Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or characters, no income being made, only fulfilling a creative whim.

Chapter 12

Edward's POV

The night started off promising. At least I thought so. I know her cat Shack was digging me. Fucking cat! But what can I say; I've yet to meet a pussy that didn't love me.

Our conversation during dinner was light and I felt like we were connecting. But when I wanted to learn a little bit about her it was like someone flipped a switch. Bella became detached, indifferent and almost hostile. What the fuck? It wasn't as if I had asked her to share with me her deepest darkest secrets. Didn't I answer all the questions she had thrown at me? So what was this chick's problem? I had never had to work so fucking hard in my life to make conversation with a girl before. But then again I had never been with anyone like Bella before. I was willing to admit that the others girls I'd been with were not true conversationalists. After all, those girls were all about the end result and that was getting laid.

Miss Ice Queen was beginning to make me think she wasn't worth my time. When I finally had enough of her monotone single answers I decided to have a little fun with her. I pissed her off, and I loved it. But guess what? It did the trick. A change of tactic led to a new attitude.

Maybe she was worth my time.

So here we were sitting in my car outside her house. I could feel the air crackle with the energy that was pulsing between us. If she was any other girl you know what I would be doing right now? Yeah, fucking her into next week. But she's not any other girl. She's shy, almost childlike in some of her mannerisms. Angelic. Now where the fuck did that come from? And yet she appeared like one to me. What would you know about angels? Not much, but this girl was sweet and unassuming. What was I doing with her? Damned if I knew, she was far better than I deserved. And yet at this moment there wasn't anywhere I wanted to be more.

So when she asked me if I wanted to come in what do you think I said.

"Are you sure it's not too late? I know you have to work tomorrow."

"Don't you?"

Fuck, here we go again, answering with a question. Shit, I thought we had moved on from this. Or maybe this was just her. I knew she was uneasy, leaving me to wonder if she dated much.

"Yeah, but I don't need to be at the office at the crack of dawn. I'm more concerned about you."

Those beautiful brown eyes locked onto mine as she smoothed her hands over her thighs. Fuck me, don't do that. I wanted to touch her so badly but I knew that would be bad form, at least with this girl. You can bet your ass if this had been Tanya, or any of the other girls I had fucked, my hands would have been doing more than skimming her thighs right now. I really needed to get a grip on my over active libido. What was it about this girl that had me wanting to beg to have her just touch me? I'd settle for a light stroke against my hand, anything.

I needed to remember that I was on a first date. Although I was a bit unfamiliar with what a real date was like. I think I knew enough to know that anything other than a quick kiss to the cheek at the end of the night would be over stepping her boundaries. Boundaries that I would love to push, but if I wanted a chance with her, I needed to play this cool and safe. All indications from Bella read proceed with caution.

Let her lead the way.

She turned to me with that shy smile of hers. "It's not 10 yet. I'll be up for a little bit. But…I mean if you are too tired, I understand. I had a really nice evening. I don't believe I thanked you for dinner. Rain was quite an experience. Thank you."

Okay Cullen, the ball is in your court.

"If you're sure it's okay, I would love to come in for some coffee."

She blushed again. Fuck, that shade was made for her and if I had anything to do with it, she would be wearing it often. I know where you're going, stop right there.

"Um…great. " She turned to get out of the car but I made a mad dash to open the door fully for her. "Thank you Edward."

"You're welcome, and you're welcome for dinner."

I followed her up the stairs to her front door. I noticed the lights were on as she unlocked the door and led me into the living room. She had me take a seat while she excused herself to put the coffee on.

Given that I had a few moments while Bella was busy I scanned the room again. The furniture was nothing extraordinary and yet it was very homey. The couch and two chairs were earthy tones. Brown and beiges that made the room feel warm. She had a small table in the middle of the room, it was light color wood, oak? Glass in the middle which was spotless. She must be a clean freak. Of what I had seen thus far, the house was immaculate. On the middle of the table was a porcelain figure of a fisherman, interesting choice for a young woman. Maybe there was a story behind it. Or maybe the girl just liked the piece. Stop analyzing shit!

Other than a few of the family photos, at least I think they were, her walls in the living room were decorated with natural prints. Bella seemed to have an appreciation for nature. Now there's something we had in common. The prints were fucking gorgeous. Some I recognized were parts of the Olympic Peninsula and others were just abstracts of butterflies and foliage. All were bright and full of color, all but one. Above the couch was a black and white print. A starry night looking over a lake nestled within a mountain range. "Stars Can't Shine Without Darkness" was written in bold white lettering. I wondered was there a reason she chose this. Bella interrupted the moment by asking me to come into the kitchen before I could entertain any further thoughts.

The kitchen was modest, smaller than mine; and it was so Bella. Why I had wanted such a big fucking kitchen I'll never know. I mean I loved to cook but with my job that kitchen didn't get the near the workout it should. Big wasn't always better, well except for…. Really Cullen? Bella's was quaint, pale yellow walls with white cabinets. Everything seemed to be in place, countertops were spotless. Safe to say this girl was not only neat but fuck you could eat off her floors. The shine even at night was glaring me in the face.

"Would you like some dessert? We didn't have any at the restaurant. But if you only want coffee that's fine too."

The first thought that popped in my head (because I am a sick bastard) was I would have her for dessert. She would be spread eagle on her clean countertop while I fucked her hard. I told you, sick bastard.

She was biting that God damn lip again while attempting to maintain eye contact. This girl had my head spinning. There would be moments of self-confidence only to be replaced with self-doubt. And she was adorable rambling the way that she was. I decided to put her out of her misery.

"Yeah, dessert sounds great. " Then I winked. I couldn't help myself, because every time I winked at this girl she fucking blushed like a rose. I was addicted. But I was also scared shitless over what she was doing to me. Causing me to act in ways I had never in my wildest dreams imagined I would.

Who was I?

Edward Cullen who just might be infatuated, I think the last time I felt this way I was a freshman in high school. I had a crush on Emily Daniels. I had lost my virginity to her. What I was feeling was reminiscent of that but so different at the same time. Fuck, I was older. I wasn't a 14 year old boy whose hormones were raging 24-7. Yeah, right. Okay, I'll admit I like having sex, without any romantic attachments. Meeting Bella suddenly changed things. Shit, I bought the girl flowers? What the fuck?

"I hope you like coffee cake?"

"Uh..I'm sorry?" Fucker get back to the subject at hand.

Those expressive eyes met mine and she smiled shyly. "I baked a coffee cake, would you like a piece."

"Oh, yeah. I'd love a piece." Don't even say it asshole. Why was my brain acting like an immature fuck? I'm not a huge fan of pop but suddenly I was thinking of the title to one of Katy Perry's songs. Teenage Dream. Shit…those lyrics couldn't be more appropriate at this moment.

Bella had already set the table with plates, napkins and cutlery. I watched her every move. It was more than clear to me that she knew her way around the kitchen. I didn't want that to sound sexist. I'm all for women and their right to do whatever the fuck they want and get paid fairly just like the rest of us. Seeing her make her way around was a thing of beauty. I knew that she had been nervous at dinner. Now, in her home, more importantly here in the kitchen, she was at total ease, least for now. I was curious if her comfort level would be compromised once she sat down across from me.

"So, you like to bake?" Break the ice Cullen.

"Ah, yes. I do. It's one of my favorite pastimes."

Like Esme. I could see it now, my mother and Bella swapping recipes. Esme would be in fucking heaven. For a moment I let my mind wander to images of Bella, here in the kitchen. A beautiful mess with flour streaking her face and hair and I wouldn't be able to resist tasting her. Lavishing my tongue across her neck up to those full sweet lips all the while feeling myself harden to the point of being in excruciating pain.

Jesus Christ!

If I didn't get myself back in check and soon I was going to, not only embarrass myself, but Bella. The last thing I wanted was to see how easily she affected me. This was so out of character. I was waging a war within myself and felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I was two people. The Edward Cullen who liked to enjoy a warm body, slake his sexual thirst then move on. Now this new Edward Cullen was emerging. He wanted to feel more than the exchanging of bodily fluids. For the first time since I even knew girls existed, I was on the cusp of actually opening up my heart and letting someone in.

I was so fucked.

"My mother enjoys baking too. Actually she is an amazing cook."

Bella placed a slice of cake on my plate than poured me a cup of coffee.

"Oh is that right? Well then I hope you won't be disappointed."

Shit!

I didn't mean to come off as saying she wasn't as good a cook as Esme. Was there a "How to Date for Dummies" that I could buy at Barnes and Nobles?

"I doubt that. It smells wonderful."

Hopefully that absolved me from my insensitive comment.

"You take your coffee black right?"

She remembered.

"Yes. Well Miss Swan you have a good memory."

She gave me another sweet smile which I rewarded with another wink.

Blush

Once I found the Achilles heel I was relentless. It certainly came in handy in business, it was one of the reasons Emmett and I had been so successful. Not that I thought of Bella as business (well I'd like to make her my business that was no lie) but knowing that I could affect her so easily, I was going use this to my advantage.

She was waiting for me to take my first bite. Esme had baked her share of coffee cakes over the years. Weren't they all the same? As soon as my tongue met my fork the cake melted like butter inside my mouth. It was so moist, and the flavor? I think I died and went to heaven. I couldn't find the words to really describe how it tasted, other than it was fucking delicious.

"Bella, this is probably the best cake I've ever tasted."

Her face and neck turned a beautiful shade of crimson as she took a sip of her coffee. Those lips…I wanted to…I felt myself harden again and prudently adjusted my dick ensuring Bella was unaware of my condition. I was beginning to think I shouldn't have agreed to come in.

Fuck me.

"Thank you. But the best…?" She shook her head. "You're being too kind."

"Fuck no!" Now I was blushing. I didn't mean to swear. I know I had a gutter mouth. I had a feeling that this girl likely frowned on this type of language.

"I apologize for my colorful language that was rude of me." I chuckled. "And I'm not being too kind. If I'm anything at all, I'm honest. I'm laid back and I tolerate most things in life. Except for lying, that definitely is a hard limit for me. So when I say your cake is the best I've tasted? It's the fucking truth."

I wasn't going to apologize for dropping the 'F' bomb again. I wanted her to understand I meant what I said.

"Wow, I don't know what to say, other than thank you for the compliment."

She then giggled which was music to my ears and I began to think of ways to record it so I could make it my new ring tone. You are so whipped!

"What's so funny?" I am sure it was meant in a good way; how the fuck did I know if she wasn't playing with me.

"Nothing, it's just this cake is the first thing I made freshman year of home economics, high school that is."

I'm officially smitten.

Smitten. What the fuck?

"I would say you passed with flying colors. My mother has made a few over the years but this is incredible. Just what makes it so moist?"

Seriously Cullen, talking about recipes now? When did you start acting like a pussy? I don't know, maybe the moment our eyes met and she drew me in like a moth to a flame. Careful, you can get burned.

Bella worried her lip again. "It's top secret. If I tell you I'll have to kill you."

I laughed, fucking laughed my ass off. This girl had a multitude of qualities that made it nearly impossible to not want to know her better. Other than the obvious, that she was fucking beautiful, she was smart and once she felt comfortable she had a great sense of humor. I wanted her. And not only because I was physically attracted to her, but that she could hold her own in a conversation. And I meant a real conversation. Not one dimensional which is what I had been accustomed to. For once in my life I was looking forward to a relationship that was not based merely on sex. What did I just say? I said 'relationship' and I meant it. I was up for the challenge. I was also aware that I needed to take things slow. I didn't want to fuck this up. I believe I was getting ahead of myself. What made me think she would even want to pursue a relationship with me? Even if you are Edward Cullen, I snorted internally.

"Well, then I rather you not divulge the secret since I enjoy your company. So I'll have to be satisfied with just having another piece of cake, if that's alright with you?"

~~SyP~~

Sitting with her in her living room felt good, more than good. It was as natural as breathing. Did you ever meet someone and just click with them? I've had friends like that. Never with a girl before, just add another under the 'pro' column. Yes, mentally I was keeping a list. So far I couldn't find anything to put under the con column. Well except for her cats. And if I was being really truthful, I didn't give a rat's ass if she had a dozen.

I told her more about the business. The ups and downs of working with Emmett, which made her laugh a few times. I told her that he and his wife were expecting a baby in mid-March. We talked about my parents. I didn't feel that comfortable getting into the fact that Esme was my adoptive mother. But I could see me opening up about that, I had my doubts if I would open up the door to Elizabeth. I gave her a small insight into Alice. I told her that my baby sister was quite a tornado and seemed to have knack for getting what she wanted. With her wedding only a few months away she was even more spastic. Bella got a real good laugh over that. I wondered if she and Alice would hit it off. For some reason I knew for a fact that they would. There was also no doubt in my mind Alice would love to get her hands on Bella for a makeover. Not saying she needed one. I kind of liked that natural and unpretentious look she had going on. The girl fucking rocked me with her simplicity and down to earth beauty. But I knew my sister; she would see Bella as a blank canvas, foaming at the mouth to create a new masterpiece. She already was in my eyes.

Bella talked a bit more about work. How she was lucky to have interned at Wolf's then was made the offer for permanent employment. I of course wanting to be a fucking charmer told her it had to do more with her talent than luck. Her reluctance to speak more about herself wasn't lost on me. And I was like a sponge when it came to her. I wanted to soak up every bit of what and who she was.

"Bella, I have to ask you a question." She looked at me as if I was going to interrogate her. I didn't think my tone was gruff.

"The Fisherman on your coffee table, is there a story behind it?"

Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks, I heard her take a breath, before she answered me.

Fuck that was hot!

"My father loved to fish. He spent many Saturday mornings at the lake. This was a birthday gift from my mother to my father."

I couldn't help but notice her eyes mist over as she looked away from me. Obviously this was an emotional subject. And although I didn't want her to wallow further in sadness, I pressed on.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Fuck, I really didn't. I was just curious. The piece just stood out to me.

"No, it's fine. Sorry." She sniffed and rubbed the tear that was threatening to fall.

"Don't apologize. I feel like an ass for making you upset."

"My parents are dead. They died when I was five."

Fuck me.

I always thought saying "I'm sorry" was such a lame expression to offer someone who suffered a loss of a loved one. And yet I heard myself say those same words.

"Shit Bella. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. It happened a long time ago."

I knew I shouldn't. After all we didn't really know each other that well. However I connected with her in a way that I couldn't really put into words. Or words that made any sense. I was like a dog with a bone; I wasn't going to let this go.

"Can I ask how, when?"

She nodded and I could see her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath before continuing.

"My parents and I were coming back from visiting friends in Seattle. It was early February, late in the evening and it had been raining. It was cold enough that the roads were not only slick from the rain but patches of black ice had formed."

Fuck, I could feel the knot in stomach tighten. Maybe this had been a bad idea.

"Another car apparently attempted to pass us. The other car hit some black ice and slammed into our car, flipping us over an embankment. My parents were killed on impact. I was in the backseat. Other than suffering a few scratches I was unharmed."

Jesus Fucking Christ!

"Damn Bella, I don't know what to say."

I didn't. I couldn't imagine losing my parents at such a young age. Yes my biological mother had bailed on us when I was around her age. But I had my father. And then Esme walked into our lives. I was fortunate. I hated what Elizabeth had done. To this day I still do. Yet I was one of the lucky ones. I realized that now as I sat by this beautiful girl who graced me with her life altering event. I wondered what she might have been like if she had not suffered such a loss. I liked the Bella before me, but something as horrific as this changes you significantly.

"There's nothing to say. It happened, life goes on."

She gave me another wary smile. What she said was short but profound. I returned the smile hoping she knew I was moved by her story.

"After the accident…" Was I crossing the line? Maybe, but fuck it. "who took care of you?"

I sensed her hesitation before she finally spoke again.

"I was placed in foster care."

Foster care

"It must have been tough." Oh great, Cullen. No it was a walk in the park you moron. I was rethinking this whole dating thing. Maybe I wasn't cut out for it. Or maybe I was just overwhelmed by this girl who had eyes like a doe and had endured one of the most sorrowful experiences for a young child.

She surprised me by answering my dumb ass comment. "I suppose, I don't really think about it too much. When I turned eighteen I moved back to my parents' house. They had the foresight to set up a trust fund for me. My dad had been the Chief of Police here in Forks. I guess he wanted to make sure I was taken care of if anything happened to him and my mother."

I sat there in a fucking awe of this girl. She had to carve out a life without family. She was survivor. I silently cursed myself for all the petty bullshit I bitched about. It paled in comparison and leaving me feeling ashamed, I hardly knew the girl and yet she was schooling me on what it takes to tough it out in life. And at such a young age, she fucking blew my mind.

"You had no other family."

She quickly darted her eyes towards her lap again.

"No, um…no other family."

Shit, that sucked.

We sat there for a few moments in silence. I kept my gaze on her as she had her eyes drawn to her lap while she fiddled with an imaginary thread on her pants.

When she next spoke it was the last thing on earth I was prepared to hear.

"That blonde you were with at New Moon, who was she?"

What. The. Fuck?

Okay, deflection. I get it. She wanted to turn the discussion away from her. But Tanya? Really…we were going to discuss her? How do I answer? No, she wasn't a girlfriend, just a chick I've been fucking for the last three months. Was fucking. Past tense. I could just see Bella's face. She would blush and it wouldn't be in a good way. I had it coming; after all I did get in her face about Jacob, which was not any of my business. I knew that probably pissed her off a little.

"She was nobody special. Someone I knew."

Oh smooth Cullen.

There were those eyes again zeroing in on me and briefly I imagined her finding a way to get into my head and read my thoughts. Now wouldn't that be a trip. If she blushed by a simple wink, what the fuck would happen if she knew what I was thinking? My mind was a dangerous place. Never mind the truth about Tanya, but shit all the dirty thoughts I've been having about Bella would even make me blush.

Pervert

"Nobody special, well she certainly was very pretty."

She thought Tanya was pretty. If we were further along in whatever the fuck this was that was happening between us, I would have told her Tanya had nothing on her. Not One God Damn Thing.

I raked my fingers through my hair, it seemed like she wasn't going to let this go.

"Look, she's just a girl I've been out with a few times. As I said, she's not my girlfriend. I..I've not had a girlfriend, in a long time."

I wasn't exactly lying. In my adult years I could honestly say I didn't do the girlfriend thing. The last girlfriend I had was Tracy Madison. She was the cute little redhead my sophomore year, the first and only virgin I had been with. We went steady for three months, and it was a learning experience for both of us. I was so damn horny, we did it every chance we got. She was my first and last, and I learned a valuable lesson. Keep that fucker wrapped.

I made her feel uncomfortable because I had just sounded very defensive. I was but I wasn't. I was sick to death over labeling what Tanya and I were. I got it from Tanya, my mother, my father, Emmett, Jasper, fuck even Bella was insinuating we were something. The only one who didn't entertain any discussion along those lines was Alice. Simple reason, Alice hated her. She saw Tanya for what she was long before I did.

"I apologize. That was none of my business."

Now I felt like a fucking heel.

"It's okay; we hung out for a bit. She wanted more. I didn't."

When I looked at her what I saw in her eyes almost appeared to be a sense of relief. Why I don't know. We had already had this discussion. I told her I didn't have a girlfriend the day I returned her iPod to her. She didn't believe me. I suppose if I was her I might have been apprehensive. I remember the way Tanya was hanging all over me as we made our way to our table. To the general public it looked like we were together, in every sense of the word. Bella's opinion of me mattered. She mattered. Maybe further down the road I could come clean and tell her exactly what Tanya had been. A convenient fuck, even I winced thinking that.

"What about you? I find it hard to believe you don't have a line of guys waiting to want to whisk you away."

She laughed. I mean really laughed.

"Miss Swan, why do you find that statement so amusing?"

The wheels were turning in that beautiful little head of hers. Now I was wishing I had the ability to delve into that mind and rip away all her secrets, wants and desires. I was getting a little hot again and felt something stirring to life. Ah fuck…

"I wasn't laughing at you."

"Well then, if not me than what?"

Another pregnant pause, what exactly was she hiding? I found it hard to believe that she didn't have to beat guys away with a stick. I mean look at her! She was oblivious to her beauty. Then again, maybe she was just this shy quiet girl. Every indication led me to believe that she was exactly that. That she was certainly not as experienced as I was when it came to the opposite sex.

"Edward…uh…can I be honest with you?"

Okay, whenever someone begins a conversation with those words it can't be good.

"Of course, as I said before honesty is definitely not overrated."

The lip biting started again, she tapped her foot on the floor and keeping eye contact with me was becoming harder to maintain.

"It's just…the truth is.." What the fuck was it! I wanted to just shake her and tell her spit it the fuck out already!

"I don't want to give you the wrong impression, or lead you on."

Here it comes. I think you're a really nice guy blah, blah, blah….

And what is she talking about leading me on? For a moment I wanted to turn around to see if there was someone else in the room besides the two of us.

"Just say it."

Now I was pissed. Sorry, but if you have something to say just spill it. If she didn't feel the vibe between us, fine. If so did I read her wrong? I wasn't going to lie and say it wouldn't sting. But I'm a grown man, I can fucking take rejection, especially at this juncture when things hadn't even started to roll.

"I've been with a few guys in the past. And I've seemed to have rushed into relationships."

It was then I saw the writing on the wall, her definition of 'relationships' meant physical.

Okay…I was listening.

"I don't want to be that girl anymore." I wanted to say that she didn't blush when she said that. But she did. And she didn't stop there; she was now biting the inside of her cheek. Damn this girl, the signals she was giving me…I didn't know if I was coming or going.

"What are you trying to tell me Bella?"

"I'm saying I don't want to make any rash decisions based on physical attraction. It's not worked out for me in the past."

I think I was following her. If I understood correctly, she definitely was attracted to me but she didn't want to fuck me. Yet. Is that right? Well, well. Miss Isabella Swan was definitely a paradox. You know what they say...still waters run deep. Fuck, I wanted to drown in her. But I was willing to play by her rules. That is if she still wanted to play.

"I like you Bella. Tonight was fun, I can't remember the last time I felt this comfortable with a woman. I'd like to see you again. So if you are telling me that you are interested but that we need to take things slow, I'm good with that."

I wanted to lean in and kiss her but that would definitely contradict what I just said. I was still hoping for either a quick peck on the cheek before I left or a hug…I was a greedy bastard; I'd take both if I could get them.

Her expression changed. Where she had looked so troubled and uneasy her gaze now reflected elation, as if a burden had been lifted from those slender shoulders. I had to feel somewhat proud that she could be this honest with me. It also gave me reason to believe that it wasn't one sided. She felt the charge between us. And perhaps that charge was not just the physical attraction, but something even deeper. For the first time in a very long time I felt hopeful that she was unlike any of the other girls I had been with.

Once we got that awkward moment out of the way the flood gates opened and we chatted just about everything and anything two people could discuss. Even down to sports. I found out she loved football. Except for one problem, she wasn't a Seahawks fan. Get this; the chick was a New England Patriot fan. What the fuck is up with that? She was going on and about Tom Brady. I wanted to hurl. What was it with girls and Brady? The guy was too fucking pretty. So he's a NFL quarterback, makes some decent cash, has three Superbowl wins. For Bella it wasn't only his action on the field but more importantly she found him to be humbling. She called him the ultimate team player. I silently berated myself for feeling jealous over some guy she didn't even know, or would ever know. And you know what else? The girl knew football. I also learned that she was a very poor loser. Something I was stowing away in the back of mind for later. I had a feeling she could be vicious when it came to losing. I also found that fucking sexy!

I looked at my watch and was shocked. It was nearly 1:00 AM. Fuck it was late. I wasn't too concerned about me, but Bella. She was going to be exhausted. I needed to leave but I didn't have the desire to move myself from this couch and from her side. I had it bad and this was only our first date.

I Am So Fucked.

A/N: Still with me? Not much feedback? Don't be shy. Welcome new followers.

Jlynn/DennaRose my deepest gratitude for the time you invest in editing each chapter. xoxoxoxo