Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters below – I am only borrowing them – and will not be financially benefitting from the story in anyway. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author Notes: Thanks to Mellow_Mel for the beta…although because I'm an impatient pain in the ass and I wanted to post before I go away on business - I didn't really give her enough time to check it properly. Therefore, any mistakes that are still contained within are TOTALLY my fault!
This chapter picks up directly after the last….
Chapter 15
"Sharon, wait…" Instinctively Andy started after the Captain; not quite ready to let her out of his sight – the feeling that he'd lost her forever still clutched at his heart.
"Oh no you don't." The lieutenant came to a halt when he felt the heavy weight of Provenza's hand on his shoulder. He turned to face his friend, both confusion and annoyance evident in his expression. "We can't just leave her – she's obviously upset…"
"Let her be, Andy," Provenza spoke softly. "The captain clearly wants some space – let her have it."
"Keys…" Lieutenant Tao slurred from his position propped up against the actresses' vanity unit and the two detectives frowned down at their colleague. "Her keys...pocket..." he explained, moving his arm in an uncoordinated fashion towards his chest.
Quickly understanding Tao's meaning, Provenza crouched down next to the stricken Lieutenant. "You damn well better be talking about your jacket pocket..." he grumbled as he opened Tao's blazer, reached inside and successfully fished out Sharon's keys.
Andy, who was purposefully hovering just behind him, made an attempt to swipe the keys from Provenza's grip - but the elder detective deftly avoided his colleague and held Sharon's keys just out of reach. "I will take these to her."
"But…"
"No buts, Flynn; the last thing the Captain needs right now is you fussing." He signalled towards Tao, "...you stay here with pukey."
"Pukey?"
"Sick…" Mike said in warning, before dropping his head to one side and gagging.
"No…" Andy protested as he reached for a nearby wicker basket for Tao to use as a receptacle for his vomit. "Wait I…" when he turned back to confront Provenza – the lieutenant had already left the room. "Damn it!"
xXx
Sharon left the room and rushed down the staircase towards the kitchen; avoiding the eyes of her co-workers as she passed. The Captain wasn't entirely sure what she would have seen had she looked them in the eye; most of the LAPD still thought poorly of her. She wondered if the officers that had come to her rescue, actually thought she deserved everything she got.
'Maybe on this occasion they are right.'
Sharon finally reached the kitchen - which was blessedly empty - and rounded the island to retrieve her gun and phone from where Chloe had left them.
As she re-holstered her firearm, she looked down at the phone on the counter; there were over 30 missed calls – over half of which were from Lieutenant Flynn. The realisation made Sharon's eyes begin to well with tears as she imagined what Andy must have been going through. What had he expected to find when he arrived?
"Captain,"
Sharon stiffened at the sound of Lieutenant Provenza's voice. She inhaled sharply in preparation for a discussion – but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Instead she picked up her cell-phone and absently flicked through the menus – a deep frown creasing her brow as she fought to keep her tears at bay. "What is it Lieutenant?"
"Your keys." Sharon looked at Provenza fleetingly and upon glimpsing the concern in his expression - she melted a little. If she were to keep her resolve the Captain didn't need Provenza to be comforting – she needed him to be himself.
Unable to maintain eye contact, she focussed instead on the key chain that dangled from his fingers. She moved quickly to take them from his grasp, but when Provenza didn't release them – she was forced to look at him.
"Sharon,"
'Don't…' her watery green eyes pleaded with him not to continue, to simply allow her to leave without another word - but the Lieutenant chose to ignore her pleas.
"You've been through hell today," he said sincerely. "It's alright for you not to be okay right now."
Sharon nodded and closed her eyes; wiping at the singular tear that had managed to escape and roll down her cheek. She felt Provenza shifting, felt him release his hold on the keys – and for a brief moment, she feared that he would embrace her. An emotional gesture from her usually grumpy Lieutenant, would cause the walls of professionalism she had built around her heart to crumble in an instant. However as Sharon opened her eyes, to her relief she found he had simply stepped to the side to allow her to pass.
Wasting no time, the Captain uttered a quiet 'thank you' as she slipped passed Provenza and headed for the door.
She felt the eyes of the LAPD upon her as she purposefully strode down the driveway – fleeing the crime scene and longing for the privacy of her own vehicle.
With a shaking hand, she repetitively pressed the button to release the locks on her Crown Vic, hurriedly opening the door once she reached it, and sliding in behind the wheel.
Slamming the door shut behind her - Sharon braced herself - clenching the steering wheel; the enormity of what had just happened too much for her to quash. Her ears were still ringing from the blast of the gun - her heart still pounded in her chest; despite her best efforts, a sob escaped her throat. She lowered her head and clung to the steering wheel, as a plethora of emotions shook her slight frame - her restrained sobs barely audible in the silence of the vehicle.
Sharon squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to fight back her tears - but the image of the gun held just inches from her face flashed into her mind's eye. She instantly opened her eyes; her breath caught in her throat and she gasped for air as she recalled too clearly the thoughts that passed through her mind in that split second before the gun went off. Sharon had truly thought that her number was up.
She remembered vividly how aware she had been in that moment; it was as if everything superficial, everything on the surface had disappeared - giving her complete clarity of thought and unbidden – raw emotion. Sharon had said a silent prayer; she thought of her children, of Rusty, her parents, her siblings, and her team - of everything she had to be thankful for...for everyone she held dear.
She too felt concern; concern for her children having to deal with the loss of their mother, her elderly parents at losing a daughter, for what would happen to Rusty, for her team at finding her lifeless body…and for Andy...
'Andy,'
Then there was regret.
Personal happiness was something that Sharon had forgone. First for her husband, then for her children, her faith and her career.
'I've spent half a lifetime ignoring my heart.'
An ambulance turning into the road ahead of her - followed closely by a press van - forced the Captain to get a hold on her senses. She had to leave now; more journalists were sure to follow - and this time, Sharon was part of their story.
xXx
As the Captain's car pulled away from the curb, Provenza looked on from the entrance to the actress's house. Being no stranger to a 'near death experience' himself, the lieutenant could relate to his Captain's state of mind.
In this type of situation, Provenza would normally spend time with his buddies from the squad. They'd go to a bar, grab some food and beer and make light of each other - anything to keep their minds off of the fact that one of their own had almost just died.
If Sharon wanted to deal with what had happened on her own, then he would let her – but if his 'pain in the ass' partner Flynn had anything to do with it, her solitude would be short lived.
'Flynn…How stupid could the man be? Not only is she our boss- but she's 'queen of the rule book' Raydor. Dumb ass is more likely to get strung up on a sexual harassment charge than get his leg….' Provenza shivered, '…best not go there…'
Now, the Lieutenant had a speech planned for his friend – something about choosing his conquests more wisely and punching above his weight – but when they had arrived at the actresses house, Provenza's 'speech' was rendered futile.
Just seeing the stricken expression on Flynn's face had confirmed Provenza's worst fears; they were way past 'the speech.' The exchange between his Captain and partner had also hinted that Andy's advances may not be altogether unrequited.
'Idiots.' Provenza rolled his eyes as he watched the Captain pull away from the curb – just as an ambulance turned into the road. The arrival of a vehicle following the ambulance however, was what grabbed his attention – it also drew his grumbles away from his colleagues and onto the persons contained within.
"Press," He seethed as the ambulance parked on the drive and the paramedics disembarked - hurriedly heading towards him.
"He's upstairs," he greeted the paramedics before turning to address a young officer on the door. "Officer, set the perimeter – vultures at 12 o'clock."
"Right away, Sir."
"Follow me." Provenza led the two medics upstairs and into the large bedroom where Tao was being nursed by Flynn. The paramedics quickly took over, and as they worked on Tao, Andy made a beeline for the elder Lieutenant. "What did Sharon say? Is she okay?"
"The Captain is fine, Flynn." Provenza responded irritably. "Just give her a little space."
"But,"
"Andy, listen to me." Provenza interrupted. "I know you care a lot for Sharon…"
"I…"
Provenza held his hand up, halting Flynn's tirade before it started. "I don't need the particulars; dear God spare me the particulars."
Flynn scowled at his friend and folded his arms over his chest.
"If you want - whatever it is that you have got going on - to work, then you are going to have to give her some space. The woman's been alone for over twenty years; don't crowd her."
"Dating advice from you? Really?"
"Call it whatever you want, Flynn. Just give it some time; let her know you care but for God's sake don't be your overbearing self."
"I am not overbearing."
"Ok, Flynn." Provenza rolled his eyes at his partner and turned to leave.
"I'm not!" Andy protested weakly as he followed his friend from the room to allow the paramedics space to work on their fallen comrade.
xXx
Sharon had no idea where she was headed, until had she turned her car into the road.
Familiarity crept over her as she parked up in the quiet suburban cul-de-sac. Ahead of her stood a well kempt, Mediterranean style, one story house; this was the house where she had raised her children.
Sharon inhaled slowly and exhaled shakily; for the most part, the house looked the same. She wondered if the handprints her kids made in concrete were still in the front yard or if the tree house ever got completed out back.
She recalled how thrilled she had been when Jackson found the house. Sure, it had needed a little work – but there was a large backyard, it was in a great school district and well situated for both of their jobs; it was to be the perfect home in which to raise their family.
But their time spent there had been far from perfect...
"Jesus Sharon, you scared me!" Jackson stood in the dimly lit foyer, shoes in his hands and jacket thrown over his arm; he was poised to sneak through the house. "What are you still doing up?"
"You're home late," Sharon said flatly, standing across from her husband in the darkened sitting room.
"I went out for a few drinks with the guys," he waved an arm at her dismissively.
Sharon took a step forwards and flicked the light switch for the entrance hall, causing Jack to wince at the sudden brightness. "You're drunk."
"I came home early – the other guys are still down at Joe's…"
As Sharon approached him, she recoiled at the stench of stale liquor – and a subtle undertone of something else….
She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. "Do the 'guys' you had drinks with wear Chanel?"
"What?" He rolled his eyes. "Not this again, Sharon. The waitress got a little familiar until I told her I was married – then she turned on Marty. If you ask me – the girl had a daddy complex…"
"You're a lousy liar, Jack."
"Damn it Sharon – I am not having an affair!" he raised his voice and Sharon threw a cautionary glance down the hallway, to where their young children slept.
"Keep your voice down," She hissed, walking past him and heading for the kitchen to continue their argument – Jack however had other plans.
"I'm going to bed," he slurred and turned to leave.
"Oh, no you're not," Sharon stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, hands on her hips. "We are having this conversation right now."
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child, Sharon."
"Then stop acting like one, Jack."
They stared each other down for a few beats, before Jack submitted. "Fine," he threw both his shoes and jacket on the floor and stomped past Sharon like a scolded teenager. "But I'm having another drink."
"Of course you are," Sharon sniped sarcastically as her husband opened the refrigerator door - but when he slammed it closed again, it caught her completely off guard.
"Jack…" She looked at him startled.
"You know what, Sharon," his bloodshot eyes were blazing. "I'm not having an affair – but if I was – could you blame me?"
"Meaning?"
"Have you looked at yourself lately?"
Sharon looked down at her LAPD sweats, then back to her husband – wide eyed. "How dare you?"
"No, not this," Jack gestured drunkenly to her attire. "I mean…You look tired, Sharon. Worn out – and you're so God Damned cranky all the time…"
There was a hint of concern in her husband's tone – but Sharon chose to ignore it. "I'm on the early shift every day so that I can meet the kids from school; Ricky's having night terrors – of course you might know that if you weren't sleeping in a drunken coma every damn night."
"You're being cranky again – look – so I have a few drinks after work now and again?" Sharon opened her mouth to speak but Jackson continued before she had the chance. "I work hard – I need to unwind and when I come home and you're all like…this – I can't."
"You need to unwind? What about me Jack? When do I get a chance to relax and do what I want to do?"
Jack shrugged and slumped onto a chair at the kitchen table. "I don't know, Sharon." He softened his tone. "But something's got to give, this…" he gestured into the space between them, "…this is not good for either of us."
Sharon felt herself relax a little, knowing that Jack understood how she felt; but as she came to take a seat across form him that calm left her in an instant.
"Maybe you should cut back a little."
Sharon's eyebrows retreated to her hairline. "My hours were not an issue when I was putting you through law school; when I was putting in double time to keep this family afloat."
"That's right. And now we are afloat."
"I love my job, Jack."
"More than me and the kids?"
"What? How can you even say that?"
"We never see each other, Sharon. I miss my wife…" He looked across the table at her, his blood shot eyes taking on a pathetic neediness that she would eventually grow to detest.
"I've been home since four, Jack. No one made you stay out till midnight drinking with your buddies."
"Touché, Sharon." Jack flopped back in his chair, defeated. "As usual – you are right."
"No, it's not that," Sharon responded quickly and reached across the table, taking his hand in hers. "It's just that…I think that maybe we both have to make sacrifices here..."
If only the LADP knew; Captain 'Darth' Raydor transferred to Internal Affairs to save her marriage.
Sharon smirked to herself; it was just like Jack to turn an argument about him having an affair, into a discussion about her career – the master manipulator at work.
But alas – the transfer did anything but save their marriage.
Spending more time with Jack had given Sharon a glimpse into just how much he was drinking; further investigation led her to realise just how much he was gambling – and then Florida...
And then their separation.
And then Jimmy.
And then Ian.
For the second time in as many days, Sharon's mind flashed back to the night Ian Banston had attacked her in her home; how she was beaten – almost to the edge of consciousness - in front of her frightened children.
Sharon dropped the sun-visor above the windscreen and surveyed the more recent damage to her face. She raised her hand to a fresh bruise that coloured her cheek; courtesy of yet another member of the Banston family.
'Chloe…'
The front door to the house opening, brought Sharon back to the present. She flipped the sun visor back up and watched silently as a young family stepped out; a young mother with a toddler and a baby in a push-chair. The toddler, a young boy, waddled towards the gate – and excited gleeful expression on his face and Sharon smiled; there were some happy times spent at this house too.
Lazy summer days in the back yard, building dens in the sitting room with bedding and chairs, movie nights…
'This really was a great house to raise kids.'
As the family strolled past Sharon's car – seemingly unaware of her presence – she felt a wave of calm wash over her.
After everything that she had gone through in that house; everything with Jack, with the kids… she'd gotten through worse than this. She'd gotten her kids through it.
Sharon sighed and closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face through the windscreen.
'This too will pass.'
But as Sharon moved to restart the car and leave her past behind – something niggled at her. Now her children had grown and left the nest – and Rusty would inevitably follow suit – what did that mean for her?
You'll get yours.
You reap what you sow.
Maybe it was true. Maybe after everything that she had been through – everything she had sacrificed – she could now finally pursue the happiness she deserved.
Her mind made up, Sharon turned the car around and drove confidently towards her future.
TBC
Hope you liked it! Sorry about all the angst!