Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or characters, no income being made, only fulfilling a creative whim.

Chapter 5

Bella's POV

I was still feeling pretty crappy about how I ended things with Angela. Deep down inside I knew that she only wanted to help me. She hated seeing me live a life where I was stuck in neutral. I was never moving forward, I was just stuck. I knew it wasn't a good place to be. As much as I would convince myself that I was happy with where I was at this point, I was lying.

I wanted to feel loved and to give love. I wanted my experiences to be beyond what I shared with Angela and my four legged babies. As a little girl I had dreamed of one day finding my Prince Charming who would take me away from the hollow, emptiness I had felt. Unfortunately for Bella Swan that Prince never came. Instead I ended up realizing that there was no such thing as true love and Charming was the stuff fairy tales were made of.

Angela was right, even if I refused to admit it. The baggage I was carrying around inside needed an outlet. But the problem was I just couldn't make myself sit down with a stranger and delve into the darkness that seemed to swallow me whole. I preferred to ignore it. Even pretended that maybe it never happened.

It had been a while since I had a total meltdown. Said meltdown would always be the result of a drunken stupor. I would start feeling good; the alcohol gave me wings to fly, behaving in a way that was out of character. The more inebriated I became the funny girl in me turned into a slobbering idiot. That's when the memories would come flooding back. The anxiety would creep up on me and consume me. I could see the shadow approach and even smell the stale breath of beer and cigarettes.

~SyP~

I grabbed my phone and thumbed through my contacts finding Angela's number.

"Hello."

"Ang, it's me Bella. Listen I'm sorry for being such an ass. I know you mean well and I'm, well, I'm just a complete bitch." She understood me like no one else. But it didn't give me the right to shit all over her.

"Bella, sweetie, I know. You know I love you right?" She replied sweetly as she always did. Even pissed she still sounded too damn nice.

"I know you do. I can be such a fuck up that sometimes I don't know why you put up with me"." I giggled.

"We're best friends. Best friends are there for the good and the bad. Sweetie I just want you to start living the good life."

She was going to make me freaking cry and I wasn't going to break down.

"I don't know what I did in this life to deserve a friend like you, but I want you to know that I am so lucky." I sniffed wanting to keep the tears at bay.

"Hey, come on over to the New Moon. Ben and I just got here. Come to think of it, we were going to celebrate your birthday and we have yet to do that." Oh crap! I had forgotten all about that.

"Oh, I don't know. You and Ben are on a date tonight. I don't want to intrude."

"Bella, you are not intruding. I live with Ben, it's not like I don't see him all the time. Sorry baby." I heard Ben through the phone, "Oh is that right?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"You know I hate to celebrate my birthday." I just hated being the center of attention.

"Bella, did you have dinner yet?" She is not going to let this go.

"Well, I haven't eaten yet, and if you are sure it's cool with Ben?" I was starving and it was only Ang and Ben. Why not right?

"It's more than cool. Hurry up and get your ass over here." Angela could be so convincing, no wonder Ben did pretty much what she wanted.

"Okay, just give me fifteen minutes to get myself together and I will be right there."

Getting out tonight was probably a really good idea. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I needed this. After the bizarre encounter with Edward Cullen I needed to take my mind off whatever that was. I still didn't understand. I had dated a few times, I mean a few times. The dates I had never turned into second or third dates. I was too anxious, thought too much about what might happen, when in the end nothing ever did. Why? I was too afraid of what it could mean if I even considered a second date. I couldn't imagine a guy wanting to pursue a relationship with someone like me - an emotional outsider. Angela had set me up a few times which eventually stopped when she recognized it was a waste of time. My dating career consisted of casual encounters; the usual dinner, maybe a movie. None of those guys affected me the way Edward had today.

I rushed upstairs to my bedroom to raid my closet. Okay, what was I going to wear? New Moon was very casual and I did casual very well. I settled on a pair of skinny jeans and black V-neck sweater. It was laid back but classy too. I dug through the bottom of my closet for my black Sketches. It's not like I owned a boat load of shoes, but I did have enough that the closet floor at times was in utter chaos.

I stood in the bathroom brushing my teeth as I looked at the reflection in the mirror. I had always wondered what it would be like if I had blonde hair and blue eyes. I mean isn't that what guys wanted, the blonde bombshell? A woman who had a 'killer rack' as I heard described one too many times at New Moon. I shied away from attention, but there were times that I wish I could feel normal for once. Feel attractive and have some guy find me attractive.

That's not going to happen if you continue isolating yourself from the male population.

This all brought me back to Edward Cullen and our encounter this morning. I know I was attracted to him. As much as I wanted to blame it on hormones and my period, that was all bullshit. He was beautiful, with those green eyes and tousled rich auburn hair. My fingers ached to run through that thick mane. I was almost certain there were a hell of a lot of women who would have killed to have a head of hair like his. He was tall, lean and my mind wondered what he looked like beneath the shirt he wore. Edward was not as brawny as Emmett but there was no mistake he was toned. For a moment I thought back to when he had grabbed me before I fell. I sensed the power beneath the hand on my upper arm. Those long fingers so easily wrapped around me, which led me to think about what else they could do.

As if you would ever get the chance to feel those hands on you. And why am I even thinking about this?

I pulled my makeup bag from under the sink cabinet. My complexion was pale as the blush I had applied this morning had already faded. I touched it up as I continued to scrutinize my face. My lips were in need of more lip gloss and my hair? What the hell was going to do with it? At the end of the day it always looked flat. That was my fault as I had a nervous habit of twisting it around my fingers. Yes, it was a habit that I was trying to break. So far I had not been successful. Finally I settled on putting it up in a ponytail. It would be away from my face therefore deterring me from playing with it. One more check in the mirror and I deemed myself presentable. Well as presentable as I could be. This was not a date; I was only meeting Angela and Ben. Not that I didn't want to look decent for them but I wasn't meeting a guy. In fact when was the last time I actually had a date? God, I had to scour the memory banks to remember. Oh yeah, Mike Newton. Ugh! I shuddered at the memory.

~SyP~

I parked my car in the lot directly behind New Moon. Wow, it was a Monday night and it seemed that there was as decent crowd here. I walked towards the main entrance and pulled the door. New Moon was a fair size restaurant and bar. The décor was nothing elaborate. Exposed beams with all different types of memorabilia hanging on the walls. There was a wide-ranging display from sports to motion picture art. I found it to be very comforting and felt at ease here. As I said this was a very casual place, and I felt at home here.

I began to scan the array of tables looking for Angela and Ben. I wasn't sure if they had already been seated or were in the bar waiting. Out of the corner of my eye I could see an arm waving. I turned my head and there was Angela, on her toes waving at me, calling my name. I turned and made my way to their table.

"Hey guys. I'm sorry if I held you up." Ben got up and pushed a chair back for me. He was such a gentleman.

"Thank you Ben. How are you?" I quickly gave his cheek a quick peck.

"Doing well, you know working and trying to the live the dream." He laughed.

"That's awesome. Angela, you look amazing." She always did.

She wasn't a raving beauty but she was pretty. She had long dark hair, darker than mine. Dark brown eyes, and although she wore glasses they just complimented her face.

"Thanks Bella. I love the black top with the jeans. I see were showing a bit of cleavage tonight?" She raised her eyebrows.

What?

I looked down and suddenly felt a little self-conscious.

"Bella, you're blushing. I am kidding." Angela grinned.

I did feel my face flush. The last thing I wanted was to look anything but me. I wasn't Jessica Stanley who wore revealing clothing as part of her daily routine. She did because that was how she got men to look at her. Frankly the men she dated were just as shallow as she was. Therefore it didn't matter that she had no depth. Case in point today at the meeting, she continued to fuss with the open collar of her blouse. No doubt she was wearing some kind of lacy push up bra to make her boobs stand out more. Why was I even thinking about Jessica's boobs? It was clear she wanted Edward Cullen to see her goods. God, why did that make me angry?

I played with my pendant, which was another nervous habit of mine. This one however did seem to relax me.

"I was a little embarrassed. Ang, we are in mixed company." I nodded towards Ben.

Angela started to laugh and Ben smiled. "How long have you known Ben? Since you met me right? Ben is so use to girl talk. Isn't that right honey?" She reached across the table and squeezed his hand.

It was true, I knew Ben as long as I had known Angela. She and Ben had been together since college, where I met Angela. Six years we had been friends. But it seemed like a life time. She knew everything about me. I felt like we were more like sisters than best friends, which was special since I didn't have any family.

"Sorry, sweetie, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Angela gave me that big smile of hers. I knew she would never intentionally make me feel awkward. I just needed to be less sensitive. Add that to my list of things I needed to work on. Crap it was a long list.

"To answer your question, no, you haven't held us up. We told our server we were waiting for another person."

"Cool, thanks guys. That was really sweet of you."

I was really blessed to have met Angela in college and our friendship continued to grow. Since I didn't have any family she and her family had been the closest thing I had to one in so long.

The waitress appeared and took our drink orders. I was in the mood for something strong to help take the edge of the day I had. I ordered my old stand by Jack Daniels and Coke. It was funny that I could hold my hard liquor better than beer or wine. Wine, well let's just say too much of that not only got me drunk, but I would wake up with one hell of a hangover.

"Bella, remember our senior year just before graduating and we decided to do shots of tequila? Angela laughed when she brought up that memory.

Did I remember? Crap, I couldn't even smell tequila without it turning my stomach!

"Ang, why the hell would you bring that up? I have tried to forget that night! My stomach still hasn't recovered." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oh, wait you have to tell this story." Ben egged Angela on.

Great!

I looked at Angela with pleading eyes but she just smirked and started to tell Ben how we had gone through a fifth of Jose Cuervo. We still wanted to drink so we walked down to the liquor store which was just a few blocks from campus. We bought a half gallon and by the end of the night there was about a quarter left in the bottle. I was out on the deck of the campus apartment we were living in flashing my breasts.

God, can I just crawl under the table now?

Ben was laughing his ass off. He was laughing so hard there were tears streaming from his face.

"Shit, I wish I had been there to see that." He said through laughing tears.

"Trust me Ben, you didn't." I replied quickly.

"And Angela, what the hell were you doing?" He asked her.

"I was by the sliding doors encouraging Bella to flash more than her boobs!" She couldn't stop giggling.

"Thanks, Angela. Thanks so much for sharing one of my most humiliating moments of my life." As much as I wanted to be pissed at her, it was funny. In fact I remember how freeing it was for a few moments. That is until the laughing turned to tears, the tears turned to sobbing and I spilled my ugly past to Angela.

Angela could see the change in my demeanor; she could read me like a book and changed the subject quickly.

"So Bella, tell me again how the meeting went this morning regarding the new building." I gave Angela a shy smile. She understood me so well. No wonder I loved her so much.

"It was good. I mean it was just discussing the preliminary details on breaking ground. Fred is really excited about getting the construction going." I actually was looking forward to it as well. The building we were in was nice but we definitely needed the space. A new building made me feel hopeful. A new start, new challenges and perhaps with any luck some positive changes for me in the right direction.

"So when are they going to begin?" Angela asked

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mike Newton. Oh just what I need.

"Um…ah, I think Friday they will pour the concrete down for the foundation."

I really hoped Mike didn't see me. There were a couple of reasons. One, he was an ass and he thought he was God's gift to women. Second, he had taken me out on a date a while back. He wanted to go out again but I turned him down. I knew that it had pissed him off. His parents owned Newton Sporting Goods in town. They were a very good customer of Wolf's. But regardless that didn't mean because I worked for the company and he was a customer he had an in with me. Just thinking about that night made my skin crawl. He was all hands; trust me they were not the hands I wanted on me. They didn't feel the same as the hand that had gripped my arm earlier this morning. Mike's hand had left me cold and unmoving, where the other hand that held mine only hours before branded me with a force that coursed through my veins. I could still feel him. This could not be normal.

"That's great Bella. I know you are looking forward to the new building." Angela could see that my eyes had shifted slightly over her head. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing…" I replied

"Earth to Bella, this is me. I can see by your face you are distracted." Angela began to turn her head.

"Don't! Please, don't turn your head Ang!" I begged.

"What is the problem?"

"Freaking Mike Newton just walked in and I would like to try and stay under the radar." I pleaded.

Too late, he caught my eye and he was now making his way towards our table. I just wanted to have a nice dinner with Angela and Ben. Do you think just once my plans could go the way I had hoped? Nope!

"Isabella…" God, I hated when he called me Isabella. The way he emphasized the last syllable of my name made my skin crawl. The sound of his voice was like nails on a chalk board. I wanted to spit nails!

"Hey Mike. How are you?" I forced a smile as I looked up at him.

The only thing he had going for him was that he did have pretty blue eyes. But they were blue, not the green I had witnessed earlier today that seemed to be haunting my every thought.

"I am doing well. It's been a while. I was hoping to run into you again." He looked at me then at Angela and Ben.

Crap, I should not be so rude.

"Angela and Ben, this is Mike Newton. His family owns Newton Sporting Goods in town." I made the introductions and did my best to be pleasant while I continued to smile.

"It's nice to meet you both." He shook both their hands while never taking his eyes of me.

Did I say that I hated how he looked at me? As if he was undressing me with his eyes. I wanted to hurl.

"So what brings you in?" I felt the need to say something when what I really wanted was for Mike to walk away and allow us to enjoy the rest of our evening.

"I thought I would get a bite to eat. I just got off work; we were so busy today I didn't get to have lunch. I am starved." He answered and I knew what he was getting at.

For the love of Pete I knew I was going to regret this.

"Would you like to join us?" Noooooooooooooo!

Why does God hate me?

"I don't want to interrupt, but I would love to if that's cool with you guys." Of course you don't mind interrupting. Asshat!

Both Angela and Ben were fine with Mike joining us. I knew one thing for sure, and that was he would not be paying for my meal. It wasn't a date and he was a customer. I am not saying that if I had found something in Mike and wanted to pursue the relationship that my job would be in jeopardy. In fact, one of our sales representatives was married to the daughter of one of our dealers in Michigan. I just didn't want to encourage Mike. I knew he could be relentless in getting what he wanted. He certainly knew how to get the best pricing for products, he was one smooth negotiator. His tactics were wasted on me. And yet here he was like an annoying gnat, he seemed to never go away.

We were finishing up dinner and actually the conversation

was rather amusing. Mike did have a great sense of humor. So I lied, he had pretty blue eyes and was funny. He was telling us about the last trip to Las Vegas when he found himself out at Red Rock Canyon and drunk out of his skull. I was laughing so hard that I needed my napkin to wipe my tears from my eyes. I had not realized that it had fallen to the floor. I bent down to grab it and as I did the breath nearly left my body. Crouched down holding my napkin was none other than Edward Cullen.

Crap!

A/N: I want to thank those of you have been reading, who are following this story, those who have added to your alerts, made it a favorite.

So what do you think? Bella clearly has some secrets. Is she behaving as you think she should?

Let me hear your thoughts!

My deepest appreciation to Jlyn and DennaRose who continue to be my second and third set of eyes. As well as my additional voices. Love your girls...xo