I don't own anything belonging to the hunger games, all belongs to Suzanne Collins.
Finding Hope.
Chapter 4.
Peeta's POV
I awaken at the normal time, 5:30 am, hunting time. The days still dark, the weather cold, windy and snowing. Slowly I edge myself away from Katniss slowly rising. The cloths from last night lay scattered around the room, quietly I pick and place them back on, moving silently. My mind travels back in time, to when I could never do this without waking her. Slowly I make my way out the room, closing the door. Turning I spot the old man sitting by the fire, the others spread out on the floor and chairs. The only seat available is next to him, on the right, Effie to his left snuggled as close as possible. Sitting I wait for him to speak, it comes eventually.
"So, you and the girl back together or what?" He asks.
"To be honest I'm not sure, yeah we kissed, slept in the same bed but I told her we'd take it slow. I'm not sure about it, everything's replaying in my mind, how she left me, how she hurt me and I know I can't deal with that. Not again."
"Have you told her this?"
"Yes, she promised never to leave me, but the memory's are there to give me enough doubt not to do this. The memory's of the lies, the dishonesty, the secret games, I my be physically strong but emotionally, I'm about as strong as a twig." I finishes speaking not looking at Haymitch, instead looking deep into the flames.
"Your not, your stronger than most, the things that have happened to you well, we'll say that I and most would be dead." I get up, the vote of confidence means a lot to me, Haymitch stopped lie after the war, I could always count on him to give it to me straight, no bullshit. Making my way over to the closet I grab my bow and arrows, slinging them over my back, I check the knife before bidding a farewell to Haymitch and exiting out into the cold winter night, ready to hunt. I need to think, away from everything that reminds me of my past, the thing I've run from for 4 years.
Katniss POV.
Waking up the first thing I notice is my back, it's cold, well not cold, warm but not that hot loving warm I feel every time I'm pressed up against Peeta. I roll over to find him gone, all his cloths too and I freak out, did I do something wrong, does he not trust me, does he hate me, was it too fast, everything that happened last night felt so right but I can't help the feeling that maybe some part of it wasn't for Peeta. Leaping out of be and throwing on my trouser and t-shirt, I head out into the living room most are still asleep but not Haymitch, he sits sipping a cup of tea.
"Haymitch!" I shout whisper. His head snaps to mine, he didn't hear me clearly to deep in thought, I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I nod motioning to the kitchen, he nods gently laying down Effie and making his way over to the kitchen. As we enter he closes the door, it slides out the frame I never noticed.
"Where's Peeta, did I do something wrong, is he OK, is he-" I get cut off from my rant, Haymitch just placed his hand over my mouth.
"Shut it, you'll wake them, as for the boy he went hunting like most mornings, he'll be back soon though, probably with dinner, and he'll be making breakfast, I ain't come here yet and not had his home-made breakfast, it's to die for." Haymitch state mockingly in a dreamy fashion.
"Why didn't he wake me, I could have gone with him."
"The boy is still dealing with real and fake memory's, some which hurt, the fake ones he's got a hang of, it's the real one's that are making it hard for him to believe everything."
"But I told him I wouldn't leave."
"Yes, he told me but he can not be led to the place where he remembers you running." He sighs " I really don't like being the go between guy for your and his romance trouble, but the way to convince him other wise is to show him, show him you'll be there when he needs you, that you're not letting your insecurities run your life. Then maybe then will he be in a place to truly love and be open with you, like he was before. Give him time, that's what he said he need, so give it to him but don't be afraid to push." I nod understanding what he means, it my make me sad but I understand and I'll do anything to get some sort of relationship with Peeta, anything.
Haymitch leaves heading back to the living room, it's still early, 7:15am but I stay and make myself some tea, I'll be waiting for Peeta to come back to his home. It's as I say this, his home that a thought and a realisation comes, but just them Peeta walks in.
My eye's shot up to meet his, he gives me a warm smile, small but it's there and it make my heart flutter.
"Hay, did you sleep well."
"Best sleep I've had in 6 years." I say sadly, knowing full well I caused it all anyway.
"I'm sorry I just left without saying or leaving a note, but I needed to go hunting, how do you like elk?"
"Elk?" I repeat, not having a clue what it is.
"yeah, elk it's like a bigger deer, I'm told years ago before the dark days, they where only in a small place near here but this place has been untouched for so long they've grown back. Taste quite nice too."
"I'd love to try some, dinner tonight."
"yeah, that be great." I smile maybe just maybe things will go alright.
Breakfast went down great, everyone talking, laughing, Peeta absolutely love Dillon, it just show me again he was meant to be a father, one day I hope it's my child that has him for a dad, he speaks and laughs with everyone prim, my mum, and all the other victor's but everything good has to end at some point and that time comes at the end.
"Peeta, we'll all be leaving tonight, around 4pm we'll need to get back to twelve." he nods but looks at me, I can't even look at him. I didn't realise we'd be leaving so soon.
"OK." a simple answer but it's the sound of the chair scrapping against the floor and his bedroom door slamming shut that makes me jump.
Peeta's POV.
I knew it, she wouldn't want to stay with me, back to twelve and the life she has back there, the family she has there. All these thoughts all the emotions that start running through my head, I know I need to get out of there, I can't bake there all still there, I need to run. Walking out the room I take a glance at them, worry etched on all their faces, grabbing my knife I ignore their cries for me to stop, I just take off running into the woods.
When finally I do stop running, I look around knowing exactly where I've come. The river lays in front of me, disappearing around a bend into the woods, the waterfall at one end flowing fast over the icicles that have formed nearly half way done the length of it.
This is the place I buried them, the remains of the ashes from the bakery. I always come here when I'm sad, when the memory's get too much. Sitting at a large rock I just stair, out into the water, I knew it was too good to be true the lies where always there I was just stupid enough to believe her, again.
"Well Peeta you've only got yourself to blame."
"fuck you I thought she changed, what she said last night-"
"LIES, ALL OF IT LIES! You're a fool for even thinking that she could love you."
"Your lying, she could."
"Then why is she leaving?" the voice hiss at me.
The voice goes silent but the pounding headache doesn't ans I feel myself slip into the abyss, darkness filling everything, nothing will ever be good for me.
When I finally awaken I notice the sun has almost set, I'm covered in light layer of snow, I'm still pretty warm, the leathers having kept me dry. I know that judging by the sun it's well after 4 and it'll be safe to return home, the demon won't be released. I think back to just before I blacked out, that was the first time in a while that the voice has spoken to me, it still scars me to death or in this case to black out. I feel weak physically drained, knowing that I've got enough food for a while gives me a bit of happiness , it'll be a while before I'm back to myself. Walking back talks longer than usual, the journey painful, my whole body aches. Arriving back at the house I see no hovercraft in the opening, sighing I walk up to my house, opening the door, I just never expect to be crushed by a sobbing girl.
Katniss' POV earlier.
He just ran out, we tried to follow but he was to fast and Haymitch stopped us from going any further.
"He knows these woods better than any of us, he'll be fine, he just needs time." suddenly I'm very angry, everything had gone great, I was happy, Peeta was happy, we where happy together.
"Why did you say that, I promised that I wouldn't leave him!"
"WHY! you knew we'd have to leave, I told you that." I just storm away from him heading over to the forest, intent on going in to find him but Haymitch doesn't let me.
"I told you not to go in their, we don't know the state of the boy and as I said these are his woods not yours, you'll be lost before you get within a hundred feet of him, the best thing to do is for us to be gone by the time he gets back." he says it with such finality that I don't argue, I just slowly walk back to the house, rims arm around me as the tears finally make there why onto my cheeks.
It only take 30 minutes for them to pack everything, 30 minutes for me to make a big but easy and I know right decision. Walking out the front door I follow them al the way but when they board the hovercraft I don't, remaining outside. Haymitch and the rest stop.
"Lets go sweetheart." it's prim who answers for me.
"Your not coming with us are you?"
"No, I'm staying." I tell them, the look I give them is one that cause Haymitch to sigh happily, he knows I'm not changing my mind.
Walking down the ramp he pulls me into a hug.
"Good luck Katniss, I hope everything goes alright. After everything you and him have been through, you deserve happiness. Remember stay alive." with those last words he hugs me, I know I'll see him again just not for a while. Prim and my other are next.
"Where moving back to twelve, to help with the hospital, and it's home. Yours is here I, we can all see that." mother tells me, the rest nodding in agreement. Prim hugs me, telling me to call her, and that they'll always be a home in twelve for me and Peeta. I simple tell her that my home will always be with Peeta. The rest hug me, even Johanna get tears in here eye's.
"Your my sister brainless, don't go dying on me or I'll kill you" this makes us both cry laugh with each other, me and Johanna had grown close over the years, each haunted by the nightmares of our past, while she was made whole with Gale I was incomplete until now.
Finnick and Annie both hug me telling me that they're staying in four but that I'm to visit with Peeta very soon. Little Dillon get really sad, shouting for me to stay, I just tell him that I'll be gone for a while but I'll see him again. He hugs me then crawls back to his mum. Gale is last to speak, he hugs me before whispering.
"Good luck Katniss, you deserve this, you need it. I my not have been the biggest supporter of bread boy but he's good for you, and you can hunt together, just don't forget about all of us." he finishes letting me go, in all ways. "Goodbye Catnip." he tells me, before walking back over to Johanna, as the ramp closes and the hovercraft takes off heading back to twelve, now I just need to wait for Peeta.
I wait all day for him to come back, by sunset I'm starting to get worried but just as I contemplate phoning Haymitch, the door opens and in steps Peeta. He doesn't notice me until I fling myself into his arms, crushing him as hard as I can, never wanting to let him go. The tear reappear as I hold him.
"Your here." he says, the voice clearly tells me he didn't expect it.
"I told you Peeta, I'm here to stay as long as you want me, hopefully forever." I tell him pulling away slightly to look at him in the eye's.
"Then I want you with me forever." he tells me and we both seal the deal with a kiss using all the love we both can muster.
At night in bed together I lay with him, his arms around me, mine around him, both not letting go any time soon.
"I love you Peeta." I don't expect him to say it back but he always surprises me.
"I love you to Katniss, stay with me."
it's my turn to answer the way he always did.
"Always." I answer him before we both drift of into the best sleep of our lives, finally having found my love, my home, my boy with the bread, my hope.
A/N: this isn't the end, although there my be a bit of a delay between the next chapter while I figure out where to take it. I've got an idea I just need to make sure it'll be alright and fit in. if you have any ideas I'd love to hear them, so until next time bye-bye, and thanks for reading and the reviews.