"I've learned that we're all entitled to have our secrets."
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I've lived a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try,
no I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe

I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables, yeah
Turning ohh

~Turning Tables~
Adele

"So, uhm, guys - we have a bit of a problem."

I rubbed the back of my neck as I looked at the golden, and red eyes looking up at me. I felt my stomach churn as if I was on death row, yet instead of being led to a lethal injection; I had eight venomous vampires looking at me, one vampire being, you know, tempremental and could bite my head off like she had tried to before.

Sigh.

Just tell them.

Should I just blurt it out then?

Eh, I don't know - just tell hem.

Okay, okay - here goes.

I opened my mouth to speak, yet I closed my mouth again.

Shit.

What do I say?

I don't know - just say it!

STOP PRESSURING ME!

Rosalie sighed, pursing her perfectly glossed plump lips. "What is it, Anna?"

Don't tell them you're a hermaphrodite. Don't tell them you're a hermaphrodite. Don't tell them you're a hermaphrodite. Don't tell them you're a hermaphrodite. Don't tell them you're a hermaphrodite. Don't tell them you're a hermaphrodite.

Why would you assume that I was going to tell them I am a hermaphrodite …. which I'm not.

Well, I don't think I do.

Oh, god.

I might be a hermaphrodite.

Holy shit.

What if my parents discovered when I was born that I was half boy/ half girl/ half mutant and all the while, in their haste of decision, thought 'hey, if we don't tell her she's got a penis inside of her, then maybe she won't notice' and then they raised me as a girl but then half way through adolescence, I start to … change.

Oh, god, I knew my diet wasn't normal.

I'm a man.

GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, WOMAN!

HOW CAN I! I HAVE A FUCKING PENIS!

How was I going to tell Jake? How was I going to tell him that his soul mate, however amazingly gorgeous she was on the outside, had a little problem on the inside.

Little? Excuse me, but if we have a penis - it would definitely not be little.

It would be huge.

Massive.

They would call it … Mt Peneverist - the Antionette Alps.

We would be the eighth wonder of the world.

Just imagine our life!

Wait, am I really thinking about being a Hermaphrodite? What am I even thinking! I have a vagina!

I'll remind you to make an appointment at the Gynaecologist.

...

Thank you.

I smiled softly, biting my lip.

Where was Jake? Had he just abandoned me after …. it happened?

It appears so, my ladyship.

Why are speaking like that?

.…

No reason.

"Urgh, don't worry," I said, as reassuring as I could in the situation I was in. "I'm not a hermaphrodite. Not that I know of, anyho."

"We know you're not a hermaphrodite, Anna," Bella said with a small smile, stifling a rather rude giggle.

I shook my head, muttering: "Do we? Do we?"

"Can you just get on with it," Emmett shouted as he stomped his surprisingly tiny foot in frustration, waving his controller in his hand. "My mission is on pause. I'm robbing a bank, Goddammit!"

I nodded. "Right, yeah, right. Urgh, okay, so you promise you won't freak out?"

No one said a thing.

Fuck. Me. In. the. Ass.

"Nes- Renesmee won't freak out," Alice said as she tapped her fingers against Jaspers leg.

I bet she's a tiger in bed.

Now, why you do that?

Go all dirty.

It's just your other personality shining through. Don't snap at me.

"Okay," I murmured, straightening out my jeans. "Hmm, okay, well, I kind of went to Charlies today-"

Bella shot up in the mention of her fathers name. "Charlie? Is he okay? Is he eating? Does he look sick?"

I bit my lip. "Well, urgh, he doesn't seem sick, so to say."

"So, why are we here?"

I looked to Jake in annoyance, rolling my eyes. "I'm cooking dinner for Charlie. I promised him I would."

Jake sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "Why do I have to come, though?"

I shrugged. "Moral support? Dishwashing buddy? Just because you're a sex God?"

Jakes face lit up, and he wrapped an arm around me - smothering me with kisses and I made some noises, pushing him away as I laughed, climbing the stairs as I knocked on the door. The door swung open with a flustered look Charlie - his police uniform slightly dishevelled and misplaced, his shirt sticking out of his open zipper while he ran a hand through his unruly hair.

"Urgh, Anna, what are you doing here?" He asked, clearing his throat numerous times and I cocked my brow as I pushed passed him.

I cocked a brow. "I'm cooking you dinner - we set it up last week?"

He nodded, his eyes drifting to the ground as he nodded once more, ruffling his hair as he gruffly turned around. "Well, I wasn't expecting you. You could have called, at the very least."

My eyebrows furrowed.

Call Charlie? And suffer through the impossibly awkward conversation that ensued where we'd talk about how nice the weather had been and what a shock it was to see that forks was, like always, still pissing down with buckets of rain.

No.

I was never, ever going to call my Uncle Charlie.

"Call you?" I asked as I put down the shopping bags full of groceries. "And say what? I came all the way down from," The Cullen's"… Seattle and this is how you treat me?"

Charlie mumbled a reply before he looked up and saw Jake standing next to me. "Jake - what're you doing here?"

Jake shrugged. "I'm just here because I'm getting food."

Charlie shrugged. "Well, I-"

"Charlie? Who was it?"

Coming down the stairs was a beautiful middle aged woman in my Uncle Charlies boxer shorts and loose Police shirt. Her hair was disheaveled and flying in all different directions while her lipstick, smeared and all over Charlies police top, stood out against her dark caramel skin - that almost resembled Jakes in some way.

Oh, my God.

Uncle Charlie has … sex.

Shit.

Fuck.

Oh-

"WHAT!" Bella screeched to the high heavens, her voice coated in disgust as Emmett, still impatient as ever, shook with laughter as if Bella finding out that her father - ever the bachelor - was still having sex was a funny thing.

And that set me off.

I was now trying to contain my giggles as Bella looked to her husband in horror, whom like everyone else in the room, was trying to stifle his laughter that was surely trying to consume him and burst from his perfect lips.

"I didn't even know- I mean, I never hear-" She shook her head, and for a moment I thought she was going to throw up all over Esme's beautiful clean and perfectly de-creased pure white carpet.

Actually, it's eggshell.

Who the fuck cares?

"Who was it?" She asked, and I could just hear the revulsion in her voice.

I bit my lip.

"Sue?" Jake asked, his voice filled to the brim with shock. "Sue Clearwater?"

And then she fell down the stairs.

"Oh, fuck!" I yelped as she hit the ground, showing, well, rather everything and I quickly hurried over to her - helping 'Sue Clearwater' up. Have I met her before?

Well, I haven't met her cunt before but I was just introduced to that so, well, lets say we are now on first name basis.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and her cheeks burnt bright red.

She nodded as she grasped at her head, shaking her head as profanities that I had never personally heard in my life spilled from her mouth like vomit. "I- we- We weren't expecting company."

I turned around, my eyes wide as I looked to Jake - whom had his hands over his eyes. "Urgh, is your thing - is your, you know, cat- thing away now."

"Her vagina?" I asked, and he shakily nodded. "Yep, it's away. Charlie, tend to your woman."

"Sue Clearwater?" Bella said, her eyes wide and did she just heave?

Yep, she did.

Someone get that girl a bucket.

I nodded. "And-and Charlie?"

I nodded again.

She cleared her throat. "And, well, vagina?

I nodded.

"CAN YOU JUST CONTINUE THE STORY!" Emmett shouted. "DID I NOT SAY THAT I WAS ROBBING A BANK IN THERE! I'M LOSING MY GAME!"

"That was really weird."

"That was really, really weird."

I swallowed. "Uncle Charlie he-he has sex."

Jake nodded, looking off into the distance as he shook his head. "I saw Sue Clearwaters vagina."

He shook his head as he turned to look at me. "I think it was staring at me."

I raised my eyebrows at my boyfriends whisper. "What?"

"Her … vagina."

I nodded. "They all do that."

He turned to me, one eyebrow cocked. "How do you know?"

I shrugged. "I visited many a pornsite in my day."

Jake chuckled, and I laughed with him as Sue and Charlie came back to us - Sue in Jeans and a long sleeved white dress shirt and she ran a hand through her hair as she nodded. "I'm sorry for what you had to see tonight."

Me too.

My eyes are forever burned.

But, you know, kudos to her - she works out.

Shut up, conscience.

"And, if it wouldn't be too hard, Jake - could you try and not mention this to Leah or Seth."

What, us seeing her vagina?

Jake nodded. "Believe me, I wouldn't ever want to vagina- I mean, Sue," He cleared his throat as he averted his eyes. "But, urgh, they might find out anyways."

Charlies eyebrows narrowed. "Why? Why would you tell them?"

Jake shook his head. "No, it's just that things get arou-"

"But, why would you tell them?" Charlie demanded. "Sue has asked you not to tell them-"

"Charlie, calm your farm - Jake just might let something slip, he would never mean to-"

Charlies eyes flashed in anger. "We're not ready to tell the kids, and yet you would deliberately disobey Sue's favour-"

"Charlie-" I started to say, laughing slightly as he started to overreact.

"You know, Jacob, you've really started to annoy me - you say you love Bella, you wreck havoc on her life and then when something new that comes to town that slightly resembles her - your jumpin' her, but I've had enough at you using my girls."

Okay, what the fuck was happening?

Jake, who seemed to be under the impression that Charlie was joking with him all up to when Charlie even mentioned me (well, I don't know if I should be offended that all I got was being called a 'something with a resemblance to Bella' if anything, please, Bella resembled me.). Yet when I was mentioned, Jake shot up like a fire had been started on the bottom of his chair and his eyes narrowed.

"Bella is nothing compared to Anna."

I like where this is going.

Please, please say more things like that.

I'm not going to argue with you conscience.

I really, in all honesty, don't know how we ended up outside.

But they were just kind of shouting at each other while I shared a cigarette with Sue.

She was turning out not to be just a good looking vagina.

I think she's a keeper.

"Do you think there going to open their zippers and start comparing penai next?" I asked, and she looked to me - her eyebrows furrowed.

"Penai?"

"Multiple penises," I murmured, and she nodded - yet I could see her eyes widening.

And then Jake started shaking.

"Yadayadayada, and then Jake phased in front of him." I said, concluding my story. "And so he's coming here now."

"What?"

"What!"

"WHAT!"

And then there was chaos.

Oh, how I love living with Vampires.

"Would you calm down!" I said as Bella started throwing things. "He didn't meant to do it, it just kind of slipped out!"

Bella shook her head. "I am going to kill him. I'm going to kill that mutt."

That's your boyfriend she's talking about.

Meh.

He kind of deserves it.

And then there was Alice, muttering like a crazy woman as she paced. "Contacts. Charlie. Sue. Ness. Voluturi..."

I kind of gave up trying to listen after a while.

"Oh, and I kind of - in my, urgh, confusion - mentioned you had a baby."

Bella looked up, her eyes melting in confusion and anger as she strode over to me before stopping infront of me - her chest heaving with anger.

"What. Did. He. Say?" She said through gritted teeth.

Okay, I was going to die.

Yep.

"He said 'Like a daughter?'. I told him yes. 'Congrats, Gramps,' and all of that. He even smiled a little." I said, and I watched as vampiric Bella - the Bella whom had so surprised and shocked me in the past few days looked down to her ground. Her eyes, almost in a way that resembled crying, glazed over with what I'm assuming to venom.

"But she's changing so fast," She whispered, pinching the bridge of her nose as she turned around - looking to her daughter which was looking up from the ground, a quizzical and puzzled expression on her face. She turned back to me, her eyes narrowed. "If I don't kill Charlie tonight, I'll consider forgiving you for this."

"When you don't kill Charlie tonight, you'll owe me huge. Actually, massive."

And then Alice got to work.

"These will irritate your eyes—they won't hurt, but they'll cloud your vision. It's annoying. They also won't match your old colour, but it's still better than bright red, right?"

She flipped the box that she had been holding into the air and Bella caught it with ease, unlike me, whom if someone threw anything my way - there is a huge chance that I would catch it easily, and then plummet to the floor by just having it in my hands.

"When did you—" Bella began to ask as I went over to Nessie, swooping her up in my arms as she put her hand on my temple - asking me, quite rudely - what was going on.

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it, kid."

They started talking and I looked over to them after a second as Edward tried to re-position the contacts as Alice looked them over with a disapproving look. "It's better than red, but that's the highest commendation I can give. Muddy brown. Your brown was much prettier. Keep in mind that those won't last forever—the venom in your eyes will dissolve them in a few hours. So if Charlie stays longer than that, you'll have to excuse yourself to replace them. Which is a good idea anyway, because humans need bathroom breaks." Alice shook her head, rolling her eyes almost in a way that was almost to fast to see. "Esme, give her a few pointers on acting human while I stock the powder room with contacts."

"How long do I have?" Bella asked, and Alice stared off into the distance for a second before she looked back to Bella.

"Charlie will be here in five minutes. Keep it simple."

Esme nodded once and came to take Bella's hand, reassuring her as Nessie once again asked me what the bloody hell was going on and surprisingly, she asked where my better half was. "The main thing is not to sit too still or move too fast,"

"Sit down if he does," Emmett interjected. "Humans don't like to just stand there."

I looked to how I wass standing, and I nodded - trying to get in on the conversation without seeming desperate for love, and social interaction.

You are a sad, sad social retard.

I know. I know.

"Let your eyes wander every thirty seconds or so," Jasper added.

When the hell did he get here?

Like seriously, am I the only one kind of freaking out that he was here?

I mean, yeah I had seen him when I was retelling the story but then he just kind of bailed half way through.

Where the hell did he go?

"Humans don't stare at one thing for too long."

It was then I realised I had been staring at him for a good fifteen seconds.

Stalker much?

"Cross your legs for about five minutes, then switch to crossing your ankles for the next five," Rosalie added as she came to sit down net to me, smiling at Nessie who stretched out to sit in her arms and Rose greedily took her.

"And blink at least three times a minute," Emmett said as he looked to me with narrowed eyes. "I will never forgive you."

I cocked a brow. "What, did you lose your game?"

"The X-box switched off, actually." He hissed, and I rolled my eyes.

"Grow up, you man child."

Emmett scoffed. "Grow up? That's not what Rose thought last night."

"Why do you want to make me vomit?" I asked.

And then he threw the remote on the ground. "Because I'm down one level because of you!"

"Oh, go masturbate over your own muscles."

"Two minutes," Alice announced, and she put her hand on her chest - taking a deep breath. "Maybe you should start out already on the couch. You've been sick, after all. That way he won't have to see you move right at first."

Alice pulled her onto the sofa. "Rose, I need Renesmee," Bella said.

Alice shook her head. "Bella, that doesn't help me see."

"But I need her. She keeps me calm." Bella said, and I ran a hand through my hair.

"Fine," Alice groaned. "Hold her as still as you can and I'll try to see around her."

She sighed wearily, as Edward took a seat beside Bella and put his arms around Renesmee and her. He leaned forward and looked Renesmee very seriously in the eyes.

"Renesmee, someone special is coming to see you and your mother," he said in a solemn voice, as if he expected her to understand every word.

God, this dude was such a cunt.

How are you so filthy?

She looked back at him with clear, grave eyes. "But he's not like us, or even like Anna or Jacob. We have to be very careful with him. You shouldn't tell him things the way you tell us."

Renesmee touched his face.

"Exactly," he said. "And he's going to make you thirsty. But you mustn't bite him."

Why didn't he tell her not to bite me?

I'll have scars forever!

Bella whispered something to him, and Edward nodded. "She understands. You'll be careful, won't you, Renesmee? You'll help us?"

Renesmee touched him again.

"No, I don't care if you bite Anna. That's fine."

Okay, am I the only one that's offended by that?

"Hey, I don't want to be bitten," I objected, narrowing my eyes. "I don't want to have funky bite scars all over my body for the rest of my life. I don't want people to think I have some kinky sex obsession or something like that."

"Maybe you should leave, Anna," Edward said coldly, glaring in my direction.

"I told Charlie I'd be here, fuckward." I said, running a hand through my hair. "He needs the moral support."

"Moral support," Edward scoffed. "What kind of support would that be? Profanities and a rock in the face?"

Ahh, so that's why he was being an ass.

Because I had hit his wife in the face with a rock.

And then the car pulled in front of the house and idled for a few seconds. I wondered if Charlie was as nervous as everyone else was. Then the engine cut off, and a door slammed dramatically - I was really just waiting for some dramatic melody to come through the speakers and make the soundtrack.

Knock, knock, knock.

Carlisle answered the door. His stressed expression changed to one of welcome, like switching the channel on the TV.

"Hello, Charlie," he said, looking appropriately abashed.

"Carlisle," Charlie greeted him stiffly. "Where's Bella?"

"Right here, Dad," Bella said, her voice twinkling with bells.

Fucking amazing voice.

And amazing hair.

And face.

Fucking vampires.

And then he walked into the room - his face scolled across his face as he took in the atmosphere and surroundings.

And then he fainted.

Just kidding.

I wish he did.

Seriously would have been more dramatic.

"Is that you, Bella?" he whispered.

"Yep. Hi, Dad."

He took a deep breath to steady himself.

"Bella?" he asked again, as if he was sure that the woman in front of him wasn't the sperm that he had ejaculated into Aunt Renee's vagina and then created an embryo which then went onto be his daughter, in whom was meant to be sick with some sort of tropical disease.

"It's really me."

His jaw locked.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said.

He strode across the room, he's eyes flickering to me before he looked back to them and he slowly stopped as he tried to take in the fact that a baby girl was sitting in his daughters arms. "Are you okay?" he demanded.

"Really and truly great," She said, almost as if she was promising him that she was in the perfect health. "Healthy as a horse."

"Anna told me this was… necessary. That you were dying." He said the words like he didn't believe them one bit, and I felt eyes flicker to me.

"Anna was telling you the truth."

"That makes one of you," Charlie growled.

"Oh," he said, and all the anger fell off his face, leaving only shock behind. "This is her. The orphan Anna said you're adopting."

"My niece," Edward lied smoothly.

"I thought you'd lost your family," Charlie said, accusation returning to his voice.

"I lost my parents. My older brother was adopted, like me. I never saw him after that. But the courts located me when he and his wife died in a car accident, leaving their only child without any other family."

Edward was so good at this. His voice was even, with just the right amount of innocence.

Fucking asshole.

"She's… she's, well, she's a beauty." Charlie said as he looked at his Granddaughter, and I could see the wheels already going in his head as he surveyed her.

He knew.

He knew she was their's within five minutes.

"Yes," Edward agreed.

"Kind of a big responsibility, though. You two are just getting started."

"What else could we do?" Edward brushed his fingers lightly over her cheek. I saw him touch her lips for just a moment—a reminder. "Would you have refused her?"

"Hmph. Well." He shook his head absently. "Anna says you call her Nessie?"

"No, we don't," Bella said, her eyes narrowed as her head flicked around to me - her voice too sharp and piercing. "Her name is Renesmee."

Charlie refocused on me. "How do you feel about this? Maybe Carlisle and Esme could—"

"She's mine," She interrupted, as if the thought could not be processed by her vampire brain. "I want her."

Charlie frowned. "You gonna make me a grandpa so young?"

Edward smiled. "Carlisle is a grandfather, too."

Charlie shot an incredulous glance at Carlisle, still standing by the front door; he looked like Zeus's younger, better-looking brother.

Charlie snorted and then laughed. "I guess that does sort of make me feel better."

His eyes strayed back to Renesmee. "She sure is something to look at."

Renesmee leaned toward the smell that must have been radiating off of Charlie - his blood must have been tantilisingly sweet to her as she shook off of Bella's hair and looking him full in the face for the first time.

Charlie gasped.

I knew what he was seeing.

My eyes-his eyes- our eyes -copied exactly into her perfect face.

Charlie started hyperventilating. His lips trembled, and I could read the numbers he mouthed. He was counting backward, trying to fit nine months into one. Trying to put it together but not able to force the evidence right in front of him to make any sense. "I don't want to know everything, but I'm done with the lies!"

"I'm sorry," Edward said calmly, "but you need to know the public story more than you need to know the truth. If you're going to be part of this secret, the public story is the one that counts. It's to protect Bella and Renesmee as well as the rest of us. Can you go along with the lies for them?"

Charlie huffed once and then turned his glare on Bella. "You might've given me some warning, kid."

"Would it really have made this any easier?"

He frowned, and then he knelt on the floor in front of her. Nessie smiled and reached one pink palm out to him yet Bella held her back. She pushed her other hand against Bella's neck, and I knew what was going through Nessie's and Bella's mind; thirst.

"Whoa," Charlie gasped, his eyes on her perfect teeth. "How old is she?"

"Um . . ."

"Three months," Edward said, and then added slowly, "rather, she's the size of a three-month-old, more or less. She's younger in some ways, more mature in others."

Very deliberately, Renesmee waved at him.

Charlie blinked spastically.

"Woo!" Emmett suddenly boomed in his deep bass. "Go Gators!"

Charlie recovered, then looked at Emmett over his shoulder. "Florida winning?"

"Just scored the first touchdown," Emmett confirmed. He shot a look in my direction, wagging his eyebrows like a villain in vaudeville. "'Bout time somebody scored around here."

And then I flipped him the bird.

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