I spent my life becoming invisible
It's hard to maintain and it's hard to get by
I don't recall, fight or flight setting in
I had no introduction
I just breathe it in like the air
-Nothing To Remember by Neko Case
"She's not ready," Betty said, crossing her arms.
"How do you know? You're no doctor," Gladys replied, matching Betty's closed stance as they faced off.
"No, but I've got eyes. She still looks like death warmed over."
"Nothing a little makeup won't fix," Gladys tried. "Look, she's got to go out and get back on that horse sometime."
"Horse?" Betty snorted, giving Gladys an incredulous look. "The horse ran her over, drug her to hell and back, and then exploded all over the place. Why the hell would you want her to face that so soon?"
"Because I know what it is like to be trapped in a big, looming house, dodging life after it became too hard. It's so easy to get lost in the pain and grief. After James died, it was the two of you who pulled me out of my house and back into life, remember?"
Betty frowned, still unconvinced.
"This will be good for Kate," Gladys reasoned. "It's only a small gathering at the factory to remember those lost. Paying tribute to Reggie, Donald, and Henry, you might say. Don't you think that would be a good healing process for her? Plus, they've been working around the clock to get VicMu back up and running and it's almost ready, so it's time. The pony is ready for show again."
Betty stared at her in cynical wonder.
"What's with you and the damn horses? I still don't think she's ready."
"Of course you don't," Gladys retorted, throwing her arms up, annoyed they still weren't seeing eye to eye. "Betty McRae, you could make the staunchest drill sergeant look like a push over. You've made sure Kate's barely seen the light of day these last few weeks, controlled any and all activities proposed, and patrol the hallway to stop any would be visitors."
"And?"
"And convoys crossing the Atlantic have less protection!"
"She had a piece of metal the size of a battle cruiser lodged into her back, Princess. Let's forgive her if she's not exactly spry and ready to greet the masses!"
"You two do realize my hearing wasn't impaired in the accident, right?"
Both Betty and Gladys turned to Kate, who was sitting at her bureau watching them argue back and forth.
"Hi, there," She smiled, reminding them that their current argument was sitting only ten feet away.
"We're sorry," Gladys sheepishly said as she turned towards Kate. "I guess we're both just a little hard headed when it comes to your well being. I do think it would be a good idea to get out and go to it."
"Or," Betty piped in. "We could stay in, play some cards, maybe listen to The Happy Gang radio show. It sounds like today's installment will be a real doozy."
Kate looked at them both, carefully contemplating her choices.
"You say it's a memorial?" Kate asked, looking down at her hands.
"Yes, I hear the mayor is even going speak."
"Will you both be there if I go?" She asked, meekly.
"Absolutely," Gladys assured her.
Kate looked over to Betty, whose shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Of course, Kate," Betty said, finally giving in. "We'll be right by your side the whole time."
Betty and Gladys flanked Kate as they walked into the canteen of the factory. In order to avoid going by where the lab once stood, they came in through the back of the factory. Betty figured they quicker they got in, the quicker they could get out, so she hoped they could make a brief appearance and then they could call it a day.
As they entered through the back door, her hopes were quickly dashed. VicMu's lunchroom was buzzing as workers and their families crammed into the room to mingle before the services started. Betty glanced over at Kate and watched her take in the crowded atmosphere. Once again, she worried this would be too much, too soon, but so far the girl was okay. She looked around and smiled politely at those around them as the crowd hummed in excitement with the entrance of the only survivor. The hero of VicMu the newspapers had called her.
The canteen had been transformed into a makeshift reception hall with the tables pushed to the side leaving a wide-open space in the middle for the crowd to stand. There was coffee and cookies being served at one end of the room while a man with an accordion played lively songs on the other side of the room. Betty had not been to very many memorials in her life, but this wasn't what she expected. It seemed more like a social function than a memorial. So much for Gladys' promise of a small gathering, she thought with a shake of her head.
She looked over at the man playing the accordion and sighed as it reminded her of the days of her youth when her family would gather around a camp fire and listen to her Uncle Franz play his accordion. She thought about going over to the man to see if he knew any of the German tunes her Uncle use to play, but Betty knew better than to showcase her unusual abundance of German knowledge. As she listened to the waning sound, she realized with an eerie feeling just how much the accordion sounded like the factory's sirens.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"
Betty felt Kate tense up beside her as the shrill sound of Ellie Fineburg's voice came from somewhere in the crowd before them.
"Wha..?" Kate gasped, going pale as she tried to find the voice from the crowd.
"Steady girl," Gladys whispered into Kate's ear, giving her arm a light squeeze. "It's just Ellie."
Kate nodded quickly as the crowd swarmed around them. All wanting to greet Kate as they pulled her into hugs and asked rapid-fire questions.
"How are you feeling?"
"Did you really turn the amatol pumps off by yourself?"
"What does if feel like to be Toronto's biggest hero?"
"Will you be coming back to the factory?"
"What was it like in there?"
"Did you have to watch them die?"
Betty wanted to punch the guy who asked the last question. What kind of dolt asks that to someone who's been through what Kate had gone through?
Betty looked over to Kate as she nervously brushed her hands on her skirt. There it was again, the simple act of dragging her hands across the fabric to meet some unknown need in Kate's mind. With a sickening feeling, Betty realized it was like she was trying to clean her hands from something only Kate could see.
"I'm feeling better," Kate answered, her voice anxiously high as more and more people began to surround them. "I've got pretty great care helping me get back on my feet."
Betty frowned, noticing the other girl sounded winded as people she didn't even know began to come up to give Kate hugs. It was getting crowded around them as the curious onlookers pressed towards them, making Betty nervous.
Someone dropped a plate behind them, causing Kate to jump and whip her head around at the noise.
"Holy hell, people. Why don't we give her some room to breathe," Betty blurted out, becoming annoyed at the crowd. "This isn't some circus, ya know."
"Let's begin…" Mr. Atkins said as he tapped into the microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention?"
They all turned around to see the older man standing at a podium in the front of the room. Betty was glad for the distraction as the crowd around them eased towards the front. She heard Gladys give a sigh of relief as well from the other side of Kate.
"Today, we gather here to remember the bravery displayed and the precious lives lost 3 weeks ago," Mr. Atkins explained as he began the first round of speeches of the night.
They all stood and listened to one gallant speech after another. All professing the valor of Reggie, Donald, and Henry Jenkins, all pointing Kate out in the crowd and acknowledging her heroism of that fateful day.
"Regina Harrison had a spunky spirit. She will forever remain in my heart," Deloris Bleaker pledged tearfully. "Her death will not be forgotten."
She was the third person to have declared their eternal gratefulness to the sacrifices made that day. The kind words should be stirring to Betty, but somehow they just made her feel nauseous. Had she ever even seen Deloris speak to Reggie before? Not that she and Reggie were best of friends, but at least they did interact from time to time and for the people who could call her a friend, it must have felt insulting to hear such insincere bravado.
She anxiously glanced over to see Kate's reaction and noticed the girl was no longer standing beside her. Gladys noticed her absence at the same time as they locked eyes and began looking around to find their friend, but she was nowhere to be found. They weaved through the crowd and quietly slipped out of the canteen. Betty had an idea where the girl might be.
The factory floor looked so large and empty without any other workers there. The soft footsteps of Betty and Gladys echoed as the made their way across it.
They found Kate standing in front of the area where the lab once stood. She looked so small against the wide-open space of the old lab. Its large blank walls stretched out and stuck out sorely with its fresh coat of paint.
Betty marveled how different it looked as the image of the destruction from the blast still haunted her mind. She realized Gladys had been correct about the construction workers speedy endeavors. The debris had been cleared away and a new roof was already built above them, so she knew it wouldn't be long before the factory was building bombs again.
Betty turned her attention back to Kate as she and Gladys stood a few feet behind her where she stood in front of one of the blank walls. Her hand ghosted over the deep gashes where the back table had been blown off of it weeks before. It was the only sign left of the devastation.
"Before long, you won't even be able to tell it happened," Kate muttered without turning around, her voice was low and somber.
Betty looked over and narrowed her eyes at Gladys. The other girl bit her lip, as she felt the angry glare that said, "you're toast". It was a look Betty had perfected just for Gladys long ago.
"We will know though," Gladys offered, choosing to ignore the look. "We'll remember."
Kate let out a soft exhale of air, her curls swayed as she shook her head. "That's what everyone keeps saying. They'll always remember Reggie's sacrifice. Her death…but I won't."
"What do you mean?" Gladys asked softly.
Kate turned around, her eyes filled with anger and tears.
"I can't remember how she died! For some reason… I can't. It's all hazy. I can get bits and pieces … every time I close my eyes all I can see is how scared Donald was when he died. How terrified he looked," Kate gritted out, squeezing her eyes shut as the emotions poured out of her.
"Kate." Betty felt her heart break for her once more.
"I tried so hard to save them and now all I can feel is their blood on my hands! I can't ever seem to get it off, no matter how many times I try to wipe them clean," She cried, holding her clean hands palms up for them to see. "… But Reggie… for some reason I can't remember the moments leading up to her death."
"Dr. Patel says that's normal," Betty tried, a lumping forming in her throat. "After all that you went through…"
"Is it though?" Kate gritted out, her face turning red as her emotions boiled over. "How can I honor her death if I can't even remember it?"
"By honoring the way she lived."
They all turned to see Lorna walking up behind Gladys and Betty. She passed them and grabbed Kate's hands.
"You'll honor her life," Mrs. Corbett told her. "You were a good friend to Reggie, so you'll remember her not for the way she died, but for the way she lived. You'll cherish how much she loved life and how she was never afraid of a challenge. And you'll never forget the difference her short life made."
Tears were now rolling down both Betty and Gladys' faces as they clung to each other. They stood just outside of the moment as Kate's tears flowed freely at their mentor's gentle words.
"Who am I going to discuss Little Women with now?"
Lorna smiled sympathetically and squeezed her hands. "I trust you'll find someone."
"I'm sorry I couldn't save her," Kate choked out as Lorna pulled her into a hug.
"You did more for Reggie than you could ever imagine," She whispered into her hair. "Always remember that too."