It's been like forever since I updated this and I'm really sorry. Just didn'T get back to the story until now. I hope there's still people out there reading it.

Hope you like the update.

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After the initial shock about what Stephanie had revealed to them and the general anger about Phil's stubborn reaction to keep this away from them, realization hit them hard. The sheer enormity of her words took a moment to settle. The two friends shared a look, neither of them knowing what to say now, knowing how to react. The diagnosis itself consisted of one simple word but it certainly wasn't as simple as it sounded.

Cancer. Their best friend had been diagnosed with a potentially life threatening disease. A loving husband - even though Phil liked to differ on that statement but both his friends knew it was only for show. He loved Stephanie like nothing and nobody else in this world. Except for the kids. A caring father of two adorable children that probably didn't even fully comprehend what was happening here. And in the scale of things - even though they were both aware of the fact that even children could contract any kind of cancer - Phil was still young, just yet a little over 40. Nothing of this seemed fair... It just shouldn't have happened. But here they were, forced to accept the hard truth of reality.

Doug spent a long, depressing minute trying to put himself in his friend's position. He couldn't even begin to comprehend how to deal with this and he was only imagining, only watching from the outside. Out of all of them Phil had always been the one to take charge, make decisions, find solutions if necessary. But this was a problem he wouldn't be able to solve. Doug sighed softly and Stu next to him fixed his gaze on Stephanie, obviously having been absorbed in the same sort of thoughts.

"How is he taking it?"

"How do you think?!"

It sounded a lot harsher than Stephanie had intended. She knew Doug and Stu were only trying to help, trying to be sympathetic. But it was a stupid question. Of course Phil had not taken the news well. Of course he was scared - not only for himself but for his family. It was the exact reason he had not wanted his friends around. If there was one thing he couldn't bare to show them openly it was fear. He wanted to be strong, he wanted to be healthy but his own body was betraying him. How was anybody supposed to deal with something like this?

Stu certainly hadn't meant to hurt Stephanies' feelings. Raw emotion tainted every word she said and maybe it would have been wise to choose his words a little more carefully. But then she smiled - a small, defeated smile and sighed audibly, running her hands through her hair before burying her face in them for just a moment. Doug reacted out of instinct, putting a hand on her shoulder which caused Stephanie to look up again.

"How are you taking it?"

"I'm not actually. We both aren't I guess. It's been less then a week since we were confronted with all this... this shit. Sorry but I can't put it any other way. All we have been talking about in this last week were medication and distribution circles, side affects of the treatment, psychological affects, dieting advices, treatment options, options on an oncologist... It's all I can think of, all I can focus on. I haven't been at work for a week, I haven't seen the kids since last week because I needed them out of the house. They are with their grandparents because I had no idea how to tell them the truth.

I couldn't tell his parents or mine either. I just can't find the right words... I thought with all that - focusing all my attention, all my care on Phil - I would be prepared for the things to come. But I'm not. I'm lost... lost in this crazy mud hole of desperation... I should have known. The oncologist warned us right away but I didn't want to believe him. I wanted to believe that my husband could take anything that would be thrown his way. I wanted to believe Phil would be strong through all this."

Stephanies' words made their skin crawl. She sounded helpless and even more hopeless. Two attributes they had never experienced about her before. But it wasn't just that. It was hard to believe that she was actually telling the truth. Especially for Stu who had seen first hand how seriously sick Phil still was. He had been sure their stubborn friend had insisted on leaving the hospital on his own will, not listening to the doctors and taking things to fast. He shook his head, trying to make sense of the facts Stephanie had been pointing out to them.

"You mean to tell us that the state he's in is not due to the initial illness. It's not because of the fever and the recovery from it?"

"No. They treated the fever successfully. He was okay again after a day and a half. It has nothing to do with that. It's the medication."

"What the hell is that so called oncologist doing to him?!"

Stu couldn't help but feeling angry. As Phil so often liked to point out to him - he was not a real doctor. But he had enough knowledge of medicine to have a very firm understanding of what a medication was supposed to do to a person and what it shouldn't be doing. Medication was supposed to help people, not make them worse!

Stephanie shrugged in an utterly helpless gesture. Just remembering their talk with the oncologist hurt her. Especially because back then - just four days ago - Phil had been hopeful and completely determined to go through with the treatment. Neither of them had any idea what was in store for them. She sighed, her voice wavering.

"He said it was the only way to get the leukemia under control. The only way for Phil to have a fighting chance ..."

*Flashback*

Stephanie had been sitting with Phil for over an hour, doing everything she could to avoid looking him in the eyes and keeping all their conversation to happy words and utter nonsense. She couldn't look at him. If she did, she would be unable to lie to him any longer, unable to hide the truth from him. It broke her heart not to tell him but at the same time she didn't have the courage for it.

Just from the look of it Phil was doing so much better. The fever had died down after a long and difficult night in the ICU and he had been transferred to a normal room now. He was still a little groggy because of the fever and the heavy doses of medication but he was eager to go home. He would. The oncologist had promised her as much. But he wouldn't go home happy and he would have to come back here every time they treated him for his illness.

Stephanie had tried to form the word leukemia in her head. Had tried to tell herself in all clarity that Phil was suffering from cancer. She couldn't do it. She couldn't imagine her husband with a potentially deadly disease. She just couldn't let the fact sink in. But reality wouldn't wait for them to get a grip. The oncologist had been very specific on this point. Time was of the essence here.

"Steph?"

She snapped out of her thoughts and flinched when she realized Phil had been talking to her. She had no idea what he had said and when she looked up to meet his eyes for just a fraction of a second she detected worry in them. She could have laughed hysterically but she found just enough strength to stop herself. He was the one being seriously ill but still he worried about her. She was about to ask him what he had been talking to her about when the door to Phils hospital room opened and the oncologist - Dr. Michael Lewis - entered. He stepped up to the bed, stretching out a hand, offering a handshake and introducing himself to Phil who seemed a little reluctant and even more skeptical. Phil didn't bother being polite. He gave the doctor a good long look.

"You're not the same doctor who was in here this morning. The one telling me this department was his responsibility. So... who are you?"

"You're very observant, Mr. Wenneck. You are quite right. I'm not part of this department. I came here as a consultant.."

"A consultant for what? They told me my fever was down and that I was better."

Stephanie balled her hands to fists, knowing that the inevitable moment of letting Phil in on the truth had come. In this very moment she regretted for not telling him herself but she couldn't deny that she was happy for the doctor's presence. He dealt with situations such as this on a daily basis. He would know what to say and she would do the one thing she could for Phil. She would be there for him.

"You're fever is better, that much is true. But I'm not here because of the fever. I'm here because of the underlying cause for your fever."

Stephanie watched Phil frown as he tried to make sense out of the doctors words. He obviously didn't like being left in the dark and she could fully understand that. His tone was a lot harsher than necessary.

"And what would that be?"

"Leukemia. The underlying cause is leukemia."

Stephanie wasn't sure what kind of a reaction she had expected from Phil but this wasn't it. For a long moment he just stared at the doctor. Then he scoffed before he laughed nervously, his gaze shifting towards her, looking for any sign of amusement on her face. He crossed his arms when he found none, looking from his wife back to the doctor.

"Does he mean to tell me I have cancer?! He's joking, right? You're joking. You have to be! You should really work on your people skills, doc. This isn't funny at all."

"I assure you, Mr. Wenneck, I am perfectly aware that this is no joking matter. I know this is hard to comprehend but what I'm telling you is the truth. The test results confirm it. You're very ill and I know you need time to digest the news but time is the one thing we're short on. With this form of cancer it is imminent to start treatment as soon as possible. You might want some time alone and I respect that but we need to discuss treatment options as soon as you feel up to it. Okay?"

The doctor was friendly and calm, smiled at the couple and waited for a reaction from Phil. But he didn't get one. Stephanie could practically see the thoughts swirling in his head as Phil tried hard to make sense of the things that have just been said, tried to comprehend what this meant for him. She looked up at the doctor, answering in her husbands stead.

"It's okay, Dr. Lewis."

"Just let the nurse know when you're ready. "

Dr. Lewis smiled at her, turned and left the room, left Stephanie alone with her husband who was still unresponsive. She bit down hard on her lip and carefully placed her hand on his. He didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't even look at her. Her voice was shaking as she tried to get through to him, hoping and praying for an answer. She got one, one she hadn't expected. He was angry with her...

"Hon? Honey, please... Please, Phil, talk to me. You're scaring me..."

"You knew."

"They told me last night. I... I didn't know how to tell you. I just couldn't..."

"Be honest?!"

"Do this to you! Be the one to cause that heartbroken, devastated look on your face. I didn't want to hurt you..."

"No need for that. I'm hurting all too well on my own."

A moment of utter silence filled the room. The hopelessness in Phil's voice choked her, made her unable to react and say something, anything to reassure him. She just sat there, held his hand and blinked at him, watched him as he tried hard to find his composure again. When he did, a skeptical look crossed his face and a glimmer of hope was in his eyes. It was not a good thing though. The one thing Phil had decided on for the moment is denial.

"Are they sure about this? I mean maybe it's a mistake. Maybe it's just a mix up."

It felt like a knife being twisted in her gut when she had to shake her head. Stephanie had wished for the very same thing, had insisted on the tests to be redone. But it hadn't changed the results. She hated taking that glimmer of hope away from him but she couldn't let him delude himself.

"It's not a mistake, hon. They redid those tests twice. It's the truth."

"But I was fine just two days ago!"

"You're not now. Not anymore..."

She felt the tears burning behind her eyelids, threatening to fall but she fought them down with all the strength she had. She couldn't fall apart in front of Phil. Her husband needed her, more than ever before... But he didn't appreciate her composure. Instead he pulled his hand back and glared at her. He didn't want to believe it, wanted to fight for an alternative but she had to take that hope away from him too.

"How can you just accept that?! Just because this one doctor..."

"It wasn't just him, Phil. It was three different doctors. It's true. You... you have leukemia."

It was the first time she admitted it, found the courage to say it out loud and it brought tears to her eyes yet again. This time she couldn't fight it, this time they ran down her face. She sniffed, tried hard not to sob and failed. Phil's expression changed from anger to sympathy from one second to the next. He grabbed her hand again, pulled her closer, engulfed her in an embrace and Stephanie felt even worse.

"Steph, don't. Please don't cry. It's going to be okay... I'm going to be fine."

She was pretty sure he didn't believe what he was telling her. He was just doing it to reassure her and even though it was a nice gesture, she didn't appreciate it.

"You can't rationalize this away or talk your way out of it. It's a disease, Phil. We have to deal with this..."

She freed herself from his embrace, looking into his eyes. Phil smiled at her. A smile he hid all his true feelings behind, concentrating only on making Stephanie feel better. He knew he had to deal with this, he knew he needed a game plane here, some sort of solution. But even with the confirmation from several doctors and his wife he still couldn't believe he was actually sick. He didn't want to believe it. But Stephanie was right. There was nothing he could say that would make the facts go away. He grabbed Stephanie's hand, squeezing it gently, battling down an onset of panic and keeping the smile plastered on his face.

"We will."

*End Flashback*

Stephanie watched both Stu and Doug intently, watched their reaction to everything she had just told them. She could tell they felt a lot like she did back there at the hospital before she and Phil had talked to the doctor about the treatment. Stu gave her a small smile and Stephanie let out a sigh.

"Maybe I'm being way to naive here... But that doesn't sound too bad."

"We thought so too. But that was until we talked to the doctor about treating this thing..."