Laurel wanted to pretend that she felt better after her much needed shower. She took her time combing through the knots in her hair, and shaving her legs in an attempt to feel human again. But when she stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror, she was met with the same glassy eyes surrounded by dark circles, the hot water didn't help to bring color to her pallor, and her wet hair hung limply, parts of it sticking to her neck. She didn't recognize her reflection any more, she didn't recognize herself.
She wondered what other people saw. Did they notice she was just a shell, that everything that made her ''Laurel'' was gone? She wasn't even sure if the woman she was before Tommy died was real. That Laurel was filled with pain and distrust but she had a purpose, one that she found fulfilling, but even then she wasn't a complete person. How could she be? She never had the chance to deal with her loss because she was too busy trying to dig her father out of his pain. She was so busy trying to put the pieces back together for her him, she forgot that her soul was just as broken. Except there was no Laurel for her, there was no one to piece her back together, she had to do it herself. She thought she did, but now she knew she was wrong. She was slowly falling apart for the past six years. Tommy was a salve for her tattered soul, one that she came to love, but he slowed down the process, he didn't stop it.
She knew the truth. She may never be willing to admit it aloud but she understood where she went wrong. She allowed her anger and sorrow meld together, she couldn't distinguish one from the other. Sara and Oliver, Oliver and Sara, just like her pain they were one. She never allowed herself to mourn them, she couldn't be angry because they were dead. The guilt would set in when she thought of them. All she remembered were her last words to her sister, the one that warned her against Oliver. Well, Sara would've known that Oliver couldn't be trusted, and now Laurel knew that neither could Sara.
Over the years she managed to push those thoughts aside and live her life. The irony that she found comfort in Tommy wasn't lost on her. In a way they both used each other to escape but also to feel closer to those they lost. For the longest time that's all they were.
When it was discovered Oliver was found alive, she couldn't help the small sprig of hope that Sara was out there somewhere too. She should've known better. Seeing Oliver was easier than anticipated, in fact it was helpful. She could direct her hate somewhere, it lessened the guilt over her anger. She was ready to hate him until the day he actually died… but it's true what they say about best laid plans, they always go astray.
It didn't take long for Oliver to worm his way back into her life, he even gave her and Tommy his blessing. He was a changed man, of that she was positive. While Tommy was working to be better, to make something of himself because he wanted to be the man she deserved; Oliver was giving her doubts. This was a chance to have answers to all those questions, this was the time for her to heal. But she didn't. Instead, she held onto Tommy putting everything she had into making a life with him work. For a while it did, she was happy, she had someone she loved and who loved her in return – someone she trusted. When he pulled away claiming he couldn't be with her because she belonged with Oliver, it killed her. Tommy abandoned her, like her mother did when she ran away, like her father did for alcohol, like Oliver did with Sara. She couldn't handle it, so when she went to Oliver thinking he'd help her, she was stunned at his confession.
Oliver stilled loved her and a part of her would always love him. She hated herself for how easily she fell right back into Oliver's web, but fall she did, and in the end she was left disappointed. Oliver would never truly allow her to be a part of his life, not when he was holding onto so many secrets and she didn't want to be with half of a man. No, she wanted to be with Tommy but she had no idea if he'd give her another shot. Her plan was to go to him and come clean about what happened, hoping he'd be able to forgive her and they'd have a second chance. But before she could even consider the thought, she found herself stuck under a large piece of debris at the CNRI office. She was sure she was going to die, she resigned herself to that fact. But then Tommy was there, he saved her, he still loved her; she would have that second chance with him. Or so she thought. Tommy didn't make it out alive and neither did she. Losing him tore apart the fragile stitching that was keeping her together. It was no longer pain and sorrow over Oliver and her sister, it was anguish over them all. When the pain became too much for her to handle she found a way of numbing it. It was through this process that she lost sight of who she was, now she wasn't even sure if the woman she was existed.
Laurel looked at herself again, she knew with some makeup she'd look passable. There was nothing she could do to hide her weight loss, not that she was that eager to. She stopped caring when she realized the people around her were too uncomfortable to really reach out to her. That thought brought her back to the pretty blonde in her living room. She could hear Felicity moving around, cleaning up her mess. She should be embarrassed that someone she barely knew was not only picking up after her, but witnessing what a disaster she allowed her life to become. She wondered what was going through Felicity's head, was she disgusted? Was she only here because she needed help and would she walk away if someone else was willing to believe her? Laurel knew she could change her mind, tell her to leave and just continue on with her life as she has been. But she wouldn't, she wished it was hope that was carrying her on, but it was anger. She wanted to prove everyone wrong, she wanted to be vindicated. Everyone assumed she was losing her mind and she wanted them to see that she wasn't. So she'd help Felicity, but she wouldn't trust her. Nothing good ever came out of trusting someone.
Felicity threw away the last of the trash and looked around, it was better but the apartment still needed a cleaning. It was enough for now, though. The coffee table was no longer sticky and all of the old food containers and wine bottles have been disposed of. She was tempted to vacuum but she didn't want to overstep, nor did she want to start rummaging through her house looking for a vacuum cleaner.
She couldn't help but wonder how much help Laurel would be. She knew she was having a tough time with things, but she wasn't expecting it to be this bad. Sure, she was wasted at Verdant but most people have a few nights they rather forget. This though, this was different… Laurel had a problem, one that no one seemed to want to acknowledge. This wasn't just a bump in the road, no this was much more. While cleaning she found an empty bottle of Benzodoazepine, it was obvious she was self-medicating along with the drinking. She wondered if Lance and Oliver knew of this. The mixture of the two could result in organ failure, coma, and even death.
She knew Laurel wouldn't be receptive to any type of advice or help from her, but she needed Laurel to be clear minded. Somehow, she would have to keep Laurel clean; this would be the only way they could work together. After Blood was out of the way then she'd try to get her to seek help. She may not have experience with drug or alcohol abuse but she had experience with depression and loneliness, she knew she could help Laurel if she allowed her to.
She heard the bathroom door open and made her way back to the living room. She had pocketed the pill bottle, in order to bring it up. She was feeling nervous now, however, she didn't know Laurel, so she couldn't predict how she'd react.
She saw Laurel walk towards her and she was glad to see that she managed to dress in something other than pajamas, she even managed a little makeup. She wondered when the last time she ate was, maybe she'd suggest grabbing some food after their talk.
"Thanks, for picking up," Laurel said, taking a seat in the couch.
Felicity gave her a big smile, "no problem. I'm kind of a neat freak so I didn't mind. Not that I'm saying you're not neat… it's just that I'm a little OCD about clutter. I mean, your place isn't cluttered it's lovely." She muttered, trying to get her brain to mouth filter working. Laurel didn't seem offended though, she even cracked a small smile.
"Don't worry about it. I'm usually a neat freak too, just been having a bit of a hard time."
"I can only imagine what you've been going through, and I know that you're right about Blood. I think proving that your suspicions about Blood were right, will fix one of your problems." Felicity told her, knowing that it would at least help save her job.
Laurel looked down at her shaky hands, "I think being vindicated will fix just about all of my problems."
Felicity didn't want to get into an argument with Laurel, she didn't want her to think she was attacking her, but she also knew there was no right or easy way to go about it.
"I hope it does, I really do, and I think we'll make a good team. I just… I just need you to promise me something."
Laurel looked up at Felicity, curious at what she'd ask for. "What's that?"
"While we're working together no drinking and no pills, I know you don't know me, and you don't owe me anything, but I really need your help and the way I see it you need mine." She said pulling the pill bottle out of her pocket.
"Where did you get that?" She asked, snatching the bottle from her hand.
"I'm not judging you, Laurel, so please don't think that I am. I found the bottle while I was cleaning up. We may not be friends, we're barely acquaintances, and there were times where you didn't seem all that human to me. But those were my own issues, just like those pills are yours. I don't need to tell you the dangers associated with taking those and drinking because you're a smart woman, and you already know. But I can tell you that I want to help you, and I need your help. Please, I need you to be at your best."
Laurel played with the bottle in her hand. She thought about kicking Felicity out and forgetting the whole thing, she didn't need to take orders from her. Why should she give up the only thing that made her feel better? She wondered what Felicity meant about her not seeming human, what did that even mean? Was she insulting her, did she come off that hateful? She couldn't work with this person if she thought she was heartless.
"What did you mean, I didn't seem human?"
Felicity realized that her wording could sound offensive. "I meant that you seemed so perfect, like nothing could get to you. Honestly, I was a little jealous because everything gets to me and I don't do that great of a job at hiding it."
"Does it make you feel better to see how fucked up I actually am?" Laurel asked without malice but with honest curiosity.
"No. It makes me feel worse. It makes me feel petty, because I allowed myself to feel intimated by you, I never gave a thought to how much you must be hurting. I know what that's like, to be ignored, overlooked because people don't know how to connect with you. I don't like to think that I did that to anyone, regardless of whether or not I knew them."
Laurel was surprised that someone would care so much for strangers, she wondered what it was in Felicity's life that made her want to fix others.
"It's not necessary to put that kind of weight on your shoulders. You shouldn't need to worry about helping or fixing people."
Felicity had heard this argument before from friends but it was just who she was. "I know, but I can't help it. I care. You'd be surprised how much of a difference telling someone that can do."
Laurel was surprised. She wasn't ready to let go of her pain or to trust anyone. But having someone that showed they cared, even a little… helped.
"The only guarantee I can give you is to try and stay clean. I want to… I just don't know if I can," she admitted.
"Well, don't worry. I'm taking a few days off work so we can find some leads, so I'll help you as best as I can. I have to ask, do you have more pills?"
Laurel knew she could lie. Felicity seemed trusting enough to believe her if she told her she didn't but if she found out then she'd never trust her. Instead, Laurel got up and went to her room, removing a full bottle of pills from her jewelry box. She walked back to the living room and handed them to her.
Felicity took the pill bottle, dumbfounded. She assumed Laurel had more pills but she figured she would just lie about it. Common sense told her that Laurel could have more hidden away and this was her way of getting Felicity off her back, but she didn't think so. She felt that Laurel wanted to turn her life around.
Felicity took the pills from her and walked to the bathroom, she felt Laurel follow behind her. She didn't make a show of it, she just emptied the bottle in the toilet and flushed.
"Thank you," She said, turning to Laurel. "I appreciate you trusting me."
Laurel gave her a hesitant smile, "I just hope we can nail down Blood."
"We can and we will, I need you to tell me everything you found out about him. Including the things you didn't tell the Arrow."
After a couple of hours of digging and going through all of the surveillance video in the psych ward, they came up empty. The cameras were turned off during the time Blood was there visiting his mother, suspicious yes, useful... no. Whoever Blood hired as a hacker did a damn good job, almost as good as Felicity. The only error she could find was at the city archives, the day after Blood killed his mother the video feed was tampered with. Instead of setting the cameras on a loop, they just cut eight minutes from the feed, the time jump was obvious. However, when she checked to see who accessed the archive room that day she came back with only three names: Melissa Paul, James Alexander, and Adam Donner. It was the last name that made them both pause.
"It must be a coincidence," Laurel said, "Adam is one of the most straight lace guys I've met."
Felicity had enough experience from working with Oliver to know most people were not what they seemed. "I know it's hard to swallow and he may have nothing to do with it, but we have to look into him. If he's involved then we need to know how deep into the system Blood can reach. Look, I'm just going to peruse his e-mails and banking records, no one will know I was there."
Laurel didn't want to think that another person had betrayed her, but she had to know if Adam was working against her all along. "Okay, do it. I need to know if he's involved."
Felicity nodded her head in agreement, even though she had every intention of looking into it. It would make sense given Laurel's current situation. She looked into disbarment a little and it was true a lawyer could have their license revoked for substance abuse, as long as it could be proven. However, it wasn't common unless the lawyer actively either broke the law or whose actions were considered moral turpitude. From what she could tell the only law Laurel broke, or at least that they had proof of, was possession of a prescription that wasn't hers. Considering the pills were her fathers she wondered if she could really be disbarred for it.
Looking into Adam's e-mails was pointless, he obviously didn't communicate through his work or personal e-mail accounts. What he did have was plenty of porn site memberships. Getting into his financials was a little trickier. Adam had a few investment accounts, as well as a monthly stipend from a trust. From what she could see he was not hurting for money.
"Well if Adam is working for Blood it's not for money, he has a sizable trust fund." Felicity told Laurel.
"Trust fund? That can't be, he loves to talk about how he paid his own way through college by delivering pizza. He said his father took off when he was young and his mom worked two jobs to pay the bills, unless he was lying about everything I don't know where a trust could come from."
It could be that the guy wanted people to pat him on the back so he came up with that story, but maybe it was true. Felicity looked further into the trust fund account, it seemed that the deposits were less than a year old. Adam Donner was thirty, so it wouldn't be out of the question for his trust to be released at that age and he still managed to put himself through school. If it wasn't for the quarterly deposits of one hundred and fifty thousand dollars, she wouldn't think a thing of it. Sure enough, when she tracked where the money from the trust came from it all landed back to Wintergreen.
She looked over to Laurel, who was staring at her computer screen a little confused. "Donner is dirty, he and Blood have been receiving money from Wintergreen."
"Can we prove it?" Laurel asked, knowing that whatever they did it would be outside of the law.
"Not legally, but it's a start. Donner must be using a burner phone there is nothing odd in his phone records or e-mail. I did find an interesting little nugget when digging through his life," she said. "The condo he lives in, he renovated one of the rooms in order to add a safe. It's a top of the line, finger print scanner and digital code secured safe. I can hack it, I just need his thumb print… do you think you can get that?" She hoped Laurel was up to some acting.
She gave Felicity a big smile, "I think I should give Adam a call, see if he wants to grab some lunch. I'd love the opportunity to take him to lunch to apologize and seek his advice." She said, before grabbing her cell off the table and walking away to leave Adam a message.
Felicity took that opportunity to text Oliver and let him know she was taking a few personal days from QC and the Arrow cave. She told him if they needed her help for an emergency she'd pop in.
She and Laurel were going to not only prove that Blood was dirty, they were going to out a mole in the District Attorney's office, and they would get to the bottom of Wintergreen.
Oliver stared at the message for a moment not knowing how to respond. He didn't mean to anger Felicity, he didn't want to push her away but that's exactly what he did.
"What's wrong?" Sara asked, walking over to him, "You've been staring at your phone for a while now."
"Nothing, Felicity is just asking for a few days off, that's all." He told her, not wanting to get into it again.
"Well, she's earned it. I wasn't trying to drive a wedge between you two Ollie, that wasn't my intention. But I think she needs some space right now and you should give it to her, it's the least you can do. Don't worry she'll be back before you know it." She said, squeezing his shoulder.
Oliver knew Sara was right but that didn't mean he was okay with it. Nonetheless, he told her to take the time she needed. He hoped she gave him a chance to talk things through, he didn't like this distance between them. He missed her when she wasn't around.
First, let me say thank you for all the reviews. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this fic, even people who don't really care for Laurel. I just wanted to clear something up, Sara is not trying to get between anyone, she's just not well at expressing herself. That's something I feel that is in line with her character, I think her past actions & her current ones prove that. So don't be too angry at her, she and Oliver are on shaky ground because they're very similar people. Anyhow, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it's a little longer – that was the only complaint I received, that the chapters were too short. For the anon that sent me the tumblr message, I just saw it. I didn't respond to it since I'm updating this now.