I AM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! I FINALLY HAVE A JOB (!) AND ONLY GOT A DAY OFF IN A WEEK. SO I WILL NOT BE UPDATING FREQUENTLY.
WARNING; THIS CHAPTER WAS WRITTEN WITH HAZED BRAIN AND SLEEPY EYES. I AM SORRY FOR ANY BOREDOM AND DRAGGING STORYLINE.
Topper; Meow (I miss Tony.)
Pepperony; Meooow (I know. I miss him too D: )
Chapter 14-Lost
They stood in a group, gathering around the fresh burial plot where the earth had taken care of their friend. The crowds had receded since ten minutes when the funeral had ended, but they stayed. It felt like betraying their dear friend to leave so early like the other guests, because they weren't other guest, they were his friends.
Pepper sobbed on Rhodey's shoulder silently. Her thin shoulders shook. He rubbed her back soothingly, unable to stop his own tears from falling. Steve stood across them, for once messy –blond hair uncombed and bloodshot eyes.
The death felt surreal. Tony was buried six feet under them but not breathing, not even alive. So close, yet so far. There'll be no more parties at Stark Tower, no more hanging out, no more sarcastic remarks, and nobody to run through the SHIELD Prep hallways causing trouble.
No more Tony Stark.
The words felt fake and strange –alien, even on their tongues.
"Can I say something?" Steve murmured.
The rest nodded, murmuring yeses. "Go ahead, Captain," Bruce said softly.
Steve cleared his throat. "Well, you are –were my friend. I regret the way our friendship began but I am thankful the way it turned out. I'd admit, I used to hate the way you were –brash, loud, reckless, ignorant, and arrogant- but over the years I realized that you became that way to hide who you really were. Who you really were?" Steve mused. "There are no words for it, really. There's nothing that could define you specifically. But let me tell you this; you were a good person –generous and you never failed to make us laugh. You always got our backs. You never give up. We are not what you were, genius and billionaire. We are all screwed up and dysfunctional. But you took us in. You called us your close friends –not that you had many. You had faith in us, you trusted us." He inhaled a sharp intake of breath, a tear rolled down his cheek, "I'm –I'm sorry that I never had the same faith in you. Sorry that I misjudged you. It's funny when realization only hit after you lose them."
He hugged the nearest person next to him, which happened to be Bruce. They then silently retreated back to their cars, deciding it was enough for today. Pepper stayed behind, gesturing for them to go first and she will follow later. She clutched the bundle of purple orchids in her hands, they were Tony's mom favorite, but it was the only kind of flower Tony had taken a liking.
"I don't know if you know this," Pepper said softly. "But I love you too. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You are selfless in your selfishness and perfect in your imperfections. I love you."
She put down the purple orchids on the pile of fresh dirt, among cards and flowers other guests had left. She needed to leave but her heart begged her to stay. Pepper took a deep breath and let the tears rolled down her cheeks. She turned away, to find her friends, leaving the gravestone glistening under the afternoon sun.
Anthony Edward Stark
29th May 1994 – November 2011
Genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist.
Pain and suffering are inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.
x
Pepper woke up to cold sweat and a shudder. She took a few cleansing breaths, trying to shake off the nightmare. She held her face in hands –tears rolled down her cheeks involuntarily. The nightmares had haunted her since she found out about his condition. Now he was nowhere to be found and it made her tired brain processing images of scenes she never wanted to see in reality.
She needed sleep.
X
"Virginia, you up?" Mrs. Potts' voice wafted from the other side of the door.
Pepper kicked the sheet under her long legs. "Yeah mom, I'll be ready in ten."
"Alright, honey."
Pepper sat on her bed, legs dangling from the side of the bed. She swept away strands of her hair that fell before her eyes. Her thin, slender fingers gripped on the edge of the mattress, breathing heavily.
Today had marked the sixth day of Tony's disappearance. Everyone else was spending their Saturday going out, enjoying the sunlight, chasing butterflies. But Pepper and her friends were going to do some press conference regarding Tony's disappearance. It was suggested by Happy originally, approved by the great Howard Stark and it took them three days to agree. Maybe it would work. Maybe it could persuade Tony to come home.
She sighed. Knowing what a hard-head Tony was, the chance of the press conference actually worked was less than seventy. After stretching her spine and limbs, she went to shower, trying to gain her peace of mind. Pepper had picked out a light pink halter cotton blouse, matched with a black pencil skirt for the press conference. She stayed long enough in front of the mirror in her room, applying cosmetics to hide her puffy eyes and the dark circles that encased them.
"Good luck, Virginia," her mom hugged her when she was about to leave. "Toughen up."
Pepper smiled weakly. "Bye mom."
"I hope you find Tony," Savannah said in her soft voice. She stood on her chair at the dinner table to kiss Pepper's cheek, "I miss him."
"Me too, Sav," Pepper replied. "See you guys later."
Outside, the black limo with Stark Industries imprinted on the doors was ready for her. Happy opened the door for her and she got inside the limo. Steve, Thor, Rhodey, Bruce, Clint and Natasha were already inside. Natasha herself was dressed in a sleeveless navy blue blouse and black skinny jeans. Nobody was dressed up to the nines; the colors dark and sad, as if they were mourning –in a way, they were. Steve smiled weakly at her and Rhodey threw her an apologetic smile. Rhodey had taken himself as the reason why Tony left because of reasons. But no one was really blaming him, Tony was volatile, out of control –nobody can expect what is his next move.
Happy drove them to Stark Tower, where clusters of reporters and cameramen waited for their arrivals. Cameras' flashes hit their eyes as they stepped out of the limo. Happy and two other bodyguards shielded them from the cameras protectively as they went inside the building. Happy lead them to the Conference Hall 1 which was at the first floor, saving them from having to take different stairs and elevators to avoid the reporters.
"Take your place," Happy instructed. Even Happy look distracted. "You'll be on air in five minutes. Get ready."
They nodded but still huddled together next to the platform. "So we will answer the questions, but none of his heart condition. Except for us we don't need the entire population of New York and America to know about his arc-reactor," Steve said.
"Agree," they murmured in unison. "We won't give them anything for them to make some juicy gossips," Rhodey muttered.
They took place at the table. Pepper earned a spot between Rhodey and Bruce. Steve sat in the middle with Natasha on his left. Clint sat next to her. Steve tapped on his microphone, clearing his throat.
"Um, we will be answering questions now."
A woman in early-thirties raised her hand. "Hayden Brown, New York Times," she identified herself. "Is it true that Tony Stark suffers PTSD or Post-Traumatic Disorders after his accident back in September?"
"Contrary to popular beliefs, Tony Stark is successful in keeping his private matters to himself," Steve answered smoothly. "If he has PTSD, he neither shows the signs nor consults a therapist."
"Miss Potts, according to Stark Stalkers blog, you have a profound bond with Tony Stark. Is it true?"
Pepper rolled her eyes mentally. Stark Stalkers was a blog dedicated to Tony, revealing details about Tony's not-so private life. "We are best friends, if that is what you were asking. Tony and I are friends since kindergarten."
"Jimmy Haven," a man raised his hand. "According to a source, the accident Tony had back in September wasn't actually an accident at all. It was actually an attempted murder, is that true?"
Steve and Pepper exchanged looks. "The matter is still under police's investigation," Natasha answered coolly. "Everything else is just a rumor until the rightful party makes a statement."
Another reporter raised her hand. "Rumor has it that young Mr. Stark has a rocky relationship with his father."
"Well, we don't have a say in this," Rhodey spoke up. "Because obviously neither of us is his father. As a friend however, our relationship are stable, with childish arguments and neurotic tendencies on the side."
The rest laughed softly.
"So, um, the citizens of America, if you have any information regarding our missing friend, please contact the rightful authority," Steve said when the questioning session finally over. "We are really worried about him and his condition."
The camera focused on Pepper. "Tony, if by chance you're watching this, please -come home. We miss you." Her voice sounded like she was close to tears. "You shouldn't have run away."
When the press conference finally ended, Happy led them to Tony's penthouse upstairs. He would be glad to send them to their destination, but the crowd of reporters and cameramen still wandering around Stark Tower. So they went upstairs, each of them with heavy hearts and even heavier legs.
The penthouse still looked the same, only cleaner than last Sunday. There were a couple of black T-shirts and red-and-gold mugs turned upside down on the coffee table. Clean sneakers arranged disorderly next to the door. The air smelled like metal and vanilla –a weird combination but normal. It was like someone still present in the penthouse, organizing it just the way Tony liked it.
It looked and smelled the same, but different in some way. There was no AC/DC or Black Sabbath or Led Zeppelin blasted through the speakers. No screens lighted up, displaying holograms and designs. No sound of the coffee machine brewing in the kitchen. No Jarvis' making snarky comments toward its master.
Silence.
No Tony Stark crossing his legs on the couch, being sarcastic and exchanging banter between him and Steve or even Jarvis.
Just a figment of his ghost wandering before their eyes, replaying what was it like when Tony was there.
X
Thousand miles away, Tony Stark was lounging on the couch, sipping on a steamy cup of black coffee, clad in his boxers and a red bathrobe. His dark hair disheveled, dark circles encased his eyes, skin pale and probably had lost a few pounds. None of the sharp, charismatic Stark the public knew.
It was raining outside, and he could hear the soft patter on the full-length windows.
Is this how I am going to die?
He had to choose the lesser of two evils –either strip off the arc-reactor, skip the palladium poisoning but die within an hour cause the shrapnel found their way to his heart or stick with the arc-reactor, the shrapnel safely away from his heart but dying slowly from palladium poisoning in a, say, seven days.
He had chosen the latter.
Shrapnel to the heart would be painful. Seven days would be enough for him to settle down the matters he had at hands.
Seven days.
X
"Poor Potts, poor baby," Felicia Hardy pouted at Pepper as the strawberry blonde passed her on her way to the locker. "Missing your precious Stark?"
Pepper slammed her locker door open, jaw taut. Hardy sauntered over, leaning against the locker next to Pepper, a smirk playing on her lips.
"Say what, let him stay gone," Hardy said, "It is more peaceful without him around. Nobody needs that motherfucker."
"Shut up, Hardy," Pepper gritted her teeth. Her eyes already glistening with tears, "Just shut up."
Hardy looked smug. "Oh, crybaby. You miss him, Potts? Oh, of course you do. You lurveee him. Potts and Stark sitting on a tree K- I- S- S- I- N- G. First comes love, then come marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. But that's not all, it's not real cause Stark is M- I- S- S- I- N-G."
Pepper broke down in silent sobs. She ran to the nearest washroom. Hardy crossed her arms, looking proud, leaning more comfortably against the locker. Then Natasha came over, without warning sucker-punched Hardy. Hardy's head slammed against the locker. There was a wild look in her eyes before she retaliated by giving an uppercut to Natasha. Natasha managed to block the uppercut, grabbing Hardy's wrist, twisting it around and maneuvered her petite body to give Hardy the famous Black Widow's thigh choke.
Hardy lay on the cold hard floor of the hallway, suffocating. The other student watched as Natasha crouched next to Hardy.
"Kicking your ass is not option if I found out you mess with my friends next time," Natasha seethed, "You and your jealousy can officially go to hell."
"Miss Romanoff," Mr. Coulson's voice rang, clear as day. He walked down the hallway toward them. "Both of you and Miss Hardy, in my office –now."
X
"You know why the behavior of a suicidal person and a dying man is the same?"
"Why?"
"Because they know they are going to die."
X
Tony opened his eyes, his cheek on the cold floor. He blinked a couple of times before sitting up and leaned to the closest couch. Breathing heavily, he put a hand on his chest.
"How long I was out?" He asked to the newly-installed Jarvis.
"8 hours, sir."
He got on his feet, a little wobbly. He felt the dizziness he was well acquainted by now. Any painkillers wouldn't work.
"Do you want to call anyone, sir?"
Tony exhaled, closing his eyes. "No."
Day one.
X
"Come on, Pepper, you've got to eat," Natasha tried to coax Pepper at lunch.
Pepper sighed, shaking her head. "No thanks. I'm full."
"Bullshit," Rhodey said, shoving a paper bag full of French fries to her face. "I know you skipped your breakfast."
"I'm not hungry."
Clint smiled. "I could hear your stomach growling from here."
"I don't feel like eating," Pepper replied. She tried to push back the fries to Rhodey.
"Well, I don't feel like going to school but I went anyway," Clint shrugged.
That made her chuckle. "I will eat something later, okay?"
"Promise?" Natasha stared at her. "I will call your parents tonight."
"Alright," Pepper nodded weakly.
Nothing was alright.
X
Tony riffled through the photo album in his hands. The photographs since he was a baby in his mom's arms until he was fifteen. He had changed a lot since then. As a baby he had dirty blond hair that had darken through the years. Smiling eagerly under his mom's arms at six. Standing rigidly next to his father at eight. A confident, arrogant smile at thirteen, right a year after his mom's death. The egoistical body language at the age of fifteen –the Tony Stark that had tried everything, sex, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes.
Now?
Tony Stark at the age of seventeen, on a brink of death. Accomplished genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist. Alcoholic and narcissist. Had given up life since the death of the only person who truly cared about him –Maria.
He had flirted with death like she was the realest lover.
He had his stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning since he was fourteen. Scars that existed on his forearms weren't really from messing with the soldering tools in the lab. Sometimes he experimented with the veins on his forearms, wondering which cut to which veins will make him end up to the hospital. He had pushed himself to the limit. Sleepless for more than 48 hours just to see he will pass out from exhaustion. Burn himself from the both ends, to burn faster and ran quicker. Because practicality and thoughtful wasn't Tony Stark.
Death was a welcome. Howard never cared about him. All he wanted was the new designs for the company –either technology or weaponry. And he would throw money to Tony's way to avoid dealing with his son. All he had was his friends and Pepper. But they all had to go someday. His friends will have to leave when they all went to their own way at adulthood. And he will be left alone.
Death was familiar.
The coldness and loneliness. Tears and curses. The hurt.
Tears started to brim in Tony's eyes. He sobbed a little, which then turned to coughing fit. He covered his mouth, trying to ignore the way his lungs felt –suffocating and about to burst. Dark blood covered his palms.
He sighed, feeling blood dripping from his mouth. He let out another painful cough.
"Do you want to call anyone, sir?"
A drop of tear fell down on the album, right on the picture of him with Pepper. Another drop of blood fell down from his lips, mixing with the tear on the photograph.
"No Jarvis."
Day three.
X
Once again he had fell unconscious. This time, on the bathroom floor.
"Do you want to call anyone, sir?"
Tony breathed. "No."
Day five.
X
There was a lot of things Tony Stark and Loki Odinson had in common.
Both were handsome and charming. Intelligent. Both were sly and cunning, funny and mischievous. Both were broken by their fathers. Whereas Tony was ignored by Howard, Loki had the same. Both hide the pain that had consumed them by laughter and smiles, cool demeanor and sarcastic comments.
Thor can see what his brother had in common with Tony. Tony was like a brother himself.
Loki had estranged himself from Thor when he found out he was adopted.
Thor had lost his brother once. He won't let it happen again.
X
"Um, hey Tony, it's me Pepper," Pepper spoke to her phone, leaving a message for Tony as he didn't pick up the call. "I just want to say, come home. I miss you. We all miss you. Natasha was even sent to detention because she punched Hardy after Hardy taunted me about your disappearance."
Pepper sobbed to her phone quietly. "It's not the same without you, you know. Lunchtime was quiet, classes were boring for the seniors. Bruce had taken Parker under his wings, –he's a good kid but he's not you. Clint and Natasha are dating now. That will give you some ammos to harass them. Thor is not being himself nowadays. He used to speak like a lion, all loud voice but now he won't even speak. Jane's worried about him."
"Rhodey is blaming himself for what happened. I need you to come back to assure him that it's not his fault. You are just being stupid. Steve is not doing good in his baseball practice. Savannah miss you. Pepperony and Topper misses you too. My parents miss you."
Tears started to flow down Pepper's cheeks. She tried to keep her voice light. "I'm sorry for not speaking to you when you last saw me. I love you too, Tony. And even if you're going to die, I don't want you to die alone."
x
I swear I can go on forever again.
Maybe it was the caffeine. His brain had begun thinking over and over again about the same thing. Death. If he had to go on over and over his miserable short life, he could. He could easily endured all the pain all over again.
Please let me know that my one bad day would end.
All he wanted was for the pain to end –one way or another.
I will go on as your lover, your friend.
He wanted to leave as a friend, a lover. He wanted to be remembered.
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin.
He was reminded by Pepper, her soft touch and her warm lips that burned and latched to his.
Are you afraid of being alone?
Was he afraid of being alone? Nah, he was lonely most of the time. Oh, but he was. He was afraid of being alone.
Cause I am, I am lost without you.
He was lost without Pepper, with no directions. Pepper was more than a talking, human organizer for him. She was his moral compass, his anchor to his memories.
Tony closed his eyes. He breathed the salty smell of the sea that carried by the wind through the opened windows. The taste of caffeine burned his throat.
"Sir, there's a message from Miss Potts."
He opened his eyes again, sighing. "Play it."
The message echoed around the empty living room. Tony closed his eyes, listening carefully to Pepper's message. His heart felt like it was twisted listening to her sobbing voice. It was tempting to go back to New York, to reach her, to feel her alive against his skin.
Tony stood up, gripping his red-and-gold mug tightly around hid frail fingers. He started to make way to the kitchen, to refill his half-empty mug of coffee. His legs shook, but he walked anyway. Five steps from the couch, his heart literally stopped,- a cardiac arrest. Breathless, he fell to the ground –blood, coffee and pieces of mug mixing on the cold marble floor. His vision started to darken and his breath started to slow down.
His seven days was up.
Hold on. A voice whispered in his head.
"I'm sorry for not speaking to you when you last saw me. I love you too, Tony. And even if you're going to die, I don't want you to die alone."
Pepper's voice rang in his head, the last part of her message.
"I love you too Tony."
I don't want you to die alone."
"Jarvis," he called out breathlessly. "Pepper… call Pepper."
"Yes, sir."
All he remembered was Pepper's frantic voice answering Jarvis's call before his eyes closed and he drifted into infinite darkness. Lost, once again.
Day seven.
He had called Pepper.
X
Phew. Reviews please!