A/N: To answer a question I got in the comments...I'm not really sure how many chapters there'll be lol. I haven't decided that far ahead. Originally it was just going to be a short few chapters of Tamako's childhood and all. And people seemed to love it, and I loved writing it, so it evolved into something more very quickly. So...there could be quite a lot of them haha. Now, I have plans for a long while for the story. I wasn't sure if I should split it into two stories, or keep it as one. But, I figured I'd keep it as one.

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Chapter 41: Almost Forgiven

The strange thing about her pups, Tamako realized, was that they had no human in them whatsoever. She thought for sure that they would at least be part human. But, apparently, her full blooded youkai had taken over when they were conceived. So, instead of being half human, they were just half dog demon and half wolf demon. While normal hanyou children that carried human blood aged like regular humans until they were a certain age like she had, full blooded demons aged quicker. And, she believed, her children would not have nights of weakness like she did, they would not have full human blooded nights at all. The thought actually relieved her. She hated her human nights, she hated feeling weak. And, the first change had been pretty traumatic on her. Her children wouldn't ever have to go through that.

And, she still hadn't forgiven Kouga. Not completely. She was opening up to the idea very slowly, allowing him more and more in as time went by. But, eight months went by, and she still hadn't gone home. Still, she lived in the hut with her father, Kouga coming to visit almost on a daily basis. She barely even kissed him still.

The twins were eight months old, and looked like they could have passed for a year and a half to two years old. And they were pretty much in that stage of development, too.

But, watching them both grow, they grew differently. Koichi was more outgoing than his sister, and Sayuri tended to be quieter, more reserved. She seemed to like to watch the world around her more than her brother.

The two of them were like night and day.

It worried Tamako sometimes, though. Koichi was already babbling words, not many of them, but some here and there. He would say words like mommy, daddy, grandpa, drink, fire...various things. He didn't seem to be putting things into sentences yet. And he was also trying his hardest to walk, though he always ended up falling over.

Thats not what worried the young mother, though. Sayuri was what worried her. Sayuri didn't say the things her brother did, she didn't even seem interested in speaking. She wasn't trying to walk, either. She'd crawl, sure, but walking didn't seem to interest her either.

That afternoon was a pretty nice one. They'd made it through the winter in the old hut, and Kouga hadn't liked that one bit. It was still winter, but winter was nearing its end and the first remnants of spring had begun. The snow had melted, but it still was usually cold. Until that day, anyway, when the sun decided to shine.

So, Tamako decided it'd be a good day to do the laundry outside. She'd gotten the tub filled with water, brought out the clothes, hung her clothesline and then sat the twins down by her so she could watch them as she did the chore.

She could smell him before he arrived. Kouga was there. Taking in a breath and putting on a slight smile, looking at the twins. "Daddys coming." she told them.

Koichi's face lit up as he heard his mothers voice. "Daddy!" he said. Looking around, seeing his father run into the clearing, grinning as he moved to push himself to stand up. "Daddy!" he declared again. Moving one foot to take a step forward, both Tamako and Kouga eyed the child carefully.

But, his step faltered and he fell, falling flat on his face. Whining and pouting as he sat up, a blush forming over his cheeks in embarrassment, knowing his parents had just watched him fall.

Kouga grinned and ran forward, kneeling by his son and moving to pick him up onto his feet. "There there, son. No tears. Men don't cry, remember?" he said. Picking him up a bit against his chest and hugging him.

Koichi looked at his father, nodding and hugging him around his neck tightly. "Daddy." he said.

Tamako chuckled a bit. "He's going to hurt himself one day." she said, looking back down at the laundry she'd been working on. Taking one piece that was finished and wringing out the excess water. Standing up, moving to pin it onto the laundry line.

"Ya know, we have people to do that for you back at the den.." Kouga pointed out, looking at her.

"Mm, I know. I don't mind it."

"Tamako..." he said with a sigh, looking at her. "Its been months...this needs to stop. You need to come home. The pups do, too."

She looked up at him, shrugging a bit. "We'll see." she told him.

He pouted, bouncing Koichi against his side. "Buddy, you should help me talk mommy into coming home." he said, grinning a bit.

Koichi grinned, matching his fathers look, looking up at his mother. "Mommyyyy?" he asked. "Home!" he declared.

Tamako just giggled, shaking her head. "Kouga, do not use my son against me. Ya hear?" she asked. Kneeling next to her laundry, getting back to work.

"Eh, it was worth a try." he said. Kneeling down and putting his son back down. Reaching behind him, there was a small bag he was carrying. Taking out a small box, offering it to his son with a smile.

"Koichi, here, I brought this for you. Its a game." he said. The small box had decorative markings on it, and small pieces for the players to use.

The boys face lit up, smiling as he took the box, sitting down and messing with it. The box was able to fold open to form the play board on the top, and the pieces were kept inside.

"He's going to choke himself on those pieces Kouga..." she said, sighing.

"Nahhh he'll be fine." he said, one hand moving and ruffling his sons hair. Looking over to Sayuri and moving to pick her up. "Hey there, you're way too quiet." he said.

Sayuri looked up at him, her cerulean eyes meeting his. But, she didn't say a word, she just looked at him.

He smiled to his daughter, reaching into his bag and bringing out a new doll, offering it to her. "I didn't forget about my beautiful girl." he said.

Looking at it, her fingers reached out to take the doll slowly, examining it with her eyes, blinking a bit and tilting her head to one side.

"I swear she acts like my Uncle Sesshoumaru. Always watching, not saying much or showing much emotion..." Tamako said with a sigh, looking at Kouga slowly.

"Keh, she'll speak when she has something important to say. Isn't that right baby girl?" he asked, hugging her gently before he sat down, holding her more in his lap.

When he sat down, Koichi seemed to notice. Pouting and crawling up closer to him, climbing into his fathers lap, almost demanding at least part of his fathers attention.

Kouga laughed, using his arm to help his son more up onto his lap, holding both of them.

Tamako watched them, a soft smile forming on her lips. Yeah she was still mad, but it was so cute to watch Kouga with his pups. The way he seemed to love them so, so much.

But, she worked on her laundry, cleaning the clothes, wringing them out before hanging them, humming softly to herself as Kouga played with the kids. Glancing at them from the corner of her eye, she chewed on her bottom lip. "Ya know...tonights my human night. If you...if you wanna stay...you can..." she offered.

She hadn't stayed with him for her human night since the night the twins were born. The gesture made Kouga look up at her, nodding quickly. "Of course I'll stay." he said, a smile crossing his lips.

"You think...you think we can go talk? Just the two of us?" he asked hopefully.

Thinking about it for a minute before she nodded. "Yeah...um, just let me finish this laundry and get my dad to watch the pups..."

A smile crossed his lips. It'd been a shot in the dark, and she took him up on it.

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Kouga watched her as she finished her laundry, absentmindedly playing with the pups, teaching Koichi the game he'd brought and trying to egg Sayuri into playing with them. Sayuri played, but she was still silent and seemed indifferent of the whole thing, like it wasn't her thing or something.

She was turning out to be quite the odd child. Kouga had never seen such a young pup act like her before. But, she was his daughter, and he loved her no matter how she acted. The two pups had turned into his whole world. A world he wished would come home with him, with their mother.

When Tamako was finished hanging the laundry to dry, she took the twins inside and found her father, asking him to watch them for a while. When he agreed, her and Kouga took off on a walk along the river bank.

She walked beside him silently, hugging herself a little as she looked forward, chewing on her bottom lip lightly. She'd felt so awkward with him now, she'd never felt that way with him before. Kouga had always been one of the few people she felt completely perfect around.

They hadn't spent much time together in the past months. Most of their time together included pups, or her father sitting there. She'd never agreed to walk with him alone, and Kouga was just happy to be near her alone.

Slowly, he moved one arm up to bring around her shoulders, gripping her shoulder just lightly, bringing her close to him.

The action made her glance at him, smiling just slightly as she chewed on her bottom lip, looking away a little. They hadn't had too much close contact, either. And she felt oddly shy, insecurities flooding her mind. She wondered if the whole dynamic of their relationship had changed. Surely it had. She still didn't trust him, and she couldn't help it. Nobody really blamed her for not trusting him, either.

A smile formed on her lips as they came close to a small clearing they used to have lunch at together before he took her as his mate. Leaning back from him, she reached to take his hand and pulled him forward.

He chuckled a bit, letting her pull him. Really, he was glad to see a smile on her lips, a happy light in her eyes. Lately she seemed so depressed and in so much pain. He hated that he was the cause of that pain.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"You'll seeee!" she said. Bringing him a little bit away from the river and into the small clearing. It was also the clearing he'd made her his in, where she lost her virginity to him.

When they got there, she glanced back to him. "Remember?" she asked.

Nodding slowly as he looked around, looking up at her. "Of course. Best day of my life, how could I forget?" he asked. Walking to take a seat, gently pulling her into his lap, hugging her against his chest. His chin rested on her shoulder with her back against his chest, his arms around her waist, holding her close.

A giggle escaped her lips when he pulled her down onto his lap, cuddling her back into his chest and smiling, nodding slowly. "Mine too." she said, a happy sigh escaping her lips as she closed her eyes. "That feels like forever ago..."

Bringing her as close as he could to his chest, nodding. "It does." he agreed. Closing his eyes and burying his nose against her hair, taking in a deep breath of her scent. "Kami...I miss you..." he whispered to her.

Lightly she bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes halfway and glancing back at him a little. "I...I miss you too. I miss...how we used to be. I'm just not sure if we can get back to that.."

"We can, I know we can." he said. Opening his eyes a little to look up at her face. Moving one hand up to cup her cheek, running his thumb along her skin slowly. "I need you. You belong with me, Tamako. You're mine. Your place is by my side. I will not force you...I'll never force you into anything. Just like I wasn't going to force you back to my den when I first made you mine. I meant what I said that day. You're my equal, I only want to make you happy..." he said.

She opened her mouth to respond and he shook his head.

"Let me finish," he started. Taking in a breath. "I fucked up. I'll spend my life regretting it, trying to make it up to you. And know this, it'll never happen again. Please...its been eight months...I can't take this anymore, I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out. I need you near me..."

Slowly she bit her bottom lip, thinking as he spoke. "Maybe..." she whispered. "I still...have to learn how to trust you again. I...I suppose, maybe...maybe we can figure this out..."

Leaning up, brushing her nose against his a little. Her eyes drifted halfway closed as she leaned up to kiss him slowly, gently.

Feeling her lips against his, he closed his eyes, bringing her up closer to him as he kissed her back. It felt so good to have her lips against his again.

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away

She held herself close to him, kissing him slowly. The kiss deepened as she started to tilt her head to one side, parting her lips a little bit and bringing her tongue to snake across his bottom lip just gently. It'd been so long since she actually kissed him, felt him close to her. And she missed it so much. She missed everything about being with him.

When he felt her tongue, his lips complied, a small groan coming from him at the feel of her tongue entering his mouth, exploring him slowly. His own tongue moved up to meet hers, running along her tongue as the kiss deepened. The deeper the kiss became, the more he hoped that it would not stop at just a kiss.

As the kiss became deeper, she shifted up, shifting off of his lap only to move more onto him, straddling his waist, all without breaking her lips from his. Her arms moved up slowly to snake around his neck, bringing herself closer to him.

And, he let her. Letting her shift on him happily, he took in a breath when he felt her pressed so intimately against him, feeling her hips grind close to his covered manhood. He hadn't felt her touch in months, and it felt so good. It felt like he'd been dying of thirst, and had finally been given liquid to quench his thirst. She was like water to him, he needed her. Nothing with Ayame had felt so good as just kissing Tamako felt.

His whole body cried out for her.

And hers answered his cry. She was his mate, after all.

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Bringing her hips up, grinding herself against him with a soft groan, feeling him harden against her core. It felt so good, and she needed him.

Her fingers reached to start untying the ties to his armor, pushing the metal off and letting it fall onto the ground beside them. With his armor gone, she ran her fingers along his bare chest, her fingers moving up from the middle of his chest and to his shoulders slowly.

His hands found her hips, gripping them slowly, a soft growl coming from his throat as he let her take his armor off. But, one thing he knew, her kimono would not do. Reaching up, he pulled her obi opened, throwing the fabric backwards and pulling her kimono open.

Their lips only parted then, both taking in sharp intakes of breath as his eyes opened to feast on her bared skin. Slipping his fingers up to her shoulders, starting to push the fabric off of them. With a shrug from her, the sleeves fell off, her kimono falling back onto the grass.

"Kami..." he whined audibly as he looked at her. At first, she was worried at his reaction. But he erased her worry by slipping his hand up to cup one of her breasts. Squeezing the globe that fit perfectly into his hand, his thumb playing with the nipple lightly. Leaning forward, he flicked his tongue over the other nipple, causing her to gasp a little in response.

Her hands found his shoulders, gripping them, groaning as she pressed close to him. It'd been months since she felt his touch, and it felt so good, almost too good. Slowly purple jagged lines started to play across her cheeks just at the feel of his hands and tongue on her breasts. It was so overwhelming. Her youkai blood usually waited until he was seated inside her to start coming out to play.

Pressing her hips forward, grinding herself harder against him, feeling his hardness underneath his clothing. "Mm, take me Kouga..." she moaned out in a throaty voice. "Kami please..." she whined.

She felt like she was burning up, almost like she couldn't take it. Her core burned for him, a burning that only he could fix.

Slowly he leaned back, shifting on his legs to bring her up. Moving his fingers from her folds, he took her thighs and laid her back on the grass. But, thats not how he wanted her. Gently he moved her so she was on her hands and knees in front of him. One hand rested on her back to press her down against the ground as his other pulled his bottoms off to expose himself.

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

She complied with his movements, her cheek pressing against the ground as she let out a groan, closing her eyes tightly. She didn't care how he did it, she just wanted him, needed him.

When she felt his manhood press against her core, she groaned out, a soft growl forming in her throat.

"What is it you want?" he asked, teasing her.

"Fuck me. Thats what I want. Kami please do it, fuck me Kouga..." she whined out.

At the last word she spoke, he moved his hips, thrusting himself forward to sheath his length in her warm folds. She took in a breath, moaning out his name loudly as he filled her. She'd felt so empty before, and now she felt so full, filled to the brim.

It wasn't just a physical experience, either. She felt like he engulfed her, the loneliness and emptiness she'd felt was suddenly filled all with Kouga. And it felt so good. Her mind wasn't focused on their problems right then, she wasn't worried about if she could trust him, if she should trust him, or even if she could forgive him. All that filled her mind was the pleasure she felt at her core, how filled she felt.

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love

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After he'd finished, he nearly collapsed. They both fell onto their sides, still intimately joined together, her back against his chest, panting, small beads of sweat against their skin.

They both laid there, panting, trying to regain themselves, not able to even speak for several minutes. Her eyes opened just halfway, small traces of red still in them. "K-K-Kami..." she breathed out.

"You...you can say that again.." he said in exhaustion. He definitely hadn't expected that to happen. But, he was glad it had. It'd felt so good.

Slowly he moved his arms around her waist, hugging her close to him, spent.

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They'd laid together for a while before agreeing they had to clean up and head home before her father started to worry. It'd felt so weird having her youkai blood so near the surface just before the night of the new moon. The final surge of power before the beast was locked away completely for the night.

And, they'd decided to wash up in springs near the hut. She slid into the warm water, letting out an audible sigh, smiling contently as the water soothed her muscles. The muscles of her thighs actually had started to hurt because of how rough the sex was, and because she could feel her demon power weakening as the day went on.

Looking up at Kouga when he came in, she bit her bottom lip and gave him a soft smile. "You know...just because we did...that...doesn't mean I'm coming home yet..."

He looked up at her with a pout. "Seriously? Come on...please?" he asked. Moving to sit next to her, leaning back into the water.

But, she shook her head. "It means not yet. I'm working on it. I'm almost there I think. I think...I think there it'll take some learning, a learning curve...but it will happen, I promise." she said.

Shifting to lean against him, resting her head on his shoulder and glancing up at him slowly.

He looked at her, pouting a bit but nodding. "I suppose thats better than never.." he said, sighing and closing his eyes. Moving his arm around her shoulders, running his finger along her bare shoulder lightly. "I do love you, ya know.." he said.

"I know...and I love you too. Its just trusting you I'm having the issue with. But...but I think I'm almost there. Almost there enough to work more on it.." she said.

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A/N: So, I added a small songfic to this chapter. :-P. The song is "Black Roses Red" By Alana Grace.

And, okay, so I cut out a bit of lemon in this one. I'd originally typed it, and it seemed too graphic for this site. Soooo I edited it out. Sorry! If you want the full lemon-y goodness, let me know and maybe I'll private message it to you.