"It is important not to suppress your feelings altogether when you are depressed. It is equally important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally damaging behavior. People forgive, but it is best not to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is required. When you are depressed, you need the love of other people, and yet depression fosters actions that destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene. One is not helpless."
Andrew Solomon,
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression
Share my life, take me for what I am
'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you T
ake my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide
Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me I have nothing,
nothing,
nothing
If I don't have you,
you,
you,
you,
you
You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love
I never knew love like I've known it with you
Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide
Your love I'll remember forever
Oh, don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me I have nothing,
nothing,
nothing
Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me, no
Don't walk away from me
Don't you dare walk away from me
I have nothing,
nothing,
nothing
If I don't have you,
you If I don't have you,
oh you
~I have nothing~
Whitney Houston
RIP
What's taking so long?
I looked down at Nessie, biting my lip as I tried to peer outside but I couldn't se anything other then Jacob's back turned to me and the slight bronze tinge to Edwards hair. I couldn't see Bella, nor could I see what they were doing. I shook my head, shrugging as I looked down at the sparkling eyes of my niece - well, second cousin/goddaughter/adoptive-hamster.
Adoptive hamster?
Are you compensating for the death of Salvatore Nepolian Hamickins the 9th?
Well, it was a traumatising event.
Now, leave me alone and lets get back to the drama.
Nessie smacked at my face, her eyes beckoning me to pay attention towards her and I looked back down at her, narrowing my eyes. "Oi, little lady. We do not hit, understand?"
I swear in my reprimanding, she narrowed her eyes ever so slightly and I looked back up to see if I could see anything else, before I looked back, Rose looking nervously at Nessie - pursing her lips before she met my eyes.
I sighed, reluctantly handing Nessie over and Rose's whose face animated, brightening as Nessie touched her face affectionately and a beaming smile shone on her face and I stood up, wanting to get a better view to make sure my boyfriend hadn't been killed by a sadistic new vampire that happened to be my cousin who was ripped apart by my goddaughter.
God, I have a really complicated life.
I should probably be on Day's of our Lives.
They'd kick you off ten minutes into it.
True, true.
I stepped forward, stretching my neck only to see Jake's clenched fists and I bit my lip, annoyance flushing through me. Why couldn't I just see if Bella was tearing any limbs off? That's all I was asking for!
I wasn't having a good day.
My view was still blocked off by some of the people that were surrounding Bella and I narrowed my eyes. Not thinking, I went outside - not worrying about the possibility of being drained y a sadistic vampire, no, I just wanted to see her again.
I was kind of hoping she would have some deformity.
It would make me feel an awful lot better about myself.
As soon as I touched the ground, I was in Jacobs arms and Jasper, Edward, and Emmett were all holding Bella back who's bottom lip twitched while she looked at me curiously, her head cocked.
She was perfect.
Brilliant.
The Universe couldn't make her ugly, and monstrous for me could they?
They had to make her fucking perfect!
I hated life.
Way to make my self esteem plummet to the earth, become set on fire and then have a nuclear missile filed at it - exploding it into billions of tiny pieces before a vacuum sucks them all up.
Shouldn't you be worrying about other things? Like, getting eaten?
Oh, shut up conscience. Your such a worry wart. That's all you do; 'Anna, you talking to much. Anna, your near vampires, get out of there. Anna, a sadistic vampire is going to devour you.' Lighten up, your fucking annoying me, and not to mention - you bring the mood down.
Well, get killed then.
See if I care.
You make no sense, weirdo.
I felt Jakes grip on me tighten, and I smiled at Bella, as she did back and the Cullen's seemed puzzled by the fact that Bella had not killed me off yet. I was kind of surprised to.
"Anna,"
Fuck, even her voice is better than mine.
Why doesn't the Universe just give me a T-shirt that says 'not better than vampire cousin.'
I smiled. "You've changed a bit, Bells. Loose some weight?" I asked, a laugh escaping me. "Become a vampire?"
I couldn't help it.
I'm just too fucking funny.
She smiled, and then I felt all sense of happiness I had just felt be pulled from me as I saw the unimaginable beauty that shone from her dazzling white teeth.
Fuck.
Me.
In.
The.
Buttocks.
Not really, I'm not into that kind of ... stuff.
But I am.
*Wiggles non-exsistant eyebrows*
I'm not going to say I'm surprised.
Because then I would be lying.
Bella looked at the men who were holding her back. "I can handle it. I promise. Just keep close to me."
Jasper looked at her, his eyes narrowed and scrutinising - almost as if he was waiting for her to loose control and lunge at me.
But Bella didn't.
She maintained her composure, and I looked up at Jake - his face was hardened as I put my hand to his cheek, and he looked down - his face composed of nothing but anger.
I was so in trouble.
He was going to yell.
"Uhm, can you let me down."
"No."
I bit my lip. "Can you just-"
"No."
"Jacob, let me down."
He wouldn't even look at me. "No."
"Jacob Black," I hissed, my nails digging into his skin. "Let. Me. Down."
And he dropped me.
I groaned, getting up from the floor and Jake stepped in front of me, puffing out his chest.
Men.
I stood on my tip toes, biting my lip as I peered over Jakes shoulder before I rolled my eyes, moving around him. "Jake, I can't see."
Bella stepped forward hesitantly, and that's when I noticed the eyes. They were nothing like the eyes inherited by the Swan women - no, they were those of absolute evil. It seemed instead of chocolate filling her orbs, blood had replaced it - circling her eyes, making her seem all the more frightening.
And then she sniffed the air.
Jasper was once again holding her, and she looked to me - her eyes beckoning me forward, just as her daughter had doe mere moments ago and I stepped forward, only to be restricted by Jake. I rolled my eyes, turning back to him and I pursed my lips.
"Let me go. She's not going to hurt me, Jake."
Jake loosened his grip on me, but his hands circled themselves around my waist. "She's beautiful. She has been asking for you, and Edward." Bella stepped forward again, her eyes wide as I described her daughter. "She has your eyes, and Edwards hair. It's down to her shoulders now. Rose is obsessed with it - won't put down the hair brush. Her favourite toy is my hair. She's pulled it out - seventeen and a half times. She has a disciplinary problem. You should probably get on to that."
Bella chuckled, her voice thick. "Can I see her?"
"Urgh, let me just try something." I murmured, but I knew she had heard it. It was impossible for her not to have heard it.
I stepped closer to her, Jake's arms still wrapped around me and I came closer - trying to ignore him. Bella's eyes grew, if possible, even wider and within seconds, we were inches apart.
And then, as if my insanity overcame me, I hugged her.
A crazed, new born, thirsty vampire.
My cousin.
I felt her go limp in the embrace, and I sighed - trying to find my cousin within this perfect body. She didn't smell like Bella anymore.
She smelt of them.
I didn't hear her breathing, and I rolled my eyes. "Breath Bella. If you kill me, then we won't let you hold Nessie."
She stepped back, her eyes wide. "Nessie? You named my daughter after the Loch Ness MONSTER!"
And then she lunged.
Jake ripped me away, throwing me into mid-air and into the side of the house.
And I'm serious.
He threw me.
I hit the ground, my head connecting with a rock and I groaned as I felt a searing pain go up my side, my hand going to my ribs before I felt something cold trickle down my face. I tried to open my eyes, but it was blurred - the pain overcoming me as I tried to move, but I just couldn't.
And that's when I became lost in the darkness.
"Three broken ribs..."
"...could have done serious damage..."
"wake up..."
"...Anna? Anna? Antoinette Swan, wake up."
Someone who wasn't suffering from insanity probably would have been freaked out that their werewolf boyfriend threw them into a house, and then their vampire cousin tried to kill them.
For me, it was a normal day.
A very, very normal day.
Groaning, I wished the voices away with everything that I processed - wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep, and ignore the world in which was seemingly causing me so much drama. All I wanted to do was have a good hour of sleep, then wake up and watch old re-runs of friends.
Is that too much to ask?
Yes.
Yes, it is.
I opened my eyes to Carlisle leaning over me, and I groaned - as I tried to close my eyes again, wanting to go back asleep but apparently the Universe didn't like me that much today.
"Are you okay?"
"How are you feeling?"
Just peachy, actually. I didn't just nearly get killed by my cousin and werewolf boyfriend, who I didn't hear grovelling for my forgiveness anywhere. So yeah, I'm just fucking great.
No pent up anger here.
Oh, shut it you fucking bitch slagging whore.
"Would you all shut up," I snapped, anger filling me as I opened my eyes, confronted with the swirling colours that was the Cullen's and their designer clothes. As soon as my vision became un-blurred, Carlisle slowly helped me up and I narrowed my eyes as I saw Bella, whom was being held back by Jasper and Edward - Emmett idly watching on the sidelines with a cheeky, devilish grin on his face - his dimples pocking through his marble like skin.
"Anna, I'm so, so sorry."
"Your sorry?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing as my fits clenched - fury filling me as I wondered what she was sorry about. Maybe it was the flirting with my boyfriend, or maybe it was getting me involved in all this shit - or maybe it was just the fact that she had managed to ruin everything. I couldn't stop myself from telling her what I really thought of her stupid hair, and her stupid life and her stupid husbad and her stupid, stupid, stupid fucked upexcuse for a relationship with Jacob Black. "YOUR SORRY!"I screeched, wondering why I hadn't done this before. Wondering why the hell I hadn't yelled at her before.
She was in a delicate state.
Oh, yeah, she was pregnant while flirting with my boyfriend!
This bitch has it coming.
"You ruined everything," I shouted, tears pooling in my eyes as my throbbing head distract me. "We were doing just fine without you here! You should have stayed on your fucking honeymoon! And then you come home, and your fucking pregnant! AND I STAYED WITH YOU! And then Jake finds out, and your all like 'Oh, Jake, I love Edward, but I love Jacob. I love Edward, but I want Jacob. Oh, god - EDWARD, FERTILISE ME WITH YOUR DEMONIC VAMPIRE SPERM!'" I shouted, and grabbed the closest thing I could find - now glad that I had played baseball for most of my childhood and my hand enclosed around the rock, ignoring the searing pain that came up my left side and then, I did what I wanted to do since I was a child.
I threw a rock at her.
And it hit her in the face, splitting in half.
Satisfied?
No.
"THE ONLY REASON YOU WANTED TO BECOME A VAMPIRE WAS SO YOU AND EDWARD CAN HAVE SOME KIND OF HORNY VAMPIRE SEX!" I screeched, grabbing another rock despite the pain that my conscience was reminding me of. "YOUR NOT EVEN THAT PRETTY! YOUR EYE'S ARE ALL FUCKED UP AND AND YOUR UGLY! And you made that whole scene by having a vampire child - it's like, urgh, hello - the rest of us have problems as well! We can't all be focused on your pathetic excuse for a life, and how in your innocence you didn't realise that when you have sex, you get PREGNANT! You fucking idiot, what did you think happened! Or did you just fall over and slip on Edwards tiny little erect penis that has little red pubic hair and you got like tangled in it and you were like 'oh, help! I'm getting pregnant!' AND BANG! EDWARDS SPERM FERTILISED SOME TINY LITTLE EGGS AND THEY TRAVELED DOWN YOUR FALLOPIAN TUBES AND BANG! YOU HAVE A FUCKING FAST GROWING, HALF DEMENTED VAMPIRE BABY!"
Did you have to give everyone a sex ed lesson?
SHUT UP!
"AND THEN THERE'S NESSIE! IF ANYONE, I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE KEEPING YOU AWAY! YOU DON'T DESERVE HER. YOU AND EDWARD NEVER DESERVED HER - YOUR JUST SELFISH! YOUR JUST A SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE, FUCKING TWAT!" I could feel the tears roll down my face as I clutched at my side, gasping for air. But I couldn't stop there, I couldn't stop myself as much as I tried. "You ruined everything. And I wish you had never woken up."
Heres another chapter for you guys.
Sorry you guys haven't gotten a update in a while on the Alchemists Legacy but Ive been busy. I told you I would be busy. And I have been seriously fucking busy. I've actually, I know, I know, don't kill me - working on another story. This is it's summary;
Reading Kama Sutra on a Friday night while her boss screamed to the high heavens was a normal Friday night for muggle Kate Watling. Waking up in Sirius Blacks bed was not.
So, what do you guys think?
And, just want to say - how horrible was it that Whitney Houston died. My thoughts go out to her poor daughter, who must be absolutely devestated.
I also just wanted to say, thankyou to all my reviewers who have stukc by me throughout this whole story. I love you so much, and I really hope you know that. It makes you special when you make someone happy, and I'm really glad I'm the person you decided to make happy. And always a huge thank you to my new reviewers, you make my day with your brilliant words.
Anyways, how has everyone been? I hope everythings all good and well in reality, and I will see you soon.
Well, I won't actually see you.
Well, you never know, the world is a big place.
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!