Camelot Chapter 20: A life without Antoinette Swan, a twilight fanfic

"You teach me now how cruel you've been - cruel and false. Why did you despise me? Why did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. Yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they'll blight you - they'll damn you. You loved me - what right had you to leave me? What right - answer me - for the poor fancy you felt for Linton? Because misery, and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will did it. I have no broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do I want to live? What kind of living will it be when you - Oh, God! would you like to lie with your soul in the grave?"
~Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights~

White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste
Light's gone, day's end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men

And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since 18
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream

Ripped gloves, raincoat
Tried to swim and stay afloat
Dry house, wet clothes
Loose change, bank notes
Weary-eyed, dry throat
Call girl, no phone

And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since 18
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream

The worst things in life come free to us
Cos we're just under the upperhand
And go mad for a couple of grams
And she don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland
Or sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line

And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since 18
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
They scream
The worst things in life come free to us
And we're all under the upperhand
Go mad for a couple of grams
And we don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland

Or sell love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
Angels to fly
To fly, fly
Angels to fly
To fly,
to fly
For angels to die
~The A Team~
Ed Sheeran

I wondered how she would die.

If it would be quick, painless.

Or torturous, and long.

Man can die many ways - humanity has witnessed that much through it's time on this planet. I had seen death, I had watched it unfold. i knew it's taste - I knew it's feel. I knew it's looming scent, and the darkness that crept upon those who were facing it.

I knew death.

Yet I wondered if she would be able to see her child.

Or if she would die before it was born.

I wondered if she knew what she was doing.

I wondered if she knew she was going to die.

I wondered if she cared.

I have only been to one funeral in my life.

It was my Uncle Jack.

He had died of a brain tumour - it was slow.

We had watched him die, watch his weight plummet - his skin hallow and his bones protrude. We watched his usually bright, emerald orbs transcend from that to an almost non-existent dark moss colour. the life that once bloomed within him was stripped from him, the shell of what he used to be remaining - his laughter no more, his smile disapearing.

I have only been to one funeral before.

I had watched the slideshow of the pictures - I had seen my mother sob. I had elongated my neck to try and peer into the shining oak coffin - I was curious.

I had caught a glimpse of him.

He was smartly dressed - in a black suit, with a white tie. His recently bald head shone against the lights that hung above the open coffin. His complexion was not that of the olive man I remembered, but alabaster - lifeless. His lips, in which I remembered used to always hold a smile were motionless, dried and cracked - even the makeup not beign able to cover up the evidence of his sickness.

He didn't look like my Uncle Jack.

I wondered if Bella would look like he did.

If she would look dead.

I have only been to one funeral in my life - where I watched my cousins, children at the time, lose their innocence and vitality. I had witnessed my Aunt plummet into a depression so dark, and turbulent that not even I could have predicted it.

I have only been to one funeral in my life.

And I wasn't planning on attending anymore.

At the only funeral I have ever attended, I had watched so many events unfold.

I wondered that if Bella were to have a funeral - maybe a baby's wails could be heard from the front row.

I wondered if it would be an open casket.

If we would be able to gaze upon the lifeless body of an empty women, her large stomach deflated.

I wondered if they would have to nail the coffin shut.

You've been thinking a lot, haven't you?

And then there was Jacob Black.

A man I had fallen in love with, yes, fallen in love with in the duration of what seemed like two weeks.

How could that happen?

How could I, the emotionally damaged freak, fall in love within two weeks.

I had always known I was going to fall in love - I had always assumed it would happen.

I just assumed it would be with someone I had met on an online dating service.

Preferably

So did I.

I was never one to go on impulses, I was always the one to think things through - sometimes to an obsessive compulsive level. I'm not impulsive. I don't fall for things - I've barely had a crush for my entire life.

I was not impulsive.

So how did I fall in love with someone in less than a month?

Thing's like this don't happen to people like me.

Sitting on the Cullen porch, with a cigarette in between my fingers - I felt my emotions overwhelm me as I tried to control myself.

Jake was a wolf.

Jake had loved Bella.

I think I was going to throw up.

And I did just that.

I wiped my mouth free of the vile that had just escaped it and I clutched at my throbbing head, trying to comprehend the situation I had been thrust into.

As soon as Bella had said Jacob was hers-

She didn't actually say that.

She said her Jacob.

Like her Jacob.

I think I know what she was thinking.

Maybe she didn't mean it like that.

Oh, so what are you now - pro-Bella?

What the fuck is happening to you?

Maybe you just don't want to hear Bella's explanation.

What are you - my psychiatrist?

Yes, actually, I am paid to listen to your problems while you sit on my oddly comfortable couch.

If I was real, I wouldn't even listen to your problems if you paid me.

Well, not unless it was a really, really big salary.

Maybe this baby wasn't even Edmunds - maybe it was Jakes. Maybe they had a brief fling, maybe that's why I ran over him naked.

Have you seriously not asked Jake why he was naked when you hit him with your car?

He seemed embarrassed and I hit him with my car - I didn't want to pry.

So you never asked him why he was naked?

No.

Your really, really stupid.

I know.

I felt my heart pound in my chest as image of Bella and Jacob were thrust into mind, her alabaster skin on his copper and their movements ... urgent.

Oh, god, I'm going to be sick again.

"Are you okay?"

Am I okay?

I'm throwing my guts up, do I look okay?

I'm forever emotionally damaged and traumatised - do I look okay?

I narrowed my eyes up at the inhumanely beautiful leech. "Do I fucking look okay? Or does my vomiting to you make me seem okay?"

She sat down, her caramel hair cascading framing her heart shaped face as it cascaded down her back as she looked to me, her large eyes hallowing staring at me - concern on her face as she put her cold hand on my back, which I flinched away from. "It's a lot to take in."

"Wow," I said dryly, narrowing my eyes at her. "You know what, your right? It is a lot to take in - you know, I hadn't realised that. Wow, I can't believe that I didn't realise after Bella told me she was pregnant with a half vampire baby that will kill her, and then told me that my boyfriend - the man I have fallen in love with in the duration of two weeks - was in love with her first, and that he's a werewolf, leading me to believe that I am only the consolation prize - not exactly Bella, but good enough. But wow, I can't believe I didn't realise it was a lot to take in. Thank you for informing me."

She didn't say anything,

We sat in silence, before I sighed - rubbing the back of my neck, guilt washing through me as I comprehended what I had just said to Esme - the epitome of kindness and compassion.

I had just used .. sarcasm towards her.

Oh, the shame.

"I'm sorry, Esme. I didn't mean - actually," I stopped in the middle of my apology, narrowing my eyes. "I did mean everything I said. Why do people just point out the obvious all the time? Like saying to a cancer patient, 'oh, not feeling to well' - well no fucking shit they're not feeling well, they're fucking dying. Or when people say 'oh, it's not that bad' and they're talking to someone who just failed at life. Well, it is fucking bad - maybe if society stopped lying, we wouldn't be so fucking screwed."

Does that even make sense?

"And you know what else, Esme-" I scoffed, shaking my head. "Who calls their kid Esme anyways? Someone who likes weird names, obviously. That's what your parents were. Weird. Just weird. As are all of you. And your fucking fangs - you know what, Mrs. Dracula, it is a lot to take in and I've had enough confessions today. I don't need anymore so don't come out here, and say it's a lot to take in and then tell me your a lesbian because if you do that, I will rip your fucking perfect fucking hair out."

No wonder you don't have any friends.

You have nervous breakdowns on a weekly basis.

I couldn't even look at Esme, nor even think about what I had just said to that poor women.

Poor vampire.

Vampire, remember that.

I'll try to.

Guilt flooded through me and I hung my head in shame as I tried to ignore Esme, the wom-vampire

I had just yelled at and I closed my eyes, shaking my head as I felt everything collapse inside of me - my chest deflating as I hid my face with my hands, wiping away the salty tears that seemed to find there way through the walls I had put up.

"Damn it," I scowled, sighing as I ran a hand through my hair, looking back up at Esme - who sat there patiently with a warm smile on her lips.

Did this women not know I had just yelled at her for three minutes?

Obviously not.

Because if she did, she would be sucking you dry.

MWAHHHAHAHAHA!

Why the Dracula accent?

I'm quite sad.

"I need you to tell me about Bella and Jacob." I said, looking up pleadingly at Esme, my need to know what happened between them evident. "Please."

Esme bit her lip. "Edward and Bella were in love - they had met, and they had fallen in love. I had never seen my son so happy. She was everything he had ever needed in the hundred years he had bee confined to immortality-"

"Wait, a hundred years?"

Esme nodded. "Just over, actually. We had trouble with a nomad coven, consisting of three rogue vampires. One of them was a tracker, and the other was her mate. Victoria and James. James had seen Bella, and when Edward defended her - he decided he wanted her. In the end, he broke her leg and bit her - and Edward ha to ... Suck the venom out. James was killed, and Victoria had gone missing. After that, things seemed better for a while. I had never seen two people share such complex love."

"We had a birthday party for Bella when she turned eighteen, and she got a paper cut. Jasper went into a frenzy, and lunged for her - completely against his will, of course."

Because people just lunge at others completely against their own will.

Vampire, not people.

They're still people.

"I'm sorry, Esme, as nice as this story is - I don't want their life story. Just Jacob and Bella."

Esme shook her head, smiling sadly. "I'm getting there. Edward decided after that night that Bella could no longer be in danger, so we moved. Bella was devastated. After a few months, she came out of the comatose she had left herself in - and she had met Jacob, an acquaintance of sorts. They became best friends - they spent nearly every together. Bella knew Jacob liked her, not in the way she liked him, and after a while - Jacob phased, like the rest of the pack had done previous. And he ignored her, to Bella's distaste. They son reconciled, becoming friends again, and Victoria was tormenting Bella. The pack protected her."

"And then Bella jumped off of a cliff."

What.

The.

Fuck.

Where was I when all this was happening?

"She what!" I screeched, my eyes wide. "Bella tried to commit suicide!"

Esme shook her head, biting her lip. "No. Recreationally. She did it to see Edward, or something like that. Alice saw it, and rushed back to Forks. And then Alice had a vision - Rosalie had told Edward, and he didn't want to live in a world where there was no Bella. So he went to the Volturi, in Italy-"

My eyebrows furrowed. "The Volturi? What is that, some kind of nutritional treat?"

"It's our kinds, urgh, government. They create and reinforce laws. And they ... Grant suicide attempts. So Edward went to them, and Bella stopped him. When she got back from Italy, Charlie was furious - as was Jacob. The treaty was reinstated, that we weren't allowed to go on the Reservation and peace would coexist between us. And then Victoria returned. Well, we didn't know it at the time - but a newborn Army was being created by her."

My eyebrows furrowed once again. "Newborn army? Like babies?"

"No. Like new vampires. They are unbelievably strong, and are nearly indestructible. During the time before the confrontation, Jacob had told Bella he was in love with her, and kissed her."

And just like that, my world shook with anger.

Fury.

Grief.

But mostly Anger.

"They kissed?" I asked, almost wounded - as if someone had sat on my chest and I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't believe it.

They had kissed.

Esme nodded. "Bella broke her hand while punching him. And a couple of nights before the confrontation, Bella accepted Edwards marriage proposal. He was so happy. And then when the day came, Bella, Edward, and Jacob stayed on one of the mountains and the morning after - Bella and Jacob kissed. And then Bella realised she loved Jacob - just not as much as she loved Edward. And then Jacob ran away for a while."

And then I threw up again.

The thought of ... them together almost had me wailing - sobbing even.

And they were together.

They were in love.

So what was I - the girl Jacob picked to replace Bella? Or maybe I was the consolation prize? Not exactly what he wanted, or needed - but I was good enough. Or maybe I was close enough to Bella to trick his mind into thinking that I was Bella.

Is that why he had paid so much attention to me?

Is that why he had talked to me in the first place?

Was I just Bella's replacement?

Leave.

You need to leave all these weirdo's and go home.

"Anna, do you need some water? Tell me what you need?" Esme pleadingly said, her cold fingers helping me up and I wiped my tears away from my face, shaking my head.

"I can't stay here. Not-not with her."

It took every ounce of me, every cell of my being not to break down.

You've already had one of those today - don't have another one.

Or you'll probably have a stroke.

A big, severe, fatal stroke.

Esme shook her head, grabbing my arm as I tried to leave. "No! You can't leave - what about Bella? What do I say to her?"

I looked at Esme, clearing my throat. "Tell her she and her Jacob can live a life that has nothing to do with me."

Here is another chapter for you all!

Now - I know I said it will be revealed if Edward can read Anna's mind in the next ten chapters, and that was ten chapters ago but I promise in the next two chapters all will be revealed.

MWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, and by the way - I'M ON HOLIDAY! NO MORE SCHOOL! WOOOOP WOOOP!

You have no idea how much I needed a break.

I literally wanted to bash my head against the wall today.

If I didn't need to go to University to become a journalist, I would so drop out and become a hippie.

Not with the drugs though - I believe if I was on drugs, my imagination would end up killing me.

If I can imagine a nudist beign hit by a car, can you imagine me on drugs?

I would be fucking screwed.

Like really, really screwed.

Just like to say a big thanks to all my reviewers - I love you all!Your all so brilliant.

I really love this story, its one of my favourites but I have a big idea in my mind. What do you guys think about the Volturi? It would be after breaking dawn, and it would involve a half vampire OC that is basically an experiment. Ideas? of course I want to finish this story first, but this story is begging to be written and I don't know how long I can deny it.

I am a very, urgh, I don't exactly know how to say it but I'm very jumpy - I go from one thing to the next in mere seconds. And I have a very active imagination. Like very active - at this moment, I'm imagining what would happen if the world was taken over by martians by the name of Bill and Steve that would befriend me.

I'm slightly weird.

If you don't alreayd know that, but I really want your ideas on this story I'm thinking of.

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!