Chapter Seven: June 6, 2012

Summer

The next morning, I stumbled down the stairs for breakfast, and Ash was already sitting at the counter island, picking at his cereal with his spoon. He glanced up as I came in, but didn't acknowledge me otherwise. Anne was standing by the sink, watching the rain. I poured myself a cup of coffee and went to sit down next to Ash. He tensed as I slid onto the stool next to him. I studied him and he pretended not to notice, though I could see him watching me from the corner of his eye. I looked away as Anne turned toward us.

"It's really coming down," She remarked. "Think you'll be able to drive today?"

"Yeah. Why not?" Ash raised a brow and stood to dump his soggy Fruit Loops into the sink. He polished off his orange juice and leaned against the counter next to his mother. They gazed out the window together, and I suddenly felt like I was intruding on this mother/son moment. I nodded to myself and padded out of the kitchen. I made my way up the stairs, barely dodging Harry as he bounded down them.

After finishing my coffee and hopping in the shower, I got ready, pulling on a pair of black jeans, combat boots, a Crown the Empire t-shirt, and a leather jacket. I ran a brush through my hair and threw it up in a tall ponytail. Ash called for me from downstairs, saying we had to leave now or we were going to be late, so I grabbed my phone and my bag and hurried down the stairs.

At school, Ashton hardly even looked at me. He didn't talk to me at all at lunch. When we got home, he went straight up to his room and slammed the door. I decided to talk to him after I finished my homework, which took a few hours. It was almost dinner time when I knocked on his door.

"Who is it?" He called.

"Summer," I replied.

"Oh," I could hear him moving around, and it took a few minutes for him to open the door. "Yeah, what's up?" He raised his brow at me.

"Is everything okay? I mean, you've been avoiding me all day,"

Ash sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair. "No. Everything's not all okay,"

"What happened?"

"Summer…" He trailed off, shaking his head and staring at the floor.

"What?" I implored cautiously.

"That kiss yesterday… It was a mistake,"

"What are you talking about? What do you mean?" I took a step back, my brow furrowed.

"It's just that you're gonna be leaving soon and it just isn't a good idea,"

"What isn't a good idea?"

"Us. We're not a good idea."

I started to object, but he held up a hand.

"Let's go inside and talk some more. Mum just came home, and I don't want her to hear this particular conversation,"

"Fine," I shrugged, and he led the way into his room. We sat together on his bed, me on the corner nearest the door with a leg tucked under me, and him on the other corner. He exhaled heavily, studying me.

"I thought this was what I wanted. You and me. Us. But after that…t-that world-shattering kiss, I realized that if I got any more attached to you, it would destroy me when you left. I've fallen in love before, and I've fallen out, but I've never fallen so hard so fast for anyone else, and I can't let myself love you. I just can't."

"Well, why not? Say we did get together. Who says it has to end when I leave? Yeah, I'm sure long-distance relationships are hard, but we can make it. If we really care about each other that much, then we make it. And it's only a few more years until I turn eighteen, and when I do, I'm coming right back here,"

"Summer," He groaned. "You have no idea how great that sounds. But I can't,"

"Why not? What are you afraid of?" I paused, studying his facial features. "Who was she? Who fucked you up this badly that you're afraid to let yourself love again?"

"No one. I just can't let myself love you,"

"Who was she?"

"Summer, it was no one,"

"Who?"

"Jesus! Summer, drop it,"

"Just tell me who." I shook my head.

"It was my dad, okay?" He shouted.

"What?"

"My dad. He left when I was really young, but I still remember him. I still remember the day he left, how just dark and lonely that goddamn day was. Harry and Lauren were just babies. They kept asking where he was, when he'd be back. I remember how betrayed I felt, how let down I was. And I still remember the way my mother cried, and how it sounded. Have you ever heard your mum cry so broken-heartedly that it made you want to rip out your own heart and give it to her so she'd know someone loves her?"

"No." I placed my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it softly.

"I've only seen romantic relationships crash and burn, time and time again, with nothing good, no positive lessons learned, come from it. Love is a game, Summer. And it's one I'm just not strong enough to play,"

"Ash. Look at me."

His red-rimmed eyes fell on mine. I swiped at a lone tear that swam down his cheek.

"Everyone, everyone has scars. The only difference between you and me is that I couldn't wait to fall in love. This emotion, it causes so much pain and happiness. It tortures people while reminding them why they're alive. Love is amazing. But it's bullshit, too. It messes people up, but it can also cure what ails them. It's scary and it's different, but it's also exciting as hell. Only a few people are lucky enough to find real, true, unconditional love. But when they do, they should hold onto it as hard as they can, with every fiber of their being, and never let it go."

We studied each other for a few, long, silent moments until someone knocked on his door and startled us from our trance-like states.

"Yeah?" He called.

"Dinner," Harry told us.

"Be down in a few," We listened as Harry's footsteps trailed down the stairs.

"Please think about it. About us. Don't dismiss whatever this is right away." I grasped his large hands in mine, and he stared down at them.

"Okay," He whispered with a nod.

"Okay. Let's go eat dinner."

A/N: I know it's short, but it's Christmas Eve, and I wrote this in an hour as your Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Birthday/Whatever present, so here it is! Thanks for reading and please review. :)