Chapter 16 - Our Last Commercial break
()()()()
Miss Flamiel appeared on-screen.
"Hello, I'm Miss Flamiel, President of the "Ban the Archies" Campaign."
Miss Flamiel held up an Archies issue.
"These comics are ruining our country! We must ban them! Just look at this atrocious Cover!" Miss Flamiel held up a cover with Veronica in a Skimpy Bikini.
"This girl is sending a bad message to any young women looking at her! She's sending the message that if you want a boy to like you, you have to wear less and less clothing!"
Miss Flamiel threw the comic into a nearby fireplace.
"Which is why we've started the 'Ban the Archies' Campaign! Heck, the Archie people banned Fanfiction, So the golden rule applies here! We're asking for pledges and copies of old issues of that disgusting comic! So pledge now!"
Then Yakko appeared on screen, reading an Archie comic.
"I used to read Archie comics all the time!" Yakko threw the comic aside "But I was only reading them just so I could see what Midge's belly button looked like in a bandeau swimsuit! I had no idea I was hurting Pixie-haired girls all over the world by oogling an animated teen in a skimpy swimsuit!" Yakko pretended to talk dramatically
Then Dot appeared on screen with a short hairdo and a swimsuit.
"Oh, You're hurting me by reading those comics, Yakko! You're hurting short-haired girls everywhere!" Dot pretended to act hurt
"Awww, i'm sorry pixie-haired girl! But i've learned the error of my ways...Until the next issue comes to my mailbox!" Yakko winked at the camera.
Then the shot returned to Miss Flamiel
"So now that you've seen what we do, Will you pledge? Pledge 5$! Pledge $100! It's going to be a cold christmas this year, so use your old archie comics for kindling! It's the right thing to do! Pledge today!"
()()()()
The Next commercial was for Pinky and the Brain's Take over the world campaign. Pinky and the Brain appeared on screen in nice suits.
"Gee, Brain, What are we gonna do tonight?" asked Pinky
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky! Try and take over the world! And to do that, we need money. So we are asking you, loyal Animaniacs viewers, to send us your money and pledges so we can take over your world!"
"Oh Brilliant, Brain! Brilliant, oh no, wait, nope, we can't. We don't have a good commercial." Said Pinky
"Pinky, We just need to show a montage of cute kittens and dogs in cages and add in some sad music and people will be so overcome by sadness and guilt, they'll have to pledge their money!" Said Brain
"Oh, Brilliant Brain! You amaze me!" Said Pinky
"I always amaze you, Pinky. it's easy."
Then a montage of kittens and puppies played while "In the arms of an angel" by Sarah McLachlan played. At the end of it, Pinky was soaked in his tears while Brain was standing there, emotionless as always.
"So you see, We now have you so guilt ridden that you have no idea your money is being donated right to us." Brain spoke in his monotone voice, before turning to a teary-eyed pinky.
"Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering?"
Between sobs, Pinky spoke "I think so, Brain, But how many yolks are in a carton of eggnog?"
Brain turned back to the camera to avoid the urge of smacking his dumb associate.
"So donate your money to the Brain's take over the world campaign. Donate $1,000 dollars and i'll personally make you my right hand man!"
Then the commercial ended with the Warners singing "They're dinky, they're pinky and the brain, brain, brain, brain".
()()()()
The last commercial featured Slappy the Squirrel
"Hey! It's Slappy here. Ya remember me? I used to be on TV back in the days when you could throw anythin' on the air and they would show it, with almost no commercials. But now every program's got all these darned commercial breaks and I say we do somethin' about it! So here's the Slappy the Squirrel's no more commercials campaign!"
Slappy walked across the set with Skippy.
"Ya see, They're puttin' all these commercials on the air with these kids toys in em so your children are gonna scream until you buy them the toy to shut em up."
Then skippy looked at a screen advertising a toy.
"Hey Aunt Slappy, can we get that! It's sooooo cool!" Skippy begged
Slappy took a closer look, and then replied. "The toy's made in China. It'll be broke in a week."
To which Skippy began crying and begging.
"So is this how you want ya kids to be? Cryin' and beggin' ya for more toys and stuff they see on TV.." Slappy couldn't continue through Skippy's crying.
"Hey! Skippy! Ya can stop cryin' now!" Said Slappy
Slappy then stopped crying.
"Ok, Aunt Slappy!" Skippy replied
"Good job actin'. Now go get yerself a donut and a coffee." Slappy sent skippy off the set, and returned.
"So what i'm askin' ya for, is that you send us your donations and we'll put them to good use to get these darned commercials off the air! Send us a donation of $5,000, and Skippy there will mow ya lawn for free!" Slappy advertised her Nephew's talents
"I'm a lawnmowin' expert!" Said Skippy
Slappy turned to the camera "He's been so hopped up on those John Deere commercials he thinks he's an expert." Before going back to her normal pose "So donate today, and I swear we'll get all these stinkin' commercials off TV! Now enough with commercials, let's get back to the show!"
Then the Warners popped up on the screen to sing "That's Slappy!"
And the normal "Slappy Squirrel" Screen that would fall into the frame was replaced with "And now...Back to the story!" with a subtitle that read "No more commercial breaks, we promise."