First, I apologize for it being over 2 weeks since my last update. I got wrapped up in 'Turbulence' and making sure the August fanfic challenge was done! Anyways with out further ado, her is the chapter to go with Episode 19. I loved this episode so much that I actually found it difficult to write for it. Hope you enjoy!
CHAPTER 15
One Hundred and Seven
I haven't slept like this in fourteen years.
Naked, on my side, Deacon's arm slung over my waist and another resting over my head. A single thought echoes through my conscious as I ignore the phone ringing: God I missed waking up with this man. He moves slightly, pressing his chest against my back and I lean further back. I hear my phone ringing but there is no way in hell I'm moving right now. Teddy and Tandy have a special ring tone, the bells and chimes respectively. And since neither one of those rings are going off, the girls are fine, which means I'm not moving.
Deacon's breathing is still slow and even. It reminds me of the first time we ever fell asleep together. I was in that crummy apartment in East Nashville. 3 roommates and me. I shared a room with some girl named Vanessa who had some steady boyfriend. It meant most nights I got ou bedroom to myself. But with only one small closet and two single beds, it was still a tight fit. I had two metal bars that spanned across the walls to hold my clothes.
During the weeks where Deacon and I were more than friends but not lovers, we spent a lot of nights at my place. Deacon's place had more space but there was a party every night. At Deacon's we couldn't have a full out grope session without Vince interrupting us or some drunk girl thinking Deacon's door led to the bathroom. Or worse, some drunken guy would hit on me and it would lead to Deacon getting pissed. That would lead to a fight and the police being called. Yeah, my place was just easier.
We would get all hot and bothered then we'd write songs or sometimes we'd write then get all hot and bothered. But when it was time for bed, the only way for us to fit on my single bed was if I lay facing the wall on my side and he pressed up behind me. Even then, once or twice I'd wake up in the middle of the night to Deacon crawling back onto bed.
We slept the same way on tour buses and hotels. We got a Queen's sized bed for our first apartment assuming we'd stretch out more. But that never happened. Even after the hotels rooms on the fifth floor became suites on the penthouse, we slept just like this.
I hear my phone ring again and feel a rumble in his chest as he is waking up. I sink deeper into his chest and feel his arm tighten around me. And I smile because I know his kisses are always lazy and long first in the morning. His voice is always just a smidge lower than his usual pitch and his hair is always sticking up everywhere. His beard tickles more and his laugh sounds just like home.
He whispers a good morning as he stretches out behind me. I lean back and give him a kiss good morning. He playfully bites my bottom lip and I sigh out of the sheer pleasure of it all and settle back down against him. And he starts to kiss my neck and back again. So I keep ignoring my phone as it shrills again, just like we ignored that damn dog in its crate last night. We've probably only gotten two hours sleep and beyond that we just up a hell of a lot energy. I'd be content just to lay here for a while and enjoy this, enjoy him.
Then Deacon teases me about stealing the blankets. And the phone rings again.
One Hundred and Eight
Rayna got nominated for Female Vocalist of the Year.
And we celebrated. Sure it took eight more returned phone calls but then we celebrated. We celebrated the way we use to celebrate our nominations. Naked and horizontal. Actually there have been plenty of times we celebrated not so horizontally. That makes me smile all over again.
The first time Ray and I got nominated for the CMAs, we were on tour. We were an opening act to the opening act on an amphitheater tour. We went on at 6:00 and performed five songs while the early comers settled into their seats. We'd been in California and it'd been just after 5 in the morning when we found out. The phone call came from those cheap hotel phones beside the bed. We'd literally fallen asleep like an hour before. Ray squealed when she let me know we were nominated. She jumped up on the bed, stark naked and keep screaming. I started tugging on her ankle trying to make her stop. The alcohol from the night before hadn't quite made it through our system, so she even more excited and I was more nauseous than we would be otherwise.
Eventually Ray jumped off the bed. Ray, in a good mood and naked and awake caused me to follow her. We ended up in the bathroom with her bent over the counter. We didn't win that year but the year after we won 'Duo of the Year.' We celebrated that win the same way.
Just remembering those times makes me smile. Hell, I've been smiling all day. Well except for when I had my little chat Coleman. He thinks I should apologize to Stacey for last night and make things right with her. It honestly doesn't even make sense to me.
I've waited to be with Rayna for fourteen years. I've dreamed of waking up with her and kissing her. Stacey's a great girl and we've had fun she isn't Ray. I look at my watch and realize I have to get a move on to SoundCheck. I promised Charlie I would help him practice since his regular guitarist is on vacation.
One Hundred and Nine
I got flowers today.
Actually I got tons of flowers. There are a bunches of sunflowers, roses in vases, gardenias in pots. I've got flowers with balloons and flowers with huge congratulation cards.
But the only ones I cared about arrived a little after two o'clock. They were a bouquet of daisies with a white bow tied around them. There was no note. I didn't need one a note.
Even now I'm just standing in the kitchen staring at my daisies and smiling. The girls will be home soon and then I have to go meet Bucky. I lean over and smell my flowers from Deacon.
Tandy is wrong about everything. Deacon and I have a relationship. We've always had a relationship. We've always had a relationship with daisies and blue guitar picks and song writing. I pick up my phone to call him but then the doorbell rings again. Its more flowers. They'll go on the table with the rest of them.
But the daises are staying on the counter by themselves. And tonight when I go to bed, they'll be on the side table.
One Hundred and Ten
We've made out in closets before.
Plenty of times. We've had sex in the coat closet at the country club, twice. Deacon's felt me up in plenty of storage rooms, janitor's closets and back rooms. And somehow I can't even remember any of those kisses or any of those times.
'Cause right now he's kissing me. Right now he's teasing me with his tongue. His hand is cupping my breast and the other hand is resting on my hip. And all I can do is grab his shirt and kiss him back. I vaguely hear a song outside, someone practicing on the spare piano outside. Its a good song but right now I could care less.
Everything I knew last night, everything I've known since I was teenager is validated. Despite the doubts that Tandy planted into my head this morning, this is right. It has been way more than three minutes and I know Buck is probably at the end of the hallway looking at his watch. But then hear Deacon moan into my mouth and all thoughts of Buck and three minutes go out the window.
He pulls away from my lips as he begins a long trail of kisses and nips down my neck. I play with the hair in the nape of his neck only to encourage him more. He whispers against my ear that he has to go. I groan a 'no' and he responds by kissing me again.
One Hundred and Eleven
It's been fourteen minutes.
Fourteen minutes since Rayna excused herself for "just a minute." I saw the way Deacon looked at her when she asked to talk to him for a minute. I noticed the way he reached for her hand as they walked into whatever the hell that room is.
I look at my watch. Now its been fifteen minutes and finally the door opens. Rayna walks out first and her hair is disheveled. I notice her readjusting her dress. Then Deacon comes out a solid five seconds later.
They always were terrible at being discreet. He's got lipstick smeared on the side of his face and his shirt is still partially un-tucked. I watch as she takes a finger and wipes away the lipstick she left on him. The women at the end of the hall notice Rayna and Deacon as well. The two lovebirds don't notice me or the pair of women.
One Hundred and Twelve
I talked on the phone for eighty six minutes.
And it isn't like Ray and I never talk, we talk a lot but this just felt different. I told her about my conversation with Stacey. She asked if I was sure that our relationship was what I wanted. Twice she warned me that if I had any doubts, she would understand. She wouldn't and I know that. But she only said that because she knew I no intention of backing out. She knew it and I knew it.
Then we moved on to other topics. She complained about this riverboat nominations party thing. I listened to her complain that she has nothing to wear. She always does that. I could hear her smile in the phone and she could tell I was excited just to hear her breathe and laugh and make comments about dirty dishes.
We agreed to meet up at the Riverboat. I've got a recording session with Wayne in the morning and she's got the girls in the afternoon.
Then an hour later she called me back. The girls were asleep and she was in bed. We talked about the night before and this morning and the closet. She tells me that Bucky clearly knows that we are back together. Our conversation went back to last night. She did that sexy laugh I've missed and I swear I felt her blush on the phone at least once.
One Hundred and Thirteen
Maddie is beautiful.
I watch as she goes over to the refreshment stand. Right now she's looks more like an adult than a child. That both terrifies me and gives me a burst of pride at the same time.
I can't help but look around at the fathers dancing happily with their daughters. Mine will hardly look at me right now. It kills me that there is this distance between Maddie and I right now. It hurts even more knowing its my own damn fault.
I was so careless and stupid with Peggy. It felt so real, so nice to have a woman want me and respect me and encourage me. And I got reckless.
My marriage to Rayna was over a long time ago but it should haven't ended like it did. Maddie shouldn't have overheard me talking to my girlfriend. I shouldn't have had a girlfriend to begin with. That's the reason Maddie will barely talk to me these days.
A pain shoots through my soul at the idea that Rayna is seeing Deacon again. I don't know why I'm surprised but I am. I was sure something was going on between she and Liam McGuinness. But no, she and Deacon are back together. Rayna said they were just in the early stages or some crap like that.
I can't believe how upset and scared I am about this. Perhaps I'm more upset about Rayna and Deacon because of the distance between Maddie and I right now. It just affirms everything I've always known. Rayna has never gotten over Deacon. She's always been in love with him and his drunk ass was always just waiting in the winds.
One Hundred and Fourteen
I want to punch the wall or scream at something. This is not happening, not again. Not now. She's pulling away just like she did the night in Atlanta when she told me she was fine. I knew she wasn't fine then. But she lied and said she was.
And she just did the same thing. My mind replays two nights ago and the words she said to me. She loves me, I know that. I've always known that. I've loved her since before she could buy cigarettes. I loved her when her last name was Wyatt. Hell, I even loved her when her license listed her last name as Conrad. When I was so drunk I couldn't remember my own damn name, I loved her.
After years of waiting and hoping, I have her back.
For fourteen years I've had walks and hidden smiles. I've had a few almost kisses and a lot of longing looks. I've had moments on stage and in dressing rooms. I've had ten minutes of Ray over a week's span and considered it a good week.
And now I have her back. I can kiss her in storage closets. I can make love to her. I can wake up to her in the morning and hold her hand just because I want to. I can hear her whisper that she loves me.
God, do I love her too and I have her back.
We've been through her diva behavior and my drinking. We've survived Vince's wreck and the rehabs and her marriage. We've gotten through her firing me, me dating Stacey, and every other bump along the road.
We've been through broken promises and years of waiting and wanting. And I've been waiting here for her. And she came back. That's all that matters, that is all that I care about. Whatever caused her to pull away tonight, whatever she's hiding or afraid to tell me…it doesn't matter.
She is what matters. We are what matters. Only us.
One Hundred and Fifteen
I ripped Deacon's shirt.
Not bad, just one button hole, hardly noticeable. But I did get a tad carried away in the limo.
I practically dragged Deacon to the front door and then smashed him against the wall. He smirked against my lips but then stopped moving all together. I looked up at him and his eyes held a secret smile. He could tell how desperate and needy I was. He whispered against my ear that he thought I wanted to take things slowly. I whined against his lips as he made a slow path of kisses from my jaw to my neck and back up.
For over an hour he teased and licked and sucked and swirled. So for over an hour I moaned and squirmed and bucked and begged. Making love to Deacon was delicious and maddening and so completely us.
Afterwards I called the babysitter and she agreed to stay overnight. Of course me offering $20 bucks an hour helped. I promised I'd be back before the girls woke up.
Deacon got dressed and told me he wanted to go outside. We couldn't go to the front porch. Sure, the paparazzi weren't exactly stalking Deacon's house but a neighbor with a phone was just as dangerous. So I grabbed one of his old shirts and he watched as I buttoned it headed to the back porch. The moon was hidden behind clouds but the street lights from the surrounding area helped light up the area.
He relaxed on the back porch swing and I rested my head on his lap. The air was still warm. Deacon's hands worked up and down my legs and my thighs. I looked up at him and smiled. Out loud I asked if he really quit Juliette's band. He let out a rumble of laughter as his hand ventured under the bottom of his shirt.
I asked if he knew what I wanted to do right now. His hand ventured further up the shirt I was wearing. Instead I pushed his hand away and I sat up so we were face to face. I told him that I wanted to sing.
One Hundred and Sixteen
Ray's favorite song has always been 'The End of the Day.'
We wrote it after my second stint in rehab. In this house, back when it was our house. One of the letters she written me had a line about wanting it to be the the two of us, together at the end of the it all. So while Ray was outside messing in the garden, I wrote the chorus. It was my promise that the bad part was behind us and I was done with the drinking. She cried when I played it the finished chorus We wrote the rest of the song that afternoon. Then I cried the first time we sang it all the way through.
I knew when she said she wanted to sing, she meant this song. We hadn't sung it years. It was too personal and too painful to sing in an arena or even in the smaller venues. It hurt too much to sing it, knowing I'd broken every promise I'd made her in that song. Once we sang it through twice, I kept playing the chords while she moved the lit candles into the bedroom. I heard her softly humming as she leaned against the door frame of the bedroom. She gave me that look and suddenly the rest of the song didn't seem to be important.
I laid my guitar down on the couch and walked over to her. I lean down to kiss her and she wraps her arms around my neck. She tells me that the tour starts back in four days. I already know that, I was suppose to be on that tour. Then she raises her eyebrow and shrugs her shoulder. She whispers that maybe we couldn't go to the cabin but we could certainly find something to do on the last sixteen tour dates.
I just smiled and kissed her. Just like I told her earlier. What matters is her and me. Right here. Right now.