After the Vows

Jim Beckett's Journal

Chapter 24

Dear Johanna,

I was with Katie, Rick, and Alexis at Declan's Young Musician's concert at Carnegie Hall last night. In truth, I was expecting to be put to sleep. There's only so much classical music I can handle. But I was pleasantly surprised. It was very lively with very upbeat arrangements of holiday themed music. There were singers as well and one number even featured tumblers being thrown across the stage. I don't think anyone could have slept through it.

Afterward Alexis went out with Declan and a group of his friends to celebrate. Katie and Rick wanted to head back to the loft and I felt like a third wheel, so I begged off, deciding to go to the office. We have so much work to do right now that Dana and her team are often there until the wee hours and much of the time I'm there with them. I admit that for a moment I felt a little sorry for myself. I passed a bar and I almost went in. That put a scare into me and I called my sponsor.

I hadn't seen him in a while. We often go to different meetings. He met me for coffee and told me what has been happening with his family. His name is Wilson - that's a first name, and he's a judge. I occasionally appeared in his court but I don't believe you ever did. When I came to A.A. I was surprised to find him there, but he's been dry for twenty years, longer than he's been a judge, so there was no chance I would have ever seen anything amiss in his courtroom. He may be one of the few people left in the city besides me who still drinks black coffee. Maybe it's a habit formed when we were trying to appear sober.

Wilson may have needed to talk as much as I did. His wife has had several strokes and as a result has developed memory problems, especially with short term memory. She knows who everyone is and understands how the world works, but she can't keep track of her schedule or her possessions. As a result, she can't be left alone. Wilson's daughter moved in with them, with her own teen aged son and daughter. From what Wilson tells me the kids are more than willing and able to help their grandmother. That still leaves uncovered time when Wilson and his daughter are working and the kids are in school. He's hired women to come in and sit with his mother. He tried to get women who needed a part time job while their own kids are in school. It was a noble idea, but it didn't work out as well as he'd hoped. Mothers have emergencies of their own, problems like sick children. It often meant that Wilson or his daughter would have to fill in at the expense of their own work. That wasn't even always possible. Wilson brought his mother to sit in court with him a couple of times. She actually enjoyed it, but it wasn't a workable solution. Finally Wilson hired a couple of women his mother's own age. Since his mother's long term memories are intact, they have a lot to talk about. They also enjoy a lot of the same activities. They're making a quilt which Wilson's church will be raffling off to support their youth group. Wilson still has to worry about what to do when one of those ladies is ill, but for the most part, the family is coping.

Wilson's story made me think about families and coping. You see the surface of people's lives and you never know what might lie beneath. I don't think I know anyone with a problem free life. People would look at someone like Rick, rich and famous, and think he'd be on the top of the world. They wouldn't think about the anguish he went through when his daughter was kidnapped, or the dread he feels having a wife who is constantly in danger. The public certainly didn't understand the pain he felt at the distress his disappearance caused his family. Somehow he was able to move past that pain and bring Katie past it with him.

I actually marvel at Rick. No matter what he's gone through, alone or with Katie, he's never lost his joy. He can still be totally involved in a game of laser tag with Alexis, or become completely immersed in an action movie. Katie needed that in her life. She was just as joyful when she was growing up. Do you remember the hours she spent watching Saved By The Bell reruns or how involved she got with Nebula Nine? She wanted to try everything, even the things that drove us crazy like her motorcycle. She still has it, by the way, but I think she has even more fun driving Rick's Ferrari. I suppose my point is that Rick has brought back into her life what William Bracken stole.

Despite the dangers and frustrations Katie still faces, with Rick, she can actually giggle like she did when she was a little girl. They play together. I've never really understood why someone would want to put on a costume and pretend to be a character from TV or the movies, but they both do. They can throw food at each other in the kitchen or melt into each other on the dance floor and Katie's happiness is visible in every expression on her face and every movement of her body.

Perhaps that's why I spend time with them and the rest of the Castle clan more and more, and feel let down when I leave. The joy is contagious. I'm hoping I'll learn to keep more of it with me when I'm not with them.

There's one more thing that may or may not be family related. If it is, it's nice. If it isn't, it is unsettling. After I left the theater last night and parted company with the kids, I was careless. You know New York cabs and the way they come barreling around corners. One did just that as I stepped off the curb. The white haired man from outside the loft grabbed me and pulled me back onto the sidewalk. It he hadn't, I might have been hit. I turned around to thank him and he just grunted and sort of melted into the darkness. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that before except as a special effect in a movie.

I have no idea what he was doing there. Martha wasn't with us, so it is obviously not the matter of an obsessed ex-lover. It is like he's playing guardian angel to the Castle family and I'm now included in the mix. I'm grateful, but I can't really let my curiosity about him go anymore. I'm going to try asking Katie. If she won't tell me, maybe she can at least tell me why I can't be told. This is the kind of mystery you used to love in Rick's books. I'm beginning to understand your fascination.

Forever love,

JB