Chapter 4: Silent Agreement

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Kagome's Journal

Entry # 16

Dear Inuyasha,

Its been weeks since I began writing in this journal. I try to keep you updated with every little thing that is happening with me. It keeps me sane, it keeps my hope alive. It has been far too long since the well sealed...should I be worried? What if I never got to see your face again? At least I would see those eyes in our child. But still, I cannot help but wonder if I'll ever see you again.

I have dreams, you know. Dreams of raising our children in the Feudal Era, in Kaede's village. In my dreams our hut would be right by the river, a cute quaint little place that belonged to just us. I don't need the world, I just need you. I want to be with you more than anything, raise our children in our home in our time. And I hope, as you're reading this, its sitting in our hut with me and our child there. Perhaps the baby is napping, and I've sat down with you to read this. And, you have to know...that is what I want, above all. To raise our children in the Feudal Era together. In our home. With our friends. Sure, I'll miss my family...but, my life is with you, my mate, the father of my child.

Sometimes, I can't believe I'm going to be a mother still! A little thing running around calling me Okaa and you Otou. Its a dream come true, and I hope you feel the same way.

Love always,

Kagome

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Inuyasha had spent the rest of that first night with his daughter until she fell asleep in her bed. He even had to bribe her to actually go to bed by swearing he would sit by the bed until she fell asleep, let her hold onto his fingers while he told her stories about him and Kagome. She was so stubborn in that, she didn't even really want to go to sleep at all. But, once her eyes closed, he let her go as carefully as he could before he quietly walked out of the room and back downstairs where he had been sitting, reading Kagome's journal alone.

What was he going to do? He didn't know anything about children. And, in Kagomes writing, it seemed like she wanted to raise their child in his time. But...wasn't that more dangerous than now? He knew he didn't belong in this time period, but his heart couldn't bear leaving the little girl that was fast asleep upstairs. He'd already lost his mate, Tamako's mother, he couldn't bear to lose her too. He hadn't even dealt with the fact that Kagome was gone yet. It still felt like some sort of cruel dream that part of him wanted to wake up from.

Jumping a little as he felt someones hand rest on his shoulder, he looked up to meet the gaze of Kagome's mother as she offered him a cup of tea. Slowly closing the journal and sitting it on his lap as he took the cup, giving her a soft smile. "Thank you.." he whispered, looking down at the cup in his hands.

"You should get some rest, Inuyasha..." Mrs. Higurashi said slowly as she took a seat on the floor just across the coffee table as him, looking up at him.

Shaking his head as he sipped at his tea before slowly resting it on the table. "Its alright...I'll be okay." he said in a somber voice.

Sighing a little, Mrs. Higurashi leaned against the coffee table, looking up at him. "You're blaming yourself. She knew you would do that. She told me that you would blame yourself even if it wasn't your fault..."

He nodded slowly, looking up at her. "It was my job to protect her. If I can't even protect my mate, how can I protect a child?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Inuyasha, you weren't here, you couldn't do anything. And even if you were here there wouldn't have been anything that could have been done...I've come to terms with that by now. I know how it feels though. To lose the one you love. I lost Kagome and Souta's father years before I even met you. But...Inuyasha, you have to believe in yourself. That little girl up there needs you, more than anyone on the planet. You're her father." she told him.

Listening to her words, he blinked a little. That was right, Kagome had said at one point that her father passed away years ago. Nodding a little to her. "I know..." he started, chewing on the inside of his lip a little. "Can I...ask you...about when it happened? I just...I just need to know..."

This time it was her turn to give him a soft, somber smile and nod as she began telling him about that night.

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FLASHBACK

Kagome had been in labor for twelve hours. Of course she couldn't go to the hospital, she was pregnant with a hanyou child, and she was afraid something would be different about her child to make the doctors wonder. So, her mother and her grandfather had decided to help her give birth to her child right there in their own home. Sure, they would take the baby to the hospital, they'd rehearsed that. They would say that she went into labor and her water broke and it all happened so fast that she just gave birth there. She'd already created the object that would cloak her from the outside world. But there was no way they would be able to make sure nobody saw the truth in the hospital.

Sitting on her bed, leaning back against her hands, breathing hard and panting, sweat rolling down her cheeks. Her feet rested on the bed and her knees were spread as she waited for each contraction.

A blood curtailing scream came from her lips with each contraction, each rush of pain throughout her body. Her mother sat between her legs, looking down at her daughter. "Alright Kagome, take a deep breath, its alright." she assured her daughter, rubbing her knees a little.

"I can't, mama! I can't. Kami it hurts! I need him mama...Inuyashaaa!"

"You can do this. You defeated an evil thing like Naraku. So you can do this." she urged her daughter.

Shaking her head, Kagome protested. "N-No...no mama...it hurts, kami it hurts." she repeated as she laid back on the bed, sweat covering her frame as she breathed deeply. Feeling another tinge of pain as they were now way too close together, she let out a scream, this time screaming her silver-haired hanyous name. "INUYASHA!"

She'd screamed his name before, the night they conceived the bundle of joy that now threatened to rip her body open. But this scream was a lot different, this scream was one of intense pain.

"Shh, its alright darling. Come now, lets push, you can do this." she urged again.

As Kagome sat up, gripping the sheets tightly, screaming as she pushed hard at the same time. Mrs. Higurashi's eyes widened as she looked down, seeing all of the blood that came with her daughters push. Oh no, that wasn't good.

Kagome fell back onto the bed, gasping in sharp, uneven breaths. Looking up, she saw the look on her mothers face, shaking her head. "M-M-Mama? Whats wrong Mama?"

"N-nothing dear. Its alright..." she said. But, she was sure that much blood was not supposed to be there. Yes, she'd birthed two children herself, but they'd both been delivered in the hospital, with a medical professional. But even all the things she'd read about giving birth, she didn't think this much blood should be there.

It felt like several more hours of Kagome pushing, her screams echoing in the house, push after push. Until finally, tiny cries filled the room. The baby was there.

Collapsing on the bed, Kagomes skin was white as a sheet, panting, her heart pounding. Something was wrong, she could feel it. Her eyes started to close halfway, looking up at her mother just slowly. "M-y...b-aby..." she said weakly.

Mrs. Higurashi was worried about her daughter as she quickly cleaned off the baby girl just enough, carefully handing the baby to Kagome. Her smile at that moment almost made her worries go away, but she could tell something was still wrong. Looking at her father, she whispered to him to call an ambulance, now. She did not like the way Kagome looked.

But, the soft smile on Kagomes lips as she held the crying baby, her fingers softly moving to hold her. "T-Tamako..." she muttered slowly. "I...love you." she whispered before her eyes fell closed and her head started to roll back. She had lost so much blood that was now all over the bed, even with the towels they'd placed underneath her.

END OF FLASHBACK

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As he listened to the story, Inuyasha cringed only slightly. But, hearing what his mates last words were, it nearly tore him apart. She had at least gotten to hold their baby before she passed on. Sighing a little, he looked up at Mrs. Higurashi.

"Th-thank you." he muttered in a pained voice. His whole world had turned upside down within the span of one day. Sure, he'd been without Kagome for years. But what kept him going was the thought of actually being with her one day, that the well would open up again and allow them to be together.

Kami the fates are cruel...

Shifting to push his hands into his haori, looking down at the table as he thought about it.

"What...do I do?" he asked, his eyes moving up to meet the older womans gaze. His own eyes openly showing his thoughts. He was sad, but he was also scared and worried. He had no idea how to take care of a child, much less a little girl.

A smile formed over Mrs. Higurashi's lips as she saw those things in the young boys eyes. "Well...you take care of her. I know Kagome wanted to go back to the Feudal Era to live with you..." she said slowly, her eyes looking down, trying not to get upset. "You...you should take Tamako back with you. I...I know...I know thats what Kagome would want. If the well still works anyway. She is your daughter, she needs you. And, in your world she wouldn't have to hide who she is every day."

Inuyasha shook his head. "The people of my world don't treat hanyous too well. Maybe its better for her to be here, with you instead. I don't want the same kind of life I had for my daughter. I always thought...if Kagome and me had pups in my time, it would be together..."

Mrs. Higurashi shook her head. "It won't be the same. Kagome didn't tell me everything about that life, about your life, but she did tell me you grew up alone. And I have no doubt in my mind that you will not let Tamako live like that. You will not let her be scared or alone, ever. Its...what Kagome would have wanted. I insist. I just...ask one thing. Can you wait a few days before you two go? That way we can say goodbye, and have her set up in her kindergarten class to say she's moving so they don't think she's missing.."

Inuyasha nodded his head slowly, looking at her face, silently agreeing.

But inside, he was freaking out. He had a daughter that he was going to take back to his time, to raise, by himself, with no help from anyone.

Thats not true. I'm sure Sango and Miroku will help me...if they can. I...I have to do this though. I have to take care of her. And I'll protect her with my life...

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A/N: Wow, this one was extra sad to write. :-(. I hope you guys enjoyed it though! Hopefully going to get chapter 5 up soon. I'm hoping this one will be a long story, as I have so many ideas for Inuyasha and Tamako's life!

And, I'm sorry its not as long as the last chapter. But I felt like this was a good place to end this chapter and continue on with the next!