A/N. Hi! So this chapter was unexpected and longer and almost totally unplanned. But oh well. Stories and characters have a tendency to write themselves xP I noticed that I got quite a few followers and favourites today, nice :) and thank you to all my reviewers who have decided to follow this through til the end (which I have no idea when that will be btw... this might be the last book or it might be the third in a saga of seven like the Harry Potter series, who knows?). Anyway, hope you enjoy some angst/fluff and the scene that I came up with that originally inspired the title and entire idea for a third book. Enjoy :D

Disclaimer - I do not own the Avengers.

CHAPTER IV

Later that evening found Tania sitting at the counter of the lounge in her business suit with the laptop in front of her and a coffee beside her. She reached over to it to take a sip only to realize that she had drained the entire mug – for the second time.

She sighed and rubbed at her eyes tiredly. She had been staring at the screen all day and she was getting kind of tired. But she needed to finish this. She rushed to complete the form so that she could refill her coffee. She was so focused on finishing it that she didn't hear the elevator doors open or the footsteps approaching.

When she was finished, she sighed and stood up, moving her head back and forth and to the sides to crack it and closing her eyes in pleasure when it did. She grabbed her mug and walked around the counter to the coffee machine and poured the last bit of coffee into her cup. She stared into its black depths as she turned around and inhaled the scent. She knew she had an addiction but honestly it was just too convenient.

She took a warm sip and then placed it on the counter in front of her. She rubbed at her eyes again when she felt a gentle tap on her left shoulder. She looked over to the left but didn't see anyone. Odd. She turned back to her coffee only to realize it was gone.

"Hey!" To her right, stood none other than her boyfriend in full Captain America gear with the mask down and smirking – with her coffee in his hands. He took a sip while grinning and staring at her over the rim. There were bags under his eyes that she could see. They were both dead beat tired.

"That's my coffee," she stated with a raised eyebrow.

He shrugged and took another gulp. She frowned. She needed her coffee to function when she was tired. She reached for it but he gracefully maneuvered it out of her reach. He looked smug.

"I don't take kindly to sharing my coffee, Captain Rogers," she told him, stepped closer to him so that she was just a hair's breadth away from being pressed against his chest. She watched as his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. Calling him by his rank always seemed to make him weak in the knees. It was a trick she had learned early on in their relationship.

"Well, I kind of need it after what I've been through," he argued back gently as he sipped at her drink yet again.

"And what have you been through, exactly?" she asked in concern. She felt the exasperation melt from her face.

He sighed and brought the mug down in front of his chest – definitely within reach. She didn't take it. Instead, she wrapped her hands around both of his, absorbing the warmth of the cup through his large, gentle hands. She raised it to her lips and drank, relishing the heat and the caffeine. Her eyes never left his – her Captain.

He appeared downcast and stared into the murky brew with tired eyes. "I… we… couldn't save them."

"Save who?" she whispered, slowly walking backwards and leading him to the love seat without letting go of the cup. Any other night and this would have been a stupid motion. Now, no one dared laugh.

When they were seated with the drink shared between the two of them, he let go with one hand and ran it through his hair. He closed his eyes as he was no doubt assaulted by memories from where he'd just come from.

"It was snowing. There was a huge pileup of cars blocking traffic on a bridge over the ocean. It was maybe a dozen cars high. Clint and I were sent in to help. As I started to lift cars and parts out of the way for the passengers to get out, Clint used his grappling arrows to pull up a vehicle that was dangling dangerously over the edge. I got maybe halfway through the pile when another car came speeding around the corner. It was relatively far away but it smashed into the car at the very back of the line, causing it to jolt forward and hit the next car. It continued like that faster than you'd imagine until the car at the front of the line was about to hit a police officer keeping the civilians away. I tackled him to the ground and saved him. The car rolled forward and hit the pile. The hood popped up and it started smoking. I don't know what happened but… everything started catching fire. People were screaming and Clint was rushing into the fray. I ran after him and I helped this one woman out of her van. I carried her to the medics when the entire thing just exploded in a huge ball of fire.

"The woman screamed in my arms, shrieking for her husband, her kids, her dog. She flailed and she squirmed and she cried harder than I've ever seen anyone cry. The police took her from me and I was just… standing there, staring.

"Clint hobbled out in the next few seconds and something clicked in me. I rushed in and helped him limp over to safety. He refused any of the medics, favouring Bruce's inspection instead. I set him down and turned to watch as the mangled cars burned. The fire department did all they could but… there were still so many people in there." His voice was strained and his hands were clenched around the cup so tightly she thought it might shatter in his hands and cut both of them.

She brushed her thumb along his fingers and he relaxed a smidge. His grip was softer at least. She exhaled slowly. "How many?"

He hesitated. "Twelve."

She closed her eyes. Twelve people died earlier that day while she had been busy doing business. Twelve people had watched as two of the six Avengers saved others around them but didn't pick them out of sheer bad luck or because they were too far in to get to first. She could almost see it in her head; the fear, the hopelessness, the horror, the terror, the betrayal, the shock, the pain twisted into all of their faces as they died a horrible, agonizing death.

She shuddered and let go of the cup. Heat suddenly seemed like a terrible thing. Steve brought it closer to himself and scooted away from her. He looked to his right over the arm of the couch and towards the floor to ceiling window Tania had crashed through once. He observed the lights of the city that never slept with silent contemplation.

"I understand if you're disgusted with me," he finally said.

She raised her gaze to bore it into his body. She observed him from head to toe: his suit was dirty and charred and there was a small tear near his hip bone. His boots were scuffed and his gloves were all but black with soot. His hair and face were also spotted with blackness. There were bags under his eyes and his expression was that of one who was depressed. He seemed physically and mentally exhausted. She could plainly see the guilt gnawing away at him, eating him alive from the inside out.

She knew that feeling. She didn't know the extent to which he felt it but she knew IT. She shifted closer to him and ducked under his left arm so that she could snuggle up to his chest. She buried her face in his filthy uniform, probably smearing her face with soot but not caring, and wrapped her arms around his torso.

"I could never be disgusted with you," she confessed. "You did all you could and you didn't know that the car would start a fire. You saved that officer's life."

He scowled. It was not a good look on him, she decided. "It wasn't going very fast. The worst he would have gotten was an injury. But all those people… they could've… I could've…"

"Shh…" she pressed a finger to his lips and he stared down at her, searching her eyes for something. "You couldn't possibly have known what was going to happen. You followed your instincts of not wanting anyone to get hurt. It's almost impossible to fight your instincts."

"But I could have-"

"It doesn't matter what could have been, because it's not. What happened, happened and we can't do anything to stop it."

"Tania… we have a time machine."

Her eyes softened. "You want to go back and save them."

He nodded. "Twelve. That's too many people. One person is too many. I can't- I can't deal with knowing that I could have saved them and then… not doing it. It's my duty as Captain America to keep the people safe and be a role model to society. What kind of role model doesn't take every chance he gets to help others?"

"Steve, if you went back in time and saved everybody, everything would be different. What about the next time someone dies? You're going to want to go back and change that too. I don't think it's a good idea to use time travel to change things like mistakes. I'm not saying that this is a mistake but… there are a lot of unknown variables with time travel.

"I know it's hard and I know I can't possibly understand everything you're going through but… what happens, happens. We have to learn to accept these things. It's like when you woke up here. You just had to move on and accept that you couldn't go back and change things. And even when you could you decided to return here. It's complicated but trust me, it makes sense."

"Tania… I want so badly to save them all. But a part of me knows you're right. The other part…"

"I know Steve." She gently pried the now cold coffee from his white fingers and set it on the coffee table. She let his head fall softly onto her shoulder while he cried. She sniffled a few times herself and stroked his hair. She hummed soft tunes and closed her eyes, cradling him to her.
Oh how hard this must be for him. To watch a dozen people die before his very eyes for something he could have prevented. She could only imagine the emotional turmoil he was putting himself through as his tears soaked her blazer. As the unspoken leader of the Avengers, it was almost always Steve who took on the guilt of every little thing that went wrong, whether or not he was there. It was always, "I should have done this…" or "I should have been there…". Tania couldn't blame him. As leader, a lot of people's lives rested on his shoulders. It was a heavy burden to carry around each and every day. It was only on missions when he noticed it, when the weight became unbearably heavy.

It was on those days that he came home to her seeking comfort. She always dropped whatever she was doing to help him. They usually ended up snuggling somewhere with his head on her shoulder, alone.

Steve never let anyone but her see this side of him. It was a vulnerable side to him that he still didn't know if he was ready to show to the other Avengers. Sure, they were his team, his closest friends, and his family, but… it was also because of this that he didn't want them to see. They held him in such high regards (mostly) and he didn't want that to shatter with one small tear.

He wasn't ashamed to cry. He'd seen plenty of grown men cry during the war. But still, there was just something that blocked him from showing too much weakness among the other Avengers. They looked up to him. How could he let them down, show them that being weak was okay in someone's time of need?

Normally, he would be with Clint, who was no doubt about as traumatized as he was, but he knew that his teammate was in good hands. Natasha had a way with Clint no one understood. They liked to keep it that way.

So instead, he allowed himself to break down with the one person he knew would always be there for him. She would understand that he couldn't be the leader, be the perfect super soldier everyone expected, all the time. She was the sun to his Earth. She was the bright star in his moments of darkness. She was the being that he orbited around. She was the center of his universe, his solar system, if you will. She pulled him in with her brightness and then kept him there with her gravitational pull. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't leave her. He didn't have the strength. The Earth needed to sun to live, to prosper, to have life. If his sun was gone, all light would go out. His world would come crashing down around him and darkness would veil everything. There would be no life on this planet.

She, as the sun, was the most reliable thing in space. He could always count on her for anything and everything and was always honest with her. In turn, she was truthful back.

He cried for a long time, loathing the feeling of having his gut being chewed on by some sort of mutt. It made him want to curl up into a ball and just sit there forever. He almost started to do just that when Tania's hand on his cheek brought him back to the present.

His flashbacks were rudely interrupted (not that he was complaining) by her beautiful face blocking his vision. His gaze focused and she looked at him worriedly. He could see a little of her teeth biting her lip and the concern in her chocolate brown eyes. Her bangs fell over her eyebrows and he had the sudden urge to brush them away before they overshadowed her gorgeous irises. He watched as his hand raised and did just that, gently pushed away the strands from her face only to have them fall back a moment later.

"Let's go to bed," she suggested quietly.

He nodded and wiped at his face with his right hand. His cheeks were probably even more black now but he could have a shower later. Right now, all he needed was Tania.

The two of them stood up on shaky legs. His own had pins and needles and he grimaced at the little pricks and burns of his calves as he put weight on them. He reached into his uniform through the collar for his pocket watch, protected by the bullet proof fabric of the star to check the time. It was half past ten.

He saw the small smile on her face at the sight of his matching watch and he returned it with minimal force. He replaced it and wrapped an arm around her shoulders while she snaked hers around his waist. Together, they made their way to the elevator.

Once they were in their room and the pins and needles had worn off, Tania seated him on the bed and kneeled in front of him. He was staring blankly into space. She caressed either side of his jaw and stared into his eyes, waiting for him to make contact.

He couldn't resist and locked gazes with her. "Do you feel up to a shower?" she asked.

He shook his head. She nodded in understanding and stood up. "I'll be right back."

He didn't want her to leave but he let her go. She would be back. She'd seen this part of him before; she knew what he was like. She would not be gone long. Still, with her presence gone, he clutched the sheets tightly and glared at the carpet of their room as if it was its fault he was feeling this way.

True to her word, Tania returned from the bathroom in less than a minute with a cold, wet face cloth. She kneeled in front of him again and began to dab at his face. His muscles relaxed instantly and he sighed. The cold felt nice in comparison to the heat he just came from. It was a nice contrast to the fire that killed- he stopped his thoughts in their tracks and clenched up again. She took notice.

She peeled off his gloves and made quick work of cleaning his hands before moving to sit behind him on the bed and unzip the back of his uniform. He helped her take it off and tossed it aside once the boots were removed. He was left in his boxers.

Because of the suit, the only real places he was dirty were his face and neck. His hair was also quite filthy. Once she had massaged the cold water into his neck and back, she squeezed the remaining water onto his head. He barely reacted. She ran her fingers through his hair and he hummed in pleasure. It felt incredibly nice. He was so lucky to have her.

She gently tried her best to remove the dirt with her fingers and a face cloth for several minutes. When she was satisfied, the cloth had long become lukewarm and she went back to the bathroom to dip it in ice cold water yet again.

As a super soldier, Steve's temperature was hotter than the average human. It wasn't by much, but it was a noticeable few degrees. That's why the heat of the fire didn't necessarily bother him as much as it should have, but even he couldn't dive into that pile of cars for too long a period of time. That was also why the cold of the cloth felt so perfect on his skin.

When she came back and pressed it against his muscles, he moaned and dipped his head back. She rubbed all along his torso and massaged his muscles with her other hand. She was no masseuse by any means, but her touch always sent shivers down his spin and this time was no different. He could feel the embers burning somewhere in his mind but he didn't feel the heat. It was good.

Eventually, he turned to thank her but instead found himself face to face with someone who was almost as exhausted as he was. How could he have been so blind? She was like the walking dead and here he was, absorbing all of her attention for himself in his pity party.

He took the cloth from her hands and applied it to her forehead. She chuckled but didn't protest as she shrugged off her blazer. She removed the elastic from her hair and let it fall around her shoulders.

With it being winter and all, the Tower had been specially designed to keep all floors at the perfect temperature for sleeping or doing whatever activity that floor was designed for. In Steve and Tania's bedroom, it was decidedly warm. With that in mind, Tania didn't take off her blouse or her skirt. Not only that, but even though they had seen each other naked on a few occasions, Steve was still a little uncomfortable seeing and not doing anything about it. It was a little odd, she found, but she also found that she didn't care. If he wasn't comfortable with it than she would be do whatever he was comfortable with.

She lifted her hands to rest on both sides of his head below his ears and touched her lips to his with the softness of a butterfly. "I'm here," she whispered.

"I know," he answered back. "So am I."

She grinned slightly. "I know."

He ran the cloth down her face before kissing her nose, her eyelids, her cheek bones, her chin, her lips… everything on her face. Her eyelashes fluttered and she stared at him lovingly. She grasped his wrist to stop his hand and buried her face in his neck. He wrapped his arms around her tenderly and helped to settle them on the bed further up near the pillows.

They ended up spooning. He was obviously the big spoon and he cuddled her into his chest protectively. He nuzzled his nose into her hair and inhaled. Her scent never ceased to capture him. In this position, he was able to hold onto the one thing that kept him afloat, that prevented him from sinking like a rock in the ocean that was his guilt.

This position also allowed Tania to feel like she was cared for and protected with his arm around her.

"Please! You have to trust me! I won't hurt you! I promise. You are going to be safe in my arms, okay? You'll always be safe there. No matter what. Just let go. I'll be here to catch you."

She remembered that moment very vividly. She had been dangling from a tree and he was panicking down below, afraid she would fall. They both knew that falling was greatest fear. She was learning to slowly overcome it but it hadn't fully gone away quite yet. She smiled as she remembered what he'd said, what he'd promised to her. Right here, in this bed, snuggled into her boyfriend's chest, she felt safer than anywhere else. She knew that that feeling wouldn't change – no matter what happened. She sighed and closed her eyes as sleep overtook them both.

A/N. Awwwwwww! Am I right? XD