My eyes opened and quickly looked around. Nothing. I could feel my eyes filling with tears and my heart pounding in my chest.

I thought he would have come. I thought he had owed me that much at the very least. Maybe I was wrong. I don't know what I was expecting?

Maybe to see him lying next to bed, telling me he always loved me and never wanted to leave me?

"Stupid Bella," I muttered to myself, trying not to cry.

The pain in my chest ripped me through me even more than usual. I curled up into a ball on my bed. Seeing Edward was the final straw for me.

Seeing the love of my life, the love of my existence made me realise that living without him.... I just couldn't do it.

I had been living a lie for the past eight months without him. Jacob had been there for me, had made me feel more human than I had when Edward and the Cullens had left.

Edward might be ok with not being with me but I certainly couldn't cope without him.

Love, life, meaning.........over

I felt like Edward had left him again. The flashback started to play in my mind but I pushed it away.

NO!
I refused to be reminded of what happened on the worst day of my life in the history of the world.

I came back to the present but the feelings I had felt on that dreadful day after my 18th birthday were still there.

Tears were oozing their way out of my eyes, more coming by the second. I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed my heart out.

"Edward I need you! I... I love you!"

No one came. I didn't feel cold arms wrap themselves around me. I started to get angry instead.

I had gone to Italy and put my life at risk to make sure the Volturi didn't kill him.

I had got into so much trouble to save his life and had faced vampires that would kill me in a second. I realised that none of this meant anything to him.

I bet Carlisle and Esme were happy he wasn't dead. I smiled at that thought. I hope they would think of me when they remembered Edward going to the Volturi in the first place.

That thought occurred to me. Why had Edward gone to the Volturi? Alice had said it was because he thought I was dead.

I guess he felt guilty for being the one to make me so depressed. I shuddered when I remembered doctors at Forks Hospital using the word 'cationic'.

I couldn't become like that again. I was a zombie for months. Edward leaving me again made me want to curl up into a ball and never resurface.

I remembered my goodbye to Edward last night. He carried me to my room and kissed my forehead.

The last thing I had felt before I fell asleep was his cold hands on mine.

Everything that had happened yesterday had given me hope but now the hope had punctured like a flat tyre. Edward had gone to the Volturi to die.

An idea came into my head. What if I went to the Volturi to die? The Volturi had promised they would be coming to check on whether I was a vampire or not.

They did not give second chances. As much as I hated the Cullens, I loved them like my own family. In fact they were my own family.

They may feel differently about it but I love them.

I didn't want the Volturi coming to Forks, to the place where my father was, where Jacob, Mike, Ben and Angela were, and now where the Cullens were.

No way. I knew what I had to do. I didn't want the Volturi coming to Forks and Edward didn't want me anymore.

There was no point trying to rebuild my life again when it was pretty obvious I was unloved and unwanted.

My decision was final. I would go to the Volturi. Alice's vision was never coming true so I owed them a visit. One way ticket to the Volterra. That's what I needed.