Author's Note: Here it is that chapter you've all be waiting for: Arya, the Bold and Magnificent! And Jaqen.
In other news, my dear friend (themysteryvanishing) and I started riffing Phil Collins and making strange Tarzan noises in regards to upcoming chapters. Not that Phil Collins has anything to do with what is going to happen, but sometimes emotions need an outlet.
Chapter 6: In which Arya comes in and the plot is advanced.
"This is the third club that a girl has dragged a man to. A man begins to desire the comfort of his bed and the caresses of a willing girl."
"You won't get either of those if you don't stop complaining. In fact, I'll cut you off for a month if you keep it up."
"…a girl is very cruel."
"Knock it off, grown men shouldn't pout, it's disturbing."
"Very well, a man will stop."
"Finally. Okay, let's go over this one more time."
"If we must."
Arya glared at him before continuing, "He's definitely in there this time. I've got a friend with eyes on right now."
"This 'friend' wouldn't happen to be Gendry, would it?" Jaqen made the name sound like a bad smell, and his lip curled up in disgust.
"Gods, don't do the 'alpha-male' thing; Gendry and I broke up years ago."
"That boy had better remember that, or a man will be most happy to remind him."
She rolled her eyes, "Don't be stupid. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," she paused to look pointedly at Jaqen who contrived to look innocent. "That shithead, Joffrey, is in there. Now, he's stupid, but even he can smell something's off if we don't sell it."
"And what incentive does a man have to play along?"
"Not getting my foot up your arse, for one."
"And the other?"
Arya pretended to ruminate over the question, "Hmm…I don't know…Oh, I've got it! I'll let you tie me up, but," she wagged a finger in his face, "you have to let me tie you up first."
Jaqen smoldered at her, "Oh, a man is quite willing to let a girl tie him up and have her way with him."
"Good, that's settled. Ready?"
"But of course."
"Then let's go spread a rumor."
The inside of the club was dark and the air smelled like sweat, sex, beer, bad judgment. Arya couldn't wait to get out of there, but first she was going to do her part to make merry hell in the life of Tywin Lannister; Sansa deserved no less. "I see Gendry at the bar."
"Pardon?"
Arya raised her voice, "I see Gendry at the bar! Let's go!"
Arya and Jaqen wove their way through the crowded floor, stopping when they reached the bar. "Hey, Gendry, where is he?!"
"The little prick's in the VIP section! Here, I swiped you a couple passes!"
"You're the best!" She ignored Jaqen's glower and kissed Gendry on the cheek. Serve him right for bitching all night. He pulled her away and she brandished the passes. "Okay, he'll see me and I'll see him, but we hate each other so we'll pretend like we didn't. The trick will be sitting close enough for him to hear without making it look like we want him to!" Jaqen nodded in understanding and they set off for the back of the club.
They showed their passes to the hulking gatekeeper and he waved them in. As the door closed behind them, the music in the club was muffled and the smells changed to sweat, sex, champagne, and snobbery. "You go first, Jaqen, I'll let you scope it out and pick. Hopefully, his face will be too deep in some whore's tits for him to notice us just yet."
He nodded, then grabbed her hand as they entered the dim room. Arya spotted Joffrey immediately; he had, as she'd hoped he would, planted his face so deep into some slag's tits that she feared he might suffocate before she could execute her role in Sansa's play. Jaqen led her around the circular room to a set of sofas perfectly situated behind Joffrey. They settled into them, ordering a couple of drinks to give Joffrey some time to come up for air.
Jaqen glanced briefly at Joffrey before looking back to her and nodding slightly. She squared her shoulders and nodded back. Showtime.
He pitched his voice slightly louder than necessary to catch the moron's attention, "So, you were saying that something big happened when you were at Winterfell a couple weeks ago?"
Arya could sense Joffrey perking up at the mention of the Stark home. "Yeah, you will never believe what Sansa's gone and done!"
"Well, I've never met your sister, so I don't think I can imagine anything in particular."
"Come on, guess!"
"Hmm…did she get a tattoo?"
"Nope! Try again!"
"Does she have a new boyfriend that's a gang member?"
"Oh, that was pretty close. Wanna try again?" She could practically feel the sadistic glee rising in Joffrey, and for a moment, she wanted to stop this before he found out. Sansa didn't deserve to become the object of his foul mockery, but she would press on.
"You said I was close? In that case, said gangbanger has knocked your sister up and they plan on getting married."
"The grand prize was almost yours, but you missed some key elements!"
Jaqen feigned disappointment, "Damn it. Alright, what did I get wrong?"
"Sansa's knocked up, but she's refusing to tell who the father is, says it was some random bloke and a one-night stand."
"How mysterious."
"Right? But, that's not all. I think I know who the father really is."
"Do tell."
"Well, she's gone to High Garden, and she mentioned being excited to see Willas Tyrell again. I think she's got more than one reason why."
"Your sister is quite the woman of mystery. Any idea how you'll confirm your suspicions?"
Arya could feel Joffrey getting ready to open his mouth and spew forth his filth, so she braced herself and waited.
"I bet," came the slightly slurred voice, "I bet that the brat will have its bastard father's limp, or that it will look like that fucking pederast."
She turned slowly and let the full force of her glare fall on Joffrey, "Oh, I didn't know they let children into this club, Baratheon. It's past your bedtime; shouldn't that whore you call 'mother' be tucking you in right now?" As zingers went, it wasn't her finest, but it was more than enough to make Joffrey's face turn blotchy with anger.
"And I thought you were too butch to wrap your legs around someone who was born with a cock. Looks like we're both full of surprises."
Jaqen was standing next to her with a hand on her arm before she even realized that she had stood up, ready to thrash the little shit. She lowered her arm and glared at Joffrey, "Let's get out of her, Jaqen, the air stinks like syphilitic cunt."
She stalked out of the room, hoping to get away without giving Joffrey the last word. Once she was outside the club, she took deep breaths, trying to clear away the foul taste of the lie from her tongue. A warm hand settled on her waist and she turned into Jaqen's shoulder, "Can we go home now."
He hummed an affirmative into her hair.
"Rain check on the bondage, okay?"
"A man can wait."
"You can help me shower away the filth of that fucking scum sack."
"It will be a man's pleasure."
"And then I'll call Sansa and tell her it's done."
Author's Note II: If you're wondering how Joffrey would know the meaning of 'pederast,' I told themysteryvanishing that he probably looked it up to use against Loras. Why would he do something like that, you might ask. 'Cause his bitch ass lost an argument with Loras and he needed to go and look up words to make himself sound smarter. Clearly he had high aspirations.