"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations
that the other person apologize or change.
Don't worry whether or
not they finally understand you.
Love them and release them.
Life feeds back truth to people
in its own way and time."
~Sara Paddison
I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips
and
you saved me
My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet
But there's a side to you
that I never knew,
never knew
All the things you'd say,
they were never true,
never true
And the games you play,
you would always win,
always win
But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name,
your name
When laying with you
I could stay there,
close my eyes
Feel you here, forever
You and me together,
nothing is better
'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew,
never knew
All the things you'd say,
they were never true,
never true
And the games you'd play,
you would always win,
always win
But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name,
your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where I felt somethin' die,
'cause I knew that
That was the last time,
the last time
Sometimes I wake up by the door
Now that you've gone,
must be waiting for you
Even now when it's already over
I can't help myself from looking for you
I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name,
your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where I felt somethin' die
'Cause I knew that that was the last time,
the last time,
oh
Oh, no
Let it burn,
oh
Let it burn
Let it burn
~Set fire to the Rain~
Adele
So, this is awkward.
Edward and Bella were looking at each other, as if they were eye fucking each other and although it wasn't gooey - it was pissing me off. Edward had sunken back into his depression as he looked down to his gaunt and weak wife that seemed defeated as she tried to keep her eyes open, her exhaustion evident.
Rosalie darted downstairs after a second, flying through the room like a sharp breeze, her blonde hair flying behind her. She stopped inside the kitchen, and I heard the creak of a cupboard door. Bella's head peaked up, and she tried to look around yet Edward kept her lying down.
"Not clear, Rosalie," Edward murmured, and he rolled his eyes. Bella curiosity peaked, her dull brown eyes filling with curiosity but Edward just shook his head at her.
Rosalie blew back through the room and disappeared again.
God, it would have been easier just to slit my wrist and put it to her mouth.
Yummy.
Bella looked to the beast that I had just accused of having nipple hair, and I stood - not wanting to get in they're way and I went over to the other side of the room, sitting don on the couch. "This was your idea?" Bella whispered, her voice rough as she strained to make it loud enough for him to hear.
Whore.
Slut.
Hooker.
Prostitute.
Will you stop?
She's on her death bed!
Hey, I'm only your inner voice. Don't get all snappy with me.
I averted my eyes, ignoring the aching pain that sat in my chest as if it was perfectly content with causing me pain. Yet I couldn't help eves dropping.
Your really, really nosy.
"Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."
Obviously.
She smiled a little. "I didn't expect to see you again."
"Yeah, me, either," He said, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
Why don't you undo your zipper and fuck her already?
"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry."
He shrugged. "S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do,"
"And Seth," she whispered.
He nodded. "He's actually happy to help."
"I hate causing you trouble."She said, and he laughed - yet it was more of a bark then a laugh.
It was cruel, really, to make me sit her and listen to his laugh.
A laugh of such divine perfection that it made me quiver with serendipity.
She breathed a faint sigh. "I guess that's nothing new, is it?"
No, it's not.
... Whore.
He broke out in a pained smile. "No, not really."
"You don't have to stay and watch this," she said, barely mouthing the words.
"I don't really have anywhere else to go," He told her, his voice void of emotion.
"The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up."
"Leah?" she gasped.
"You didn't tell her?" He asked Edward, whom still stood beside the bed of Bella - a stoic and unmoving expression on his face.
He shrugged, and to many - the action would seem as if he was careless. Yet his eyes were unmoving from his wife's face, whose attention was diverted to the other man in the room.
That must be horrible.
Yeah.
"Why?" she breathed.
He looked down at her, his dark eyes which had once been leant to me seemed that they belonge to her, yet something was off from the way he looked to her.
It wasn't one of love - it was one of confusion.
"To keep an eye on Seth."
"But Leah hates us," she whispered.
You. Leah hates you.
If your going to be mean, you can just leave and go to the back of my brain.
"Leah's not going to bug anyone. She's in my pack"— He almost grimaced at the words—"so she follows my lead."
"You're scared of Leah, but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?"
Bella frowned at him. "Don't. Rose…understands."
"Yeah," He grunted. "She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal."
"Stop being a jerk, Jacob," she whispered.
He smirked painfully. "You say that like it's possible."
And then Carlisle and Rose were in the room in a second, putting me out of my misery having to listen to those two. I looked up from my hands, and I caught the dog looking at me while everyone else was distracted by the Doctor. I looked at Carlisle, who had a white plastic cup in his hand—the kind with a lid and a bendy straw.
What were they trying to make it look like? Some kind of McDonalds thick shake?
I could do with a thick shake.
Bella looked at the drink, frightened and I sighed - standing up from the chair and I went over to her, looking down at her and she grabbed my hand. "Would you like me to drink it first?"
"What?"
"What!"
"WHAT!"
The last one was the dog.
He has a good pair of lungs that one, doesn't he?
They all looked disgusted, especially the mutt, who looked like he was going to empty his stomach on Esme's white rug that sat beneath him.
Her eyebrows furrowed as she thought of the idea, and I rolled my eyes - grabbing the cup and I watched as they all looked at me with wide eyes, raising the straw to my lips and I took a swift sip - the metallic taste that I remembered from my childhood flooded into my mouth and I saw them all cringe as I swallowed it, taking the straw from my mouth and I offered it to her.
"It's not scary. It's just blood." I said, and she nodded reluctantly taking the drink from my hands and I looked around at the wide eyes that stared at me. "It's just blood - get over it! It's not like I'm sucking it from the source."
Bella looked around at everyone that was staring, and Rose stepped forward, shaking her head. "Don't mind them," Rosalie murmured.
Bella lifted the cup to her face and sniffed at the end of the straw. She flinched, and then made a face.
Do I have bad breath?
Is that what she was cringing at?
"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way," Edward said, holding his hand out for the cup.
I rolled my eyes. "Bella, it's seriously not that bad."
"Plug your nose," Rosalie suggested.
Bella shook her head. "No, that's not it. It's just that it—" Bella sucked in a deep breath. "It smells good," she admitted in a tiny voice.
I smiled. "That's great."
Rose nodded, beaming. "It is a good thing," Rosalie told Bella eagerly. "That means we're on the right track. Give it a try."
Bella shoved the straw between her lips, squeezed her eyes shut, and wrinkled her nose. She sipped at it for a second, and then moaned quietly with her eyes still closed. Edward and Jacob stepped forward, and Edward touched her face lovingly.
"Bella, love—"
"I'm okay," she whispered. She opened her eyes and stared up at him. Her expression was…apologetic. Pleading. Scared. "It tastes good, too."
I smiled, nodding as we finally found something that she could keep down and Rose beamed, looking to Bella and then to me, joy evident in her topaz eyes. "That's good," She repeated, still amazed. "A good sign."
Edward just pressed his hand to her cheek, curling his fingers around the shape of her fragile bones.
Bella sighed and put her lips to the straw again. She took a real pull this time. The action wasn't as weak as everything else about her. Like some instinct was taking over.
"How's your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?" Carlisle asked.
Bella shook her head. "No, I don't feel sick," she whispered. "There's a first, eh?"
Rosalie beamed. "Excellent."
I nodded, smiling as I laughed - clutching Bella's hand. "That's great."
"I think it's a bit early for that," Carlisle murmured.
Bella gulped another mouthful of blood. Then she flashed a look at Edward. "Does this screw my total?" she whispered. "Or do we start counting after I'm a vampire?"
"No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this." He smiled a lifeless smile. "Your record is still clean."
"I'll explain later," Edward said, so low the words were just a breath.
"What?" Bella whispered.
"Just talking to myself," he lied smoothly.
What a surprise.
Your sarcasm never fails to surprise me.
"Something funny?" she breathed.
"Jacob," he answered.
She looked over with another weary smile for him. "Jake's a crack-up," she agreed.
"Bada bing," He mumbled in weak rim-shot impression.
I rolled my eyes. "How hilarious." I muttered, and I felt his eyes on me.
She smiled again, and then took another swig from the cup. "I did it," she said, sounding pleased. Her voice was clearer—rough, but not a whisper for the first time today. "If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?"
"As soon as possible," he promised. "Honestly, they aren't doing that much good where they are."
Rosalie patted Bella's forehead, and they exchanged a hopeful glance.
And anyone could see it—the cup full of human blood had made an immediate difference. Her colour was returning—there was a tiny hint of pink in her waxy cheeks. Already she didn't seem to need Rosalie's support so much anymore. Her breathing was easier, and her strength was returning and it almost seemed as if everything accelerated.
That ghost of hope in Edward's eyes had turned into the real thing."Would you like more?" I asked, and I watched as Bella's shoulders slumped.
Edward didn't fail to flash a glare in my direction, and he looked back at Bella. "You don't have to drink more right away."
"Yeah, I know. But…I want to," she admitted glumly.
Rosalie pulled her thin, sharp fingers through Bella's lank hair. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella. Your body has cravings. We all understand that." Her tone was soothing at first, but then she added harshly, "Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't be here."
Carlisle took the cup from Bella's hand. "I'll be right back."
Bella stared at the dog while he disappeared."Jake, you look awful," she croaked.
"Look who's talking." He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously—when's the last time you slept?"
"Huh. I'm not actually sure."
"Aw, Jake. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid." She said, smiling weakly. "Get some rest, please," she went on. "There're a few beds upstairs—you're welcome to any of them."
"Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know."
She grimaced. "Right."
Stench?
My eyebrows furrowed. "Stench?"
Bella looked away from Jacob, biting her lip. "Uhm, Werewolves can't stand the smell of vampires and vice versa."
I nodded.
Okay.
Weird.
Carlisle was back then, and Bella reached out for the blood, absentminded, like she was thinking of something else. With the same distracted expression, she started sucking it down. She really was looking better. She pulled herself forward, being careful of the tubes, and scooted into a sitting position. Rosalie hovered, her hands ready to catch Bella if she sagged. But Bella didn't need her. Taking deep breaths in between swallows, Bella finished the second cup quickly.
"How do you feel now?" Carlisle asked.
"Not sick. Sort of hungry…only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or thirsty, you know?"
"Carlisle, just look at her," Rosalie murmured, pride visible on her face also with her smugness. "This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more."
"She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again. Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?"
"Eggs," she said immediately, and then she exchanged a look and a smile with Edward.
Nauseating.
"Jacob," Edward murmured. "You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside. Don't worry about anything—I promise I'll find you if there's a need."
"Sure, sure," He mumbled, his eyes drooping.
"I do," Edward agreed, sporting another random comment.
He's worrying, isn't he?
"Feel better," He said to Bella, and she smiled.
"Thanks, Jacob."
"Get her a blanket or something," He muttered as he turned for the door.
Yet before he could make it, two howl pierced the morning air and I watched as he threw himself out the door - hurling his body off the porch and transforming into a wolf in mid air.
I gasped, stepping back - shocked, almost, yet I watched him leave, leaving me to deal with the coven of vegetarian vampires. I watched as Bella was given eggs, and I ran a hand through my hair as I hesitantly walked onto the porch - sitting down on the porch and I looked out to the woods, lowering my head as I looked down to my hands.
It was strange.
I couldn't understand why he loved Bella first.
I didn't know why he had to love Bella first.
Why couldn't he belong to me - why couldn't he? Why did the only thing that actually mattered to me have to belong to someone else. Someone who already had the perfect life, who had the perfect husband and the perfect body - who already ahd everything I had wanted.
Why did she also have to have Jacob Blacks heart?
Why couldn't I have that? Selfish, I know, but I couldn't escape my need for him. Without him addressing me, or talking to me or saying my name, it was like something missing. Annoyingly, I knew that I couldn't hate him for much longer.
Poo.
I was supposed to be mad at him - I knew I was supposed to be mad. I was supposed to be mad at the fact that he was in love with someone else, that I was her replacement yet I couldn't ignore the feeling that had developed in my chest, a constant reminder of what I was trying to avoid.
It was painful hating him.
It was killing me.
Metaphorically, of course.
It wasn't actually killing me.
Unless...
DUN DUN DUHHHHHH!
Tragic change of events.
You really shouldn't be left alone with your thoughts.
One day, something might happen.
Esme came out ten minutes later, with a bundle of clothes, and she handed them to me with a warm smile as she offered me something to eat. I shook my head, ignoring my stomachs yearning for food and I looked back out to the woods.
Accepting that I might be waiting out here for a while, I yawned as I felt myself succumb to the land of day dreams.
Isn't that where you always are?
Yeah, basically.
And then I heard something.
My head snapped up, and I was met with familiar dark eyes that belonged to Jacob Black.
Yet I wasn't looking at Jacob Black.
I was looking at a russet furred wolf that sat, his head cocked.
"Jacob," I murmured, running a hand through my hair as I decided I had had enough of being angry at him. "These, uhm, there- these are your clothes. Well, not your clothes - someone else's clothes. A mans."
He took them in his mouth, and turned around - trotting into the forest and I waited for the 6'7 man to come out of the forest. I watched as Jacob jogged towards me, tan pants resting on his lower body while a long-sleeved white T-shirt that's sleeves were rolled up, he was the epitome of sexy.
Even though the clothes barely fit him.
He stood in front of me, and even standing on the steps of the porch - he was taller than me. I looked to my feet, my cheeks flushing as I tried to say what I had been practicing.
"Anna?"
Eh.
And I repeat, Eh.
He said my name with such ... Adoration that it was hard to not jump in his arms and crash my lips to his in a display of public affection, or PDA as it is known. My name on his lips did nothing to help me, only making me want him more.
Stupid ovaries.
Are you blaming your ovaries?
Again?
Yes!
You need to be in some kind of facility.
I forced myself to meet his eyes, telling myself that it wouldn't be as bad as I imagined it.
It was.
I'm not going to lie.
It was.
It was painful.
And slightly awkward.
"Your making this really hard." I murmured, and he raised his eyebrows.
"I'm ... Sorry." He said, and I looked down, shaking my head.
"You stole my line."
He smiled, stepping up on the step as he raised his hand, hesitantly, to my face and I moaned at the feeling - the feeling of warmth spreading of my body and I quivered lightly under his touch, wondering how I could have lived without it. "You have no idea how much I missed you,"
I looked up, smiling weakly. "I can imagine."
"I'm sorry for saying what I said-"
I looked up, cutting him off. "Are you in love with her?"
The smile, his irresistible and cheeky smile, fell from his face and he looked to me, shocked. "Bella?"
"No, Rosalie. Yes, of course Bella."
He laughed, shaking his head as he looked at me. "I thought I was." He said, and I cocked a brow. "I'm not, anymore. I don't think I ever could be."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "I guess I've found someone better."
I looked down to my feet, flushing. "That's a really nice line."
He smiled. "I've been thinking about it for a while."
I sighed, leaning against his chest. "I'm sorry I said you have nipple hair."
"I'm sorry I said you have nipple hair. You don't, by the way."
I nodded. "I know. And I'm sorry I beat you with a baseball bat."
He smirked. "It's okay. I deserved it."
I nodded. "Yeah. You did."
Here is another chapter for you all!
Hello children, yes, I did just call you children.
It's my new thing.
I am glad you enjoyed the last chapter - and don't worry, don't worry - there will be much more drama to come.
And what did you tink of Anna drinking the blood?
Weird?
Disgusting?
Too nauseating?
Give me your thoughts.
Anyways, just wanted to ask - the people that first reviewed, I see less and less of you these days. I just wanted to know if your still reading, and if your not - thats totally fine.
It's not.
I'm slowly dying in side.
Anyways;
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!