"Being powerful is like
being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
~Margaret Thatcher~
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
(Yeah I'm) Falling from cloud 9
I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself - nooohooo
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Outta the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end
Pre-Chorus:
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
(Yeah I'm) Falling from cloud 9
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I am trying to hold on
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm not blind anymore...I'm wide awake
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
(Yeah I'm) Falling from cloud 9
(Oh now I'm) Falling from cloud 9
It was outta the blue, I'm
Crashing from the high
(Yeah) I'm letting go tonight
Letting go of illusion
(Now I'm) Falling from cloud 9
~Wide Awake~
Katy Perry
"Ah, my Renesmee!"
With outstretched arms, and her fists clenching in and out - Renesmee asked for me as she tried to move from Roses arms. I smiled as she I took my little girl, giggling lightly as she put her hand up to my face - showing me what I had missed over the past day.
She had spent time with her mother, and Bella was a consistent in what she retold - apparently she held Nessie just right, just as she liked it. She brushed Nessie's hair, and played with her blocks - she was the perfect Mama. I felt a smile pull over my face as I saw a frazzled Esme holding her mangled silverware, her face contorted in absolute and utter horror that you would think, just by looking at her perfectly moulded face, she had just witnessed something absolutely heinous.
Like going to McDonalds for a salad.
It's like going to a Prostitute for a hug - you just don't do it!
You just had to ruin my musings, didn't you conscience?
You love me for it!
Excuse me while a vomit.
I smiled again as I saw Rose changing Nessie, her hands swiftly disposing of the diaper and she smiled in victory as she ran a hand through her hair (In an Anna type of fashion) and she smiled down at her small niece. And then, like a child realising that there was no Santa, she looked to her side and an expression of disgust overcame her as she saw the brown, blackish sort of substance stuck to her honey coloured hair.
It really was like watching a baby or a cat on YouTube.
You just know that it will be a good watch.
I smiled as I looked at my perfect little Loch Ness Monster, and I pressed my lips to her cheek - in which warmed at my touch - and I giggled, tickling her sides as her tinkling laughter echoed throughout the house. She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck as I surveyed how much she had grown in the time that I had left.
It was astonishing.
Her hair, once again, was longer and although impossible, it seemed as if she was heavier and longer in my arms than she was yesterday. I brushed a stray curl out of her face as I kissed her again, smiling at my little vampiric baby as I sat down with her - picking up one of her mangled spoons that she had twisted and curved.
I looked up at Esme, cocking a brow. "What happened to not touching the silverware? I thought you were saving them for Her Majesty herself."
Esme rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she sat beside me - her hand going to the crown of her granddaughters head. "This little one is better than the Queen."
I scoffed. "Okay, Esme."
Nessie turned to me, her brown eyes puzzled and quizzical as she put her hand back up to my cheek - questioning what I meant by that as if she had picked up on my tone in which was dripping with the venomous sarcasm that is now infused in most of the words that leave my mouth. I smiled down at her, shaking my head I leant on her curls as a pillow - my eyes drooping.
"Tired?" Someone asked, and I nodded - trying not to succumb to the darkness yet it was hard when Nessie had her hand on my arm - showing me everything she was thinking.
Was that George Bush?
Why the hell would Renesmee, my half vampire-half human second cousin be thinking about fucking George Bush?
Everyone thinks about George Bush.
And his chin.
Urgh.
Sometimes, I wonder about you.
Us.
Maybe I should stop talking to you.
Well, that's a bit mean. Just ignoring me? I'm not that wart on your ass.
I do not have a wart on my arse!
Remember, young one, I know all.
What the hell are you talking about?
Okay, I'm slightly drunk.
I think I'm going crazy.
Yep.
I'm definitely crazy.
Yeah, you cray cray.
"I cleaned your room for you," Esme said, a small smile on her face as she brought me out of my battle with my conscience and I gave her a small smile.
Poor Esme.
I wonder if she found that piece of cheese I lost?
"Thanks, Mama Ez."
Esme turned to me, her eyes wide as she looked down at me. "What did you just call me?"
"Mama Ez, gurl, it's yow hood name!"
Oh, did I forget to mention that when I'm tired, I go slightly ghetto?
Yeah, that's right.
I don't know where it comes from.
I think it's my alter ego.
Maybe you should name her?
I'm not getting any more crazy, conscience.
Jake looked at me, an eyebrow cocked. "Okay, where did my girlfriend go and please, please bring her back!"
I laughed, brushing the hair out of my face as I kissed Nessie again as she woke up, stretching and rolling around as I put her on the ground back to her beloved silverware. I ran a hand through my hair, clearing my throat as I tried to wake myself up and rid myself of the deprivation of sleep in which was making everything blurred and upside down. As I went to sit back down, I felt a pain shoot through my ribs as I moved my sides and I felt a small, startled noise escape my lips.
"Anna," Jake said, his hands gripping at my sides as he tried to steady me. "We should get you to Carlisle. CARLISLE!"
I smiled, shaking my head at Jake. "I'm fine, Jake, and you're going to wake Ness up."
"I don't care - you're not fine," Jake murmured, his eyes flashing in anger as I tried to downplay the pain that had subsided as I tried not to move. "You broke ribs, Anna. You've been in pain - why haven't you said anything?"
I shrugged. "There's no need for it. I'm fine."
"You're a horrible liar," Jake said, a disapproving smile on his face and in that moment, I forgot that he was only sixteen. "Let me get you up to Carlisle, please."
I sighed, looking to my feet. "Anna,"
Turning, I felt a smile come over my lips as I saw Carlisle again. "Carlisle,"
"You shouldn't have run off," He said, and I had to curse Carlisle's good looks.
Even Ghetto Anna couldn't help but be swayed by his amazingly good looks.
Urgh, I'm living in a house of freaks!
Gorgeous, amazing freaks.
God, my self esteem will not recover. Ever.
"You need to stop running off before I have a chance to fix you," Carlisle said with a small smile on his lips.
I nodded, blowing the insides of my cheeks. "I'll try"
Before he could open his mouth to speak, Nessie chucked the mangled spoon she was holding to the floor - a beaming smile overcoming her features as she pointed to the glass, small noises coming out of her plump lips as Rose and Emmett, ever the graceful big friendly giant, hovered over her as if they were absorbed in every move she made.
You know, I loved Nessie as well but I wasn't that obsessed.
Everyone laughed as they watched the small vampiric baby, excluding myself and Jacob who seemed to have hardened and moved closer to me - as if he didn't trust my actions.
I wouldn't either.
And then there was Bella.
She was through the door before their laughter had even begun, scooping up her daughter in her arms and they both, like Cheshire cats, grinned broadly at each other as if they had not seen each other in weeks when really Bella had just left her daughter to fuck for the night.
That was when she noticed I was here.
She turned, her eyes wide as I saw her nostrils flaring and Jake shot up - his eyes narrowed as he stood in front of me, acting as a barrier of muscle infused fleshed. "Anna,"
"Bells," I murmured, standing up as I placed my hand on Jakes arm, trying to get him to move. "Fancy seeing you here,"
"Your back."
No shit Sherlock
I thought she was meant to be smart?
"It appears so,"
She stood there, and I stood here.
Awkwarddddddddd
You just made it more awkward.
That's not awkward! This is awkward!
Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle, Turtle.
…
I think my mind was just raped.
Or molested; I'm not sure.
I just feel so violated.
"Where did you go?"
I shrugged. "Hooters. Met a guy called James. Thought I was a lesbian, you know, cathartic stuff."
"You went to Hooters?" Edward asked, cocking a bushy brow and I wondered what he had hidden in those caterpillars - a new civilisation?
I put my hand up. "Dude, will you just shut the fuck up for one moment?"
"Could you not swear around Nes-Renesmee?" He hissed, his eyes narrowed. "She's absorbs everything."
"She tore her mother apart and then bit her - I'm sure she'll be fine with a tad bit of profanity."
I moved past Jacob a bit more, and finally got a good look at my cousin.
Well, if that's what I could call her.
She was completely different - I mean, if I squinted maybe I could see the same socially retarded, depressed girl that used to ignore me at family functions - but that I was only if I squinter, cocked my head and then looked at a photo of her.
They kind of had the same hair colour, I guess.
No - nope, even that was better.
I sighed. "Right, I'm sorry for what I said. I meant it, and I'm not going to take it back - but I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just …. tired."
Bella smiled, and although I knew that I would never see this again - I was half expecting her cheeks to warm in a blush, or that she would kind of stutter out a response and then just stand there - fidgeting yet she didn't do that at all. No, she stood - not fidgeting, but with a beaming, almost superficial, smile on her face that although I knew was only there because of the venom from Edwards poisonous teeth, I was still surprised by how elegant she looked considering what she was when she had blood running through her veins, and when she was … breathing.
This was going to take some getting used to.
"I know," Her tinkling voice said, breaking through the silence.
I nodded. "Okay, well, that's - urgh, well, good."
I didn't think that this sort of 'reuinion', if that's really what you could call it, would be this insanely and irrevocably awkward. I mean, I'm sure the word awkward was literally amde fro this moment in time - just so that I would be able to have a word that would be sufficient enough to explain the atmosphere that circulated the Cullens immacuately clean, beautifully decorated living room in that, although they were vampires and really had no need for food, smelt of Thanksgiving.
But it's so much bette rthan most peoples houses.
I mean, is it just me or am I the only one that thinks some people's houses smell like soup!
Yep, you're the only one.
You fucking freak.
I don't even know how it ends up smelling like that.
I bit my lip, wondering if I should try to make small talk about the weather or some shit like that.
And then my phone rang.
Thank fuck.
Jake shot me a look as I flipped it open, going outside into the cool autumn air and I shuddered. "Hello?"
"Anna?"
Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
Why - why did I have to have all the bad luck in the world thrust upon me? Did God just one day think 'oh, you know that girl - hmmm, whats her name - Ahh, that's it, Antionette Swan - yeah, that bitch is going to get fucked over this decade. Hehehehe'. And then he would laugh as he watched shit unfold over the span of the last decade.
My Mom was calling.
My mother - the woman whom created me, and then birthed me, but unlike most births, she fell asleep half way through and I was literally vacumed out.
Now I've got a fucked up shaped head.
It's all vacummie'.
There's no such thing as a 'vacummie' shaped head
THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN IT!
I just can't. I just can't.
My eyebrows furrowed. "Mom - Hey, uhm, hey, yeah."
"Why are you all stuttery?"
Stuttery?
I wasn't being stuttery!
I really wonder how you passed English.
I wonder how you exsist.
That was uncalled for.
It's always called for... bitch.
I cleared my throat, running a hand through my hair. "I am not stuttery!"
"Yes you are - you're acting like Bella."
Well, I couldn't argue with that.
"Mom, what do you want?" I asked, and I could just hear her getting annoyed.
"Antionette Swan, don't speak to my like that! It's disrespectful!"
I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?
Nope.
"Mom, I'm not being disrespectful - I'm just tired."
She sighed. "Your bloody ungrateful, Anna, I do so much-"
"Like what!" I asked.
SHE HAD FALLEN ASLEEP DURING BIRTH!
I HAVE A RIGHT TO UNGRATEFUL!
She paused. "You just are, now, put me on to Uncle Charlie."
Shit.
Shit, fuckity shit balls.
"Urgh, he's out fishing. Why, Mom, why do you want to talk to him?"
She let out a breath, and I could hear rummaging on the other end. "No reason. Just wanted to see if we could come up for the weekend-"
"You can't, Mom, not this weekend!" I said, my eyes wide as I tried to think of a lie. "A friends sleeping over this weekend, and she's a bit socially awkward."
"Who? What friend?"
"Vanessa - Nessie for short."
I said my goodbyes, and I sighed - the fact that I haven't slept in forty-eight hours finally getting to me as I came into the Cullens living room as I looked at everyone. Edmund was talking to Carlisle, while Jacob was secluded in the corner - not doing anything, nor saying anything.
And then there was Bella, who looked up when she saw me.
And then I just had to open my mouth.
"So, how was last night?" I asked her, cocking a brow. "Is Edward's penis the same?"
You shouldn't be allowed to talk.
I'M SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY
I know how long it's been, but I couldn't log in to Fanfiction whenever I wanted to update. It always came up with 'Internet Explorer is not working' or some crap like that and I'd have full internet connection.
Anyways, this is going to be a huge AN so feel free to leave now or you can stick around and read my devoted 'ANing'. So, whats been going on in my life?
Oh, you guys are so nice to ask
I PASSED ALL MY EXAMS! YAYAYAYAYAY
I know, AMAZING!
I was so happy to find out, and so basically I shut myself from civilisation the four weeks before exams, and studied my ass off. Joking, I studied the week before and basically any chance I got I was reading the Queens biography.
I know, I know - the Queens biography, you ask? My Mum gave it to me from a trip to Melbourne and first off I was kind of like - no new shoes?
But it's pretty good.
And, hey, The Queen's Jubilee - how amazing was that?
I don't really know what all the fuss is about Kate, but Oh, my God - Prince Harry is a god.
A ginger, ginger god.
Anyways, I've had a lot of health problems in the last six months - I actually, last week, just found it's called a Hiatus Hernia. UIt's where the stomach comes up through the esophagus, or something like that. Anyways, I have to get a camera down my throat to see whats down there.
And then last night, I went to go see Snow White and the Hunstman.
Oh, my god - i seriously felt like my mind was raped after that movie.
It was so bad - Charlize Theron had this brother who had this amazing haircut, but then was sort of a peadophile while Kristen Stewert was still stuttery and there were these weird fucking fairies or shit.
Anyways, don't go see it.
It was so bad.
Anyho, I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner.
An update will occur in the next two weeks, or maybe later today - it depends.
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