous, too."

"You think she's going to stay in Phoenix? Stay away for my own good?" The old me would have believed that from the start, but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind until this moment. "It wouldn't be for the good of anyone. I'd fight it this time."

The emotions in my sister's eyes were very identifiable for me – pride, fierce determination, and heart-wrenching fear. Knowing these emotions so well myself, it pained me to watch my sister struggling with them as I had my whole life. I slid over and draped my arm around her shoulder. "Talk to me, Rose," I whispered against her hair as she snuggled into me. "What are you so afraid of?"

"I love you, Edward."

"I know that," I whispered soothingly. This wasn't a fuzzy sibling moment. She thought she was about to devastate me.

"I want you to know that Emmett and I didn't ask you to be Nathan's godparents for any reason other than your love for him."

I hummed my acknowledgement and waited for her to continue at her own pace.

"You'll always be my adoring big brother, and I will always love you… even if you decide to take Nathan back."

"What?" My voice rose three octaves and I pulled away to examine her face. "What the hell are you talking about? I would never take Nathan from you!"

"Not even for Bella?" Her question was calmly asked while fresh tears glistened in her eyes. "I don't ever want you to have to choose between me and Bella, so I'm telling you right now – I'll accept the loss. Just please, don't cut us out entirely –"

"Rosalie, stop." I ran my hands down my face to give myself a moment before responding. This was coming out of nowhere, and I didn't want to blow it by reacting rashly.

She barely gave me a moment before pressing the issue. "No. I know you. You gave up Bella once for Jasper. I don't want you in a position to even think that you're hurting me –" She held up her hand to prevent me from cutting her off again. "Think of yourself first, just this once."

If I'd ever thought the depth of my love for my sister could never be topped, I was proven wrong. This baby meant the world to her. She'd been happy with her life and adored being married to Emmett, but the past month with Nathan had shown a whole new Rosalie. She was meant to be this little guy's mom, and she knew it. Still, she would give that up – for me.

"Listen to me – really listen." I held her chin to force her to look at me. "Bella chose you as Nathan's mom because she knew you and Emmett would be the best parents to him. It's not that she didn't love him… she wanted to do the best thing for him."

"But what's best for you, Edward?"

"Me? I have nothing to do with this. It was Bella's decision."

Rosalie stared into my eyes. I wished I didn't have my glasses on so I wouldn't be able to see how intense her gaze was. "What if Bella made that decision because of you?"

Instead of allowing the guilt of that possibility to plague me, I focused on the beginning words, as Aro had taught me to do long ago. "We can't live on 'what if's', Rose. Only on what is. Bella did not want the baby."

Clenching her jaw, she inhaled deeply through her nose. "I'm not saying that she did. What I am saying is that I can't help but think she was looking out for you, as well as Nathan. She didn't expect you to get so involved with him. None of us did. But you fell in love with him even before he was here."

Frowning, I began to protest – wanted to protest – but found I couldn't. Was it true? I didn't even know how I felt about him myself; how could Rose and Bella know?

"At first I thought she didn't want you to get too attached to him, but then when I saw her reaction when Emmett and I asked you to be godparents, I began to think the opposite. She encouraged you to do it –"

"She wants me to be close to my nephew, sure." I couldn't sit here and listen to speculation – even from someone I trusted as much as my sister. "Rose, you're reading into this too much. I agree that we should keep an eye on Bella. She could crack. She should crack. But I honestly don't think she had any ulterior motives with Nathan."

"Honey, Bella told me she was worried about you before he was born. Did you carry around Emily's ultrasound picture? Did you even see Emily's picture?"

My eyes were blinking rapidly, my breathing sparse. "She told you… what… exactly? What?"

Rosalie's eyes softened into the familiar look she'd used on me most of my life. Nurturing. Caring. Doing everything she could to not upset me. "We were talking one day, after she asked me and Em to be Nathan's adoptive parents. She told me that you were probably the only person in the world who could make her want to have a child of her own. She expressed concern that you weren't seeing Nathan as Marcus and Gianna's baby, or even mine and Emmett's. Despite your protests that you don't want children either, you were into the whole experience. She felt like she was taking something away from you." Her voice quivered, and I couldn't take any more.

"Nathan is yours. Period. I couldn't… I mean, I would, if I had to –"

"If Bella had decided to keep him, would you have stuck by her?"

My sister's question was too blunt to brush off. I gulped, looking downwards. "Truthfully? Yeah. It would have terrified me, but… yes. I would have."

"Thanks for being honest. I already knew that, by the way." Rosalie smiled at me through her fresh tears. "She was giving him back to you, in a way, when she encouraged you to be his godfather. That's what I saw."

"What else do you see?" I asked softly. Her words had stunned me, but they were making sense. I wanted it all out in the open.

"I see that she loves you. Probably as much as you love her," she added gently. "And I see regret. Whether it's over giving up Nathan or taking something away from you, I don't know. But I feel it. It scares me, Edward. I'm scared for all of us."

My throat rumbled as I pulled her into a tight embrace. "Don't be scared, Rosie. I know Bella, and I know – I am one hundred percent certain – that she wants Nathan to be your son. I can see where you're coming from in regards to me. I guess I did get myself too involved. And I do care for him more than I ever thought possible." I pulled back slightly to rest my forehead on hers. "He's my baby sister's little boy. How could I not love him?"

"He came from Bella," she countered. "You couldn't not love him."

~ 0 ~

I took Don Everly for a long walk before I went to work. The early morning talk with my sister had given me loads to think about. I was determined not to let it all bog me down with a migraine. I thought some fresh air and a bit of exercise would help. Truthfully, the only thing that would actually help was speaking to Bella. Don and I had been out long enough that the memorial should have ended, and I figured Bella wouldn't bother me with a call before work, so I called her.

"Just wanted to see how you're doing today. It's a rough morning for you. Don's concerned as well."

"Sweet," Bella murmured. "The service was really nice. So many people came out for it. I thought about what you said about having a picture of your birth mom – I took a service card for Nathan. They chose a beautiful picture of the two of them. Marcus looks almost boyish, he's so in love. And Gianna was always radiant. I don't know if Rose and Em will want him to have it, but it's here for him, just in case."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, wondering what Elizabeth's memorial service had been like. I doubted there were many people there. "That's very thoughtful, Bella. I'm sure it will be cherished. Charlie went with you, right?"

"Oh, of course. Yeah. He's barely left my side. Oh, and I ran into an old friend of yours, believe it or not."

Don got the scent of a squirrel and started after it, towing me along on the leash. "A friend of mine? In Phoenix?"

"Yeah, a Dr Tenneman. Know him?" There was a playful lilt in her voice that made me smile.

"Aro."

Bella chuckled softly. "He sends his best wishes to you."

"What on earth was he doing there in the first place?" I gave the leash a small tug of my own to keep our puppy from venturing too close to the ankle-deep mud pool ahead of us.

"Apparently he and Marcus go way back. They met during college. Can you imagine Aro backpacking through Italy?"

Picturing the kind but frail man I knew from a decade earlier, backpacking was the last thing I could imagine him doing. "Not in the least."

Bella hummed into the phone. "Marcus didn't seem the type either. Yet, that's how they met. They ended up travelling together for the last month of their break from school. They'd kept in touch ever since. He was at their wedding. He was one of the only people who knew about the baby."

"Sounds like you had quite a good chat," I remarked. "I'm really sorry I'm not there with you now."

"I'm joining him for dinner later on. He's familiar with a previous draft of their will. He's going to fill me in on it so I don't have any shocks."

"Nice of him. You meet with the lawyer tomorrow?" The sound of a groan from Bella made my hopes drop. "Setback?"

"Oh, Edward! I wanted this to be over with quickly so I could get back to you and Don Everly. He had to go out of town for a family emergency. It's been postponed."

I buried my disappointment in an attempt to be mature. "On the bright side, this gives you more time with Kate."

"It does." There was silence for a moment. "Edward, how is Rosalie doing with the milk I stored? Is she running out?"

"Hasn't said anything." It was curious how much thought she gave to Nathan's nurturing when there was so much else going on. "You don't have to worry about that, you know –"

"I do, though! Tell Rose if she's running too low, I can Fed-Ex some to her. Being away from him hasn't slowed production at all."

A vision of Bella's swollen breasts in her blue nightie popped into my mind. It reminded me that I'd wanted to replace the panties Don had ruined. Thinking of her panties made me imagine her long legs wrapped around me, but before I could even muster a hint of embarrassment over a public erection, Don was suddenly dragging me through the mud I'd so carefully tried to avoid.

Despite the fact that Bella had sounded just as disappointed in the delay as I was, we ended our chat with her snickering at my muddy dilemma. I would traipse through mud every day for the rest of my life just to hear her laugh and truly be carefree. Rosalie's concern of Bella burying her inner turmoil had struck a chord with me, and I dreaded her being right about this.

A/N ~ Happy Memorial Day, American friends! May I celebrate with you? :)

Thanks to Shug for beta-reading and getting this chapter back to me on time, and msj for finding time for pre-reading and dream weaving. And all of you for reading and sharing your puppy love and stories with me. You're the best.

Now, next update may or may not be on time. I'll be on vacation (Hallelujah! can I get an amen?) but I will honestly try to get the new chapter up for you all. We just want Bella to get home, right? I don't want to keep her from Edward much longer either. I will do my best. For you. 'Cause you're the best. XX ~ SR