Chapter Two
I was utterly mesmerised by him; his childish warm and loving smile that made my heart flutter wildly. It's become a constant reminder of my childhood days. There were some good memories, though. Not so many, but they were like a breath of fresh air for me, when I couldn't see the light... I was laying on the bed and listening to the severe cold winds, that had blown strongly outside of the window of my room. I did it all the time after he'd gone to the pub. My mother used to lay with me. I still remember her caring and soft hands that used to stroke my hair, so gently, slowly. Sometimes she could sing for me to sleep and I fell asleep immediately, as she kept singing her lullaby. It's normal to have the nightmares in your dreams. As for me, the real life was my an endless nightmare. She didn't know anything about me had been raped by my own dad...hmm...her dear husband... Silly boy, I was a silly boy. They'd never catch him up by doing these things to me. It was his little secret. And every night I knew, that he wouldn't leave me alone...no...not ever...I wouldn't stop hiding untill the sun went down...then I'd had no other choice.
All I have and all I've truly got is Steven. It's always been him. His rare smiles and the hearty laugh, that's all belong to me only, now. I always smile a little bit at his still boyish sleeping body, looking forward to the new colourful sunrise. He calls his smile - charming...hmmm...I don't think he completely understands an effect that this 'charming' smile has on me and... others. But I prefer more a seducing smile. He blushes when I try to prove it to him. I'm just a fool that madly in love with that 'innocent' boy. He's the beautiful and gleaming light of mine that took off the heavy chain from my shattered heart and brought love back to my life.
I've lost everything and myself, but he brought me to life again. He taught me how to live again; how to love, the way, I'd never loved before. I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. I want to embrace every new sunrise, just because of him. When he's still asleep, I want to memorise every inch of his body, to touch the glistering skin and feel how my tiny touches making him shiver. I adore watching as the bright beams playing softly on his calm face in the morning. When I look into his an enticing eyes, I can see that familiar burning and all-consuming desire that we both, sometimes can't control. And of course I see the tender light on them too, the light that never stopped leading me through the worst moments of my life in past few years. He's been by my side, never stopped believing in me. He was with me even in my sunken dreams. That's how it works, innit? When you care so much, when you can't think about anything else but him, and his life...without you?
"Doesn't matter anymore though, does it? all that's left of the past now is just dust. Look, yeah? It just breaks away. Can't hurt you anymore. Watch. See?"
I stood in the same place where I was forced to drink myself sick, while my dad's cronies had a lot of fun out of bullying and humiliating an eight years old boy " Don't waste our time, boy! Look at you, just look! Wanna more? You have to be a man, Brenda..." I still can hear them howling with laughter.
Me dad's toxic pub... but Steven was standing there, in the light, consumed by the purest beams and looking at me so tenderly...so intensely. Apparently I caught my breath, daren't say anything, just listening to the every single word that were escaping from his mouth. Smashing me dad's pub, side by side, was just like washing away all the regretful memories, what would I do without him? He brings only good in me, day by day, healing my wounded heart. As all in pub were broken, and it was done, we ended in each others embraces.
As long as he believes in me, I won't stop breathing.