Chapter 13
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"I need some help," I ask Alice when she answers the phone.
"Legal problems? Do you need me to write your will?"
"God no. Stop asking about that. I need help with an outfit for my date."
"Wear something that shows off your cleavage and your ass," she offers.
"Can you be more specific?" Because that sounds like she wants me to wear a stripper outfit or a French maid costume.
"What am I, a stylist? I know contracts. And that guys like T and A."
"Alice..." I whine. I should have known better. She's not exactly a fashionista. But she is my best friend. Who else am I going to ask, Seth? If I ask Jasper I'll end up in a Slytherin robe and a Big Bang thong.
She sighs. "Wear some super tight spandex pants and...a tube top?" She says this like a question. Probably because she has no clue. Like I even have a tube top.
"Okay. And Edward is going to be dressed like Danny from Grease on this date?"
"You're the one that asked. You know my mom shops for me. And I bet Edward would drop a load if he saw you in that."
"I don't want him to drop a load. At least not for a while."
"Seriously? You're not jumping him the moment he walks into your house? You said you're going to let Seth spend the night at Edward's brother's house. What's stopping you?"
"Um, the fact that I haven't even gone out with him once." That, and lots of other things like pure terror and low self-esteem.
"Well, wait until after the date. Then it'll be official."
"I'm not having sex with him, Alice."
"At least give the poor guy a hand-job or something. He's probably going to do something really nice, especially after all those gifts and notes. It's a good faith offer."
"I'm not going to plan what sort of sex stuff we're doing on our date. It just has to happen."
"I say you need to put something in writing."
"Yeah. That's romantic: Hey Edward. Can you sign my pre-fucktual agreement? It says I'll be blowing you if you spend over one hundred dollars, and full sex if it's over one-fifty."
"Edward will thank me. Just saying. And there's no monetary value for full sex. What kind of lawyer do you think I am? Full sex if he can get you horny to an eight on a scale from one to ten."
I can't help but ask, "Give me an example of a one and a ten." I also wonder what kind of contracts Alice is used to writing. Maybe she's going to work for one of those billionaires who likes bondage when she graduates.
"One would be like a troll from that wizard movie jerking off in your closet, and ten would be if Thor was licking honey off your nipples while reading you love poems and wielding his hammer."
"Holy shit." Edward is an eleven just by wearing tight nylon pants and breathing. If he actually touches me tonight, I might ruin some fabric.
"Do you want me to make you a preliminary doc?"
"No, Alice. I think I'll wing it."
"Fine. When there are misunderstandings about your sex life, you'll wish you signed."
"Whatever."
"Scoff if you want. But Jasper will be very happy to provide me everything in our contract. And I'll be happy to take it."
"Jasper will probably invent a potion that makes you "take it" all night."
"And that's bad, how?"
"Geez. It's useless to talk to you about this."
"Seriously, you need to get laid, Bella. Your virginity has probably grown back."
"Maybe I'll get Jasper to make a potion for that."
"Good. When we get married I'll have half of that money. There will be no prenup that can stump me."
"Okay. I have to go. Seth is eating chips instead of his cereal."
"Tell me how it goes. Unless it's boring and there's no penetration."
"Bye, Alice."
"Seriously, I hope you have a great time. He seems like a good guy. At least find out if he's really packing a bat in those track pants."
With that imparted wisdom, I hang up.
I need to look for my spandex pants.
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"Seth!" I call up the stairs. "Are you ready to go?"
He comes running down carrying his duffel that's been packed ever since I told him that he could go. Obviously I had to check it or he'd end up with only a t-shirt and three video games to wear.
"I'm ready. Riley is on his way. He says they're ordering pizza!" The smile on his face makes me forget that I have a date in two hours. I wish I could be that happy and calm. Maybe I should get some weed from my neighbor. That stoner doesn't worry about anything.
Geez. One date with a gorgeous man and I'm already contemplating drug use. Obviously I've used liquor as a coping mechanism already.
Maybe I should call this thing off before I end up in rehab.
Before I can call Promises in Malibu, the doorbell rings.
"Hi Emmett. Riley," I greet them at the door.
Seth scrambles by me. "Hi, Coach Emmett. Hi, Riley. Come see my room before you go." The two boys clamber up the stairs to his room.
I turn to Emmett. "Thank you for taking him tonight. He's really been looking forward to this."
"No problem. Riley has too. Along with my brother." He winks at me. "Glad you're putting my kid brother out of his misery, Bella, and giving him a chance."
I blush and shake my head. "It's just a date. Hopefully we'll be compatible."
"Compatible. Right," he laughs. "See what happens if you two are meant to be. Cullen men fall hard and fast. Our dad did, and so did I."
"Hard and fast?" I gulp. Hard and fast with Edward equals Bella puddle. I might not survive the night.
The boys return at that moment to see Emmett laughing at my expression. I say goodbye to Seth and tell him I love him before he goes. He hugs me and then he's off. I feel sad for a moment that he can't wait to get out of here. But I realize that's a part of growing up, and I need to deal with it.
And I have other things to occupy my time.
Like my date. I need to get ready.
Can someone tell me why I didn't hire a team of professionals to help me? I'm really questioning the validity of my IQ testing.
I grab my phone to call Alice again, though I know she'd only tell me to make a list of sexual positions to use while I'm dressed like Daisy Duke.
Before I make the call I get a text.
Edward.
Do me a favor: no schnapps, because I want you very aware of every minute we're together tonight. I'll be there at eight.
Gah. He gives me tingles without even being around.
I manage to scrub and shave and lotion up everything necessary in a reasonable amount of time. I don't want to be hairy and rough if he touches me somewhere.
Please let him touch me somewhere.
I get a hold of myself before I grab the finger vibe or the schnapps to calm me down. I finish getting dressed in what I hope is a moderately hot and sexy outfit. I don't want it to scream "whore" but I also want Edward to know that I wouldn't mind if he groped me a bit.
Oh my god. What am I thinking?
I'm not thinking. My vagina has taken control. It really has been that long. Hopefully it won't claw its way out of my underwear and grab Edward.
I'm walking towards the liquor cabinet when the doorbell rings.
I take a deep breath and open the door.
Oh fuck. I thought the track pants made him look edible. I'm not prepared for the slim fit trousers and sweater that make him look like he's in a cologne ad. You know, one of the good ones. Not that crap that old guys wear.
"Hi. I brought you these," he says, holding out a small bundle of deep purple flowers tied with a ribbon. I step out from behind the door to take them. "Wow. You look," he blows out all his breath and shakes his head, "amazing."
"Thank you," I say quietly, motioning for him to step inside. "For the flowers and the compliment. I've never received flowers before."
He makes a grimace. "The guys you've dated must've lacked manners."
"I think it's more of a lack of guys to take me on dates."
"I can't believe that."
"Believe it."
"Well, lucky me. I believe that I'll be showing you that you only need one guy." He reaches out and takes my hand, which is shaking slightly. He pulls it to his chest (which is rock hard by the way), and then raises it to his lips, which he brushes across my knuckles. It's the sweetest, sexiest thing anyone has ever done to me.
Which is sad and thrilling at the same time.
"You ready to go?" he whispers.
"Yes, Edward," I whisper back. I'm fairly sure that I'd say yes to anything he'd ask.
His eyes flutter when I look at him and suddenly I'm pressed against the door. His thigh (also rock hard) is between my legs and his forehead is touching mine. And all I can do is try to gulp in his scent.
"Damn it, Bella. I just can't help myself around you," he says in a rough voice.
And then he kisses the ever living shit out of me. Not literally, because that would be gross. And kissing Edward is as far from gross as the Planck temperature is from absolute zero.
His lips are soft and wet as he slants them over mine. I think I'm moving against him because his body is responding by holding me tighter and rubbing...oh the rubbing: it's his tongue in my mouth, hands on my ass, hips against mine. And just when I'm a total panting mess and about to start ripping off my clothes, he pulls back.
"Okay. I hope that's enough to get me through dinner," he says, licking his lips. Does he still taste me like I taste him?
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and blink.
Fuck dinner. I might not make it to the car.
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A/N: I promise that you get the whole date in the next chapter. Don't hate me.
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