I don't own anything of the hunger games, all belongs to Suzanne Collins.

Finding Hope

chapter 2

I awaken to the low sound of the train rolling over the tracks. Thud, thud, thud. Listening to the sound I try to will myself to fall back asleep, but the sound only reminds me of Peeta, of how I used to listen to his heart beat to lull me to sleep, and just like that the tears start to flow. I'm vaguely aware of Prim slipping into the train bed with me and holding me as the tears continue, sobs wracking my body.

After waking up in hospital, two days after the phone call they all demanded to know what happened. They didn't know, all I could do was sob uncontrollable, and between the sobs cry out that Peeta was dead. Again this shocked them all into silence, no one knowing what to say, there was nothing they could.

Now after a week of recovery, and begging we're all on the way to district 12. We're going to find out what they hell happened, why did Peeta die, I need to know before I kill Haymitch.

Waking up the next morning, tried and beyond depressed no one bother to ask how I'm doing, they all now that I'm broken, beyond repair. Sitting at the table I begin the daily routine of playing, moving and just pushing my food around the plate. I think the last time I had a real proper meal was the night before finding out.

"Katniss, you need to eat something, please." Prim begs me, I don't like upsetting her but I just can't bring myself to eat anything.

"I'm sorry Prim, I just don't feel like eating." I tell her sadly.

"Kat, you really do need to eat, you're becoming unhealthily thin, no one wants to see you like this." Annie tell me, the rest nodding in their agreement.

It's my mother who speaks next. "Katniss, you're going to sit there until you finish two plates of food, there'll be no heading of to your room or going to hide in a closest, you'll stay. Understand. And if you're not done by the time we reach home- I mean district 12, then we'll be staying on the train until it heads back to four." She says getting up and quickly kissing my cheek. It's a times like these I'm glad my mother came back, she keeps me healthy. "Primrose, you stay with your sister until she's done, then take her and if need be force her to have a shower, if you need help I'll be in my compartment going over a few things for 12's hospital." she gets up leaving, she took this opportunity, every one as horrible as this to bring some medical files and equipment to them, as well as orders for herbs and flowers that can be used for medical purposes.

After about an extra hour sitting at the dining table in the food cart I'm finally finished the two plates, although feeling slightly sick, I've got a full feeling something I haven't experienced since before the quell, when everything was sort of good. Heading back to my room, Primrose tailing behind I feel the need to speak, to get everything out, to cry, to shout, to be held by someone who loves me, though I know the one I want can't.

"Prim." I speak out shakily. "It's my fault, it's my fault he's gone, my fault, I should have been there for him, to hold him when the nightmares came, to bring him back when the flashbacks to over, but I kick him away, broke him and took everyone one that new to any degree what he went through. I left him to die." Prim comes over to me, my eyes already spilling tears. "I- let- him- die." I choke out between sobs.

"No, Katniss you didn't do anything wrong." that just sends anger through me, I don't need anyone telling me that I did no wrong, when I did do wrong.

"I KNOW I DID SOMETHING WRONG PRIM!" I shout infuriated. " I thought talking to you, you wouldn't try to sugar coat things. I took everything from Peeta, I left him only with Haymitch! I told him never to come looking for me, made him think that I didn't love him, that I'd be happy with a life without him, I was a fucking stupid bitch. Now he's dead, dead and gone forever and worst of all I'll never get to tell him I love him." finally breaking down into sobs that cause my whole body to shake violently.

It takes over an hour to finally calm down and for prim to help me in the shower and clean up. When finally we're down and she's helped me into new clean cloths, we hear over the speaker phone that we're two hours out from district 12. two hours away from me killing Haymitch, that bastard was supposed to look after Peeta not let him die. The rest of my journey is spent in silence, thinking of the call to Haymitch.

Flashback;

The phone's ringing, it's been three days since I found out Peeta's dead and I want answers. It's a rare moment for me, when the guilt and sorrow is replaced by anger and hatred. Finally after the sixth ring he answers.

"Hello."

"You bastard!" I shout immediately at him. "You were supposed to take car of him, to keep him safe!" I scream my voice breaking near the end.

" Calm down their sweetheart, don't start jumping the gun when yo have no idea what even happened!" He shouts back with equal force, maybe more."Shit happened, bad shit and I was the only one there to try to keep him sane through it all, you've no idea what either of use went through."

"I'll be coming to 12 Haymitch, and I want answers!" slamming the phone down before he hears my cries, his words cutting me deep.

I had gone to the rest of them, tears rolling down my face. "Where going to twelve, there's no stopping me, so either help or stay out of my way." I yelled at them all, not bothering to listen to their reply as I storm away up stairs slamming the door to my room.

End of flashback.

The train is pulling into twelve, everything is different. This is the first time I, or the rest of us have been back since before the war. From where we are you can see most of the new town, and the old seam which now looks better than ever, houses being about the same as the ones next to them. No longer is everything coated in a layer of coal dust, no longer is there a divide between seam and merchant, as fro where I am I can see children playing together, from what looks like seam and merchant families.

Looking around I spot the reason we're here, sitting next to a smallish women with long flowing light brown hair is Haymitch. I start my way over to him anger already boiling, just as I reach him the woman jumps up and hugs me.

"Katniss, it's so wonderful to see you again." Looking at the woman again I take all her in, it only dawning on me then that it's Effie. She looks amazingly beautiful without all the capital make up on. I hug her back momentarily forgetting the other person on the platform, but my eye's catch him over her back and the anger returns.

"YOU-" I start but am cut off by him placing his hand over my mouth.

"Shut up sweetheart, it's weird to see you, but we're not doing this here. Got It." he tells me with force behind his words. "We'll collect your stuff and head back to victor's village. Nodding we make our way over to the luggage collection and grab our bags following Haymitch back To the village.

The village it's self is lively, all house are occupied, including mine and Peeta's old victor's house. This causes the anger already in me to intensify. Getting into Haymitch's house, setting the bags down I march into the kitchen, where Haymitch made his way and try to smack him hard on the face, but he already sees this coming and simply grabs my hand stopping it from ever coming close to his face. Taking my wrist he forcible shoves me onto the already waiting kitchen chairs.

"Don't ever try to hit me again girl." he growls into my ear, scaring me slightly. This isn't the Haymitch I remember. "Your going to listen for once in your life and not talk. Any of you. Understand." We all nod, the others coming round to sit at the table as Effie announces she "put the kettle on."

He sighs deeply before looking at us.

"you all look good, well except you sweetheart, but then you never did look good after the quell."

"Haymitch-"

"I told you don't speak. Now as to the reason you all came here, well it's a long story, one that you guys are to blame for, some more than others. If you want me to continue, well I will but just be warned, you may not like the guilt that comes with it."

We all look at each other then back to Haymitch nodding all together signalling him to tell it.

"After we left Peeta, well Peeta was a mess didn't eat, didn't sleep,he kept himself locked in his house wasting away. I tried I really did, stopped drinking, went over everyday and tried to talk to the boy, tried to get him out but with the nightmares, flashbacks, it was impossible. He was broken, damaged, beyond any level of repair I could do, and we all know why." the last part was like a stab to the gut and sent my anger overboard.

"It wasn't my fault, I didn't do anything!" I yell.

"BINGO!, you didn't do a fucking thing, none of you did. No what you people did was to leave the only one that had suffered more than any, the one who the capital purposely aim for to break. You all left him, and me to deal with the media, did any of you even think, that running and hiding so that no one knew where you where how that would affect us, answer NO!." he rises out of his seat making his way to the kitchen sink. "Do you want to know what happened, they all came to twelve, begging, harassing Peeta to tell them where you'd all gone, to know why he wasn't allowed to go with you guys."

"He was!, All the victor's where offered the chance to leave, the only one's not to take the offer where you and Peeta, you can't blame Katniss for that!" Annie tells Haymitch, who in turn looks at me, a sad, hatred and disappointed smirk on his face.

"So, she didn't tell you?"

"Tell us..."

"That Peeta wasn't allowed to come, that she did want him, that she basically told him none of you did and your lives would be better off without him in it." At once all heads snap towards me, I can't look at any of them.

"Katniss, it isn't true." I can't speak, tears already falling.

"Oh believe me it's true, and that cut him the most, thinking that none of you cared any more, well he stopped seeing the point in life. Who could blame him, a girl he loves strings him along, people he thought where friends betrayed him, myself, and people he thought cared for him left, to what he thought was to have a life better off without him in it." he takes a big gulp of tea, Effie having handed everyone a cup. " For months they harassed Peeta wanting to know everything, and 6 months after he did the worst thing, he tried to kill himself." the words stop everyone dead and I'm vaguely aware of the fact I just dropped my cup, it falling and smashing over the floor.

"Yeah, that's what he tried to do, and not just once. He tried three times over the next six months to off himself." He takes a ragged breath. " That's when the decision was made."

my head snaps up and through the tears I ask "What decision?"

"The decision to make Peeta disappear, to give him the peace that he need. I was fine, I had Effie and you guys had each other, Peeta had no one. I wasn't exactly the right choice for the job of looking after him but I tried."

"So you just let him finally do it, and kill himself."

"No sweetheart, like I said the decision was made to fake his death and hide him, away from everyone and to let him have peace. After his third attempt we approached him with the idea, and he agree because of the training required for it." we all look at him.

"training?"

"Yes training, for the idea to work he had to become stronger, and he needed to be trained in how to hunt. Basically he had to become better than you or Gale ever where." again he breathed another long breath, tears falling out my eye's. " And do you know what, he did, he became better than you ever where. Over the months that he trained, we kept him in 13 under the story that the was healing, undergoing medical treatment. At the same time everything else was put into place, a house was built in an area deemed safe, security measures were put in place and a system made so that he could get monthly supplies and emergence ones if need. We also have a way of contacting each other." it's at this I stop him at.

"you mean had."

"no I mean I have a way of contacting the kid if needed. The story of his death, fake."

"WHAT!" I scream louder than ever before, the others shouting questions as well.

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT IT AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!" Haymitch yells above everyone causing us all to become silent.

"the kid is alive and well, living very peacefully up north beyond 13, beyond all the district at a lake once call superior. I'll be heading out there with his six month supply in the next week, alone. Before you ask no, none of you are allowed to come, we spoke about this in length, me and the president it's considered that it wouldn't be healthy for Peeta to meet you people again. Could set of the flashbacks that we've all worked so hard for to keep under control."

"But I need to see him , to tell him-" he cuts me off.

"to tell him what, that you love him. Forgive me by I don't, and neither would the kid believe you, but saying that he did say if you guys ever did want to meet he'd see you one last time, so stay packed your going to meet Peeta next week." With that Haymitch leaves the room, one week, one week till I meet Peeta, I just hope it isn't for the last time.

The ride in the hover craft lasts 4 hours and when we do finally make it, we landed on a large open field on top of a cliff, large trees to the back of use, and there near the edge of the cliff lays a large log cabin, beautifully designed, but it's what stands in front of the door that catches my eye.

Peeta.