I found a place, I move on the 18. Hand is back to normal. I am updating since I have the chance to do it now, but I honestly don't know when will be the next time I can.

I know not many of you are happy with how things ended or can see Kurt cheating. Hopefully this will make it more understandable. Things won't get solved straight away. We did 19 chapters of fluff, so prepare for a lot of angst before going back to that. I will try to answer reviews now.

New rule, keep Kleenex around till further notice just in case.

Got them? Have at it.

IIIII

Chapter 20

Game Face, Comfort and Accents

Harry flew down the stairs and jumped from as high as he dared to the ground floor. He ran outside and was relieved to see the bus. They hadn't started to board it yet.

"No need to run" said Tom, bored and staring at his mobile. "Moody is doing a surprise inspection... Potter?"

"I'll see you all in Virginia" said Harry grabbing his bag and equipment. He refused to meet Tom's eyes.

"Potter! Where do you think..." Moody yelled.

"I'll drive myself there" said Harry sharply. "I'll see you at the hotel" his eyes connected with Moody and the man stared at him.

"About time, here are the papers to register us" he said while shoving a file against his chest, he leaned forwards slightly, to make sure nobody could listen. "Get your act together Potter or I'll have your head. Now get out of my sight."

Harry nodded and left towards the parking lot.

He didn't wait for them to enter the bus. He started the car and drove off.

Not even ten minutes later his phone rang. He recognized the ring tone immediately and ignored it. It rang again, and again, and again. Harry closed his eyes tightly every time it started for a second. Very few tears fell down, he refused to acknowledge anything. He had a tournament to win.

He put his game face on and did his best to pretend everything was ok. He was good at that. He turned the radio as loud as it could go.

Somehow it wasn't enough to drown Bad Romance blasting from his phone constantly.

What a fucking irony.

IIIII

Kurt and Blaine heard a gasp and they separated immediately, suddenly realizing that it wasn't right. Kurt let out a relieved sigh when he saw it was only Wes and David. They both looked shocked.

"We can explain" said Blaine, fixing his uniform as best as he could.

"I would love to hear how, but you have nothing to explain to us" said David with a frown.

"Please don't tell Harry" said Kurt, hugging himself. David and Wes exchanged a look. "I... I am not asking you to hide it or lie... I just... I think it should come from me."

"And me" added Blaine while sitting down and passing a hand over his face, grabbing his hair frustrated.

"It might be a little late for that" muttered Wes awkwardly. "He... he saw you two and ran away."

It took them a second to process and simultaneously Kurt and Blaine bolted out of the door, towards the parking lot.

Kurt had ran away from a lot of things in his life, bullies, gym class, coach Sylvester, hate, the truth, but he didn't think he had ever run this fast in his life. Not for Black Friday sales, Quinn's delivery or for his dad's heart attack.

Blaine was right next to him the whole time.

He just knew he needed Harry.

He needed him so much that the idea of losing him made his heart clench painfully. They saw the fencing team loading their bags and equipment into the bus. Kurt wanted to cry in relief.

"Hummel" greeted Tom in his usual dethatched mode.

"Where is Harry?" asked Kurt and Blaine at the same time.

Tom frowned. "He left in his car, said he was going to meet us in Virginia. Mad Eye sent him with some paperwork."

"Riddle! Move your ass, this is not a gossip club or tea time" barked Moody glaring at all of them. It might have been Blaine's guilt acting up, but he was sure the glare was centered on the two of them.

IIIII

Harry was angry, so angry at himself. He was good at detaching from his emotions, yet, somehow, here he was in the middle of an emotional breakdown. The last time he cried had been during Sirius' funeral. A few tears, mostly out of anger then too. He didn't remember having a full break down before. It was awful. Suddenly he wasn't just crying about Kurt, but about every single crappy thing in his life.

It was a bloody long fucking list.

An hour later he had cried and screamed, he had speeded, he had stopped the car to throw up on the side of the road. He had cursed Blaine and Kurt. Mostly, he cursed himself. He was exhausted, numb and he just wanted the bloody ringing to stop.

The phone rang again.

This time he answered.

"Harry! Oh God, Harry, I am sorry, please Harry..." started Kurt, he sounded hysterical and Harry could picture him crying.

"I always knew you and Blaine would end up together" Harry said while activating the speakerphone on his Blackberry and holding it against the wheel as he drove. "Was this the first time or have you two been screwing behind my back all this time?"

"Harry! It's not like that..."

"I always figured you would have the decency to break up with me first... I never saw you as the cheating type. I..." Harry's voice cracked and he swallowed before continuing. "We'll talk when I get back."-

"Harry, no please, don't... I know what we did was wrong and I have no explanation, but…" begged Kurt.

"We need space" said Harry firmly. "You need to figure out how you feel and I need to not talk to you. I need to try and forgive you Kurt before I can see you without wanting to yell at you, but I don't... I don't know if I can. Because right now talking to you hurts and I feel betrayed, by you and Blaine... I need... I need you to stop calling."

"I love you" Kurt screamed finally.

"I am not sure you do" said Harry after a moment of silence.

"I do! I swear I do" Kurt crying wasn't making Harry feel better.

"And yet the first time you say it to me is after I find you and Blaine in bed..."

"Please, Harry, just hear me out..."

"Why!? What can you possibly tell me that would make this alright!?" he yelled at the phone. "Fuck Kurt I saw ok? I saw you over Blaine with your hand up his shirt, and I saw him trying to get yours off, how far would it had gone uh Kurt? He didn't surprise you with a kiss or was that an impulse, you were making out with him! At one point you should have been able to realize what you were doing and stop."

"I love you!"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" screamed Harry hitting the wheel in rage. "Stop saying it Kurt! It doesn't make things better! I don't want to hear it! Even if we survive this Kurt, the first time you told me you loved me would be connected with you shoving your tongue down another guy's throat. Every time you tell me I love you, will be connected to this moment Kurt! To the feeling of getting my insides ripped off... that's not love!"

"I do love you Harry, I swear I do" he wanted to give into Kurt. He wanted to give in, but he couldn't.

"Then you got a twisted way of showing it" Harry's eyes watered again. He breathed slowly and counted to ten. "Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Either way it's unfair for you to say it now, over the phone, after making out with Blaine, in our bed, OUR bed. The bed I agreed to share with him because I trusted you both... it's not enough, is so not freaking enough... do you love him?"

"I... I..." Kurt struggled to form words, making Harry snap.

"That sure convinced me" spat Harry angrily. "Go fuck him, since exchanging saliva wasn't enough to clear it up for you. We are done."

He hung up and threw the phone at the back seat. He didn't answer the call after that, or the next, the next or the next, finally it stayed silent. He didn't want to know if it was because Kurt had stopped trying or because the battery was dead.

It didn't make much of a difference.

He was finally in silence.

With long practiced patience, he started to rebuild his defenses. He was done crying. He was done letting this affect him. He was going to focus on the tournament and that was that. This time the resolution stuck and he could feel himself numbing down once more.

IIIII

Blaine watched as Kurt tried desperately to reach Harry, in the parking lot, in the hallway, in their room. He watched as Kurt fell apart and it killed him knowing that it was his fault. They didn't go to rehearsal that day, they stayed in the room. Kurt pacing and calling, while he sat on the bed, watching. But what hurt the most was not what he was seeing, but what he couldn't see.

He couldn't see Harry.

Harry, who held him at night so he wouldn't have nightmares.

Harry, who was dating Kurt, the guy he was in love with.

Harry, who had been nothing but great to Blaine.

Harry, who gave him advice and hummed to him when he couldn't sleep.

Harry, who had been there for him unconditionally.

Harry, who had saved him from committing the biggest mistake of his life.

Harry, who stirred all sort of confusing feelings in Blaine.

He had taken all that and threw it back at him like an ungrateful bastard. Like... like, he didn't even have words to describe himself at the moment. Kurt locked himself in the bathroom, having reached Harry apparently. He came out not long after. They weren't able to look at each other.

"I am so sorry Kurt" Blaine said staring at the floor. "I ruined everything for you. I shouldn't have fallen for you... I should have stayed away. I shouldn't have kissed you!"

Kurt approached him and kissed the top of his head lightly. It felt like he was trying to give him absolution he didn't deserve nor wanted.

He grabbed his bag, keys and opened the door, seemingly debating something with himself.

"I kissed you back" he whispered, not looking at him. "I didn't exactly push you away Blaine, I... I didn't want to."

Kurt walked away, already getting his phone out.

IIIII

He managed to get inside the house before his legs gave up. He started crying. His phone still clutched in a deadly grip. All his calls had started to go straight to voice mail a while ago.

"Kurt?" asked Finn surprised, before realizing he was crying and rushing towards him. "Oh my God Kurt... Are you alright? Kurt! Where does it hurt? Is it dad? Is he in the hospital?"

"I... why?" asked Kurt, closing his eyes. "Why couldn't you forgive her?"

"Forgive who? What are you talking about?"

"Rachel" said Kurt, his voice sounding weak. "Why can't you forgive her?"

"Rachel... did she put you up to this?" asked Finn suddenly angry.

Kurt shook his head and let his phone go, hiding his face in his hands and screaming in frustration.

"I..." he broke down sobbing. "I kissed Blaine!" he screamed and hugged himself, his body shaking. "Harry saw, he says he doesn't know if he can... if he can... God! Finn why can't you forgive Rachel!? I need to know, because... fuck! I messed it up, and he said we would talk when he came back, but I kept pushing and pushing and he broke up with me, he said we were done."

Finn opened his mouth and closed it several times. "You kissed Blaine?"

"Yes" sobbed Kurt. "Can you forgive Rachel?"

"I can't" said Finn immediately.

"Why!?" screamed Kurt. "Why!? It was a stupid mistake!"

"She hurt me and I can't trust her anymore."

Kurt's crying subdued and he stared straight ahead, tears still falling.

"He won't forgive me" announced Kurt in a whisper. "Harry... Harry didn't do anything. He was perfect, he was… I mess it up on my own. I have no excuse, I cheated on him" Kurt said disgusted. "If you can't forgive Rachel..." Kurt laughed hysterically and started crying again. "Harry won't forgive me."

Finn awkwardly hugged him. "You don't know that... Harry is like a completely different person, and he loves you dude."

It seemed like the wrong thing to say because Kurt let out a choked sound and started sobbing against his knees.

"I'll call the girls!" said Finn in panic.

Rachel was the first to arrive, she was wearing her dance clothes and Kurt vaguely remembered the dancing studio that she frequented was close to their new house. She saw him sitting against the wall. He hadn't had the energy to move further than that. For once, she ignored Finn and rushed towards him

"Oh Kurt" she whispered softly. She kneeled in front of him and hugged him.

"I... I don't..." said Kurt hugging her back and hiding on her shoulder "I didn't mean to! I kissed Blaine, Harry... I..."

Rachel made shushing noises and rocked them "I know, I know."

Kurt hugged her harder, because she did know.

IIIII

"He wouldn't even listen to me!" he sobbed against her shoulder.

"The important thing is to keep trying and hope he'll eventually listen."

"What if he can't forgive me? What if I lost him?"

"It hurts and you cry until there's nothing left, and by nothing I mean nothing, because you won't even want to sing or dance or do anything but cry."

"I didn't even realize..." muttered Kurt.

She kissed the top of his head. "I know... you'll keep crying and then you cry more. You eventually start singing and crying at the same time. The crying will stop and you will want to sing again. Then you just hope he loves you enough to try again someday..."

Tina and Mike arrived together soon after. Mike joined Finn in the kitchen, leaving Kurt in the living room with the girls. Mercedes was the next to arrive, followed by Santana and Brittany and quickly after that everybody from New Directions, including Lauren and the guys were there.

"Let's go upstairs" suggested Tina quietly. The boys and Lauren took over the living room, playing video games. None of them mentioned that the TV was in mute, the door was open or that they kept getting killed before passing the first level, straining their ears to hear what was going on.

Kurt didn't have the energy to complain about how half of his room was in complete chaos. He simply sank on the bed, while the girls got comfortable around him.

"White boy, you need to tell us what happened, from the start."

"Harry had to leave for his fencing tournament and after we said goodbye, I was just sad..."

Harry pouted, hugging him tightly. "Five whole days! What am I supposed to do without you for five days?"

"Technically, it's four" said Kurt, while melting against him.

"It's Wednesday, and I don't return until Sunday, that's five days"

"But you saw me today and you will see me on Sunday, so actually, it's only three days..." Kurt opened his mouth to argue more, but Harry kissed his nose.

"Let's just agree we are going to miss each other... I wish you could come. I could use the good luck charm."

"You are an incredible fencer, the best actually, I wouldn't date you otherwise" said Kurt with a smirk.

Harry's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Look at you, using the proper terms and all. It's very sexy."

He grabbed Kurt by the waist and started placing kisses on his neck.

"Go" said Kurt, separating slightly with a laugh. "You are going to be late..." Harry sighed and grabbed his equipment and bag. "Break a leg, and make sure to win the prettiest medal, so I can create an outfit to show it off."

Harry laughed. "Shouldn't I be the one showing it off?"

"You can show me off, while I show the medal off. It's a win-win" responded Kurt with a superior air and teasing smile.

"You got yourself a deal mister. I'll call you at night and let me know if you guys can't sleep" Harry stared at him, his eyes shining. "I love you."

Kurt stayed there frozen while Harry placed a last kiss on his cheek and left. Harry was starting to say it more often and every time he felt unable to breath, much less say it back. He lay down on the bed, grabbed Harry's pillow and hugged it fiercely.

"Kurt?" asked Blaine getting his head inside. "Oh good, I caught you on time. We have rehearsal later, but it's in the auditorium... hey, what's wrong?"

"I won't see Harry for five days..." he said miserably.

Blaine rubbed his neck awkwardly. "He'll be back in no time, plus he's going to be calling you all the time right? And he said he was going to sing you to sleep didn't he?"

"I know, but I'll still miss him... Would you cuddle me?" asked Kurt softly.

"Sure" agreed Blaine quickly. "But fair warning, I don't think I am better than you as a big spoon" Kurt closed his eyes contently when a pair of arms wrapped around him. It was a little awkward, Blaine was tense and it didn't feel quite the same.

By mutual agreement they separated and moved to their backs, staring at the ceiling in silence. Kurt moved his hand to grab Blaine's.

"Blaine… I know we didn't talk about it, but if you ever want to, I am here for you…"

Blaine didn't say anything, but he squeezed hard enough to make it uncomfortable for Kurt. Still, he didn't say anything.

"He texted me" said Blaine in a small voice. "Like nothing happened; he texted me asking when we were going out again."

"Oh" said Kurt trying not to seem like he was pressuring him to speak.

"I just… I like to think I would have been coherent enough to say no, but even if I had been, I don't know him enough to be sure he would have respected that" mumbled Blaine closing his eyes. "I don't… I don't want to think like this, maybe I am blowing this out of proportion but… I felt so, I dunno, helpless the next day and scared and God, what if…"

"You can't obsess with what ifs Blaine" said Kurt. "It was scary and you're right, we don't know what Jeremiah would have done."

"Do you think we are jumping the gun with the situation?" asked Blaine.

"No Blaine, regardless of anything including his recent coming out, the fact is that Jeremiah is older. He hadn't had much to drink because he knew he was driving, he should have cared enough about you to know where the line was."

"…I don't know how you do it Kurt, but you are the strongest person I know" said Blaine finally.

"Thanks I guess. I just try to think of how all this won't mean anything once I am away. Life experiences, things that will make me a better person" said Kurt and turned his head to look at Blaine. "I know right now you feel like you can't trust anybody in your personal space, but it goes away when you find the right person" said Kurt.

Before Blaine could respond he twisted the rest of his body so he was on his side. Blaine imitated him and Kurt passed his arms around him, their legs tangling together.

"There, neither of us has to be the big spoon..."

Blaine blushed at the proximity, which caused Kurt to blush too.

"Kurt… what if I found the person already?" asked Blaine staring at him, his heart beating faster and adrenaline taking over.

Kurt frowned, about to ask when he saw Blaine's face and understood. They kept staring at each other until Blaine started moving his head forwards and Kurt followed his example without thinking.

Their lips met, it felt amazing, exciting and sooo right. There was an underlying feeling of FINALLY, like getting the first sip of water after a long, long, hot day and yet there was something wrong with the kiss. Kurt frowned and flipped them over so he could get better access.

There was something missing, something he couldn't place. He wasn't aware what his hands were doing, but he knew he wanted more, he wanted to feel more. His hips moved and the friction was amazing... Blaine started to imitate his actions and then he was on his back and they were getting there, that feeling was just there...

He heard a gasp and turned to the door, his blood freezing. Wes and David stared at them in shock. They separated hurriedly and Kurt felt sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Because fuck, that was not supposed to happen, he was not supposed to kiss his best friend the moment his boyfriend left them alone...

He finished telling the whole story, including the frantic phone calls, the begging and Harry's anger, which lead to the break up. He had skipped over the details of his conversation with Blaine, at least the part that wasn't his to share.

"I fucked up" he whispered finally. "I completely, royally, fucked up."

The girls exchanged looks of concern; it was completely out of character for Kurt to swear.

"Well, big deal, you were finally getting inside the pants of dapper boy, we all knew it was only a matter of time..." said Santana, trying to break the ice.

"What!?" asked Kurt offended. Rachel and Mercedes exchanged a look; it was enough for Kurt to know something was going on. "Speak!" he ordered.

"Look Kurt, we love Harry, he's great to you and we don't doubt that you have feelings for him, but to be honest he came out of nowhere" started Rachel, with probably the most tact she had shown in her whole life. "Think Breakfast at Tiffany's, Blaine is the Paul to your Holly, while you are with Jose."

"We were all expecting you and Blaine to have a painfully long friendship and end up together eventually" shrugged Mercedes. "Then one day you call freaking out because a different guy asked you out and well... I know I said go for it, but I honestly thought you two would go out on a couple of dates before Blaine came to his senses..."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "You only agreed to the date after Blaine said he saw you as a friend, you wanted him all along and since you couldn't have him, you got a replacement. He's nice, don't get me wrong, but if your heart isn't into it, then it's only a matter of time before you do something impulsively and realize where it has been all along."

"Exactly" said Santana before Rachel could process properly and turn this into her moment. "Now that he showed that he wants you as much as you want him, it's time you realize that hot British is not your prince charming, dump his ass and ride a pink unicorn to gay paradise with dapper hobbit."

Kurt's mouth hung opened when all the girls seemed to agree to the general idea that Santana proposed. "I LOVE HARRY!" he screamed frustrated. "I love him, I do, he doesn't believe me and you don't either, but I love him... I love him so much."

"What about Blaine?" asked Tina softly "What do you feel for him?"

"I... I love him too" muttered Kurt ashamed. He had done it, he had finally voiced what he had so strongly tried to deny. He knew the moment he kissed Blaine. He knew because he would never have betrayed Harry for anything less than love. "He said he had fallen for me..." he admitted suddenly, and told them the awkward goodbye after Harry's conversation.

"Who do you love more?" asked Mercedes gently.

"I... I don't know. It's different, with Harry everything... it's easy, he always makes me laugh and I feel safe and loved, like nothing bad can happen to me because he's there. With Blaine I just know we get each other, we like similar stuff and we can talk for hours, but there's something that doesn't fit right with the idea of being with Blaine, and it drives me crazy that I don't know what it is!" Kurt put a pillow over his head and screamed frustrated.

"Does that mean you would rather be with Harry?"

"I can't choose, I can't imagine not having either of them in my life, it just hurts too much."

The girls sighed disappointed, not knowing how to help. Brittany giggled delighted.

IIIII

They went downstairs for pizza and Kurt smiled as they all joked and caught him up with the latest gossip of McKinley. The guys got a short summary of what had been discussed in the basement, while Kurt had gone to fix his hair and face after all the crying. He stopped at the top of the stairs to listen in to their conversation. After Mercedes caught them up, a very intense discussion followed about who was better for Kurt, Harry or Blaine.

"Does nobody else see why hobbit and Hummel just don't go?" finally asked Puck.

"I get it" said Lauren, while taking over a whole pizza. There was some curious muttering, but nobody asked why. It bugged Kurt, because when they were kissing, he had the same feeling that something wasn't adding up, that something was missing or just wasn't there.

"If you have something to say, just say it" said Kurt reaching the living room, dressed in his own clothes and feeling better by that simple action.

For a moment Puck hesitated, before shrugging. "Alright, but don't get all bitchy because I'm the only one with balls to say it" Kurt raised an eyebrow in challenge, Puck huffed. "I met hobbit, and I've hung around you enough to say that you two are like total girls..."

"If you are going to be insulting me and Blaine because we are gay then..." started Kurt hands on his hips.

"No, I'm saying it for real. Like, you two like the same weird musical shit Berry does. At dinner you were talking about clothes and gossip and obsessing about your hair. Face it Hummel, you and hobbit are like girls. You are better friends with them and you always tried to be on their team. Potter was talking to us about normal things, and he did normal guy stuff like offering to pay for you, getting your chair and all that crap..." he grabbed a big piece of pizza and continued with his mouth half full. "If you date hobbit, you'll be dating a 'girl', and since you don't like girls and are already sort of like a girl, shouldn't you be dating a guy?"

Puck looked proud, while Kurt and almost everybody stared at him open mouthed.

"Noah!" scolded him Rachel, crossing her arms. "That is so stereotypical and... and..."

"Insulting? Closed minded? Degrading?" listed Kurt.

"Genius!" said Rachel instead.

"Wait what?" turned Kurt.

"Is it?" asked Puck surprised, before smirking satisfied. "Of course it is…"

"Think about it, without taking into consideration the offensive and poorly chosen vocabulary Noah used, his ideas do hold some merit. If you think about it Kurt, the reasons you like Harry is because of the way he treats you and how he makes you feel safe and loved, while you like Blaine because he gets you. Don't you think maybe, that the thing that makes your relationship with Harry 'easy' it's his..." she paused looking for the right word. "Assertive personality and the thing missing with Blaine is that he has a more passive one, like you?"

Mercedes snorted. "Kurt? Passive personality? Girl, you need to get your brain checked because..."

"Not in that sense Mercedes" replied Rachel cuttingly. She grabbed Kurt and dragged him towards the kitchen, closing the door. "Kurt, before you dated Harry, when you imagined what having a boyfriend was like, what was on your mind? You don't have to tell me, just think about it."

Kurt thought the whole thing was a waste of time, but he sat down and tried to remember what he had wanted. He always imagined a boyfriend with a perfect sense of style, an amazing voice to sing with and what? What had he always wanted in a guy?

He was suddenly hit with an old memory of their freshmen year. Finn had started dating Quinn after entering the football team and she had taken to wearing his jacket. He remembered perfectly, how in a crowded hallway, before she became head cheerio and people started moving for her, Finn had placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her.

That had been the start of his crush.

That's what he had always wanted, somebody to guide him in the hallways, somebody that grabbed his hand and kissed his cheek. He imagined a guy holding doors open for him, fighting to pay every time. Somebody that would carry his book or shopping bags, and tell him he was beautiful.

He remembered Mika and Tina's Asian kiss, and he wanted that personal, inside world with somebody. Puck serenading Mercedes and he wanted that, a guy making an effort for him. With a startling realization, he came to the conclusion that when he imagined having a boyfriend, when he saw his friends in relationships around him, even in his mind he had always somehow played the part of the girl.

"Oh dear sweet Jimmy, I am a girl"

Rachel gave him a sympathetic glance. "You are not Kurt you simply want to be treated like you are something precious and feel like somebody is there for you, which you are and you deserve. Let's not focus on that for a moment, has Blaine ever told you what he wants in a guy?"

"Yeah, it is one of our most discussed topics..."

"Is he closer to what you imagined or does he want things similar to your own expectations?"

Kurt remembered Blaine saying he wanted a guy that was polite and a gentleman, who would take him on all kinds of dates and make him laugh, who would put a lot of attention to details and wasn't ashamed of holding hands. Back then Kurt had been ecstatic, because it was a list that could apply to him.

After he started dating Harry, he realized that Blaine wanted the same things he did. He could see it in his longing face when Harry held the door open for both of them, and didn't allow them to pay. He and Blaine wanted the same things, which sort of nullified each other. That was the thing that sometimes made their interactions a little awkward.

There had been plenty of times in which both waited just a second for the other one to open the door, only for the one closest to do it in the end. Or when they fought about paying, only for one of them to give in, almost at the same time the other one was about to. Things that came naturally to Harry, the actions that made Kurt stare at him and feel like the most important person in the world, were the same things Blaine wanted.

"I see..." he whispered surprised that Rachel had actually helped him to understand it.

"I didn't get it until Noah pointed it out, but it clicked. My dad had always taken the stereotypical 'man' role of the relationship with my Daddy" she took pity in Kurt's flabbergasted expression and added. "It doesn't change who you are or what you want from a relationship or… defines you when you are intimate, it's just normal to want a cute guy to treat you like you're his world."

"But…"

"Hi guys, I think I am lost" said Brittany appearing from the laundry room. "I've been trying to enter your elevator to get to the bathroom, but it's too small for me."

"That's not the..." Kurt sighed. "Come with me, I'll show you the way."

They left the kitchen and went upstairs. He ignored the questioning looks from his friends.

"Why are you sad?" asked Brittany with an innocent expression. "I thought you got yourself a new boyfriend."

"I've lost my boyfriend because I kissed another guy" explained Kurt patiently.

"Puck said you kissed a girl"

"No honey, remember Blaine? The Warbler?"

Her eyes shined. "But he's like you right? A dolphin?"

"Yes" agreed Kurt.

"And Harry is like a shark, but a nice shark, like the ones in finding Nemo, because he dates dolphins."

"...I guess?"

"So shouldn't he be excited that he saw two dolphins kissing? All the guys like when we let them see Santana and me kiss. They do nice stuff for us and if we let them join, then they are super happy and do extra nice things. I don't do it anymore, because I'm with Artie, but why don't you let Harry join when you kiss other dolphins, he'll be the happiest shark ever."

She skipped to the bathroom while Kurt pondered the idea she had just given him. Under other circumstances he might have been more interested in the other part of the story, but right now he had more pressing matters to attend. He went down with a decisive air. Everybody turned to see him surprised at the sudden change in his attitude.

"I have an idea... Rachel, Quinn, Santana, I need your help."

"Oh hell no! What am I? Wallpaper?" asked Mercedes with her typical sassy attitude.

"Sorry 'Cedes, I need the manipulative, cut throat approach for this if I ever hope to outsmart Harry."

"Now I am offended" said Rachel arms on her hips.

"Please, you would sell your firstborn child to get a Tony" said Artie.

Rachel huffed. "That's why I am not starting a family until I am at least 25, by then I would have already..."

"You've just proven his point" muttered Sam, receiving a glare in response.

"What's your plan?" asked Finn with a frown, not liking Kurt's scary expression.

Kurt faltered for a second, uncomfortable with sharing his idea to everybody at once. "I think I found a solution..." he blushed and didn't say anything else.

"No way" said Puck his face lightening up. "Are you thinking what I am thinking?"

"I honestly hope not or I might need to research how to exfoliate my brain" replied Kurt defensively.

"You want to..."

"What's going on here?" everybody turned to the door, staring at Burt and Carole juggling shopping bags.

"Uh..." started Finn.

"It's Lauren's initiation to New Directions!" Rachel said suddenly.

"Yeah" said Mike surprisingly. "It's a glee party to celebrate she's the new member to join..." he poked Tina discretely.

"It's a tradition" Tina blurted out. "Kurt said he could come today for a little while, and he might be in the Warblers, but he's still part of us."

"We were going to do it in my house, but my mom had her church group moved today" said Quinn trying to look innocent.

"Mine is too small" said Sam with a shrug.

"I have a little sister" said Puck as if that explained everything.

"I don't want them to know where I live" replied Santana with her usual tone, looking at her nails.

They all started talking over each other, listing reasons why they were here. Burt stepped back. "Alright, alright, I just wanted to know why you were here" he muttered under his breath.

"I'll go make you kids some snacks!" said Carole cheerfully, giving Kurt a kiss and moving to the kitchen.

"Hi dad" said Kurt stepping forwards to hug him.

"You ok?" asked Burt sensing something wrong.

"Yeah, just got a little emotional" he whispered. "With all of them here... meeting my replacement..."

Burt seemed satisfied with the answer and sent them all upstairs so he could watch the game in peace. The guys were torn, but decided to join Kurt in the end. Puck took Artie's chair, while Brittany carried him, to which he looked smug about, probably because he was pressed against her breasts.

Kurt demanded the topic to be dropped, and the reunion did end up transforming into a glee get together. Even if they were all a little cramped inside his room, it was nice to have them there for him. It didn't mean he felt better or that the whole thing solved itself, but it was good to know he had good friends.

"Hey Kurt, next week I am having a party, if you want to come" offered Rachel.

"Honestly? A party is the least thing in my mind, I'd rather be at Dalton in case Harry arrives early or something" whispered Kurt, making her nod in acceptance.

IIIII

Blaine didn't move from the room after Kurt had left, processing the words. Kurt didn't push him away, he hadn't wanted to. Did that meant Kurt liked him too? For one minute he tried to think about it. He tried imagining what it would me like to be Kurt's boyfriend, but it wasn't right, every time he thought of Kurt, Harry wasn't far behind.

Wes and David dropped by, silently offering their support by being there. Blaine didn't say anything, but when curfew was approaching, he asked if he could spend the night at their room with an embarrassed mumble.

"Blaine... who sleeps in the big bed?" asked David, once they were back to his and Wes' room. Blaine had grabbed his pillows and duvet and was now settling them on the floor. "We always assumed it was Kurt and Harry, but you got your pillows from there."

Wes remained silent, he already had a suspicion they shared, but he hadn't wanted to bring it up. He had been waiting for the right time to discuss with Blaine his semi relationship with Harry and Kurt. It seemed he had waited too long.

"I have nightmares" he confessed weakly. "It's stupid... I started sharing a bed with Harry and Kurt after that night" it didn't need to be specified which night. It was probably the only time in his life Wes had seriously broken rules. "Sleeping next to them helps, especially Harry."

David and Wes seemed to be taken aback by the news. "You never told us... is that why you never had a roommate?"

"Yeah, I used to take medication too" Blaine stared at the ceiling, feeling slightly weird realizing how little Wes and David, his best friends since he arrived at Dalton, knew about him. "We have never had a heart to heart have we?"

"Not really" conceded Wes. "Have you had a heart to heart with them?"

Blaine frowned. "All the time, Harry has the ability to just know when somebody has problems and needs to talk, and Kurt loves drama and gossiping before going to bed."

"So, what do you and Kurt talk about?"

"We gossip about everybody" Blaine said hugging a pillow. "We also ranked the hottest guys in school and do our nails sometimes."

"Oh my God, is that why your nails look so good?" asked Wes, gaining a weird look from David and Blaine. "What? Look" he said trusting his hand in front of Blaine's face. "I always end up scratching myself."

Blaine laughed and grabbed his bag, digging through it until he got the nail file Kurt had given him. "Give me" he ordered.

Wes stared at him frowning before thrusting his hand forwards again, slightly afraid. "It doesn't hurt does it?"

"Don't be a pussy" muttered Blaine starting to fix the length on Wes' nails.

"...Blaine, you do realize you just said pussy don't you?" asked David with an amused smile, while Wes had a scandalized face.

"Harry swears a lot... it's catchy."

"So... where do we rank?" asked Wes after Blaine returned his hand, he gave the other one without being asked, staring at the finished product in amazement.

"Rank where?"

"You said you and Kurt ranked the hottest guys at school, so where do we rank?"

Blaine smiled secretively.

It felt nice, joking with Wes and David, sharing a part of him he had never thought of revealing. Until Kurt and Harry of course, they didn't allow him to get away with his fake smile or fake interest in anything. They wanted the real him, they liked the real him... and he screwed it over. He possibly damaged the best friendships he had ever hoped to have.

"Blaine?" asked David carefully, checking his own hands and trying to appear nonchalant. "Why have you never acted like this around us before?"

"Like what?"

"Normal, you always kept us at arm length, you've never been... you around us before."

Blaine played with the duvet. "I wanted to fit in, I wanted people to like me and it was easier that way. Then we met Kurt and we started meeting at cafes and doing things, and I could be me, because he wasn't in Dalton, he didn't know I acted different here... then he transferred and he noticed, I think I pushed him away a little and that's why he loved being around Harry and the Weasleys. I even told him to tone himself down after the audition and that's when he stopped sitting with us."

Wes and David exchanged a look. "Is that why you stopped hanging out with us too?"

"Kind of... they are... they are so easy going and loud and it's fun. After I stopped being a jerk to Harry and started to really get to know them, I realized the only way to fit in with them was by not trying. Harry and Kurt don't let me anyways, not around them and they are always trying to get me to open up outside too. Harry insists that you guys would probably don't care if I acted like myself..."

"Blaine, I know Wes and I can be a little more subdued than them, but I thought it would be clear you're our friend, no matter what. You don't need to 'tone yourself down', never around the Warblers, we are a team."

"As long as it's not during practice time" said Wes with a teasing smirk. "The council wouldn't tolerate it."

"They're jerks anyways" said Blaine, receiving two pillows in retaliation.

They snuck into the kitchen for hot chocolate, despite Wes' insistent protest of 'I'm a prefect, I don't sneak. I don't have a curfew!' and after returning, they settled down on the beds again. David pulled him over to his.

Tentatively, Blaine curled up against him, pressing his head to his chest and was grateful when David didn't say anything and just ruffled his hair. He missed Harry's comforting presence and the way he held him at night no matter how he slept. He missed the smell of Kurt's products and the content sigh he did before going to sleep.

"Blaine... do you like Harry?" asked Wes surprisingly.

"What?" he asked alarmed, sitting up.

"Well, don't get me wrong. We know you like Kurt, but tonight you could barely mention him, without saying something about Harry and you sort of use the same dopey tone for their names..."

"I don't like him like that!" said Blaine fiercely. "I do find him attractive, and he's funny and smart and he always makes me feel good..."

He stared off into space. Hit by a very strong epiphany and momentarily lost to the world.

"That last part was too open for interpretation for my taste" commented David.

"Blaine? Blaine?"

"I love Harry" he whispered horrified. "I love Harry and Kurt... it's like I can't separate them."

"Are you sure? Because that sounds like you are more in love with the idea of them than of each one separately."

"No, I mean, Harry, he's one of the most amazing persons I know. He literally rescues cats from trees, who in their right mind does that? He barely knew me and he drove for hours to pick me up from..." Blaine stood up and paced the room. "And Kurt, he's so strong and kind; he is so sure of himself that I envy him sometimes. I knew I was developing feelings for him since almost the start, but I didn't realize that when Kurt kissed Harry I wasn't feeling jealous because he was kissing him, I was jealous because they kissed each other..."

He sighed and dropped next to Wes, hiding his face against the mattress and trying not to cry.

"Why couldn't I be normal and fall in love with a straight friend?" he asked cleaning his face angrily of the few tears that escaped. He was surprised when Wes, lost at words for once, hugged him.

Dammit, Wes' embrace was warm and welcoming and it reminded him of Harry.

His body shook as he cried silently against Wes.

IIIII

He spent the last leg of the trip compartmentalizing, effectively pushing all his problems and feelings to the back of his mind. He would deal with them later. The team had put too much effort into this and as their captain; he had to keep it together. He arrived with enough time to handle all their paperwork.

It was a dull activity, usually delegated to whichever member had misbehaved that week, but it was just what he needed. As he handed in all the papers, somebody tapped his shoulder. He turned and was taken aback.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?" he asked hugging the girl tightly. "I haven't heard from you in ages!"

"Feed me" ordered the girl with a superior and slightly snobbish accent, which she accompanied with an honest and playful grin.

Harry was surprised when a genuine smile appeared on his face at the demanding tone. "Alright, I'll buy you lunch."

He extended his arm and she linked hers immediately.

IIIII

Harry arrived at the hotel much more relaxed. He parked his car and got his equipment, the team arrived less than 10 minutes after and he was able to greet them with an honest smile. He waited until they had all retrieved their bags and stretched their legs.

"Cheer up guys! I was nice enough to do the paperwork and registration myself!" they all mumbled half-heartedly in thanks, Harry rolled his eyes. "I have a list of roommates here. When I call your name step forwards, pick up your key and straight to your room, dinner will be in an hour. Curfew is at 9, breakfast is at 7:30 on the dot" he let the groans fade before continuing, pulling tape out of his pocket and twirling it mockingly. "We'll know if somebody gets out."

He started calling out names in between all the protests, Moody watched him proudly.

IIIII

The competition turned out to be a blessing, Harry let out all of his anger and frustration on his opponents. But now that it was over, he could only stare at the ceiling blankly, trying to sleep and being hyper aware of the missing bodies. In the other bed Tom mumbled something and fell silent. They were going back the next day. It had been four long, long days. The competition had been rough, but they had done it. Dalton Fencing team had officially won nationals for the second time.

Now that the distraction was not there, Harry was free to drown himself in self-pity, anger, hate, disappointment and all sort of dark emotions. The Weasleys didn't crown him king of brooding in vain. The phone rang.

Harry closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Tom woke up alarmed and cursed, turning the light on and answering.

"What?" he listen to something on the other side and sighed. "One moment, Potter you asshole, I know you're awake! It's for you."

He resigned himself and grabbed the phone; Tom rolled over and was asleep immediately.

"Yeah? Oh… hey… is everything…" started to ask Harry tiredly. He suddenly sat up immediately, completely awake and mind already racing to get everything ready for his departure. "I'll be on the next flight."

- End Chapter 20 -

Next chapter we find out LOADS about Harry's past and we see more of the tournament.

In case I didn't mention, there will be plenty of… questionable? plot moving? fine, cliff hangers endings from now on…

All the best,

SweetCaroline91