I woke up early that morning. I opened my closet, and pushed everything back to get the special bag I used only for days like this. I pulled it out, then got dressed. I had my beanie, my coat, and my flats on with a t-shirt and jeans. I went to the bathroom and brushed my hair and teeth, and I even put on a little bit of make up. I didn't like wearing it often, but today was special. I went back into my room, and stuck my notebook, some money, a few pencils, and the little case sitting on top of my dresser in it. I glanced at the clock- 5:30, and grabbed my ukulele. I went downstairs and made myself some toast. I ate, wrote mom a note, and set out by 6:00, when the world had a soft grey glow.

I walked down the street, and turned down, and walked into the nearby town. There was a flower store a few blocks away that was open 24/7. I walked in, greeted the clerk, and got the usual order of Poppies. He handed them over, and I paid for them. I went to the coffee shop next door, bought the usual coffee with two creams and three sugars, and a slice of fresh made banana nut bread.

"Hey Nep! You doing the usual today?" John asked, nodding to my flowers.

"Yeah, today felt like a good day." I said, smiling. I took my precious coffee and bread, tipped john, and walked out.

I went back the direction I came, towards a lesser traveled part of town. The one place most people would hate to go to, or some people go to for a thrill. It was a place full of negative energy, and sadness, but I still went every so often. It was a form of therapy, a way I can vent my problems out without feeling judged. I opened the gates, and walked in. It was misty, though that was to be expected. Wasn't it always like that? I walked down the worn path, stepping over bits of grass, and followed my way to the spot I now knew by heart. I sat down in front of it, sighing a bit, setting down my cup and putting my bag beside me.

"Hey dad... I'm back. I brought you poppies again. Tavros at the flower shop in town. It used to be run by his older brother, Ruphio. I think you remember him?Mom said that's where you guys always got flowers.. for your wedding, your going away party... your funeral.." I said, looking down at my hands. I sighed, and smiled a bit. "But yeah, he was pretty nice.. it's where I've been getting your flowers for the past few years when I've been visiting.

"So here's how this goes.. I recap everything from the beginning of how this started.. in case you didn't get to hear.. then, I tell you what's new, and maybe vent to you, and then we sit in silence. So... here goes. When I was in kindergarten, I had severe anxiety. I never really got over it, and in about third grade, I got depressed, which also never really went away. In the Sixth grade, I went to a therapist, and they told me I should find something to talk to, that wouldn't talk back, so I dont feel judged. So, I told her about you, and she said it was perfect. That's when I started coming to you. Once every few months or so at first, then in the middle of seventh grade, closer to each week. I just... find you very easy to talk to.

"This year, me and my friends are in eight grade. My best friend, now boyfriend, Karkat Vantas, and my best friend, Equius are all together and we are close friends. I have been going to guitar nights, and I have been asked to be a permanent act. I made a new friend, Dave, and he's cool. He taught me a lot about music. Mom said you were really into music when you were alive, and the other night, she said she saw a lot of you in him. I thought about it, and then, when I looked at him again, I though about pictures of you. I actually have a few pictures of you , and of Dave, and... I know this is weird, but... sometimes, when he's teaching me about music, I close my eyes, and pretend it's you. I told mom, and she laughed, and she smiled. I.. I think she did the same to be honest.

"You are also a lot like Karkat in some ways... He's so wonderful, and sweet, and kind... he's protective of the ones he loves.." I smiled, and pulled out pictures of all my friends, and put them at the base of his gravestone. I took the little case out of my bag, and opened it. I looked at it, and smiled a bit. It had a few pictures of him holding me before he went off to war. I also had his ID, his medal of honour, and just some small things that belonged to him. I sniffed a bit, and looked back at the front of the stone. "Mom said that, before you left on your last mission, you had a goal to get back, and stay a while and help raise me. Then, she got the call that you had died, saving half your platoon, and you died a hero... My mom said she was just glad that you died a hero... that your life meant something. She was always thankful for that, and it's what kept her going. She said that at night, when she couldn't sleep, she felt your host, holding her in your arms, and helping her fall asleep... I want a relationship like you two had. When I see pictures of you two, I see happiness...love, every time I see you. You two were together for six years before you married, then were married for two, then I came along, and he knew me until I was six months... and then... yeah. But you two... when mom tells me what you two were like, I just can't stop thinking of how much I love Karkat, and how much I want a love like you two have...had." I wiped my eyes, and laughed slightly. "I don't know why I'm crying... I never knew you but... I guess... doing this.. makes me feel closer to you."

So this chapter is a two parter. I realise i wrote nepeta's dad being dead her whole life, but i still wanted her to have this connection. If it isn't clear, yes, i did mean for her to be in the 8th grade. I know this chapter is kinda sad, but that's good, as it will be setting the mood for the rest of the story, because this is was meant to be a sad story. I always think, to be honest, the saddest stories aren't sad the whole time, because learning from experience, just because you ARE sad, doesn't mean you cant have your happy days, your happy moments. That's how i feel, and i hope that, to this point, i have refelcted that in this story.

I'm still sick, and today, i thought i was better, but then i got very dizzy and nearly passed out, so i've been in bed all day. It's very bad dizziness, and i cant even turn over too quickly without getting dizzy again. I will try to write today, but i dont know if i can. I will try, because i love you all and i feel bad when i don't update, so i do try to get some done each day, but it just doesnt always work out sometimes.

Again, band camp starts next monday, and i cannot miss it, so i will be changing updates to once a week, but it shouldn't be too long until the story is done. I have ten more chapters left of the story i want to tell, then it's over, so i will have four more daily updates, then six weekly updates. I am starting school August 7th, and i am starting my freshman year, so i will be pretty busy.

I also need the winners of the cover art contest to contact me and tell me what ship and all they want for the fic they get for winning.

I think that's all, but just typing out this author's note, i have become very tired, so i need to rest. if i forgot anything, i'll let you know tomorrow, hopefully. Until next time!