"To love is to suffer.
To avoid suffering one must not love.
But then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore, to love is to suffer;
not to love is to suffer;
to suffer is to suffer.
To be happy is to love.
To be happy, then,
is to suffer,
but suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be happy one must love
or love to suffer
or suffer from too much happiness."
~Woody Allen~
I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working
At a nine to five pace I wonder how bad that tastes
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car
And did it ever get you far
You never seemed so tense love I've never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are
And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can't look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and you sing along but you never tell T
hen you're the fool, I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it puts you through hell
~Give you hell~
All American Rejects
"So, where did you and Jake go?"
I looked at her over my shoulder, sighing in annoyance at her oblivious nature.
Fucking idiot.
Be nice.
Haven't we been over this?
Fuck off.
Biting my lip as I tried to suppress my annoyance, I bit out a forced smile - shrugging. "No where. Just a walk."
She smiled lightly, yet trepidation seemed to overcome her features, even though she covered it up in a matter of seconds, I couldn't deny that I saw it - knowing that she had observed something with her pregnant intuition.
Bloody pregnant intuition.
She slipped her thin hand onto my shoulder, her head cocking to the side lightly. "Are you okay?" She murmured, her eyebrows furrowing as her question mulled over my thoughts that were buttered in annoyance.
Was I okay?
Is she serious?
I was watching my cousin die, my boyfriend hit on her and then explain to me about this imprunting shit and when I ask if he himself had imprunted, he just stripped his shorts off and turned into a wolf.
Was I okay?
No.
I'm pretty sure I wasn't.
Going insane?
I'm pretty sure I was.
Look, I'm not a grammar expert - but wasn't it imprinting?
Oh, shut up.
Is that the best comeback you can come up with?
I feel like you need something fresh.
I feel like you need to be cut out.
Biting my lip, and my dignity, and my anger, as a matter of fact, I looked back at her pleading brown eyes and I sighed, turning around to her as I pushed her lightly back into her position on the couch, putting the pillow underneath her to cushion her sore back. "I'm fine, Bells. Listen, are you hungry?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm, urgh, a bit thirsty though."
I rolled my eyes. "You could have just said that. I'm not Sherlock fucking homes, Bella."
She flushed crimson, a small smile tugging at her lips as I got up from my position on the couch but before I could move, Edward got up from where he was sitting, smiling lightly, yet it seemed that the smile was to reassure Bella, if anything.
"I'll get it."
Bella smiled, before her eyes went wide before shutting tightly in agony as her fingers dug into my skin and I gasped in pain as her nails drew blood, and she screamed out, throwing her head back as I watched her body thrash against the couch - my eyes going wide in confusion as I watched her torso thrash a bit more before it stopped suddenly, her whole body tense yet trembling as I heard her small sobs.
"Bel-"
Edward had her in his arms in a second, and I watched as all the fangs dashed up the stairs, except for Alice and Jasper. Jasper seemed visibly repulsed, yet his dark eyes burned with unspoken fire as he watched the last of the family disappear up the stairs. Alice's tiny body moved over to him, walking ever so gracefully that it almost looked like she was walking across the room without touching the floor, being carried by the air itself.
She touched his arm in a loving touch, and even the motion seemed to make me want to turn away from the embrace between the two, feeling almost as if I was disrupting their intimate moment, something that no one else should witness - something that belonged to them.
Emmett came down the stairs, his dark eyes searching the three of us until he found Jasper. "Jazz, they need you up there. The morphine's not fast enough."
Jasper nodded, not saying a word before disappearing - a look of despair encrusted onto the perfect features of Alice Cullen before they were wiped away, a neutral look becoming her face and she closed her eye, shaking her head.
"It must be driving you insane," I murmured, and she looked up - probably assuming that I was talking to her as no one else was in the room.
Unless she thought I had an imaginary friend.
Then this just got very awkward.
Very, very awkward.
Like it's not awkward enough with a future seeing vampire/elf.
I wonder if she's missed at Santa's little workshop?
I'm so, so fucking funny.
Hilarious.
Alice cocked a brow, surprised that I was actually trying to make conversation with her.
What can I say, I didn't like her.
She's just ... annoying.
Yet she nodded reluctantly. "Yeah. It's not easy seeing Bella like that."
I rolled my eyes. "I meant not being able to see the future."
She smiled, a breathtaking smile. "Yeah. It's scary."
I shook my head, sitting back down. "Maybe that's because the future isn't meant to be seen. It doesn't do any good to dwell on it."
"Didn't think you were the kind to have infinite wisdom."
I smirked, watching as she sat beside me. "I'm just filled with surprises."
She smirked. "I guess you and Bella have that in common."
I smiled, shaking my head. "The only thing, actually."
Alice turned to me, shaking her head. "You have more in common then you think."
Alice jumped up from her position, going to the door, opening it before he could walk in. There stood Jacob, shirtless, and a dishevelled look on his face while his eyes were on the stairs. She nodded. "Hey, wolf."
"Hey, shortie. What's going on upstairs?"
She shrugged her pointy little shoulders. "Maybe another break." She tried to say the words casually, yet I could tell she was having trouble with this - just as Jacob and Edward were. Alice loved Bella, too.
"Another rib?" He asked hoarsely.
"No. Pelvis this time."
Oh, just the pelvis?
Your sarcasm is bordering on stupidity.
That's the highest form of sarcasm.
Jake saw me, pushing past Alice and I stood as he wrapped an arm around me possessively, yet gentle as if he didn't want to hurt me.
As if that could happen, you would just beat him with a bat.
Alice made a face. "Edward's going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think. I'm surprised she doesn't see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him."
"I'll take Emmett," He offered, and I smacked his chest.
"You can help Edward with the ripping part."Alice half-smiled.
The procession came down the stairs then—Edward had Bella this time. She was gripping her cup of blood in both hands, and her face was white. I could see that, though he compensated for every tiny movement of his body to keep from jostling her, she was hurting.
"Jake," she whispered, and she smiled through the pain.
He looked to the ground, his arms tightening around me as if he was trying to stop himself, restrain himself in some way. Edward placed Bella carefully on her couch and sat on the floor by her head. I wondered briefly why they didn't leave her upstairs, and then decided at once that it must be Bella's idea. She hated the hospital room up there.
I couldn't go in there anymore - it was nauseating.
Carlisle came down slowly, the last one, his face creased with worry. It made him look old enough to be a doctor for once."Carlisle," Jake said. "We went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack. You're good to go."
"Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There's much that we need." His black eyes flickered to the cup that Bella was holding so tight.
I smiled up at Jake. "Honestly, I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push."
Carlisle nodded in agreement. Jake looked surprised, even stunned that Carlisle was trusting him like that. "If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa—"
"Not a chance," Rosalie hissed. "Emmett can go with you now."
"You should hunt," Carlisle said in a gentle voice.
His tone didn't soften hers.
"I'll hunt when he does," she growled, jerking her head toward Edward and then flipping her hair back.
I looked to Rose, cocking a brow. "Are you sure, Rose? Jake's here, he wouldn't let anything happen to Bella, would you Jake?"
Jake's jaw locked, his features hardening. "I would keep her safe. From anything."
Rosalie nodded, while I looked away from him - disappointed. "Exactly. You would rip the baby away from her if you could."
Carlisle sighed.
Jasper and Emmett were down the stairs in a flash, and Alice joined them by the glass back door in the same second. Esme flitted to Alice's side.
Carlisle put his hand on Jakes arm. "Thank you," he said again, and then he darted out the door with the other four.
My eyes followed them as they flew across the lawn and then disappeared before I took another breath. Their needs must have been more urgent than I'd imagined.
Jake watched them leave, as did I, but I ripped my eyes away from them to look up to Jake - biting my lip. "Go get some sleep, Jake. "
He looked down at me , about to open his mouth when Rosalie cut in. "Ew. Someone put the dog out," she murmured, wrinkling her nose.
"Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cells die?"
She didn't say anything.
"Well?" He asked. "Do you know the punch line or not?"
She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored him.
"Has she heard it?" Jake asked Edward.
There was no humor on his tense face—he didn't move his eyes from Bella. But he said, "No."
"Awesome. So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker—a blonde's brain cells die alone."
I really needed to teach him some new jokes.
Get him a blonde joke book for Christmas - it'll do the world some good.
Rosalie still didn't look at him. "I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that."
"Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that."
I rolled my eyes. "Enough, children. I'll put you in the corner if you don't behave, Rose - and you, Jake, I'll put you in the dog house. Now, go up to my bedroom and get some sleep."
He shook his head. "One day, those jokes are going to get really old, Anna."
My Jokes?
Get old?
That's like saying chocolate will get disgusting.
That's impossible!
I shook my head. "Impossible. Now hurry up and go get some sleep before I get a leash."
I am so fucking funny, let's all admit it.
Your so fucking insane, lets all admit it.
He shook his head before pressing his lips to my forehead in a sign of affection and I basked in the moment, and a little part of me, okay, a huge part of me wanted to go up to Bella and do the victory dance in her face.
Like I said, it's only a part of me.
Okay, I was having a hard time restraining myself.
You need help.
I watched him trudge up the stairs, and I ran a hand through my hair as I tried to wipe the smug smirk on my face as I sat down, looking at Bella as I sighed. "Feeling Better."
She nodded. "The bloods helping."
"He look tired," Bella commented.
"Dead beat," I admitted.
"I'd like to beat him dead," Rosalie muttered, and I threw her a glare.
"Rose," I warningly said, but she just rolled her eyes, turning back to the TV that was doing a report about STD's.
This place just couldn't get awkward.
Great, now Jake's going to run down the stairs awkward and you'll hate yourself for saying that it couldn't get more awkward.
Because it will.
Because the Universe hates you that much.
Bella smiled weakly, leaning back in the couch. I observed her, and my eyebrows furrowed as she played with Edwards hair - a small, coy smile on her face as he chuckled.
She bore no sign, not even an indication, that she still felt that way for Jake. It was like a friend's concern, not a lover's.
Yet it still annoyed the crap out of me.
And then Edward said, "Did you say something?" in a puzzled tone. Strange.
My eyebrows furrowed as he turned to me, his eyes narrowed questionably. "Anna? Did you say anything?"
I shook my head, and he shook his - turning to stare at Bella, and she was staring back. They both looked confused.
"Me?" she asked after a second. "I didn't say anything."
He moved onto his knees, leaning forward over her, his expression suddenly intense in a whole different way. His black eyes focused on her face."What are you thinking about right now?"
She stared at him blankly. "Nothing. What's going on?"
"What were you thinking about a minute ago?" he asked.
"Just… Esme's island. And feathers."
Sounded like total gibberish to me, but then she blushed, and I figured it was something dirty. Really, really dirty.
Next thing you know, she'll be talking about a strippers pole and that one time with a walrus.
Lets face it, Anna, we knew this day would come.
"Say something else," he whispered.
"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"
His face changed again, and he did something that made my mouth fall open with a pop. I heard a gasp behind me, and I knew that Rosalie was back, and just as flabbergasted as I was.
Oh, yeah, she had gone to get blood.
Forgot to pay attention.
Edward, very lightly, put both of his hands against her huge, round stomach."The f—" He swallowed. "It…the baby likes the sound of your voice."
I watched the interaction with a tense body, my eyes narrowed as I waited for him to do something that would indicate he was about to rip her open. "Holy crow, you can hear him!"Bella shouted. In the next second, she winced.
Edward's hand moved to the top peak of her belly and gently rubbed the spot where it must have kicked her."Shh," he murmured. "You startled it…him."
"Her," I muttered out of habit, and I stared on in wonder as I looked to Edward - whom was now smiling ever so slightly. Her eyes got all wide and full of wonder.
She patted the side of her stomach."Sorry, baby."
Edward was listening hard, his head tilted toward the bulge."What's he thinking now?" I demanded eagerly, and Bella nodded.
"It… he or she, is . . ."
She!
I knew it!
I fucking knew it!
He paused and looked up into her eyes. His eyes were filled with a similar awe—only his were more careful and grudging. "He's happy," Edward said in an incredulous voice.
Her breath caught, and it was impossible not to see the fanatical gleam in her eyes. The adoration and the devotion. Big, fat tears overflowed her eyes and ran silently down her face and over her smiling lips.
She turned to me, just for a second and I grasped at her hand as I felt tears brimming my eyes, both of us giggling uncontrollably and I could hear Rose moving closer. As he stared at her, his face was not frightened or angry or burning or any of the other expressions he'd worn since their return. He was marvelling with us.
"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are," she crooned, rubbing her stomach while the tears washed her cheeks. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy."
"What did you call him?" Edward asked curiously.
She blushed again. "I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want…well, you know."
"EJ?"
"Your father's name was Edward, too."
"Yes, it was. What—?" He paused and then said, "Hmm."
"What?"
"He likes my voice, too."
"Of course he does." Her tone was almost gloating now. "You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"
I smirked. "Jacob, maybe. Or, you know, any normal and sane person who hates sparkling vampires."
He turned to me, amused as his eyes - still sparkling in awe - looked back to her stomach. "It seem's he likes you, Anna."
Me?
He likes me?
"Do you have a backup plan?" Rosalie asked then, leaning over the back of the sofa with the same wondering, gloating look on her face that was on Bella's.
"What if he's a she?"
Bella wiped the back of her hand under her wet eyes. "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme. I was thinking… Ruh-nez-may."
"Ruhnezmay?"
"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"
Fuck yeah!
That's like a death scentence - that kids going to die with that name!
I shook my head. "Bella, that's fucking weird."
"No, I like it," Rosalie assured her. Their heads were close together, golden haired contrasting with Bella's mahogany. "It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits."
"I still think he's an Edward."
Edward was staring off into space, his face blank as he listened."What?" Bella asked, her face just glowing away. "What's he thinking now?"
At first he didn't answer, and then—shocking all the rest of us again, three distinct and separate gasps—he laid his ear tenderly against her belly."He loves you," Edward whispered, sounding dazed. "He absolutely adores you."
And the smiles all got wider.
I laughed, kissing Bella's cheek in jubilance as I clapped my hands together - jumping off the couch as I grabbed Rose's hands, twirling her around in a victory dance.
"WE HAVE A HEALTHY BABY! WE HAVE A HEALTHY BABY!" I shouted, laughing as Rose giggled. "WITH A CREATIVE MIND! IT'LL BE A GENIUS!"
Please stop twirling - it's weird.
I stopped twirling, still gleeful. "CHAMPAGNE FOR ALL!"
Vampires can't drink champagne.
Bella can't even drink it - she's pregnant.
Anna, you just offered a heavily pregnant woman alcohol.
That's just sick.
Don't ever have children.
"OKAY, BLOOD FOR ALL!"
Here is another chapter for you all!
Where has everyone gone? I feel alone.
Or more so, abandoned.
Anyways, I'm just letting you know that I am basking in your reviews, as always, you guys are so brilliant and sweet. Just wanted to let you know that this story has a long way more to go, so don't get sick of it yet.
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