A/N: So I haven't been around to update anything due to family complications. I'll try to update this daily until I move at the end of the month, and after that, we'll see what happens. Please R&R guys. Thank you so much.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Free! characters, or anything related.
That day, the image of the horror burned in the back of my mind. I couldn't just wish away these images. That was impossible. But if I could, I sure as hell would.
One sunny morning, I went to go pick Haru up before school just as I normally did. But as I knocked on the door, told him I was coming in and I opened the door to a world of misfortune, I saw something I can't get out of my mind. Haru was under Rin, the two in a passionate dance of sensuality. The one person I could ever love was covered in a film of sweat, his face twisted in pleasure. It was a type of face I wanted to see only for myself. And I felt that pitiful jealousy and agonizing despair fill my heart at that moment. I did nothing but run, run as fast as I could to school at that moment.
Laying in bed now, unable to pull myself up, I couldn't fight off the rippling pain in my chest. Maybe it was partially my fault for being so selfless and considering my best friend's feelings in all of this. But also, how could he be so reckless, and cruel, fucking Rin in the bathroom at that hour, knowing I'd be there to pick him up? It made me want to scream out, to cry, releasing the cluster of emotions I was feeling.
Since that day about three days ago, I hadn't had the heart to go pick up Haru. The memories would come rushing back if I did. Seeing him in class was painful enough, ripping my heart out just by speaking to me. I don't think he knew I was there that day, and maybe that's better. Because having him confront me about it might be worse.
Finally dragging myself out of bed, I grabbed my phone off my nightstand. I had about five text messages, all but one from Nagisa. One message was from Haru. The way it was worded, he seemed worried that I wasn't in school today. Honestly, I needed a break from seeing him. My heart needed a break.
Though, I found myself in the lovesick position where I yearned to hear his voice, even if it was just for a moment, even if I felt so much pain afterwards. Sure, I sounded like a masochist, but I needed his voice right now. Iwould take any repercussions necessary.
Dialing the necessary numbers, I heard the dial tone start to go off in my ear. As I was waiting, I ruffled my chaotic hair back into place.
"Makoto?" A smooth, worried voice answered on the other line.
"Oh, hello, Haru. I got your message just now. I was resting," I told him as cheerfully as I could manage. Hearing him care for me the slightest bit broke my heart into a billion pieces. Right now, the pain was dulled by my own fantasies. I was delusional to what I thought could be. Haru was unaware of my feelings, and because of that, he'll continue to blindly love Rin.
"So you're sick? That's why you didn't come to school today?"
I nodded before answering, "Yeah, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I should be back to school tomorrow though."
I heard shallow breathing coming from the other. "I'll see you tomorrow then," he muttered, before hanging up immediately.
This was classic Haru. He never had much to say. I was normally the one guessing what was on his mind, and spending countless hours with him until it made my heart sick. But you know what? I wanted to. I loved him more than I could love anyone else. I wanted to make sure he was on time for school, and he was eating properly. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't hurting the same way I was. I just- I wanted to love him the way Rin was, except not just with my body. I had the urge to love him with my heart and soul as well. But my best friend couldn't see that I had eyes only for him. It was just so painful.
Collapsing back onto my soft, messy bed, I sighed. It took every ounce of my being not to scream or cry. Unrequited love was worse than a broken bone. It was worse than a burn. It felt like your whole being was being rejected. I couldn't bear it for much longer.
I flipped over, and buried my face in my pillow. It smelled newly washed, like the jasmine-scented detergent that my mother bought. A feeling of comfort washed over me. My family would be here for me through anything. I could count on them to help me work through the pain, especially my mom. And if that didn't work, I always had my swimming. I have ways to push through this.
Hugging my pillow close to my chest, I lwt out some of my tears, the tears for my beloved Haru. I wish he could see, or at least hear how I felt. That would make this a hell of a lot easier.
After about ten minutes of releasing my pent-up emotions, I felt tired. So pitiful and tired. My puffy red eyes were beginning to flutter closed and I wasn't going to fight it. If I had a nightmare, I didn't care. If I had a pleasant dream, I was fine with that too. I just wanted to escape reality for a couple of hours. If I could wake up refreshed, and forget the feelings that I was having while I was awake before, than I'd be fine. Any type of self-medication to rid the pain for now.
When I did sleep, I dreamed of the ocean. And anything with the ocean, means I'm tossing and turning and having a nightmare. It wasn't any better than being awake.
A'N: Sorry Chapter 1 was a little short. I will update tomorrow with a much more exciting chapter I hope. Love you all!