Set Fire to the Bleeding Moon
Summary: Darkness was their night. Darkness was their day. And Darkness was the light that blew them away.
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, and sadly do not own any one of her fabulously fabricated characters, plot, and world.
Chapter 5: Christmas I
If this was the last Christmas, the last snow to fall
Let's lay in the snow
Make impressions of angels
And dance in the moonlight, like stars,
Twinkling in the darkness
The Hogwarts Express rolled away from Hogsmeade, leaving behind only a cloud of smoke and a light dusting of snow.
Sirius sighed. He kicked at the snow.
It would be the first Christmas he would spend alone. There would be no more hot chocolates with his family by the fire place, no more complaining with Regulus about the ridiculousness of the annual Christmas ball, no more walks through the magnificent Black courtyard. Although he had problems with his family they did have their moments. And despite everything he had a family.
Now he was well and truly alone. There was no one, not James, no Remus, not even Peter. They had of course all tentatively volunteered to stay at Hogwarts with them, but Sirius declined their offers. It would take too much of him to ask them to give up their family for him, especially now that he realized the true value of family. You never know what you're missing until you're missing out after all.
Sirius shoved his fingers into his coat pockets and began the walk back to Hogwarts, deciding that he would take a detour through Hogsmeade. Hogsmeade was truly beautiful during the winter months. Candles dancing, snow falling, people humming a merry tune.
Sirius hated every minute of that walk. The snow was making his coat wet, the wind pierced his face. The candles were a fire hazard, the people sang too loud. He felt like an outsider, a fool walking through its streets; the only one not ecstatic about Christmas. It's always a shame to be miserable, but especially so during the joyous month of December.
His family was probably sneering at him, he thought bitterly. His parents would probably be waiting for Regulus at the station, ready to apparate him home where no doubt the house elves would have prepared a delicious platter of cookies and a hot drink. His mother would tuck Regulus in and tell him how much she had missed him.
"Would they miss me too?" Sirius wondered. Would they feel the emptiness that he felt? Would they feel the strange numbness that consumed him? The odd absence of feeling that was unlike anything he had ever encountered before. He wanted to be angry, to be sad, to scream and shout and denounce his family with vigour. But he couldn't bring himself to do it, couldn't muster the energy. All he felt was loneliness, emptiness, misery. Somehow, it made him miss the anger, the joy, the sadness, the anything. Feeling nothing was, in some ways, worse than feeling pain. Pain could be healed, could be fixed, could grow into contentment. But how does one fix something that is not broken? How do you create life without a seed?
The warmth of The Three Broomsticks lulled Sirius into its walls, where he decided to pop in for a drink.
"Firewhiskey please, Madam Rosmerta," Sirius called out as he grabbed a seat by the bar.
He sat there moping, as he waited for his drink, drumming his fingers on the countertop.
"Why Sirius, I've never seen you look so down! What's wrong? Why aren't you on the Hogwarts Express?" Rosmerta asked as she handed over the small glass of amber liquid.
"Got disowned in the summer. No home to go to," was the monotonous reply. Sirius downed the drink in one go, its burn leaving him with a small comfort, letting him know that he was still alive.
"Hogwarts will always be there for you, as will your friends, and also that pretty girl you brought in here a month back. You were so happy then,"
"Well Alethea's gone home, as have the boys. It's just me now, me and the great big castle. Cheers Hogwarts, Happy Christmas!" he muttered sarcastically. He let out another sigh. "I guess it didn't really hit me back then. I was with my friends, my girlfriend. But now, everyone's left. Gone. Back to their families. And only now has it hit me that I don't have a family to go back to,"
Sirius ran the glass between his hands idly.
"Can I have another shot Rosmerta?"
The pretty witch looked back at him sadly. "Alright Sirius, but only one more. Can't have you going back to Hogwarts drunk again, Minerva will have my head!"
Sirius chuckled softly, fondly remembering the times when he and James would sneak into Hogsmeade during the weekends to wander around and get Rosmerta's famous fish and chips. They would usually get a bit to drink and then stagger back to Hogwarts late at night, giggling like maniacs. Needless to say, McGonagall was less than pleased when she caught them stumbling through the halls.
For nostalgia's sake, Sirius also ordered a serving of fish and chips, which he ate in relative silence. The Three Broomsticks was relatively quiet that day, with only a few customers sipping butterbeer by the window. After polishing off the last of his chips and whiskey, he bade Rosmerta farewell. The rest of the walk to Hogwarts seemed, to him, a bit more pleasant after his belly was full.
After about an hour of walking, at last the magnificent castle was within sight. By then, the snow had begun to fall rather hard, falling from the sky in a never-ending stream of brilliant white. But such numbers of snow meant that a storm was brewing, and so, Sirius ran to the castle. An instant flood of warmth greeted him, soothing his skin from the vicious cold. He popped into the kitchens for a cup of hot chocolate and sipped it as he made his way up to the Gryffindor tower. He inhaled its fragrance and sighed at the memories it brought back.
The portrait creaked as he opened it. He was greeted with homely warmth, a comforting smell of pine, and to his surprise, a girl curled up on the couch.
Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she saw who had just arrived.
"You sure took your sweet time coming back," she muttered sleepily.
"Alethea! Weren't you supposed to be going home?" Sirius asked as he walked towards her.
"Well I was, but then I heard that you were staying at Hogwarts and so I decided to stay too," she smiled and gave him a chaste kiss. "It's just you and me. Everyone's gone, I checked,"
Alethea ran her fingers down his chest. He stiffened. She frowned.
"What's wrong? Hoping to see someone else?"
"You shouldn't have stayed," he replied stoically.
"Why not?"
"You shouldn't have stayed for me,"
Sirius got up and left the common room.
"Sirius! Sirius wait!"
Sirius walked up the stairs to the boy's dormitories. Alethea followed.
"Sirius! What's wrong?"
Sirius slammed the door. Alethea slammed on the door.
"Sirius! Open up goddamnit!"
Sirius made no reply. Alethea huffed in exasperation.
"Sirius. I don't know what I did or what's going on with you. But talk to me, please. Just talk to me! I know that you're hurting, and I want to help you. So please, let me in,"
"Go away Alethea,"
With a heavy heart, Alethea obediently walked away.
The Great Hall was empty the next morning. There was only a scattering of students on the four tables, Alethea being one of them.
She sat staring into space, her bowl of porridge uneaten, her glass of pumpkin juice undisturbed. Absentmindedly, Alethea twirled her spoon around repeatedly.
The silence of the hall was heavy. Conversation was practically non-existent. The owls had already come and gone. The tinkering of cutlery echoed around the walls.
Alethea's thoughts wandered back to the previous night. He had been in an odd mood ever since the beginning of winter. Sirius' mind was always preoccupied, he would space out in the middle of conversations. He seemed tired, disheartened. His kisses lacked fire. He needed someone, desperately.
If only he would let me in.
Deciding that she hadn't any appetite, Alethea left the dining hall. Hogwarts was decorated very beautifully for Christmas. Alethea didn't remember it ever being as lovely as it was that year. The lack of students and noise made it all the more alluring. But the loneliness that resonated in the empty halls lessened the joy of the season. Hogwarts herself cried with the lack of spirit. It was no wonder that Sirius was down as well.
Her light stroll led her to the Kitchens, where she popped in for two mugs of hot chocolate. Perhaps they'd cheer Sirius up a bit. Or at the very least, it would provide an excuse to sit by him, let him know that he wasn't alone.
Alethea had spent quite the number of lonely Christmases. They weren't much fun, but she was glad that she had Flippy, her house elf. It was usually just the two of them. Flippy would make delicious cookies and warm, creamy soup. They would sit by the window and watch the snowfall or the stars twinkle. One Christmas, Alethea transfigured Flippy into a middle aged woman and they went to see the Nutcracker.
Sirius was sitting in the common room when Alethea arrived. He sat by the window, staring onto the grounds as if there was a show going on that only he could see.
"Brought you some hot chocolate,"
"Thanks,"
Deciding that Sirius had cooled down somewhat, Alethea went to sit beside him and handed over the mug of steaming liquid.
"The snow is beautiful, white velvety blanket, unlike ice,"
Sirius hummed in agreement.
"It would be a good day to have a snowball fight, don't you think?"
Sirius nodded absentmindedly.
"You hungry? Breakfast's over but I'm sure Moppy would be glad to whip something up for you,"
Sirius shook his head.
"What's wrong Sirius? It's Christmas! We should be having fun, not sitting around here moping. Let's go explore the castle! Let's sneak into Hogsmeade. Let's go snog in a broom cupboard. Let's go break into McGonagall's room. Let's go get pissed! Let's do something!"
Sirius made no move.
"Do you want to be left alone?"
No reply.
Alethea sat there for a moment just staring at him.
"Sirius?"
Silence.
"Sirius!"
Suffocation.
"Sirius, please,"
Still nothing.
Exasperated, Alethea made to leave. She barely made two inches however, before a hand firmly grasped her forearm.
"Don't go," Sirius' voice broke.
"Please, don't go,"
And then Alethea understood. Sirius was hurting in a way that he didn't know how to handle. That he was feeling abandonment's cold burn. That he was feeling so many things at once that he couldn't control his emotions. That he was happy and then guilty about being happy and then angry at being guilty. And all he really needed was someone who understood. Someone who wouldn't just sit there trying to make small talk like Peter. Someone who wouldn't try to diagnose what he was feeling and then tells him how to fix it like Remus. Someone who wouldn't try to get him to cheer up with immature jokes and then unintentionally insults him like James.
Sirius needed someone who would sit with him, just to remind him that he wasn't alone. He needed someone who would make the quiet comfortable. He needed someone who would be with him in spirit.
He needed her, and she would be there for him. She would always be there for him.
And so, Alethea sat back down.
The two of them drank hot chocolate and stared outside that window for the rest of the day.
The first week passed by quickly. Alethea and Sirius did nothing except have snowball fights, make snow angels, drink hot chocolate, and snog by the Gryffindor fireplace.
One day they bore the freezing cold and spent the night up in the Astronomy Tower stargazing.
"Is that it?"
"No Sirius, that's Orion,"
"How about that one?"
"Eridanus,"
"Where's Canis Major? Where's Sirius?"
"You're right here silly. Right where you should be,"
"Hm, I think I'd rather be in the sky actually,"
"Sirius!"
Another day, Sirius and Alethea charmed all of the knights to break out into loud, extremely off-tune blasts of Christmas carols. It took Professor McGonagall and Professor Kettleburn almost three hours to get them to finally shut up.
"I've tried everything Silvanus! They simply will not stop crooning like a flock of dying sheep!"
"Perhaps we could just bombarda them?"
"Certainly not! These knights have been at Hogwarts for hundreds of years. I will not allow them to be blasted into a million pieces simply because a few students have deemed it funny to break everyone's eardrums! Now think! What else can we use?"
"Damnit! Where's Flitwick when you need him,"
"Sunbathing in the Caribbean I think. And watch your language Silvanus,"
A few days after the singing knight incident, Sirius and Alethea decided that it would be even funnier to send all of the seventh year Gryffindor girls anonymous love letters.
"Alright. Who should we write to next?"
"Let's do Marlene,"
"Hmm… write this down. Keep up now Alethea, I don't want to repeat myself,"
"Well don't bloody talk so fast then!"
"Well write faster! Anyways:
To my beautiful Marlene,
Merry Christmas! I hope you are having a splendid one. As for myself, I must admit that this Christmas I have felt… lonely. I have dreamt of the softness of your touch, the glimmer in your sapphire eyes. I imagine the heavenly voice you shall sing to me in, the feeling of our hearts beating together…
May we be together soon, should I meet you in the Gryffindor common room at twelve o'clock the day we get back?
With all my love,
Your secret admirer
"Er- Sirius? Marlene has brown eyes,"
"She does?"
"Yes. Don't worry I changed sapphire to chocolate. Let's do Lily now!"
"Oh yes! And we have to make it sound like it's from James,"
The week after, Sirius and Alethea grew bored of the deserted castle. They decided that they would have a vacation, a proper one. And being at Hogwarts certainly wasn't going to stop them.
"Sirius, we should go somewhere,"
"Oh? And where would that be?"
"Let's go… let's go to London!"
"And how would we persuade McGonagall to do that?"
"We ask her?"
"And if she says no?"
"We convince her by telling her that we'll get her some of those muggle Digestive biscuits that she loves so much,"
"Why Alethea! I never knew you were so… manipulative,"
"It's a gift Sirius. It's a gift,"
So the pair popped into Professor McGonagall's office that night, asking her if they could go to London for a few days.
As expected, their request was "preposterous" and that she would "certainly not allow them to wander off into muggle London so that they could do goodness knows what."
And as planned, Alethea promised McGonagall that they would get her an entire box of Digestive biscuits.
McGonagall hesitated.
Alethea reminded her that she would have to wait until summer before she could get any more.
McGonagall finally relented with a "very well Ms. Winters, Mr. Black," However, they were to be back in three days and that she was expecting a large box of Digestives and for them to remember to throw in a good amount of the chocolate covered ones as well. Sirius and Alethea agreed wholeheartedly.
Perhaps this Christmas wouldn't be so bad after all.
The two departed from Hogwarts early the next morning, each with a shrunken bag in their pocket and a big smile on their face.
"Oi! You lot! Where do'ya think you're going?" Filch yelled as he ran out of the castle and into the snowy grounds.
"Oh shit, Filch. He's gonna confiscate everything!" Sirius moaned.
"Shh- Just disillusion your bag," Alethea whispered back, casting a wandless spell on her bag.
Sirius' eyes widened.
"You can do wandless magic?" he exclaimed. "Show me show me!"
"Only the odd spell or two," Alethea said modestly, but nevertheless, she cast the disillusionment charm on his bag as well. "Now wait for him. We don't want to seem suspicious. We have McGonagall's permission after all,"
Alethea and Sirius stood and waited as Filch stumbled over to them. When he finally made it his face was red and his breathing haggard.
"Where- do- you- think- you're- going-! Students- are- to- remain- on- school- grounds- at- all- times!" He berated, hands on his knees. "Get- back- to- the- castle- immediately- before- I- report- to- Professor- McGonagall!"
"Well you see Mr. Filch, we have Professor McGonagall's explicit permission to visit London. You see, we have some very important business to conduct for her. Top secret you know. So, if you would excuse us, we are on a very limited time- "
"You expect me to believe that! You think that I'm stupid do you? Think that I can't detect a lie when I see one?" Filch burst out angrily, cutting Alethea off.
"You hear one," Alethea said.
"Hear what?"
"You can't hear one,"
"Hear what!"
Alethea sighed. "You can't detect a lie when you hear one. Not see one, Mr. Filch,"
Filch's face dawned an incredulous expression, as if he couldn't believe that a student had the nerve to correct him.
"Why you!"
Sirius quickly piped up before Filch had the opportunity to go on a detention-giving rampage. "Look! There's McGonagall now! You can confirm with her yourself,"
"Oh! Filch! Good- to- see- you" Professor McGonagall said, out of breath from running across the Hogwarts courtyard. "I forgot- to mention," She paused to catch her breath. "I forgot to mention that Ms. Winters and Mr. Black here" Another pause. "I forgot to mention that these two are going to London for a few days as I have some business that I had to attend to. However, seeing as I cannot leave the grounds, I have allowed them to go for me,"
Filch's eyes narrowed. "What sort of business?"
McGonagall panicked. "Uh- well- you see- "
"As Professor McGonagall said, it's private and is none of your concern," Alethea interrupted. "May we leave now Professor?"
"Yes, yes of course,"
"Wait! I must check their bags first! Who knows what confiscated items they'll be sneaking out!" Filch burst out.
Alethea and Sirius shook their head vehemently.
"I'm sure that won't be necessary Argus. I trust these two,"
"But it's protocol! It's in the rules! Who knows what these two are hiding!"
"That's enough Argus. I trust Ms. Winters and Mr. Black. Are you saying that you question judgement?" McGonagall said sternly.
Filch's eyes widened at what the Deputy Headmistress was implying. He bitterly turned his heel and stormed back to the castle.
"Thanks Professor!" Alethea exclaimed.
"Yes, yes. Well I have recently received a letter from an old muggle friend and she says that they have caramel Digestives too! You must make sure that you get a few of those alright?"
Sirius chuckled. "Aye, aye Professor!"
"Well, go on then. The apparition point is just a few yards away from the gates,"
And so the pair sauntered joyfully across the snowy white grounds, their hand crossed, their cheeks flushed, and large smiles dancing on their faces.
So that's chapter 5! Next time, we'll see what mischief Alethea and Sirius get up to in London. Hope you all are enjoying the new school year (if you're going back to school).
xxx,
LordessV