It had taken her two weeks to finally pull herself out of bed and back to the firehouse. It's not that it was hard, but more that she didn't want to bear the ghosts of happier times past. She knew that Firehouse 51 was there for her, her family. And she knew that she needed to be there for them as well. It had taken her two weeks to remember that she wasn't the only one who lost people that day. Truck 81 lost their leader and sister, Squad 3 lost two friends, Boden lost a son and a daughter.

When she arrived, it seemed as if nothing had happened. Everyone was going through the motions like they would have if Casey and Shay had still been there. A part of her hoped that they'd walk into the common room laughing like nothing had happened at all, but they didn't. She unpacked her bag into her locker, looking over at Shay and Casey's names still on theirs. It occurred to her that it might stay like that for a while, seeing that nobody wanted to let go quite yet.

When she walked back into the common room in her uniform, everybody stood. "Welcome home, Gabby," Hermann said to her, giving her a hug. Everyone followed his lead until it came down to Kelly. She looked at him, tears in her eyes.

When he leaned down and hugged her, she had a feeling of relief. "I miss them too," he whispered to her before pulling back. She gave a small smile as the alarm went off.

"Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25. Apartment fire, 2901 West Miller Street," the automated voice called out. She gave Kelly another smile before rushing to the ambulance. Where Shay should have been was Chout.

"It's good to be back," he said with a small smile, "but not under these circumstances." She just drove, not wanting to deal with his incessant talking. She didn't have something against Chout, it was that it should have been Shay sitting there with her. When the arrived, she got out of the ambulance with him, getting the stretcher and backboard out. It was a waiting game, like the explosion.

That was the one thing that filled her mind, the explosion. She watched everyone rush into the building, and she waited, wondering who they were going to lose next. Would it be Hermann, leaving behind five children and a wife? Or would it be Mills, leaving behind a mother who had already lost her husband to the grips of fire? Would it be Kelly, the one person who seemed to understand her pain more than anybody else seemed to?

Kelly didn't know how Gabby was going to react being back on the job. He remembered his first day back wasn't easy, looking around for Casey and Shay in every room. And at home, he was just waiting for Shay to walk out of her room or through the front door. It was a struggle at times to get through the day, drowning himself in the booze of the nights he was off.

When he went into that apartment building, he had them in the back of his mind. The question was if he was going to end up like them, six feet in the ground and leaving behind a family that would break if one more was lost. It was the thing that kept him on his toes, kept him diligent. He had to make it out, if not for himself then for Gabby.

She kept waiting until they all exited, victims in their arms. Seeing them all safe allowed her to let out a sigh of relief as she and Chout helped the victims. Kelly was visible from the corner of her eye, giving her a reassuring smile. She wouldn't know what she'd do without the family of Firehouse 51.

After shift, she, Otis, and Hermann all went to Molly's for a friendly drink. There was no celebration or event. It was a drink to remind them of how they were all still alive. It was the first time Gabby had been back since the day of the funeral, and she was nervous. Molly's held memories for her, and that's what scared her the most.

When she walked in, her hand lingered on the door. She didn't realize how much effort Matt had put into it until now, hours of his time. Gently, she closed the door behind them, allowing herself to finally remember all the things she had been repressing. This was the place she had announced that she would become the Candidate on Truck 81, where she and Matt had spent so much of their time outside of work and home. She looked at the two pictures on the wall, now having placards to commemorate the two.

"So, Gabby, how've ya' been holdin' up?" Hermann asked, pouring three beers for them. She shrugged as she took hers, taking a gulp.

"It's been hard. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and Matt's going to be there, telling me it was just a bad dream," she admitted. It was the part of her that still had that hope, the hope she had felt in the hospital and when she talked to Boden outside of the very building she was in now.

"I know that when I walk into Firehouse 51 everyday, I expect Shay to be there making some wise remark about something or another," Brian admitted to them. "I still remember her demolishing Mills' proposal for them to go on a date." They all smiled as they remembered that day.

"Her exact words were, 'Mills, are you gay? Because I am,'" Herrmann remarked with a small chuckle. Gabby smiled along, toying with the ring that was still around her neck. She didn't know why she didn't just leave it at home, lessen the risk of losing it.

"You okay, Gabby?" Brian asked, hand on her shoulder. She didn't know how to react. She hadn't been asked that since everything happened, only condolences and pity came her way.

"No, I'm not," she admitted. "It's hard for me to sleep because I keep seeing them. I still can't figure out why this had to happen. Why it had to be them," she continued, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Why we couldn't save them." Brian hugged her.

"We all wonder that, Gabby. And we'll never know," Hermann told her. "After Andy Darden's death, Casey beat himself up wondering why it happened and how he could have done things differently. Hell, we all did. But wondering doesn't bring them back." Brian nodded in agreement.

"Sometimes things happen and we don't know why. What if the rubble had landed an inch to the left? What if you and Shay had never been in the building to begin with? We can ask ourselves a thousand questions, ponder a thousand 'what if's, but it'll never change anything," Brian finished. She nodded, wiping away the tears as she stood and left to go home. She knew they were right, but at the same time her mind wanted to continue the guessing game.

When she arrived back at her apartment, she looked around. Matt's jacket was still on the chair where he'd left it after his last run. His dishes were still in the sink, clothes in the hamper. To an outsider it would have looked like he was coming back, but Gabby knew differently.

She walked to the bedroom, changing into a pair of Matt's sweats and one of his CFD shirts. It was her comfort, her way to be close to him. Her mind pondered what Brian and Hermann had said, about the 'what if's. For the first time since the explosion, her mind forgot about them. Forgot about the questions and the criticism and only focused on the memories she had been so afraid of. When she woke the next morning and thought that Matt was going to be there, instead of sadness, she felt happy. She could finally think of them and have her mind be filled with bittersweet happiness instead of anger. And that's all she could have asked for.