Disclaimer: I don't own Avenue Q or any lyrics.
A/N: Uh, so I think we can kind of guess where this came from. Anyway, there's only maybe one other human character I can imagine actually doing this and being mature about it, and I've written him a lot lately, so I chose the other candidate... although in my mind, the entire thing is because of him. And I tried to write our poor victim as he might react given his maturity too. He's more reacting to antics than anything else. And the conversation at the beginning is only an excuse to get to the right point for the scenario.
Background: Nicole is psychic. Filming is usually done by small and sneaky non-humans.
Joe was innocently sitting on the couch reading a book on Digiworld legends when Nicole strode up looking a little tired. "Hey Joe," she waved, settling herself down on the couch next to him.
He nodded in reply. "Hey Nicole," he answered, noting how she stared at the ceiling. "What's up? You seem a little out of the ordinary."
She shrugged. "Maybe a little. I was just thinking... Joe, how feminine do you think I am? And be honest," she added at the end, before he could protest about offending her.
Joe gulped slightly, but she looked earnest so he told her the truth. "Not very."
Nicole let out a sigh. "Yeah, I never really considered myself very feminine... but the last time I went home to visit I ran into this woman who... was abnormally friendly. Actually, I think she was hitting on me… she probably thought I was gay."
Joe had to stare for a moment. "But you're not."
"No, but she evidently thought I was. And I was just thinking... what would happen around here if some of us had different sexual orientations?"
Joe blinked. "Um, that's a strange subject to be thinking about. And why are we on this subject again?"
He could have sworn there was a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she asked, "Are you being defensive?"
"No, I am not being defensive…" he answered back slowly, a little surprised at where this was going.
Nicole looked unconvinced. "Well okay, but..."
And to his utmost shock, she suddenly started singing.
"If you were gay... that'd be okay! I mean 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway."
He stared at her, slack-jawed with his book now lying forgotten in his lap as she stood up and danced to the song.
"Because you see, if it were me," she continued, singing with clear operatic vibrato to the world, "I would feel free to say that I was gay! But I'm not gay."
She finished with a little finger waving motion at him, and Joe groaned.
"Nicole, if this is one of your random insane moments, could you go sing at someone else?"
She just continued smiling at him naturally while twiddling her thumbs. Joe let out another groan of exasperation and began reading his book again.
Maybe if I bore her out she'll leave…
After a few moments, she was still looking at him eagerly. Joe glared. "What?!" he shouted.
"If you were queer - "
"Ugh!" he tried to hide behind his book.
"I'd still be here."
Oh go away go away…
"Year after year, because you're dear to me."
Joe lifted his eyebrows. "Uh, thanks?"
"And I know that you would accept me too..."
He nodded dumbly, trying to figure out what exactly was going on inside that head of hers.
"If I told you today 'Hey guess what, I'm gay!'" she waved her arms dramatically in the air. "But I'm not gay," she finished with a shrug.
Joe tried vainly to continue hiding behind his book, but Nicole just swung her arm around his shoulder, taking a seat on the arm of the couch.
"I'm happy to be with you," she continued singing.
"Me too," he muttered, attempting to not sound too sarcastic.
She was grinning widely as she sang the next part. "So what does it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?"
"EEEEEEEHHH?!?!"
Joe was completely mortified. At this point, Nicole had started doing some sort of line dance while kicking her feet up into the air, still singing for all the world to hear. "If you were gaaaaay, I'd shout hooraaaaay!!"
This is officially the most embarrassing moment of my life. I really hope no one walks in...
He tried to cover his ears. "Okay that's it, I'm not listening any more."
"And here I'd staaaaaay - "
"Lalalalala!" he shouted, trying to bury his head in his knees at the same time.
Nicole just poked her head down next to his. "But I wouldn't get in your way!"
He shrieked. "Aaaaaah!!"
"You can count on meeeee, to always beeeeee, beside you every day - "
Nicole was literally hugging him now.
"To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way - "
Help me, someone save me from her!!!
"And as they say, it's in your DNA! You're GAAAAAAAAY!!"
Joe stood up and threw Nicole off, screaming, "I AM NOT GAY!!"
She perched herself up off the floor onto her elbows and waggled her finger helpfully. "But if you were gay - "
"AAAAGH!!"
A full three seconds of silence as they looked at each other.
Then Joe suddenly heard Nicole's voice in his head.
Just letting you know, we were playing Truth or Dare; this was my dare. Sorry to put you in such an awkward position. And um... this entire thing was just filmed.
Joe stared at Nicole speechlessly. She shrugged apologetically, grimacing slightly as she pulled herself to her feet. Regardless, he could still tell she was fairly pleased with herself and had most certainly enjoyed the entire misadventure.
It took only a moment's thought to come to a conclusion about the entire thing.
In hindsight… this was actually really funny.
Amused by the absurdity of it all, Joe burst out laughing.