1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun.
2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title.
3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this.
4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?
5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer.
PART 5
"You know, I could get used to this."
Alfred Pennyworth picked up the tray of crumbs. "I should warn you, Your Highness, that even I have my limits."
Diana continued chomping away at the huge vanilla cake. "Don't pretend you don't love it, Mr. Pennyworth."
"I don't mind serving the children on an hourly basis," the butler drawled. "But if I dare say, Ma'am, you're taking the proverbial."
Diana laughed. "I'm only messing, Alfred."
Alfred humphed. "Then may I please be excused? I think seven cakes is enough."
"Yes, you're excused, Alfred," came the voice from behind the computer chair. "Diana and I need to talk."
"Of course you do," said the Englishman. "But before I leave, Sir, may I request you pick up some groceries during your patrol? Otherwise there'll be nothing for breakfast."
Diana struggled to stifle a chuckle. "Sorry, Alfred."
Humphing again, Alfred turned towards the Batcave lift. "Goodnight, Sir, Ma'am."
After he had gone, Diana began munching again. Meanwhile, her husband sat up from behind the computer and strode towards her. "Don't forget those groceries," Diana said.
The Batman grumbled. "This isn't a joke, Diana. Look at you!"
The Amazon looked at her decidedly-non-Amazon body. "It's just a couple of pounds... "
"More like half-a-tonne! Really, Diana, what were you thinking?"
"What were you thinking when you made rude comments about that woman?" Diana asked.
Batman, in a rare show of frustration, held his head. "We've been over this... I wasn't being rude. But a person shouldn't let themselves get in that condition! It's not healthy!"
"Maybe she couldn't help herself, Mr. World's Greatest Detective." Diana finished the cake and rubbed her hands together. "Not many people choose to be morbidly obese."
"No, just you and Zatanna, it seems." Batman looked over his wife. Now as big as the woman at the cafe, the Amazon Princess would not have been recognisable to Hippolyta herself. And to complete the picture, Diana had somehow managed to get on her costume. The Joker would have laughed himself to death.
"Maybe this'll teach you to think before you speak."
"I always think before I speak, Diana," said Batman.
"True, but you don't always think of people's feelings," responded Diana. Batman was about to refute that, but Diana cut him off. "I know you were concerned for her wellbeing, Bruce. I know you care, but sometimes... you don't think. That woman would not have needed a lecture from you. I'm sure she knows it all too well. And besides, it's what inside that counts. I didn't think I'd have to teach you that."
"So is that was this is?" asked Batman. "A lecture? I'm not a child, Diana. I wasn't judging that woman as a person, I was judging her lifestyle."
"And that's how I know you care," said Diana. "But you must admit, darling, that you're not exactly Mr. Sensitive."
"A sensitive Batman doesn't exactly instill fear," he replied. "Anyway, I need to go if I'm to get your food. And please don't let the twins see you like this. It'll raise too many questions... and I mean questions about how, not why, before you say anything."
Rolling her eyes, Diana sighed. She then leaned forward to kiss her husband... but he quickly moved his head to press his lips on her bloated cheek. He then turned away and headed towards the Batmobile. Looking down, Diana clenched her jaw. "Bye, then," she said bitterly.
Batman suddenly paused. He was motionless for a few seconds, then slowly turned back to his wife. "Hold on... is... is this a... test of some sort?"
Diana looked at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"It is... " Batman walked back towards her. "Diana... you can't be serious! You think I'm... unattracted to you now?"
"Don't accuse me, of all people, of being shallow, Bruce!" Diana yelped. "This has nothing to do with that."
"Maybe not," Batman said cautiously. "At least, not wholly."
The Amazon looked down.
"Diana... " he stressed.
Sighing, Diana looked back at him. "Don't think you've outmanoeuvred me, Mr. Wayne," she said. "Whether intended or not, your comments were crass and thoughtless. Seeing me like this, up close, might make you think twice in the future. Imagine how she might've reacted if she heard you."
"Which I acknowledge," said Batman. "But as you said, it wasn't my intention to insult." Slowly, the pieces came together in his mind. "At the cafe, you made a comment about supermodels... "
"Ugh," Diana groaned.
Batman went towards her until they were just an inch apart. "Diana... you don't think... "
"No, I don't," she interrupted. "Truly I don't. But at that instant, the thought - however irrational - came into my head that... "
"That I'm only with you because of your looks," finished Batman.
"And believe me Bruce, I know that's not true. I know in my mind and my heart. But, like I said, in that instant, when you made those remarks... " She paused. "And just now, when you wouldn't kiss me... was it because how I look now?"
Sighing, Batman chastised himself. Diana was right - he was so thoughtless sometimes. Well, it was time to put his wife's fears to rest. He confidently reached up and held Diana's enlarged chin. "Diana... this means nothing to me. I love you no matter what. And why didn't I return the kiss?" With then ran his other hand across Diana's mouth.
Diana looked confused, until Batman showed her his gloved hand... covered in cake crumbs. "Ah. That might exp... "
She never finished the sentence as his lips were suddenly on hers...
TO BE CONCLUDED