Say Something

Arizona's POV

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Six and a half months. I have waited for six and a half months for Callie to make a step towards me, to talk to me. I saw her, every day. At work, at home, some days even at Joe's. And I could see that she was happy, I had never wanted anything else for her. I wanted her to be happy, but I wanted her to be happy with me. I wanted us to be happy together. Happy and free, as she put it. But while I felt free and happy at work, I didn't feel the same at home. I didn't feel stuck either, I just wasn't happy because we were still apart and I was still longing. And longing and happiness didn't go hand in hand, they chose different directions. But still, I have waited, hoping that she would see that I was still there, that I was still willing to make it work.

Nothing. No reaction from her and I was done waiting. I didn't want to wait any longer. So I paced up and down the hall and when she slipped out of our daughter's bedroom after saying goodnight, I cornered her. "We need to talk." I didn't wait for her to say something, because that would have been useless. She would just stare at me, she's good at staring. And I couldn't stand her staring at me, because her beautiful brown eyes would have sucked me in and I wouldn't get that chance to get out what I needed to say.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

"I need to know a few things, Calliope", I started, calling her by her real name because I have missed calling her that so much. Walking into my bedroom and tagging her along, she didn't give much of a fight, which honestly surprised me, I sat down and waited for her to do the same. After a minute of not doing anything, she finally sighed and sat down next to me, but on the other end of the bed. I swallowed hard, the knot in my throat was getting bigger and bigger. This night could either mend us, or break us for good. "I can't do this anymore. I can't wait any more, Calliope. It's been over six months and I feel like I have nothing left in me to watch you be happy without me." Tears pooled in my eyes but I wiped them away with the back of my hand before they had a chance to roll down my cheeks. "I miss you. I miss you so much that I don't know how I managed to cope the past months", I said, not looking at her. It was only partly true. My love for Sofia had kept me going. I lived for her. "You said you wanted me to feel free. And I do", I laughed, "I really do. At work." After Dr. Herman and I disagreed on too many things, I ended the fellowship and went back to being the super awesome pediatric surgeon I was. And maybe I should have seen it sooner, but really, this was all I ever needed in my career, to save the tiny humans. "But the freedom you gave me, I don't want that."

I looked at her for the first time, studying her miraculous face and noticing the dark circles under her eyes. It didn't make her any less beautiful in my eyes, though. "I don't feel free when I am not with you. You make me feel so many different things, Calliope. So many beautiful things, that I don't know what to do when you're not with me. I thrive at work and you're the one I want to tell about it right away. Sofia does something amazing and I want to call you or send you a picture. You look at me and I want to be allowed to say that I am yours." I felt more tears welling up, more than I could hold in and each tears I wiped away was instantly replaced with a new one.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

"I am not saying that I am perfect. I never was perfect, but I always felt damn close to being perfect when we were together. Because you didn't care if I was angry, if I woke up with wild bed hair, or if I was sad and had puffy eyes." I let the tears fall. "You didn't even care that I was one limb short, you loved me for me. And at first, this was new to me. Because everybody loved the shiny, bubbly peds surgeon and after the crash, I felt like that wasn't me anymore, but you also loved me when I was so down. And I know now that I had to learn what love really is about and then I knew. Because you were there and you loved me, unconditionally. And then you took it all away from me and I fell. I fell hard." The tears were now running freely down my cheeks and I had to take more and more deep breaths to keep talking. I closed my eyes for a moment, composing myself – or at least I tried to. I was scared my words wouldn't change a thing, I was afraid that after six and a half months, Callie would still choose to walk away from me. Turning around on the bed to face her, I demanded, "Look at me, Calliope!"

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Our eyes met, but I couldn't read her anymore. She had built the walls high around her heart and I couldn't see what she was feeling. Her eyes were sad, yes. But I didn't know why. When she broke us, her eyes had been sad too. She had cried while telling me that she needed a break and she had cried even more when she had walked away from me. I will never forget that look in her eyes. The tears she had shed when I told her that I loved her so much, that she was my anchor, that I needed her. I had thought that it were tears of joy. But I had been so wrong. "Calliope", I started again and stopped. I didn't know what to say anymore. She was still my anchor, for everything, but during the past six and a half months, I had learned to be on my own again. Was that what she had meant when she had told me she wanted me to feel free?

And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.

Staring ahead, I blinked a couple of times. Suddenly, I was so confused. The world around me started to spin, metaphorically, and I didn't know what was right anymore. "I love you", I said, "I love everything about you. I always did and I will always do. But I can't keep doing this any longer. If you're not willing to talk to me, then so be it." Taking another deep breath, I looked at her again. "I promised myself to wait for you, Calliope. I swore to myself that I would wait for you forever." But all she had given me in the past months were two nights of rough sex and two evenings where we had talked about Sofia. Sofia. "But I don't believe you want me anymore. I feel like you don't want to give us another chance", I choked on my own words, realizing that I was giving up. "So I will let you go."

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

This conversation had taken a different turn than I had intended. When I had dragged her into this room and forced her to listen to me, I thought that all I wanted was for her to hug me and tell me that she loved me. I had also thought that she would stop me. "I love you, Calliope." But she didn't. So I stood up and walked away without looking back.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...

The song is Say Something - A Great Big World

AN: Hey guest, I got your reviews! Your ideas are good, but this story was basically finished when I posted the first chapter, it's only a short, 4-piece-story, so I couldn't work them in anymore. Sorry!