Guest Review Responses
apps: We readers really deserve a reward to get the story updated soon this time for so much waiting so far...cant see pepperony anguish anymore...plz fix them forever. – How is this for fast update? I really need to finish these Last Chronicles before the end of the year. I'm starting Graduate School in January and if I don't finish them before them, I never will! It will be fixed… next chapter… but we need certain things to be said and discovered for now. Go grab some tissues for this one!
Guest: good to see you your angst. it never gets old. – I hope this applies to this chapter too!
Elinorwrites: Oh dear god. This is literally making me cry like a wimp on the bus! Omg, Just tell me that this is gonna end up okay; like Howie getting back to live and Tony saying something as. "Don't ask me to say that I don't love you, Pep" and me crying all over my desk office and peace and rainbows and happy ending. Okay, bye. – AAAHHH! Tell me about it! We get no love here or in Arrow. What are we to do?! It will get better next chapter, pinky-promise that!
Muah: Even though I really hate you right now, thank you so much for updating! I almost thought you had given up this story! But it seems like you have been extremely unlucky recently, so I will forgive you. Hope you find your luck soon! – Aww! I hope my luck changes, too. At least so that I can start actually enjoying my weekends with writing. I miss Pepperony, so much!
Someone: GUGUJGBYVFRTD'OX6KSESP;'G\YFTCFDLUT;LBHNIOPMJOYUYTRTED4YTJUMU ...I can't think of anything better to say than that...other than: UPDATE AS SOON AS YOU CAN! P.S. Wow, I hope your apartment gets better...LOL that sounds weird! – LOL! My apartment got better this Wednesday. Finally! I'm celebrating with this chapter for you, my Faithful Readers!
apps: Plz update...waiting eagerly – Are you stalking me? How did you know I'd update today? ;)
Chapter 2: February
It was amazing what one could do with the gift of time. It was even more amazing what one could do with the gift of unlimited funds. It was triple amazing, however, what one could do with having both at the same time. One could travel the world, do volunteer work, finish school, start up a business, pick up a hobby or, in the case of Pepper Potts-Stark, renovate an entire home, inside and out.
It had started as a simple task of moving out some of the leftover furniture she did not like in her new home. Yet, one thing had led to another. And soon, she had begun tackling a larger job than she had expected it to be. She had hired renovation contractors, consulted interior designers and had even searched hundreds of pictures and home decoration catalogs online until she had created what she currently needed: an oasis; a personal island. A safe house of her own – one that was not tainted with the illegal activities of a criminal group. One that she had not burned to the ground in a fit of rage.
And so it was today, over a month after she had moved out of the Stark Solutions penthouse, that she was finally able to enjoy the fruits of her planning and labor. Today was the first day that she had been able to get up without having to worry about contractors coming in early to do their work, or worrying about materials not getting delivered to the home on time. Today was her first day of true freedom – something she had not experienced in a long time, for diversely unspeakable reasons.
Today was the first day of what she hoped her new life would be.
She sighed loudly and in contentment as she sat down on her new loveseat in the living room. Her legs were on the cushions, bent towards her chest, and she took a moment to scan her surroundings. The home looked nothing like she remembered it to be: she was certain that if Roberta Rhodes walked into her former home right now, she would not recognize it either. It was inevitable for the ginger, however, to put herself through this lengthy and tedious process of physical surroundings renovation in order to help her cope with the loss of her child.
At least that had been what her therapist had said to do. And so far, her therapist had not been wrong, much to her dismay. And damn Jarvis, too, for that matter, for forcing her to go to therapy to deal with James's death, in the first place. Why was everyone else right but her? Why did everyone know what was best for her but herself? Why did Tony Stark know her better than she knew herself?
Even if this home was supposed to be Tony's Christmas gift from her to him. Even if the redhead had bought the Rhodes' home with the intention of giving it to her husband, to tame his anger at learning that the property he had called his second home would be sold, she could not deny that this was exactly what she had needed. She could not deny that space and time were the first ingredients in the recipe of learning how to cope with severe trauma. Perhaps Tony had inadvertently tried to give her that: space, time and moral support, but she was still too angry at him to admit that he had had her best interest at heart, like he always did.
The Christmas gifts never got opened, and Tony would have not known what he missed out on if she had not been using funds from their shared checking account. She knew that the transactions were open for him to see whenever he felt like it via the online system of their bank account, and she had half expected him to demand her to stop using their money for what she was doing, but she was yet to hear a peep out of him. In fact, the only time she had heard anything out of him had been a couple of days after she had moved out of the penthouse, and it had been through an indirect appearance of his worry for her via someone else.
Her right hand instinctively went to her now short hair at the memory of it. She already missed her long locks, but there had not been much to work with after she had gone bat shit crazy and had defiled the sanctity of her impeccable mane. She could not, for the life of her, remember what had crossed her mind when she had stood in front of the bathroom mirror and had cut her hair, but it really did not matter anymore. What was done was done, and all she could do right now was silently, and begrudgingly, thank Tony Stark for watching out for her, even if they were heading for a divorce.
Her eyes stopped scanning the room and she focused on her reflection in the large, ceiling-to-floor mirror she had had installed in the living room to make the area look bigger than it really was. She bobbed her head from side to side to see her new haircut from different angles before she closed her eyes and hung her head. Even though it was similar to what her hairstyle had been in high school, she felt different somehow. Even if her hair resembled her old hairdo, even if she today wore the typical outfits she had used in high school, she knew that the person looking back at her was nothing like the person she had been six years ago. In the blink of an eye, everything in her life had changed for her.
She curled up into a ball, just like she had done so for the past three days, ignoring the effects that a cold floor had on her injured form. There was no other mattress in the home other than the one Tony had used when he had lived here, and she refused to use that one at all costs. It still smelled like him, just like the entire room still smelled of Jimmy's baby powder from when he had been staying here. She did not need the reminder that both her husband and son were gone from her life.
Gone. One by death, one by choice.
"He wants a divorce," Pepper whispered in between choking sobs. "He wants a divorce. He WANTS a divorce."
One part of her told her that she was better off without the inventor; that a life with him would be nothing more than slow torture and agony. This same part told her that it was his fault that everything went bad in her life, and it demanded that she leave him with nothing more than the clothes he wore on his back once the divorce came to an end. One part of her wanted revenge, destruction, suffering befalling the young genius – the same part that wanted to make Tony Stark feel as empty in his life as she currently felt.
Then there was the other part – the one that eventually pushed her to be crying nonstop, on the floor, since she had flown away from him. It was the part of her that reminded her that she had cornered the blue-eyed boy into offering the divorce as a viable solution. It was the same part that reminded her that she had been the perpetrator of their argument right outside their burning safe house. It was the same part that told her that Tony was as confused and hurt as she was, and that he had made every effort possible to make things right for her – or as much as he could without bringing back the dead. This same part of her told her to stop acting up and stop repeating her mistakes of the past, and to go back to the penthouse to be Tony's wife. To be there for him, with him, for he needed as much support from her as she did from him.
Both parts argued all day in her mind; the mere thought of having to choose a side made her exhausted to the point of frustration. This is where she had ended up every time after thinking things through while she tried to pick a side to listen to: alone, tired, cold, hungry, confused, in pain and curled up on the floor.
"Why did this have to happen?" Pepper rolled on the floor to rest on her left side. Her right side was growing numb, and she was certain that if she kept at it, she would end up with bed sores without even having to be on a bed. "Why did Jimmy have to die?"
Whatever retort her mind was about to come up with, it was interrupted when she heard the sound of the doorbell. At first, she thought her ears were deceiving her, as no one was supposed to know where she was. She held her breath for an instant as she patiently waited for a second ding. When she finally heard it, she all but groaned aloud. She had not told anyone where she was going – not even her father – so there was only one person that could be at the door right now: Tony Stark.
"Fucking tracker," she mumbled as she scratched the still-injured skin on her right forearm. "I told him to stop using it! I told him I wanted it out!"
Ready to tell off her husband to Kingdom Come, Pepper Potts-Stark stomped her way to the front door. She did not even bother to look through the peephole, and she just flat-out opened the door. Whom she saw standing behind the wooden contraption was someone who she definitely did not expect to show up at her doorstep… or at all.
"Mrs. Stark?" the old, blonde woman at the door asked. Hearing the use of her married title made the redhead internally flinch. "Is this a good time?"
Pepper scrutinized the woman for a second; her dark side dissecting the scene and intentions of her visitor's presence, and she came to the worst of conclusions of why she was here. She knew she had not called the woman; she had actually not even seen her in months. The only possible reason why Matilda Jefferies was here right now was because her other half had called her in to offer help.
"Matilda?" Pepper asked in a suspicious tone as she rubbed some of her tears away with the back of her hands. "What… what are you doing here? Are-are you alone?"
"Partially, yes," Matilda nodded and held closer to her chest the metal-looking briefcase she held in her arms. "Mr. Stark… he sent for me. He said you might need my services?"
Both of Pepper's hands went to her uneven hair. She ran her fingers through it, only confirming the already known awful state of her red tresses. After a moment of silence between the two women while Pepper realized she did need a proper haircut, she finally spoke again.
"Yes," Pepper replied and then looked over Matilda's shoulder to see a familiar vehicle parked at the doorway. "How did you get here?"
"Mr. Hogan brought me," Matilda looked back to wave at Happy, who was just now getting out of one of the reinforced, state-of-the-art Stark vehicles that Tony had designed for the couple. "He won't be coming in, but he was instructed to drop me off and pick me up."
"I see," Pepper said, more to herself than anyone else, and then gave Happy a quick nod. The jock returned the gesture and added a small smile of his own before he took out his Stark Pod and began getting ready to pass the time while Pepper got her haircut.
"So," Matilda began, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Is it OK if I come in?"
"Yes," Pepper replied almost immediately. "Yes, please, come in."
The woman gave Pepper a thankful nod and then walked inside the property as soon as Pepper moved out of the way of the front door. Quicker than the ginger thought possible, Matilda began getting ready to work. She opened the briefcase and, to Pepper's shock, Matilda took out of it all the tools she could possibly need to fix Pepper's hair. In fact, one of the artifacts contained in the middle-sized briefcase was a fully expandable metal chair.
"Courtesy of Mr. Stark," Matilda said with pride. "He's going to let me keep them, free of charge. This will boost my business!"
Pepper gave Matilda a lopsided smile and then sat on the newly assembled chair, trying her best to contain her tears. She wanted to be mad at Tony. She wanted to get a hold of him right now and tell him where he could put his newly-designed hair-salon-in-a-box. But she also knew that this was something she desperately needed, and it would have been a pain to go fetch Matilda on her own. The stylist had had Pepper as her client for years – even before Tony Stark had shown up in the ginger's life – and she was aware that Tony knew how much Pepper liked having Matilda as her go-to person for her hair.
Matilda was a very reserved person, born in Italy, and brought to the States when young, many, many years ago. She had eventually married a local barber, and they both ran a successful Mom and Pop business of their own. Pepper had not dared to use an overpriced, exclusive hairstylist when she had become the recipient of the big bucks as a Stark Solutions employee. Instead, she had held on to using Matilda as her only hairstylist. Matilda had even done Pepper's hair and makeup for her wedding, even if that had entailed flying the woman to and from the Bahamas for a few hours.
"Do you remember what you wanted your hair to look like when you cut it?" Matilda's kind voice disturbed Pepper's thoughts. "Do you have a picture of it?"
"No," Pepper gulped. "I don't. I… I trust you can make something out of it."
"Of course, Mrs. Stark," Matilda said. "I'll be done in no time."
Matilda worked in silence the entire time while Pepper's mind wandered. It seemed surreal to her, being in the Rhodes' former home that she and Tony now owned, sitting in a chair getting an unexpected haircut, only a couple of weeks after her son had died. It seemed surreal as well, that with every lock of hair that Matilda removed from her head, a little of her grief went with it. She knew that as soon as she was alone again, the pain would return. But for now, she allowed herself to feel as if the weight of the world was being "trimmed" from her form.
"Thank you for coming, Matilda," Pepper finally said. Without having to say anything else, the ginger knew that the older woman knew that her thanks had meant so much more than she was willing to admit or say.
Pepper felt a cold breeze hit the back of her neck and she smiled. Her nostrils were filled with the familiar scent of her newly arrived visitor. Before he could announce his arrival, the redhead opened her eyes and spoke up.
"I thought you said you couldn't come today."
"I said I wasn't sure," Gene replied as he rounded the couch and sat to her right, not at all surprised that that the ginger had learned to recognize his presence by now. "Nightly rounds finished earlier than anticipated."
The woman frowned lightly at the realization that, whenever Gene Khan had come to visit her every weekend for the past month – just as he had done so since she had left Tony – he did so shortly after the sun came up, which meant that he had spent the night in China watching over his territory, only to then travel to the States to spend time with her.
"You should've taken the weekend off," Pepper whispered, as if she was afraid to bother anyone near her even though they were the only ones in the home. She could not help herself, though, to speak in a low voice when around Gene. It was one of the expectations he had set for her to help her mourn and deal with the pain.
"Mandarin or not, you need to sleep, eat… relax. Just like the rest of us lowly humans do."
Gene smirked, eyes facing the floor, just as hers were.
"You'd think a lowly human like you would be honored to have someone like me visit you. But instead, you want me to leave."
Pepper snickered. "I didn't say that. Although, I do remember that you did say that you wouldn't use that cologne I got you for Christmas, and yet…"
Her eyes finally faced him and she winked at him when she saw him purse his lips as he realized she had caught him in a lie. Her gaze then shifted to her lap, and she sighed deeply before speaking again.
"What are we doing today? Meditating? Reading? Talking?"
"Training," he said without missing a beat. "Today we get to train."
"Really?" Pepper's head snapped to her right. "I thought you said you had nothing more to teach me about that?"
"I don't," Gene replied with a slight shrug. "So now you get to practice what you already know."
"Practice? On you, or…?"
"Both," Gene retorted. "The punching bag and me."
"Mmhhh," Pepper said.
Her mind wandered to the moment when Gene had ended up becoming her unofficial trainer, by accident, at that. Even if she had left the penthouse to be alone and away from Tony, every day reminded her that she was not alone, and that Tony never truly left her. Matilda had showed up to cut her hair, per Tony's request. Happy had brought Matilda over, per Tony's request. Jarvis had ended up visiting her every three days, thanks to Tony disclosing to the butler where the ginger was living now. She had even renovated this home thanks to Tony's funds, which so happened to be hers as well.
And then there was Gene, who had showed up to make sure that Pepper had not used another pair of scissors to hurt herself again, per Tony's pleading. Gene had helped her inject herself with a compound that Tony had created to permanently deactivate and, slowly and safely, dissolve the tracker she had embedded in her right arm – a compound which had been sent over to her via the Mandarin, in fact. Gene had also listened to her while she had ranted about everything she felt and thought, and he had also provided her alternative venues to release her agony and ache.
At first, he had only resorted to listening to her, but that had only worked so much since she was already attending therapy at the request of Edwin Jarvis. After talking no longer sufficed, Gene had then forced her to meditate for a few days out of the week, and had gone as far as using his Makluan abilities to synch with her mind to help her analyze her life in an objective manner. She had relived everything since the Makluan invasion, detail by detail, moment by moment, day by day, until talking about these events did not hurt as much or at all.
Her multiple kidnappings did not hurt anymore. Being adopted did not hurt anymore. Finding out her birth mother was dead did not hurt as much anymore. The fact that Tony had manipulated her memory did not hurt at all anymore – she actually had completely understood the position he had been in; the sacrifice he had made for her. But baby James's death, and her separation from Tony, still made her crumble where she stood. She still blamed herself for not being around much when she had attended school. She still blamed Tony for not seeing the signs that there was something wrong with their son.
Somebody had wanted their son dead, even before he had been born, and neither she nor Tony – especially Tony, in his paranoid mind – had taken enough care or time to figure out what was wrong; what was going on behind the scenes – behind their backs. Neither of them had stopped to think that the bounty was still very much active, and that baby James was the most vulnerable of all of them. Tony had Extremis – sort of, and Pepper had an army of suits at her disposition. Baby James had only had his parents, and if his parents made the wrong decision; took the wrong steps, James Howard Stark was left exposed – alone.
Alone: as he had been when he had died. He had been alone, dead for a while, until his cold, little body had been discovered by his uncle, James Rhodes.
xxxXXXxxx
INTERLUDE
Nearly two months ago…
They did not even bother to pay the bill – their only goal was to run out of the restaurant as fast as they could. The owner of the eatery knew who they were, anyway. There was no doubt that the patrons would send the required payment at a later time. The owner also knew that the couple was a part-time pair of superheroes, and leaving in a hurry at the drop of a hat was something that had become expected of them, even if the couple tried real hard to live a normal life.
The reason for their sudden haste was unbeknownst to everyone that watched them run towards the door and out to their vehicle – redhead included, and no one in the room would have ever imagined that the rush of the founders of Stark Solutions was due to tragic news and not due to an emergency call from the city officials, requesting their help.
"How bad is it? Is he injured?" Pepper asked when they arrived at their vehicle and they both climbed inside, but Tony did not reply. "Tony, please tell me: how bad is it?"
Tony started the car and revved it up as soon as it was on, nearly crashing it against a car that was exiting a nearby parking spot. Pepper had very little time to put on her seat belt while the vehicle swiveled left and right, a victim of Tony's insane driving. Had this been any other situation, she would have yelled at the inventor to slow the fuck down.
"Hack the lights," Tony uttered in his no-nonsense voice and Pepper immediately took out her pod from her purse to do as she had been told. Her trembling hands could barely do what she could typically do with her eyes closed since the current status of her son's wellbeing was in question.
"Tony, you're scaring me. How bad is he injured? Did someone try to break in? Are Rhodey, David, and Roberta alright?"
"I said: hack the lights, Pepper."
"I am," she replied before her eyes looked at the road from staring at her pod and she then frowned when she realized they were not heading to the Rhodes' home. "What the…? Where are we–"
"The hospital. You hacked the wrong lights. We're heading to the hospital."
"Hospital?" Pepper asked, voice almost breaking. "Oh… oh, my God."
Her eyes returned to the pod and she worked faster than she would have thought she could, given the circumstances. Any other day, she would have questioned her husband, demand that he explained himself, that he rationalized his orders, and that he justified his curt tone of voice to her. But from all the times that Pepper Potts-Stark had done just this in the past, this time she knew it was not worth it disobeying him.
"Turn left on 47th street," Pepper said, also slowly triggering her hero mode. "I've just activated the railroad crossing bars so that we can shortcut on the intersection at Adams and head straight to it."
"OK," Tony followed her instructions while Pepper began preparing the Stark-B411 – their current vehicle – to convert to railroad mode. Tony had truly gone out of his way to anticipate all the obstacles they could encounter while on the road. It was at this moment that Pepper regretted making fun of him for saying that they needed a car that could drive on the train tracks.
"Status?" Tony asked, briefly stealing a side glance to his wife.
"T-minus 8 seconds from this last turn."
"Hold on," Tony warned before he rotated the steering wheel, pressed the clutch, and shifted gears in preparation for the car's transformation. Pepper held on to the ceiling handle of her side of the car, and remained silent while Tony maneuvered their vehicle to their destination. Just as she had predicted, ten minutes after leaving the restaurant, both she and Tony were exiting the self-parking car to head to the entrance of the emergency room.
The scene they walked into shocked her, as not only was Rhodey, Roberta, and David present, but so were Howard, Trish, Virgil, Jarvis, Diane and Happy. Seeing the Rhodes was understandable; Jimmy had been staying at their home for a few days now. Seeing the rest of her family, however, all red-eyed, hugging each other and sniffling, did not make sense to her at all.
"Tony?" Pepper's voice barely reached his ears and her right hand rested on his left arm. "What… what's going on? Where's Jimmy?"
Tony's only response to her was to grab the hand she had placed on him and held it with both of his. She saw him swallow hard again, just as he had done at the restaurant, and his glistening blue orbs finally allowed the tears to freely run down his face. He had not wanted to believe it, he truly had not. But when they both saw the tear-streaked face of Rhodey approach them, head hung in shame, it was only Tony's sudden arms around her that kept the redhead from hitting the floor with her knees.
"No," she said softly at first, but then closed her eyes to scream her words. "NO!"
"Pepper," Rhodey began from where he stood, facing both of his friends. "I… I'm so sorry… we… we didn't know…"
"NO!" She said again and opened her eyes to glare at her friend. "Shut up, Rhodey! Don't say it! SHUT UP!"
Her eyes then found her husband's and she wrinkled his clothes with her fists. "Tony, please tell me it isn't true. Please… please tell me he's alright."
Oh, how he wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear! How he wanted for it not to be true! He almost lied to her, almost told her that their son was not dead, but the words never made it out of his mouth. He did not need to, anyway. His eyes spoke volumes to her, and when she saw him hang his head and he let out a barely muffled sob, she closed her eyes, screamed, and let him hold her weight.
An hour ago, James Howard Stark had been found not breathing, in his crib at the Rhodes' home, due to causes that were still unknown.
END OF INTERLUDE
xxxXXXxxx
"Pepper?" Gene asked when the redhead did not bother to stop the punch that had almost hit her face just now. "Pepper, are you even paying attention?"
Her eyes took their time focusing on Gene. But once they did make sense of his presence, she was able to immediately throw a complex punch-kick combination to him that she had not been able to do before until now. He had not expected her to react so violently and so accurately after spacing out for no apparent reason, and he was not able to dodge her entire attack: one of the kicks hit him square in the chest.
"Oof!"
Gene Khan rarely lost track of a sparring partner's moves, let alone from a fiercely offensive one. Yet, Pepper's movements had been so deadly accurate and fast – not to mention unanticipated – that had he not been seeing her with his own two eyes, he would have not believed this was the same redhead that had almost gotten herself killed in a crossfire between the Maggia and the Tong by just sitting on the ground and screaming.
"Gene!"
Pepper ran towards the fallen Khan and kneeled before him on the floor. She pressed one hand on his chest, where she had hit him, and the other hand on his forehead as she whispered apologies to him.
"Gene, are you alright? Gene, I'm so sorry!"
"I'm alright, Pepper," he said between deep breaths. "Just surprised me, that's all."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," he assured her as he slowly stood up, hand on top of hers on his chest. "Just… got the wind knocked out of me… I'm alright."
He was not aware that Pepper could hit that hard.
Despite his complaints and his insistence that he was not harmed, Pepper helped him up from the ground. When she was positive that he had regained his footing, the redhead let him go and took a step back to provide him some space. She gave Gene and his pride a moment to balance themselves out, and while she waited for him, her eyes landed on her punching bag. They were yet to use it today even though Gene said they would, but if they ended up not using it at all, she would count herself blessed.
She had been shocked when Gene had first brought it with him, as it was the same one she and Tony kept at the penthouse's gym. At first, the redhead had been quite upset that Gene was speaking to Tony about her, especially about what she did while away from him. In the end, however, she had come to terms with the fact that, even if the divorce became final, hers and Tony's lives were too intermingled by now to ever fully become independent from each other. This fact did not prevent her, though, from having printed Tony's face on a piece of paper she had placed on the punching bag – a face that still remained on it, for two weeks now.
Gene had once asked her to picture the object of her discomfort on the bag, one at a time, and let all of her feelings come out of her and onto the training tool. She had started with Loretta, who had left her and her father when she was still a baby. She had then pictured the boy who had told her that she was not pretty enough for him to like her when she was still a child. One by one, just as Gene had instructed her, she had replaced one picture with another: Whitney, Ghost, Rhona, Jules, Whiplash, Mitch, Two-Tone, Justin Hammer, and even Nick Fury had made the cut.
One by one, she had poured out her unresolved feelings and anger on them. One by one, she had let go of the unsettled issues she had kept inside for months – some even for years. The technique had worked well so far and it had not taken her longer than just a couple of days to feel comfortable and at ease enough to get someone else's face on the bag. Tony's face, though, she had not been able to remove from the bag.
Why can't I get over it? Over you, Tony?
Against her will, tears began forming, and her hands clenched into fists, for a moment forgetting that Gene was standing behind her. Her eyes bore into the genius's flat, discolored and tattered ones on the paper. She had hit that bag with everything she had, several times a day for several days now, and yet the mixed feelings that befell her when she saw his image or heard his voice in her dreams were not diminishing at all.
Why can't you let me go? Just let me go!
She was not sure if it was because of what the two of them had lived through together, or maybe it was because she still loved him. Or perhaps it was the fact that when she saw Tony, she saw James as well, even if their son had not inherited his dark brown, almost black hair, but a combination of hers and his, with just the slightest hint of blond. Yet in the end, it did not matter why the thought of him made her lose the ground she had gained in the past few weeks in therapy, away from him. In the end, she knew that one look from him was all it took for her resolve to crumble to the ground. One look, one word, one touch from him, and she would take ten steps back in this journey to free herself from him.
How long was she supposed to suffer like this?
"I can't… I can't do this anymore!"
She whimpered loudly and her hands covered her face. Not a second later, Gene was surrounding her with his arms. The moment she felt his warm embrace, she sobbed even louder. Gene simply pressed her against his chest and let her cry, just as he did every time before when she began breaking down like this.
"I just want to be happy," she croaked. "I just… I just want to not be in pain anymore!"
This was not the first time that she had begun crying seemingly out of nowhere. This was not the first time that Gene felt useless to her, either. This was not even the first time that Gene had wanted to leave Pepper here and go kick some sense into Tony Stark, even if deep inside he knew it was both the inventor's and Pepper's fault that they were in this predicament. But this was the first time, however, that Gene Khan acted upon one of the many emotions he felt in moments like these; the one emotion he had kept bottled up for a long while now. The one emotion that Tony Stark had become aware lived in the Mandarin, just two months ago.
Pepper felt him pull back ever so slightly, enough to see his face, but not enough to not be surrounded by his protective arms. She sniffled and took deep breaths, trying to calm down using the same breathing techniques Gene had taught her for meditation, but she did not get to take the third breath when she felt Gene's lips crash onto hers.
For a nanosecond, the redhead was mentally transported to the time when she was young, still at the Academy and still had a crush on Gene. She was not sure if it was Makluan doing, or if it was just her subconscious playing tricks on her, but all she could focus for a moment was on Gene's kiss. It was slow and tender, yet filled with raw emotion she could feel he could barely contain. For an instant, she allowed herself to respond to it, even if just to feel loved by someone who did not feel entitled to play with her head.
When Gene felt Pepper return the kiss, he could no longer restrain himself. He held her face in between his hands, tilted her head back and deepened the kiss, leaving her with very little time to breathe in the air he was robbing her of. When his hands began to slowly slide down her neck, mapping every curve on her body as they made their way down to her hips, it was then that Pepper realized that this felt comforting and welcoming only because she had experienced it before.
But not with Gene.
She abruptly ended the session, as she knew it would lead to other things if she did not put a stop to it right now. The moment her mind completely understood what she had done – what she had almost let happen, she felt her face heat up in a cluster of emotions she did not dare to acknowledge just yet.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have," she heard Gene whisper before he dared to kiss her again, this time on her forehead, his hands now back around her neck and face. Their eyes were still shut; neither of them felt brave enough to look at each other after what they had just done, most especially Gene Khan. But he did feel brave enough to tell her the truth, once and for all.
"But I needed to."
"I'm sorry, too," she said with finality, letting him know with those three simple words everything she had meant to say but could not voice at the moment. She knew she did not have to, in the end; Gene could easily read her mind and soul whenever he felt like it. From all the sets of three words that Gene would have wanted to hear or read from her, however, I'm sorry, too was definitely not one of them.
She felt the familiar cold breeze hit her skin again, and she did not have to open her eyes to know that he was gone. She swallowed hard, rubbed her face with her hands and cleared her throat loudly. She remained silent and standing where he had left her. Varied and conflicting thoughts and emotions fought for dominance within her with such intensity that she had to remind herself to breath in and out.
She stood there for a long time until her heart and mind agreed on one thing: the one thing she knew she needed to do next to come full circle in this rollercoaster of torment. Even if it had been wrong, what she had just done with Gene was exactly what she had needed. She had needed company, to feel loved, cherished and desired, and at liberty to let her mind, soul and body roam free. She had needed to shamelessly act upon everything she felt, needed, and wanted, all without fearing the consequences of it all. Because there would be no consequences if she did – at least not ones she would ever regret.
When she finally opened her eyes again, her gaze landed on the image of Tony's face on her punching bag. She took small but determined steps toward it. After exhaling loudly and with purpose, she pulled off the paper from the bag in one swift motion. She immediately crumpled up the paper in her hands, and then threw it with all her might into a trashcan on her way out of the gym.
She walked down the hall, into her home office, and made a beeline towards her desk. She had just, a few days ago, finished organizing her office to her liking, so she knew where everything was – where the one thing she was looking for was currently located. Her eyes stared at the large, thick, yellow envelope on her desk; an envelope which held the divorce papers that Roberta Rhodes had begrudgingly, though professionally, drafted for her.
She was yet to find the nerve to send the papers over to Tony, even if she had already signed her half of them the same day she had gotten the packet in the mail. She knew that she still had time, she was not even halfway through the deadline the attorney had let her know she had. She could have waited until the last day of the deadline, and as long as Tony was notified of the situation and was given the papers by 11:59 PM, she would have correctly completed her step of the legal separation process.
It was so easy, sending these papers to him – she did not even have to deliver them herself. She could have sent Happy, Jarvis, or even Roberta to deliver said envelope, but it was not until now, until Gene had kissed her so eagerly and passionately, that she had found the courage, drive, motivation and enlightenment she had needed to do the right thing: to do what was right for her. To do the one thing that would make her happy.
Gene's kiss had been eye-opening, as she had been reminded of what it was like to feel as if she were the center of someone's universe – the light of someone's day. This is what she had truly needed all along, and even though all the other things she had done so far had helped, it was not until she was physically reminded that she was not alone – that someone desired her to the point of needing her to sleep peacefully at night – that her brain and her soul finally came to terms with the one absolute truth she had been avoiding all along: the solution to her current problems – the beginning of true renewal.
She grabbed the envelope with her left hand while her right palm landed on her chest. She smiled sadly at the scene before her, and when her right hand found the necklace she wore that held both her engagement and wedding rings that she was yet to part ways with, she allowed her left hand to dump the envelope in the trash. She did not need a divorce to be happy. She did not need another man in her life to feel safe. She only needed one person to find joy. She only needed her one and only to heal.
Inadvertently, Gene had shown her – reminded her, that there was only one person with whom she could truly let herself be who she was without embarrassment or guilt. There was already one man in her life that made her feel unique, sought after, coveted and loved. It was the same man that always put her needs before his. The same man that had once given her what she thought she wanted, even if it meant for him to live a life of misery without her.
It was not Gene Khan, Scott Summers, or any other man she had once developed a love interest for. It was the man she had married, just a few months ago. The man she still wanted to be married to. The man that also deserved to be happy, just as she was seeking to be. The man that she sometimes thought she did not deserve. It was her friend, her love, her hero, her soul mate: Tony Stark.
That night, two days short of the two-month anniversary of James Howard Stark's death, Tony Stark received a ray of hope in the form of a text message sent to his pod. It only contained two words; a common phrase at that, but it was the identity of the sender that made it special to him. That evening, Tony had slept more peacefully than he had ever since his son had died, and it had been only because his wife had wished him a good night.
xxxXXXxxx
"Ready to read the first letter?" Pepper's therapist, Loraine Jones, asked the redhead. "It's the first time we've had a breakthrough this significant. We must take advantage of it."
"But I don't want to read the letters," Pepper whined to her former Chemistry teacher, who was now her therapist. "I just told you about them because you asked me to explain what Tony had done to help me. It wasn't an invitation for me to read them to you."
"Pepper," Loraine said in a calm yet authoritative voice. "Before you actually meet with Tony, you have to fully comprehend, from his point of view, everything he did to try to support you during your period of mourning. If you don't fully come to terms with what he did and didn't do, and with what you failed to do for him as well, your reconnection attempt will never get off the ground."
Pepper groaned, rolled her eyes, and adjusted her position on the recliner, thinking long and hard about what she was being asked to do. It was a feat in and of itself that the ginger had continued to attend therapy with the woman that had been unintentionally involved in the start of her bad luck streak while in high school, but she had long ago made her peace with it. Both she and Miss Jones had changed, and so had her daughter, Janet Lowe, for that matter, but it was in opportunities like these that Pepper questioned her decision to continue these therapy sessions with the permanently-banned-to-teach-in-the-state-of-New-York woman.
Loraine allowed Pepper another moment of deep thought, as she knew how the younger woman operated. She had learned so much about the redhead's past in the last month – and she had even apologized to her for her behavior at the Academy that had placed the ginger in harm's way. Even Janet Lowe had apologized to her as well, and even to Tony too, when the inventor had first attended his own therapy sessions with the former faculty member of the Tomorrow Academy. Even if the situation she had been involved in with Tony and Pepper during that last month of school had cost the woman her teaching credentials and had pushed her to further her education to find a career in another field, Miss Jones had also come to terms with the fact that she had let her personal issues affect her performance on the job.
"Why don't we make a deal?" Loraine offered when she realized that Pepper would not read the letters that Tony had snuck under her door without getting something in return for it.
"What kind of deal?"
"Why don't I tell you something embarrassing about my life in exchange for you reading aloud the letters for me?"
"Really?" Pepper smiled, but the look of doubt did not leave her face. "That sounds tempting. How embarrassing are we talking about?"
"Something so embarrassing that I have never told anyone about it until now. Something about me that only you would know."
Pepper's eyebrows shot up. "Not even Janet?"
"Especially not Janet."
"I see."
Pepper was more than just intrigued by the offer, so she immediately nodded her agreement to the deal. The woman then took off her glasses, left them on the table near her chair, and cleared her throat.
"My last year at the Tomorrow Academy was very difficult for me. I was going through a marriage separation that eventually led to a divorce."
Pepper frowned. "Is this why you became a marriage and grief counselor?"
"Yes."
"Oh," was all that Pepper could provide.
"Anyway," Loraine continued. "A few weeks before the divorce became final, I was having trouble dealing with the fact that I would be a single mom, and all because my husband of twenty years decided that he wanted to date younger women."
Pepper's frown deepened. "I'm so sorry, Loraine. I didn't know."
The therapist gave Pepper a small smile and shook her head. "It's been a few years. It doesn't bother me anymore."
The redhead nodded once to let the older woman know that she would remain quiet for the rest of the story/confession of hers, and Loraine continued her end of the deal.
"I felt like I needed to do something for myself. I felt like I needed to do something that would make me happy, even if for just one night, so I went to a bar. Being a teacher, I had to do everything I could to not look like myself, so I used a wig, put tons of make up on, and wore clothes I ended up burning afterwards. That night nothing really came out of it, but I liked the feeling of being someone else; someone who nobody knew I was and could use only when I wanted her to come out. Someone who would do the things I never felt brave enough to do in my own skin."
Pepper looked at her lap for a second, truly understanding what Loraine was telling her. The redhead had played parts she did not usually act out herself, especially when she had gone undercover to take down the Maggia. She had done some embarrassing things while at it – such as dressing up in provocative attire and making out with a stranger behind a vending machine to get information out of him.
"The third night I was at the bar," Loraine continued, "I met a man. He bought me a drink, we started talking, and next thing I know, I'm in bed with him in a hotel."
Pepper could not help to show on her face the shock she currently felt, but she recovered quickly enough to prevent her therapist from seeing said look on her features.
"We started frequenting each other, for a few weeks, actually, but only when I was in my other persona. I didn't have the guts to tell him I wasn't who he thought I was. And, as it turned out, neither did he."
"What do you mean?"
Loraine scoffed. "I wasn't the only one who gave a fake name and life details. He did, too. He was not the age he said he was. He was not an attorney, and he was not single at all."
"W-what?" Pepper began. "He-he… he was… married?"
"Yup. The day I found out about it was the day I was going to tell him the truth about me. I felt so happy when I was with him, and I thought I could make something good out of a bad situation. I thought I'd finally found my second chance at love. So I followed him around, found out where he lived, and before I could get out of the car, I realized he had a family already. Dog and all."
"Oh, my God! How… when… Wow!"
"I know," Loraine agreed. "His real name turned out to be Aldrich Killian, or something like that, and he was a researcher at Stark International."
Pepper's mouth hung. "Stark International? I… I don't recall that name…" the redhead said, only now realizing that she had never bothered to go through the database of employees of Howard Stark's company. "I don't think he works for us, though. For Stark Solutions, I mean."
"He doesn't. He left. He moved, I guess. The house I saw him in got sold. I guess he found another desperate woman to screw around with. Either way, the day I found out about him was the day I went off on you during class. I went off on you because I saw you with Tony Stark, and I somehow saw myself in you, dating a man who had lied to everyone about who he really was for years. Someone who also happened to have at some point worked and owned the company Aldrich had been employed by."
"So, you sent me to detention because of Tony being both Tony and Iron Man?"
"Essentially. Like I said: not my best moment or decision, at all."
"No kidding," Pepper said with a chuckle.
After a moment of reflective silence between the two women, Pepper bent down to her bag to bring out the letters Tony had written for her. Loraine was surprised to see the redhead so eager to keep her end of the deal, especially after she had just confirmed that she had gotten in trouble in school through no fault of her own. It spoke volumes to how much Pepper had truly forgiven her therapist for the error of her ways, and it also showed how much the ginger wanted to fix things with Tony Stark.
"Are you ready to hear my sob stories?" Pepper asked as she ordered the letters by date, took a handful of tissues from the box, and then evenly split them between herself and Miss Jones.
"Are these letters sad?" Loraine asked as she grabbed the tissues from the redhead. "I thought you hadn't read them at all?"
"I haven't," Pepper replied. "But when it comes to Tony telling me how he feels about me, he has a way of making me cry."
"Oh, jeez!" Loraine said. "As if the therapy sessions with him weren't already hard enough on me!"
Pepper simply nodded and smiled.
xxxXXXxxx
Nope, not this Valentine's either.
Tony sadly crossed out from the calendar five more days that had already gone by of the month without him taking notice. February was almost over and, with it, came the realization that he had not been able to have a normal, romantic Valentine's Day celebration with Pepper since they had met back in high school. Every year, at least one thing had gotten in the way. Last year, it had been two things that had interfered: crows attacking their apartment home, and the shock at finding out that Pepper had been considering giving up her child for adoption to keep him from suffering for the rest of his life for being the son of Iron Man's Rescue.
And for being the son of Tony Stark, for that matter, but neither of them had known that at the time.
The closest he had gotten to celebrate a romantic evening with his wife this year, had been the text message she had sent to him that very same night. He was not sure if she had done so out of nostalgia, or a feeling of obligation, but when the text messages kept coming in the morning and at a night, his faith in humanity was beginning to be restored. He had been so certain that Pepper was having the time of her life while away from him, or so he had gathered from Roberta, Gene, and Jarvis. But now that he thought about it more, they had never said that Pepper seemed happy. All they had said was that Pepper kept herself busy doing things she had never had the chance to do before.
And as a result, so had he.
At first, every day since she had left him, he had been drowning in liquor and cigarettes. However, when Gene had pointed out to him that if he did not take care of his own body, he would truly never have the chance to protect Pepper from harm ever again, Tony had instantly stopped the self-pity party he had sponsored for himself. The message had really hit home, though, when Gene had taken the punching bag with him to give to Pepper. Since then, and for the past two weeks, Tony had begun working out and eating healthy again.
He had stopped drinking and smoking, and he had even cleaned up the entire penthouse, all by himself. All the Christmas decorations were finally put away, and all the presents had been stored in a box in James's old room. He had briefly thought of getting rid of the items altogether, but he quickly realized that that was not his call alone. It was both his and Pepper's decision to make. He had also cleaned and dusted the nursery but he was yet to have it dismantled, simply because he knew that it was something that both he and Pepper needed to do together. It was something that needed to be done at the same time, by the both of them, so that hard feelings were not harbored inside.
Or so his therapist, Loraine Jones, had so many times said to him. And perhaps, once the shock finally wore off from the irony that the woman who had at one time made his blood boil was now helping him and Pepper reconnect, he would maybe even take the time to properly thank the woman for what she had done for them throughout these past few weeks, one day at a time.
Not that grateful with her, just yet.
He put away the calendar, stood up from the pressing bench he had been sitting on, and determined he desperately needed a hot shower. He had been working out all morning until his muscles had finally screamed at him to stop. As opposed to months ago, he had listened to his now fully-human body. It was during the workouts that he missed Extremis the most; the power and stamina it had once given him were gone. Yet, not until he figured out a way to counteract the negative side of the virus was he to even consider turning it back on again.
A few days after Pepper had left, Tony had almost activated Extremis again, feeling that he had nothing to lose now that both his son and his wife were out of the picture. However, thanks to a talk from Virgil Potts, from all people, Tony had stopped himself from essentially putting a deadline to his own existence. He was grateful to his father-in-law to have knocked some sense into him. He was also grateful for everyone that had helped them both during this troubling time, for that matter. But he also knew that he could not claim victory just yet. He still had to see Pepper in person again. He still needed to be in the same room with her without arguing or ignoring each other's presence.
He still had to speak with her directly, and not just through short, random text messages via their pods. He still had to look her in the eye, hold her in his arms, and tell her face-to-face that he wanted to work things out: that he never truly wanted a divorce, and that they would too overcome this latest horrible slap life had given them. The final test would come tomorrow, when he and Pepper met at Loraine's office, to be in the presence of the other for the first time since she had left – when they would have no choice but to be open about how they felt, and about what they were willing to do to start returning to their normal lives.
Tony stretched his muscles to help with the proper cooling of them. He then began walking to the living room on his way to the bedroom, but then decided to stop at the kitchen for a quick snack. He still had to meet with the SI board tonight, and while he was not looking forward to dealing with the passive-aggressive comments of Mitch regarding his current separation from Pepper, he also felt renewed with the sense of getting back into a familiar routine.
This had been the plan, anyway, for him to take over the operations and leadership of Stark Solutions after Pepper finished college so that she could spend more time with James. There had been a major setback to those plans; this much was true, and while nothing would ever change the fact that his son was gone and that no one would ever replace the little boy who had brought them both so much joy, Tony knew that he needed to make his peace with the situation and move on.
It wasn't anyone's fault, really, Tony took out a bottle of cold water from the fridge. Even if Howie had been home with us, he would have been asleep in his room, too. We wouldn't have known he was dead, either, just as Rhodey and Roberta didn't know.
He finished drinking the entire contents of the bottle, and just as he was about to dump the empty plastic container in the trash, he heard a sound that made him stop in his tracks. It was the sound of the front door opening. It was the sound of the override master code being used – a code only he and one other person knew about; the one person that was currently now inside the home, red-eyed, disheveled, sporting a new albeit rather sexy haircut, looking angry and staring deeply at him.
"Pepper?"
"You knew," she snarled at him. "You knew and you didn't tell me!"
Tony was taken aback. From all the ways they could have met again, from all the scenarios that he had listed in his mind, this was the least wanted scenario for the genius.
"Pepper, I… I don't know what you mean."
"Fuck you, Stark!" she stomped to where he stood, paralyzed by her words and sudden appearance. "You said it was nobody's fault! You said that the cause of Jimmy's death was unknown!"
"It was! It is! What… I don't understand… why are you mad at me? I thought… I thought we were going to work things through?"
"NEVER!" she angrily punched him on his chest once. "I'll NEVER, EVER forgive you for lying to me. It was you! It was you all along! YOU KILLED OUR SON!"
"What? How…" Tony shook his head. "Pepper, please breathe and explain it to me. I didn't kill him. I didn't kill our son. I thought you understood that already."
"I did," she said and wiped tears from her face. "Or at least I thought I did… until… until I found this."
The this that the redhead was referring to was unceremoniously jabbed into his chest by her. Tony stared at her for one more second before his eyes traveled down to the folder she had shoved onto him. He grabbed the folder, took a step back, finally threw away the empty water bottle in his hands, and then placed the folder on the kitchen island – the same place where he and Pepper had shared many enjoyable, late and early morning conversations while drinking coffee.
This did not seem to be one of them.
Pepper walked over to the living room and grabbed a tissue she instantly used to clean her face. She had just parked in their executive garage, moments ago, before she had stormed inside her former home. She was not sure how she was still standing up, how she had not murdered Tony Stark herself as soon as she had walked in, but she was somehow managing to keep herself together as much as she could. Perhaps, the therapy sessions had helped her manage her anger. Perhaps, this time, she would not burn down a building to calm her madness.
Tony opened up the folder and began reading the papers that were held inside. At first, he was not certain that he understood why the death certificate and medical records of James had made the ginger so upset. He had seen these documents before, when he had signed them. Even though he had not actually read them, he knew that all he had needed to know at the time was that his son was deceased.
He eyed the documents a few times, trying his best to find the piece of information that had set off his wife. When he failed to see anything of meaning other than the time and date of death of James, he swallowed hard and nervously looked back at her.
"You don't see it, do you? Or are you trying to pretend that you didn't already know?" Pepper spat and walked back to him. "You can't deny it anymore, Tony. You are the reason why our son is dead!"
"I don't get it, Pepper," Tony replied and again quickly sorted through the papers, desperately trying to see what was out of place. "I don't see what you see here!"
"You mean you don't want to see it again. You've already seen it before. You just chose to let me out of knowing the truth."
"What truth, Pepper? Just tell me what you're talking about!"
Pepper's tears returned to her, but instead of wiping them away, she let them flow down her face so that Tony knew that she was beyond keeping at bay what she felt. She then sorted through the papers herself until she found the one she had hacked from the S.H.I.E.L.D. database just hours ago while she had been trying to bring closure for herself regarding the death of her son by reviewing the forensic data S.H.I.E.L.D. had ran on their son. Digital forensics was her area of specialty, and majoring in said subject had allowed her to do what she had done: uncover the real cause of her son's death.
She singled out said paper, pointed to Tony's signature on it, and then read the final disclosure aloud.
"The cause of death of James Howard Stark, age 8 months, was due to a genetic disease inherited from his father: Anthony Edward Stark. James Howard Stark died of complications of Extremis, and while Anthony Edward Stark is the carrier of said virus and passed it on to his son, he will not be charged with involuntary manslaughter due to the nature of the virus at the time of conception."
The redhead took a deep breath to continue reading, but not before she spared the stunned inventor a glance.
"With my signature," she sniffled, "I agree that I have read and understood the information provided in this document, and that I will thus not seek legal recourse to regain my right to procreate. I, Anthony Edward Stark, solemnly agree to never conceive another child, and shall I fail to do so, I will be immediately placed under arrest and charged with the crime of child abuse, manslaughter, and failure to comply with a legal binding contract with the World Security Council, given to me on their behalf by S.H.I.E.L.D. on this, the 20th of December of the year in course. Signed: Tony Stark."
Tony's gaze went from Pepper's face to her finger on the paper, back and forth several times. He was reading the information, he was hearing it from her, and while his signature on the document denoted that he should had been aware of these facts a long time ago, he could not recall for the life of him when, how and why S.H.I.E.L.D. had even gotten involved in his son's death. He did not remember signing the document. He did not even remember reading it all or being in the presence of Nick Fury. Then again, he did not remember much of those days following his son's death. It was highly possible then, that he had agreed to this or other, worse things while his mind had been trying to block the outside world to deal with the loss of his child.
"This is what happens when you lie," Pepper slammed a yellow envelope on the kitchen island. "This is what happens when you lie and keep secrets from the ones you love, Tony. If… if you had told me about Extremis sooner… if we had monitored Jimmy because of it…"
"He'd still be alive," Tony finished for her and gulped.
"Yes," Pepper agreed. "He'd still be alive. And you and I… we-we would have still had a chance… to be together. A chance to work things out."
"But we don't," he stared directly into her eyes. "We don't anymore."
"No," she shook her head and held back a sob. "We don't."
Tony watched her as she took off a necklace from herself, and then laid it on top of the envelope she had just handed him. It only took two seconds for Tony to realize what the necklace held, and one more second for him to understand what the large envelope contained. And it took him only half of one more second to realize that Pepper had just left him again – and that his appointment for tomorrow with her in Loraine's office was never going to take place.
A/N: This is the last chapter that ends with Tony/Pepper angst, I promise. I said it would only be for a couple of chapters and this is the second. Chapter 3 will have some angst but it will get resolved, and from then on, our favorite couple will start seeing things as they really are.
Please don't forget to review. Every review saves a dust bunny in need! A link to Pepper's new haircut (just imagine it to be red, please) can be found on my profile :) Can't wait to hear from you!