No surprise, this is the last chapter because it is the last episode. I wrote it from the perspective of not having watched the Second Season so somethings may not be accurate now but I'm keeping them consistent with the story.
This was hard to write but I hope you enjoy it ( as much as you possibly can). Thank you all for your wonderful comments, PMs, etc. for this story. It has been a lot of fun to write!
CHAPTER 17
One Hundred and Twenty Nine
Deacon needed me last night.
Juliette Barnes' mother died and Deacon blamed himself. When I got his text last night asking me to call him, I knew it was serious. It sounds crazy, but I could tell from his text message that something was wrong. When he picked up the phone, he sounded devastated. I could hear the way his voice his shook. I've know him since I was sixteen and I know when he needs me. Last night, he needed me.
Tandy didn't answer her phone, neither did Bucky. So in a true sign of desperation, I called Daddy. He showed up in his damn plaid pajamas and a newspaper-boy hat. He grumbled that he couldn't believe he was coming over here so that, "you comfort Deacon." He used air quotes and mumbled about the guest bedroom not having goose down-pillows I made sure Daddy got settled in before I quickly headed over to Deacon's.
I pulled up at the house after 11. When the door flew open I didn't even see his expression. Instead he immediately pulled me into his arms and held on tight. His face stayed buried in my neck until I felt the tears run down my collarbone.
Eventually I pulled him into the house. His touch was urgent as he pulled my tank top up. We didn't talk. Instead, Deacon pulled me down onto the rug and whispered my named. He couldn't even meet my gaze, instead he just stayed buried in my neck as I worked his jeans down and he lifted my dress higher up my leg.
When it was over, I leaned against him and pressed kisses into his forehead and along his jaw. Eventually his blue eyes met mine. He told me about Jolene. His eyes turned that heartbreaking grey hue when he told me about her relapse at his birthday party. He confided in me how hard it was to try and be the sponsor for someone else. He mentioned Vince briefly through tears. I wiped away his tears and held him close, trying to reassure him. I told him that Daddy was staying with the girls but I had to be back before 6:30. He smiled as we both eyed the clock on his mantle. It read 12:02.
I asked what I could do to help him as my fingers traced down the lines of his arm. Deacon told me again that he loved me. He said it so reverently, so quietly that it took my breath away. I kissed his forehead and told him to give me a few minutes. I scattered candles around Deacon's bedroom and played with Deacon's I-Pod until I did a playlist of our own music and pressed play.
I undressed and folded my clothes on the chair in the corner. Then I found a plaid shirt of Deacons and put it over my shoulders. I didn't bother buttoning it up. I went and found Deacon in the living room, took his hand and led him into the bedroom. I made him lie on his stomach and worked out all the kinks and tight muscles I played with the muscles of his back and arms, slowly kneading and massaging.
Eventually, my touches turned from a deep massage to feather light touches. I began kissing his back and licking the line of his shoulders. We made love again, both on our sides facing each other. It was long and slow and delicious.
Afterwards I set my phone for 6 am and I snuggled into his arms. About ten minutes later, his smoke alarm went off thanks to the fire from the candles. We were naked and howling with laughter as Deacon jumped on the bed and tried to fan the smoke away. I ran around the room blowing out the candles as best I could between laughing.
We both laughed. His was one of those hearty laughs that stuck clung in his throat. We ended up in each other's arms, laughing as the smoke escaped from the newly opened windows. He whispered against my lips a 'thank you' for coming over to see him. I just smiled against him.
I hate that he is in pain right now but in some ways I am relieved that I could finally be here for him like this.
One Hundred & Thirty
That was the easiest conversation I've ever had about my relationship with Deacon.
I've had talks with Tandy over the years about Deacon and I being back together. Normally they would end with her shaking her head, throwing back her glass of wine, and promising me she wouldn't say 'I told you so' when he relapsed. Daddy and I have never had a conversation about Deacon and I that didn't end with threats and at slamming doors. Managers, various presidents of Edgehill, hell even Coleman never really liked when I moved back in with Deacon. Teddy clearly didn't take the news well either.
But this morning when told the girls about us, it was incredibly easy. The CMAs are tomorrow and I wanted to make sure they were both okay before Deacon and I went public. It must have been subconscious thing but I wore a yellow top which flowed with ruffles and buttons. I pulled a piece of my hair to the side, leaving the rest lose and curly. I chose the earrings Deacon gave me for my birthday all those years ago. It looked remarkably similar to what I wore at the Bluebird. A smile formed on my lips thinking of how things were now.
Things aren't perfect. Juliette's mother is dead. Deacon is going to be helping Juliette for a while. Highway 65 is going to take a ton of work. Scarlett and Will are going to need tons of time and help. I still have to finish my album. Teddy is still being a pain. Maddie has been acting strange lately. I know she's getting to the age where everything bothers her. Daddy and Tandy are headed for a showdown over the business.
But at least we are together and at least one thing went smoother than I anticipated.
One Hundred and Thirty One
Ray and I got into a fight last night.
I saw her outfit for the CMAs. She sent me a picture of it on my cell. And I immediately called her in part because I really liked the picture and in part because I couldn't believe she planned to wear that on national television. The leather pants were tight but that top. DAMN.
She could tell I was jealous but promised that the blue top wasn't nearly as revealing as the picture looked. I wasn't convinced. Ray offered a compromise. She would meet me at the end of the driveway to show me how it looked. It was after 11 at night when I drove my truck to the end of her driveway at Belle Meade.
The second my headlights hit her body I realized the picture was actually conservative. She informed me it was Dolce and Gabbana. I told her it was lingerie.
Truth is, it has never really bothered me when Rayna went on the "show more skin" side. When we were together the first time, I knew she was mine. She'd wear short skirts and shirts that showed her belly button. It didn't bother me. The boys could look and be jealous as hell when I took her home. Hell, it was a turn on knowing that the guys were all hoping she would go home with them. Sometimes we'd sneak off to this same damn truck we were in or to a locked bathroom in the middle of a party.
Then there were the years that she was with Teddy. I sure as hell didn't mind seeing those legs I loved night after night. I had no complaints when I got to look down her dress cause the outfits she wore was split half way to her hips. I couldn't touch but I sure as hell could look. If I couldn't take her home at night I could at least appreciate what she looked like. Hell, some nights I'd close my eyes with some fan that snuck backstage and pretend it was Rayna and that outfit that was with me in the hotel room.
Now she's mine again. I would be perfectly fine if she wore a damn sack out in public and nothing at all in private. She couldn't understand why I was acting jealous about the outfit. I mean damn, in the dark of her driveway with the engine cut off her boobs were just out there.
She got annoyed. I got more jealous when she told me Brad had seen the top and loved it. Then suddenly I was kissing her in my SUV. She smiled against my lips and reminded me the girls were asleep. We crawled in the back and she carefully took off her top, placing it in the front seat. She whispered into my ear promising that she only wanted me, always wanted me.
Then for the first time in fifteen years Ray and I had sex in a car. In fact it was same damn vehicle. That fact made me smile into her hair.
I made some joke, "If the truck is rocking, don't bother knocking."
Then all too soon she said she needed to get back inside. I begged her for two more minutes. She kissed me, and then gave me double the requested time. Then she was getting back into the top, with one final kiss I told her I'd pick her up at 5 o'clock the next day.
One Hundred and Thirty Two
I think Deacon is my father.
Mom is dating him again and I heard her say that she loved him. Then Dad completely freaked when Deacon was over at the house.
I've known for a long time that Mom and Deacon used to date. DJs talk about it on the radio when their songs are played. There is a picture in Bucky's house with Mom on Deacon's back and they are kissing each other at one of those album parties. Nobody ever told me that they dated for a long time or that they dated right before Mom married Dad.
I didn't sleep at all last night. Instead I just kept looking on line for everything I could find out about them. I watched interviews with Mom on youtube with that old woman on 'The View.' Mom's haircut was so bad back then. There are tumblr pages and internet fan clubs that want Mom and Deacon to get married. Some fans did clipart and put a lot of pictures of them in collages like we used to do in school. There were a lot of pictures I've never seen before. I read that they started living together when she was seventeen. I'm not even allowed to date until I'm eighteen.
After I googled them, I went downstairs. I looked at the picture of Mom and Dad on their wedding day for like five minutes. In the big picture of Mom by herself, she's holding the flowers over her stomach. Then I went and looked at the smaller picture of Dad and her together on their wedding day, it is just of their faces. I went to Mom's room but she wasn't there. So I snuck into her closet again and pulled out my parents marriage license. I was born five months after the wedding. I put the paper back into the box and heard Mom come in the back door.
I ran back to my room and pretended to be asleep when she checked on me. While I waited for Mom to check on me, I thought about how Deacon plays the guitar. He's totally famous and way better than me but nobody else in my family plays the guitar. I texted Talia about the guitar playing and the brown hair. She said that didn't mean anything. She told me that lots of people do stuff their parents don't do and then said Daphne had blonde hair. That's true I guess.
When I was sure Mom was asleep I got back up and pulled out my laptop. There were clips I downloaded with Mom at the Grammys when she won. She kissed Deacon like people do in the movies and only thanked Aunt Tandy, Bucky, and Deacon. There were interviews where they asked my Mom about Deacon and turned red. It was like how Talia blushes when Jeremy Pryor asked her to movies last week. There weren't a whole lot of interviews with Deacon.
I even took my computer into my bathroom and looked at pictures of Deacon beside me. I don't really look like him either. I walked back into my bed and held onto my pillow.
I know even without anybody telling me. They both lied to me, my whole life.
My Dad is not my Dad. Deacon is.
One Hundred and Thirty Three
I went to the jeweler today.
After Juliette closed the door in my face I got back in the car and took a heavy sigh. Right now Juliette needed to be mad and angry with someone. If she chose to be angry with me, I wouldn't do any good hanging around. So I decided to run an errand since I had plenty of time before I needed to start getting dressed for the CMAs.
A couple of days ago I'd gone digging in the drawer looking for that velvet box. The ring's bright diamond had dulled over the years so I decided to go ahead and get it cleaned and polished.
I know I'm planning a little in advance. Ray's divorce won't be final for at least another month. I know I don't want to ask her before their marriage is officially over. Ray's girls just found out we are dating and they need to time to adjust. Hell, I need time to adjust to them too. I've always loved them but the idea of being their stepfather just blows my mind.
I bought this ring sixteen years ago and I think it's about damn time I ask her. If I asked her to marry me tomorrow, she'd say yes. But if I asked her, Ray would only be able to wear the engagement ring in private. We'd have to have some long-ass engagement. I don't want that either.
I've called Rayna so many things: "the only woman I've ever loved", "my girlfriend", "my ex", "my boss", "the reason I got sober", "the most beautiful thing I've ever seen", and just simply 'Ray'. But I want to call her my wife. But I can wait a little bit longer. We're together again and I can't help but smile.
Last year, I went to the CMAs. Ray didn't play, just announced a category. I played lead guitar as a favor to Tim. Ray wore a purple gown that clung to her body and Teddy clung to her like a cheap suit.
Tonight she'll be mine again, just like I've always been hers. It will be me clinging to her, holding her hand. Although if she's still insisting on wearing that outfit, everybody eyes will definitely be on her.
One Hundred and Thirty Four
I can't breathe.
Maddie is sitting on the couch in the living room and I had to excuse myself for a moment. None of this makes sense at all. Ray had a DNA test done on Maddie? Teddy isn't her father?
My head keeps swimming at the idea that Rayna has a kid with some other guy and never told me. I know what Maddie said, but she can't be mine. Ray and I hadn't had sex in over a year before Maddie was born.
But for some reason, I still can't breathe.
Whatever reason I gave Maddie for going in the bedroom is forgotten as I walk back into the living room. Maddie is crying and doesn't realize that I'm back. So I just look at her. To me, Maddie has always looked like Ray. Neither one of the girls look like Teddy.
Maddie doesn't look like me either. But she does play the guitar, like me. She is quieter, like me. I shake my head to try and clear it. No. She's not mine. She can't be. It's not even possible.
Ray would never. Besides, I would know. I would know. Ray got married to Teddy because she got pregnant with his child. Why the hell would she get married to Teddy if he wasn't the father? My mind races, trying to figure out who the hell Rayna cheated on Teddy with. It wasn't me. We didn't….
Then my heart finally catches up to my brain. I know she didn't sleep with anybody else. That thought grips my throat and I let out a sound that startles Maddie. She wipes her tears away and I go sit beside her on the couch. I tell her that I don't know if I'm her father. I promise her we'll find out, I'll find out. She nods and wipes away more tears.
I volunteer to drive her back home but she shakes her head. She reminds me that I've got to pick up Rayna in thirty minutes. I can't even think about some damn awards show right now. Maddie bites her lip, the way Ray does and asks why I never took a DNA test.
She's accepted this as fact, that I'm her father. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around this. Every excuse I come up with makes no sense. She wipes her tears again and I hear a honk, the second one. It's the damn cab driver. He's been waiting for at least thirty minutes now.
Maddie insists that I have to go pick up Rayna. I grab some cash from the side table and run outside. I pay the cab driver and weakly thank him. Maddie says she wants to go see Talia, apparently that is a friend of hers.
We drive through Nashville quickly, I roll through the stop signs, hit the gas at the yellow lights. My knuckles are holding so tight to the steering wheel that they are white. We finally get to the Talia's house. Maddie tells me thank you for the ride and I nod. She tells me that she's sorry she told me. Somehow I choke on the words that reassure her. I don't even know what I say back. Then she was in the house and I drove away slowly, unsure of where I was going.
I was supposed to be at Ray's twenty minutes ago. I can't…I just can't right now. I jerk the car's wheel and blindly drive around. I end up at our park. The sun is bright and I watch the water roll over the rocks for a while.
I try to wrap my mind around everything. I tell myself that the DNA must for Daphne. But just as soon as I think the question, I know that isn't true. That's not Ray. She didn't cheat on her husband. She sure as hell didn't cheat on Teddy with someone that wasn't me. I rub my hands up and down my jaw. This doesn't make any damn sense.
Maybe it's a joke? Teddy hates me. He filed a restraining order against me. Maybe he planted this test to divide me and Ray? That's even stupider. He'd never allow either of his daughters to think I'm anything more than Uncle Deacon. Then I remember how Teddy over-reacted to me eating dinner with the girls. I try to think of other times I've been with Maddie when Teddy was around. I try to remember having sex with Rayna before I went off to rehab the fifth time.
The memories I desperately try to remember don't come to me. I can't think of anything but Maddie's voice, telling me that she thought I was her father. don't want to think about it. I want to forget I ever knew anything about this but I can't. It's all I can think about, all I can hear In my head, I can feel in my soul.
Ray married Teddy because she got pregnant with HIS kid, not mine. No, Maddie's not mine. If she was mine, Ray would have told me. She would have told me. I would have known, right? I mean how the fuck would I have gotten her pregnant and not remember having sex? I keep reassuring myself over and over that this is some huge-ass mistake. I almost convince myself again that this isn't true. It makes me feel better and I can finally breathe again.
I have to talk to Rayna. Until she tells me that for the last thirteen years she's been with Teddy by choice and not by some obligation I won't believe it. Until she tells me that she lied to me all this time, I won't admit it to myself.
Then suddenly my throat closes again. The memories I'd begged for early come rushing back. I remember the times she bailed me out of jail, the times she cried as I drank from the bottle and threw dishes on the floor. I can see her eyes pool with tears as I show her how I burned the letters she wrote me. I can remember the night I busted out the windows of her car, the night I broke the kitchen table of her new apartment. I can almost smell the whiskey on my breath as I remember lying to her, swearing I hadn't been drinking.
But, I would remember if we had sex. I would know if Ray had my child.
No. Until Ray tells me otherwise, I won't believe it. I look around and realizing the sky is dark. According to my watch its 8:15. She and Brad go on stage at 8:55. I jump in the SUV and vow to myself I won't think about until I talk to Ray.
One Hundred and Thirty Five
Deacon doesn't want us to go public yet.
It is the only thing I can think of as Carrie Underwood introduces our song. For the last fourteen years, I thought all he wanted was to be back together. He's told me that for the last month, almost non-stop. He was the one who wanted to go public; he was the one who was tired of hiding behind ball caps and sunglasses. He was ready to play publically in the band, hold hands backstage, and eat lunch in a restaurant.
I hit the chorus and smile into the camera. Deacon looks at me angrily and then looks down at this guitar. I turn back to Brad and sing another line. Maybe Deacon is mad about the outfit again? Maybe he's annoyed that I'm singing a song that was produced by Liam? Maybe he and Juliette got into it about Jolene's death?
As I hit the second chorus a sense of dread spreads through my fingertips. Maybe Deacon has had second thoughts about us? Maybe the kids and Teddy and Daddy and everything is just too much? The song is on its last chorus and I look back at Deacon again. He's looks furious.
As the audience applauds and I hug Brad, Deacon practically throws his guitar off and leaves the stage. He'll find me when he's ready to talk about whatever it is. Until then, I've only got thirty-two minutes to change my clothes, fix my hair and get ready to present the award by myself.
One Hundred & Thirty Six
Deacon knows.
Maddie knows. Deacon and Maddie know. Deacon is heartbroken. He's angry. He looked…lost. And Maddie is so confused and hurt right now. Deacon won't pick up his phone. Maddie told me that she wanted to live with Teddy.
My lip trembles. This is all my fault. The people I've tried to protect for the last decade are hurting. The people I love the most in the whole world hate me. And its all my fault. I always knew someday I would have tell them but not like this. God, never like this. My phone is running low on battery as I call Deacon's cell phone again. I leave another message, begging Deacon to call me.
I walk upstairs to Maddie's room and lay on her bed. Elephant Shoes is on the bookshelf, the animal Deacon gave Maddie for her first birthday. It looks so much like the elephant Deacon bought me two decades ago. I go over and pick it up, stroke the fur that is still left on the animal and hold the animal up to my cheek.
I finally burst into tears as the reality sets in. I know what he's doing right now. It's that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach I've had countless times before. I'd almost forgotten what this felt like, how terrifying it is waiting for a call from the police. I send up a silent pray hoping when the phone call comes, they'd tell me he was in a holding cell and not in the hospital. I'd forgotten what bargaining with God truly felt like.
Only this time, its not the disease's fault, it's not Vince's fault, is my entire fault.
One Hundred & Thirty Seven
I've had six drinks.
And I can think about is how Ray never trusted me again. She couldn't have. She did lose faith in us, in me. Otherwise, she would have told me the fucking truth at some point.
I've almost convinced myself that I remember the night…the night I got her pregnant. I laugh into the glass, causing the liquor to slosh around. I don't remember a fucking thing.
I take another swig, as I remember all the times that me and Ray almost crossed the line. The trip to the Rockies, the night at the Bluebird, the elevator….but we stopped.
We always stopped. We stopped because I was a fucking drunk who was too self-absorbed to see how much I was hurting her. We stopped because she found a stable guy, one who loved her. We stopped because she had children waiting at home, his children. We stopped because she had a family.
Only she didn't. She had my family. We had a family. I have a family.
I laugh again, the whiskey working as I recalled the night I told Juliette that Rayna was my family. I'm a damn physic. Actually I'm thirteen years late.
Ray is my family. So is Maddie. They are my family. They were my family for the last thirteen years. I ask the bartender to make the next one a double and close my eyes trying to somehow block out my own damn thoughts.
Maybe during my next drink, I'll quit playing the damn fool. I'll get angry again, like I did a couple of drinks ago. Yep, next round I'll be pissed as hell again.
One Hundred and Thirty Eight
Rayna always deserved better than him.
He's crawling on his hands and knees across the city lawn. He's pathetic. He's scum. He smells like cheap booze and cigarettes and stale peanuts. His eyes are red and his movements are slower than normal. Security guards shove him onto the sidewalk and I don't want to watch this loser anymore.
I've spent all night listening outside my daughter's room as she cried hysterically. Crying over him. He doesn't deserve either of them.
Now my wife and my daughter have him to worry about all over again. He's embarrassing and dangerous. I vow that no matter what I have to do, I'll keep my wife and my daughter safe from him.
One Hundred and Thirty Nine
I always thought I'd be in a cemetery, crying over Deacon.
For nearly two years after Vince died I knew I would put Deacon in a box, in the ground. I'd even decided what I wanted his headstone to look like. It was going to be simple, deep grey with a guitar etched on the top. I even had a conversation with Vince's mother about the possibility of Deacon being buried near Vince. It seemed fitting. In some ways, Deacon died the same day Vince did.
I'm only here at Jolene's funeral because I hoped Deacon would be here. My conversation with Juliette about addiction only makes me feel worse. When Juliette walks away, I stay seated on the bench. I grip the cement.
The fact that he isn't at any of the hospitals or police departments gives me hope. Deacon has been sober for so long, he is strong enough to not drink. I look down at my phone as it blinks. It's a text from Coleman. He says Deacon is at home. I feel myself crying in relief. He's home and he's okay. If it was bad, Coleman would have told me.
One Hundred and Forty
Deacon is waking up.
He's been passed out for hours. My arm has been aching since Deacon and I wrestled. I'm talking to Anita on the phone. She offers to come over but I tell her not to come. I promise to call her soon.
One Hundred and Forty One
Coleman was always so damn gullible.
First he tells me to call on God. Then he tells me he talked to Rayna, like somehow he knows what the fuck I'm thinking or what I'm going through.
Coleman doesn't know that the pillow I passed out on smells like Ray. He doesn't know that I've already been to the liquor store. He doesn't remember all my hiding places. I bet Ray remembers all the places I hid my booze too but she's not here. I feel like I'm going to rip into pieces when it occurs to me that she should have been here all along. But she chose Teddy. She chose some stranger over me to raise our daughter.
I stumble into the shower and hope that the water will rinse away what the whiskey hasn't yet.
One Hundred and Forty Two
He is drunk.
The smell isn't bad, masked by his cologne and the cool night air. But the way his eyes can't focus on mine tells me everything I've been praying wasn't true. He fights me for the keys as he cusses me out.
I claw at his fist until he yells at me that for once he wishes I would just leave him alone. He has no idea how many times I've wished the same.
I grip the wheel and try not to cry as I exit the parking lot. It scares me how quickly we fall back into the dance we haven't done in so long. I pull onto the highway and he says nothing. I hear glass hit the dashboard. A second later I smell the brown liquor and look over, watching as he drinks straight from the bottle. I can't watch him do it, so instead I cut my eyes to the left and focus on the streetlight on the other side of the road.
One Hundred and Forty Three
I yell at her.
Louder and louder. I take bigger sips from the bottle. She asked me what the hell I was thinking driving drunk. I yelled back that I was trying to help Juliette. She shakes her head as the quiet fills the SVU.
I yell again. I ask how her how could do this me? She yells back, asking me how I could drink after being sober for thirteen years.
I scream that I was right that day in the yard; she did lose faith in me. She yells back at me, pointing at the bottle. I holler that she chose to be with Teddy, chose for Maddie to with Teddy. I yell that she never loved me at all. She yells that I know that isn't true.
I yell again, mad at her for yelling at me. She is acting like she's the damn injured party. I yell again asking her how in the hell she married Teddy fucking Conrad.
One Hundred and Forty Four
He wants me to shut up.
I made my own choices. I lied. I pretended. I kept it all to myself. I cried at her crib, knowing I'd done the right thing but hating myself for it none the same. There were nights I would close my eyes and let myself pretend it was Deacon instead.
But I did it because he couldn't handle himself back then. He sure as hell couldn't handle a child. He knows that, I know he knows that. He knows Teddy was what was good for Maddie. He knows that I love him.
He cries for a minutes and I want to cry myself. Then he gets angry again and starts to yell. He knows that I can't stand him drinking so he makes sure I see him do it.
He tells me that the last thirteen years have been a lie. He yells at me that I owe him an apology. He yells at me that Maddie's best friend's name is Talia. He yelled that didn't even know the name of his daughter's best friend.
He knows why I didn't tell him. He can never forgive me for it, he can be angry the rest of his life. But he damn well knows that I love him. He knows that I didn't do any of this to hurt him or Maddie. But he's screaming at me and telling me differently.
I know it's the alcohol. I grab the bottle and he snatches his hand away. He is trying to make me mad. It works. I scream at him to put the damn bottle down.
His eyes are full of tears and he asks me how I never told him. I just want to pull over on the side of the road and cry but instead Deacon starts yelling again. He tells me to shut my lying mouth and then takes another long swig from the bottle.
We go around in circles, yelling and screaming at each other. He yells at me, screams that I am not the victim in this. I yell back.
He screams at me again, shaking the bottle at me, to shut up.
One Hundred and Forty Five
She yelled louder.
When I grabbed the wheel and when her body jerked as the car spun across the road. Everything happened in slow motion, like every other car wreck I have been in. The blood rushed back to my head as the car goes back to its upright position. For a second, I thought that we were okay.
Then we kept rolling. The headlights of the car showed grass beyond the windshield. I saw the glass shattering from the window beyond Rayna, the pieces gleamed as they danced in the headlights.
Slowly, the dizzy feeling started again. I was yelling loudly. As the car went upright again, I realized it was just me yelling.
Then a loud crunch sounded again and we rocked back and forth, slowly. I remember us in this SVU a few nights ago. I made a joke about this thing rocking. Finally it stops moving.
My eyes won't open but I keep waiting, waiting to hear her yell at me. I can't form the words yet but in my head I'm screaming at her to yell at me. Yell at me for drinking, yell at me for never giving her a ring, yell at me for getting two pineapples at the grocery store when we can barely afford milk. Yell at me. Please Ray, just yell at me. Talk to me.
Just say something.