Disclaimer: Nope don't own Naruto, and I never will. I'm only saying this because I'm at gunpoint. I do own Naruto…I mean I don't!
Story: Fem!Naru Minato tells Kushina to flee to Suna, if something were to go wrong in Konoha after his death. Because of this, somehow Naruto is raised in the Sand.
Set as an AU.
Spoilers: …Probably?
Warnings: The usual stuff? I mean, most people who read my stuff are repeated readers, so they should know…otherwise…eh…
Pairings: Yondy!Kazekage/Fem!Naru

Suna no Hoshi
Chapter Seven: It Isn't Nice to Play With Your Rice

Gaara brooded as he sat in the kitchen, slumped onto the table with his chin resting against the wood, while he stared at the wall and his arms dangled at his sides. He didn't know what he was going to do with Baki's assignment, although Naruto's suggestion at the earlier team brainstorming sounded tempting.

Well, he'd have to think about the semantics first…

Kankuro was having no luck either. He was, for the first time in his life, in a library. He'd randomly chosen books at first, but then when he more often than not ended up with a book totally unrelated (How many times was he going to pick a book about gardening?! It's not like you could really garden in Suna anyway!), he decided to go to the inventory and try that way. Even if he had to try to decipher the damn thing…What was with all these numbers and letters and codes?!

Naruto was also trying her best to fulfill the homework, though she at least had something to work on. She was close to finally finishing the jutsu she'd been working on for the last three weeks, and decided that it would be a good idea to show it off the next day to her team. Maybe Tenoh would like to see it too…

If only that blasted Hiraishin would bend to her will already!

However, whatever their choices and progress were, it would all have to be judged the next day –whether or not they managed to achieve anything.

And Baki was definitely hesitant, though his stern and unrelenting glare said nothing of it to the genin.

"All right! Show me what you've got," he barked at them.

Kankuro cleared his throat and stepped forward to start first.

"So, uh, I was looking up stuff…somewhere…and I decided that working on kenjutsu might be good. 'Cause I'm a puppet user and all, and that's long range…so I guess I need some kind of back up if an enemy gets in close, right? And I guess…I could go from there and maybe learn Baki-sensei's wind sword technique? I didn't learn anything about it, and I definitely can't do any kenjutsu stuff yet –so no bonus points, huh?"

Baki inwardly was relieved. Things were starting out normal thankfully. And Kankuro had made a smart choice and remembered his weakness, and Baki wouldn't mind passing down his famed wind sword technique down.

"Good, good. Next, Gaara."

Gaara stepped up and took a deep breath, and Baki tilted his head in curiosity. He guessed Gaara was going to go straight in to the demonstration then. That must mean he learned a jutsu, and if he's performing it then it meant he can also do it.

"SAND MONSTER!"

It took a while for Baki to actually process the jutsu's name and the sight of a huge towering sand blob thing rising up and moving about high above them, especially in combination with each other.

"G-Gaara, what…is that?" he forced out.

"It is a sand monster," Gaara said, face completely stoic and voice serious. "On advice of my teammates, I made the features indistinct, so that it would not be confused with Shukaku."

"…"

Baki really wasn't sure what to say.

And in the Kazekage's office, Rasa stared out of his window and gaped at the huge sand thing that had appeared out of nowhere, wondering if he had to go subdue it –it wasn't Shukaku as it didn't feel like it, but it sensed vaguely of Gaara…

"How in the world did you come up with that?" Baki muttered, meaning to be rhetorical.

But Gaara answered anyway. Of course.

"We had a team meeting yesterday," Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow, as if saying "duh" to him. "It was something like this –"

"Okay, so what do you think we should do? He told us to look things up, see what interests us, find a random jutsu –bonus points if we learn about it and everything and more if we can actually perform it," Naruto started. "Or create a jutsu –he did say Gaara needed more variety in his jutsu arsenal."

Kankuro nodded. "Yeah, you only got a few of those specific sand jutsu that you use all the time. Dad taught you those, right? And he doesn't have time to teach new things any more, but he does at least spar with you when he can, to make sure you stay sharp."

"He has been really busy," Gaara acknowledged. "I must come up with new stuff on my own."

"I know! How about you create this huge Godzilla type monster with sand? It could be like the Shukaku when he goes free –"

"Only don't make it look like Shukaku," Kankuro hurriedly cut in, interrupting Naruto, though he was all for the idea.

"Then…I will call it 'Sand Monster,'" Gaara said decisively.

"I suggested Sandzilla, but Sand Monster works," Kankuro said, when Gaara was done. "It's as blunt as you can get with an attack, I bet."

Baki stared at the three miscreants he was cursed with. And the name…

Damn the sand.

Suddenly the Anbu they were usually with appeared near them. Ready to attack at first, they soon faltered and then stared, tilting their heads.

"You guys are late," Baki muttered irritably. "And it's not the Shukaku, so stand down."

But it seemed they'd already come to that conclusion and were watching the dubbed 'Sand Monster' moving around in fascination.

Baki sighed, before turning to his last genin. "Naruto, you next."

Naruto grinned in excitement, and held out her hand as she concentrated. Suddenly, a rapidly spinning ball formed in her hand and she ran and slammed it forward into Gaara's Sand Monster, blowing its lower half apart and making the rest slowly dissipate.

Kankuro whistled, looking suitably impressed. "Now that looked badass."

Even Gaara looked intrigued.

Baki? Baki was staring in horror and silently freaking out, wondering when she had learned this jutsu-that-belonged-to-the-Fourth-of-another-villa ge. He really, really hoped Konoha didn't find out about this.

"That's the Rasengan," Naruto's grin widened. And then she started pouting. "If only my progress with the Hiraishin was as good. Years now and I still haven't managed anything! I bemoan my utter lack of progress and complete failure with the Hiraishin."

While her two teammates moved closer in interest, asking about the two techniques, both Baki and even the Anbu stared at her and were shocked frozen. They were doomed…

"We…we have to get a D-rank…"

Meanwhile, Rasa was still staring out his window.

Their next D-rank was another no-profit, service to the village type, consisting of simple border patrol. While they were more sweeping through the inside of Suna, they did have to go around the edges of the village and even traversed the Gate.

In-village border patrol was boring though, and they had to find some way to keep themselves on track. So somehow they started cheerfully singing along to some song that Baki had no urge to ever hear again or even really know. Naruto and Kankuro even managed to coerce Gaara into singing along with them, though it seemed one thing the boy hadn't inherited from Rasa was his singing voice –monotone singing was something Baki didn't feel like hearing ever again either.

"…That shit makes me bat-shit crazy!"

Baki ignored the looks some shinobi were throwing their way, and steadfastly stared ahead.

"I got a fist full of fifties, tequila just hit me!"

He'd always considered himself loyal and sane. Right now, he was considering defecting to anywhere but staying in Suna with these lunatics, even if it meant going over to Konoha where rumors of shinobi being insane over there was rampant.

"We're going 'til the world stops turning, while we're burning it to the ground tonight!"

Kankuro chortled. "This should be like our theme song or somethin'. We would totally own it –" he was cut off when he clumsily tripped on a stray weapon lying around, and fell over more weapons dangerously lying around the area as well. "Ah, shit!"

Baki frowned as he hurried over along with the other two, and knelt by Kankuro and examined the rather deep cut on the boy's leg. He muttered a curse.

"We'll have to report this mess here, but first we'll have to take you back to get medical help at the hospital," Baki said frowning. These weapons…damn guards around here were getting lazy…

"No need, sensei! I got this," Naruto interjected.

Baki was about to decline when he blinked at the sight of her doing a hand sign and her hand suddenly glowing green. She leaned over Kankuro's leg and began healing it.

"You know medical jutsu, Naruto?" he asked in surprise.

"Hm?" Naruto didn't look over, still concentrating on healing her teammate. "Yeah. I've been studying it for years. Independent study, while occasional residency over at the hospital for more practical experience. Otherwise, I practice on injured animals. I've got a license for field medical application and some other stuff. Much more interesting stuff than the Academy."

Much more interesting stuff than the Academy…Of course.

Baki was torn between sighing and massaging his head, or at least relieved at finding out some of what was wrong with this confounded girl's Academy records and scores (he was trying to ignore how the Hiraishin was most probably one of the distractions).

"Ohhh, that feels good," Kankuro sighed.

"My sand protects me well, but I will keep in mind if I ever get hurt to ask you for help," Gaara said to her solemnly.

Baki was still processing it, amazed and impressed…but just the slightest irritated. Couldn't she inform them of it earlier? Or rather…why didn't she showcase that rather than that blasted Rasengan?!

"Almost done? We should really finish this up. We also definitely have to report the lack of care and attentiveness in this area. This mass of weapons just carelessly left around is a danger, and also an invite to any intruder for free weapons," Baki scowled disapprovingly.

"Yup, got it, Baki-sensei! Let's go!"

The team trotted off, no longer singing but still humming. Baki settled for it.

Through the next two weeks, they've been doing more D-ranks, ranging from helping for the construction and/or reconstruction of buildings and places in the village that needed it for some reason, all the way to subduing local komodo dragons all around the village and setting them free into the desert.

They each even had their own favorites. Gaara actually liked the D-ranks in which they were sent out to eliminate Mongolian Death Worms that get too close to the village, seeing as he was able to use his new 'Sand Monster' jutsu on them. At those times, Kankuro and Naruto would sit back and watch the entertainment, while Baki would stand off to the side and start muttering to himself.

Kankuro liked the D-rank missions where they got to go to the greenhouses that specialized in poisons and assorted toxins, and got to harvest them for the Poisons department. Kankuro was allowed to keep samples, which was a huge bonus for him.

Likewise, Naruto liked the D-ranks into the greenhouses where they went harvesting (retrieval for certain ones) for herbs, plants, and spices. She got to keep samples too, which would help with her cooking, her own little garden, and add to the collection of plants she kept around her home. Though the practically daily D-rank of silkworm hunting to help Suna silk makers continue to produce silk was almost equally liked for her, considering she sometimes got samples and even full cloths of silk.

All three agreed that their least liked D-rank consisted of capturing Taricha newts in Suna homes, clearing the homes and transferring the little pests to the Poison department.

Not even being able to visit the Poison department cheered up Kankuro, for those pests were irritatingly hard to catch. They were small, fast, and numerous. And you had to make sure you didn't get bit, because they were all bloody poisonous! Needless to say, they were highly disgruntled every time they received that mission.

But after all that hard work, they were finally being paid off. They were finally getting a C-rank.

Baki informed them right after a quick and light team training, and together they headed to the missions office, where they were surprised to see the Kazekage in full kage regalia at the head desk, handing out the missions that day.

He wasn't sure if he saw right, but Naruto was suddenly very quiet and looking down every so often. And was that a light blush on her face?

It must be his imagination.

He turned to Rasa, who also seemed oddly staring in the direction of Naruto, and inwardly rolled his eyes at the ridiculous veil the man had taken to wearing (apparently it was a stupid tradition amongst each Kazekage to start wearing it practically full time by their tenth year in office). But he hesitated, not wanting to request the mission after all.

"Well?" Rasa asked, voice sounding off and a little too deep.

He scrunched up his eyebrows and stared at Rasa, who didn't move and reveal anything. Gaara and Kankuro also seemed to be staring at their father strangely, though Naruto looked like she was listening intently.

Baki took a deep breath. "Team…" he paused. "Kickass," he deadpanned (his eyes narrowed when he saw just the slightest twitch of Rasa's fingers, showing the man's amusement), "requesting a C-rank. The bare minimum requirement of D-ranks has been fulfilled, and each of the team individually and together can handle themselves."

"I see," Rasa was still speaking strangely. "I concede then. Here," he tossed the mission scroll at Baki. "You are to retrieve a shipment for one of our merchants in the Land of Rice. He wishes for it to preferably reach him by the end of the week, so speed is of utmost importance. Leave at once."

They shuffled out of there as quickly as they could, while being respectable at the same time (though Naruto had glanced back quickly). Baki had them get their things in order and to meet at the gate, to which Naruto was quick to head to already. She carried an emergency pack with her at all times, sealed somewhere on her person. It was very convenient and…admittedly lazy of her, but hey! It works.

The team soon met and then they were traveling out through the desert, going farther than they'd ever had before. The excitement of their first C-rank and going out of Suna and into foreign land quickly died down as they continued their long trek through the hot sands of the desert, with the sun baring down on them. Even though they traveled quickly at ninja speed, it was still a hard task going through the hot and dry desert.

They were very thankful when they managed to finally cross the entire desert and reach the Land of Rivers. Baki decided to stop there briefly, before moving quickly through the land and at least made it halfway through the Land of Fire. They were a little too close to Konoha for Baki's liking, but they kept to the edges of the land and did their best to keep out of the way and out of sight, while not being too hidden to look suspicious or threatening. No mishap happened their way, and they managed to get to the Land of Rice in record time.

It was very easy to retrieve the shipment they were assigned to get…it was just such a massive supply that they couldn't carry it all by themselves and all at once back to Suna. It would require several trips. Baki grunted in annoyance and grumbled in his head about cheap and bastard merchants.

"This should be easy," Naruto said, looking at the shipment.

Everyone else stared at her.

"If you didn't notice, Naruto, that is a big shipment," Kankuro said incredulously.

Naruto shrugged. "No prob."

She took a small scroll from her pouch and out popped another scroll. Biting her thumb, she swiped it across her pouch itself, and an ink brush and inkwell popped out.

"Yosh! Let's do this!" and then she whipped the scroll out, and while it was fanning out in the air, used her other hand that held the ink brush to snap off the inkwell's top, splashing the brush into it and then tossing the inkwell into the air. Within moments, while one hand gripped the end of the scroll and flung it straight out again, she began writing rapidly on the blank scroll. Various symbols were being written that no one, not even Baki (no matter how much he recognized the art) understood.

When she was done, she tossed the scroll and it landed perfectly flat on the ground before the shipment, and she flicked the brush, getting rid of the ink on it simply. The inkwell in the air fell back down and was caught within moments, the cover calmly being replaced onto it.

"You know fuuinjutsu?" Baki asked, shocked.

Naruto blinked. "Yeah."

"You didn't mention this why?" Baki stared at her.

She shrugged. "You never asked."

Baki decided then and there that he was just going to ask all three of them what they were able to do, since apparently the standard general testing couldn't be applied to this crazy bunch.

Naruto charged up the scroll and the seals on it lit up, and then each one of them began transferring the boxes from their spot to the scroll. It made life intensely easier. Thoroughly pleased, Baki had them sit in a bar restaurant as he went to look for a place to stay for the night. They'd made good time and the mission had been completed successfully and without trouble, even made easier with Naruto's sealed scroll. A night break and at somewhere nice could be spared. They'd deserved it.

"I'm kinda hungry," Kankuro mentioned, sitting at the table. He glanced at the menu.

"Me too," Naruto agreed.

Gaara nodded, and so it was decided that they'd eat something while they waited for Baki to come. And then Kankuro saw something that made his eyes light up.

"Hey, guys! Look! Alcohol served to minors if proven ninja. Headbands must be presented," he read aloud. "Hell yeah! Let's order something."

Gaara looked hesitant, but Naruto was a little interested and curious. Each of them got their hitai-ate and wrapped it more visibly on their foreheads. Their waiter came around and they ordered their food, before they looked at each other. Naruto shoved up the courage and faced the waiter, ordering three bottles of their finest saké.

"No alcohol served to minors," he drawled.

Naruto frowned and was about to use her "Prince-ly aura," as Tenoh had dubbed it, when Kankuro cut in and pointed at his headband.

"Yeah, what do you think we are?"

The waiter looked at them skeptically, but Gaara had some of his sand creep up in front of the waiter and stared him down at the same time. The waiter shivered and wrote down the order.

"Sheesh, ninja are young these days," the waiter muttered as he rushed away.

"Psh, he should've seen the last war. Jounin at 6, 7," Kankuro huffed. "We're average."

Their order came soon enough. They ate their snacks quickly and then they looked at each other hesitantly before they tried their drinks.

Let it not be said that chaos could not happen on a supposedly peaceful night.

The three were very lightweight drinkers, and could not hold their drinks at all. Gaara had quickly descended into a dazed stupor, mumbling incoherently. Kankuro was embarrassing, having shuffled to the front of the room and taken advantage of the microphone used to call out the night's lucky numbers for gamblers, singing drunkenly into it and keeping everyone who tried to stop him back with Crow. Kankuro apparently liked to sing. A lot. Like a lot, a lot.

Naruto had gotten people listening to her, and were riling them up and having them up in arms for some reason or other. And then, while Gaara sat there in his stupor and Kankuro sang without care, Naruto had led the assembly outside. It wasn't long until she was inciting anarchy and the town was ablaze with mad furor. The mayor, who everyone seemed to severely dislike, was dragged out of his home, hogtied and left in the town square, where Naruto stood and continued preaching about freedom from oppression and having apparently taken over the town, as others began calling her "Miss Mayor."

Baki actually didn't know how things got to this point.

When he finally found a place he liked and was reasonably priced, he had gone outside to see the craziness abound. He'd hurried to the bar restaurant and was horrified to find the state two of his genin were in. He stalked over to Gaara first and dragged him after him, going over to the still singing drunkenly Kankuro, before dragging them out.

"I still wanted to sing," Kankuro whined.

"You were out of tune anyway," Baki snapped.

"Ngh," Gaara started forming a sphere of sand around his head. "Too loud," was the first coherent and understandable words he had said since Gaara had first started drinking.

Baki cursed aloud and looked around for his last wayward genin. To see her leading the chaos of the crowd outside was the topping, especially given that the town seemed to have decided they wanted her as their new leader. He rushed over to her.

"No way in hell!" he screamed, grabbing her and rushing back through the crowd.

Without delay, he took his genin, hightailed the hell out of there (before they could cause any more problems and/or be caught), and tried to pretend nothing happened.

They had made it quite a bit of miles away from the town in which the people were taking Naruto's advice and taking control, before Baki finally slowed down and thought to do a quick look over on the three to see their overall state.

He stared at the miraculously still burning torch in Naruto's hand.

"Get rid of that," he said flatly, and then began to lead the way in the direction back to Suna. The other two followed him dazedly, though no one could understand how Gaara was walking with that sand sphere around his head.

Naruto looked at the torch before shrugging, tossing it to the side. She stumbled after the others.

The torch hit and landed on the rice field nearby, and it quickly caught on fire. It spread rapidly until it reached a certain newly formed and really hidden Hidden Village.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!"

Unknowingly, Naruto had burnt down a part of Otogakure on the way out of there. Orochimaru was not happy.

Rasa had been…amused at the homework assignment Baki had given the genin. More so when Baki had come to him with the results, and he finally learned what the hell that sand thing in his village that day was.

On the other hand, Naruto's mastery of the Rasengan was a problem in more ways than one. He did not want Konoha to catch wind of it (and by extension Naruto). And well, no one knew of her in Suna either, and that was a jutsu that might bring up questions that should be kept quiet for now. He had not said anything about her heritage to anyone, not even Baki (who knew only that she'd been the Naruto Rasa had been looking for, for the past years). There were definitely spies around, and he was only lucky that things had been kept quiet.

And the Hiraishin…given her statements and eagerness to complete it…

He winced with the thought that Iwa would be even faster than Konoha.

He had been ecstatic to know she'd been learning medical jutsu, and that it was most probably at least one of the reasons why her history in the Academy was so bad compared to the usual standards. He'd been guilty of it himself, when he was an Academy student, preferring to focus on wind jutsu and his wind mastery rather than focus in class.

The past two weeks had been a whirlwind of information, compounded by Baki's reports and expanded as he talked to Naruto himself. The missions each of them enjoyed, and especially hers –he guiltily admitted that he tended to save the silk and herbal/plant/spice greenhouse missions for their team, after finding out she liked those best. He even encouraged the sample giving, especially as Naruto had taken to bringing him a little sample of the snacks she made, which she liked experimenting herbs and spices with, every time they met in the morning.

He learned other things about her. Two weeks passed by quickly, but was still in reality a large amount of time. And they'd met every morning (he refrained from checking at night, seeing as he thought that would make things too obvious and/or uncomfortable for her). She was still under the impression he was someone named Tenoh, he was a jounin of the village, and that he was currently "off duty" since he didn't seem to be taking any missions and was around a lot.

She'd grown familiar with him, and comfortable –much to his satisfaction. Between learning about her missions and what had happened in them, she'd also begun to talk about her life before becoming a genin. It was all little tidbits for now, but it was good progress and it was still quite a lot and valuable to him.

And now "Team Kickass" was on their first C-rank.

When Baki had first approached him about that, he'd been hesitant. Eventually he'd agreed, and had decided to go to the missions office himself that day, and choose and hand their first C-rank personally. His eyes had immediately gone drawn over to her, though he did glance over carefully over his two sons after before going back to her. Curiously, she'd changed from her usual bright personality to being rather shy, and he realized immediately it was at the sight of him.

He'd wanted to scratch his head awkwardly and fidget, still not sure how to take that he was apparently really important to her.

He had also purposely changed his voice so that she wouldn't recognize "Tenoh," though he knew that aside from her that the other three were confused with him.

Speaking about that C-rank, they would be returning soon, if things went well. He wondered how it went and looked forward to Naruto's retelling of it.

Started 5/19/13 – Completed 5/19/13

A/n: How'd you all like the differences in Suna D-ranks and Konoha's? The team are like idiot savants, superiorly good at certain things and just off the mark on the rest XD Also, doesn't look like the regular rehash, eh? And if you're looking for the Wave arc…it's here, I just grab a sledgehammer and smash canon to bits, is all. We have the Wind Capital next. Hope you all enjoyed! Please drop a review!

Omake! (The Genjutsu Tales: Part II)

The bubbles floating around were numerous. The Kiri shinobi at the edge of the bubble minefield twitched and drops of sweat dripped down their brow.

"Shit…Utakata is in the middle of all that…"

"There's no way to get to him."

They thought they would try to get him under a genjutsu, which both of them excelled at. They hadn't thought it would work, seeing as Utakata was a jinchuuriki and actually had good control over his tailed beast.

But it had, seeing as the missing-nin was quietly on the lone rock in the area, blowing bubbles calmly as he stared at the sky while he laid on his back. And yet they also knew about his bubbles…

"…Bubble Land…" Utakata suddenly murmured. "So pretty~"

They still managed to sweatdrop.

A rather young girl on the other side of the field of bubbles stared at Utakata, before scrunching up her nose and sighing. She carefully danced through the minefield of bubbles and reached the lone man on the rock, who blew another round of bubbles. She huffed and plucked the bubble blower out of his hand and plopped by the rock, pouting.

"Master –"

"Don't call me that."

She twitched. "Fine. I'm not breaking you out of that genjutsu until you become my master. I hope Saiken doesn't break you out either!"

"Look~ It's so pretty…"

She growled under her breath.

The Kiri-nin saw what she'd done, and decided that since a little girl had managed to get through the danger field of bubbles, there was no way they couldn't either. So they tried their hand at it.

And promptly walked into a wall of bubbles.

Needless to say, dying by bubbles was not what they had in mind.

Started 5/20/13 – Completed 5/20/13

A/n: Probably Yugito next XD

Citations:

1. The three lines Team Kickass are singing: "I got a fist full of fifties [...] we're burning it to the ground tonight!" from "Burn It to the Ground" by Nickelback. (Because it's totally their theme song, eheh.)