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Chapter 19

A Choice

"We're heading out, Katara," Hakoda said at the door.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Pakku asked. "I know mahjong can be boring, but it has to be better than being alone in the house all afternoon."

"I'll be fine," Katara smiled.

"And of course she won't be alone," Hakoda added teasingly. "She called Zuko earlier and I'm pretty sure they've set up a date."

"Out, dad!" Katara ordered as she gave him a push.

"See you in a few hours!" he laughed as the door was closed behind him.

As soon as she was alone in the house Katara could feel the anxiety welling up inside of her again. She began to pace back and forth between the living area and kitchen of the small apartment. There was a chance that this was going to change everything. How could it not? All of her priorities were about to shift in a completely different direction. Zuko's too, she hoped. How would he react? What would he do when he found out? Would it change his mind about the upcoming battle, or would it just strengthen his resolve? This new turn of events was bound to change everything.

Katara checked the coffee pot for what must have been the fourth time as her mind ran through the same list of questions she had been asking all morning. Had Grandpa Pakku told her dad what was going on, or was he keeping it from him? Did either one of them know about this new development? Was Suki aware? Ever since the house had kasploded Sokka and Suki had been staying here at the apartment again. What would Iroh think? What would Zuko think? Why was Zuko not there yet? Did something happen to him while on patrol?

All of these questions rolled through her mind in less than a second before cycling through all over again. It was amazing how quickly the worrying had come. She had always thought of herself as a fairly composed young woman who trusted her friends and family to be able to handle themselves, yet here she was practically freaking out. All because of the upcoming battle.

At least that was the reason she told herself.

Steeling her nerves and attempting to calm her stomach, Katara left the kitchen and headed straight for her room. With slight hesitation she lifted the mattress of her bed and pulled something out from under it. She stared at it for a long while as she sat at the foot of the bed just wondering. She needed Zuko to be here for this, she knew that much. She wanted to know so badly, but she was also afraid to find out. She rose from the bed and brought the pregnancy test with her to the living room.

It was another grueling half hour of waiting before Katara heard Zuko's police car pulling up alongside the apartment complex. She stuffed the unused pregnancy test between the cushion and arm of the couch before rushing over to the window to see him getting out. She was already pouring a drink for him when he knocked on the door and poked his head in.

"Katara?" he called.

"In the kitchen," she replied. "Go ahead and sit down."

"What's this all about?" he asked as she entered the room. "It's not like you to call me over when I'm at work. Everything all right?"

"Yeah!" she answered a little too quickly. "Well, no. Maybe. There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Okay."

"Here," she said as she passed him his cup. "Have something to drink." A thought occurred to her and she grabbed it from his hand. "Wait! Better not drink. Are you comfortable?"

"Katara, you're fidgeting," Zuko told her.

"Sorry," she said. "It's just that this is big. Really big. Or I'm wrong and it's nothing. But it could be really big. And you might not like it. I hope you'd like it if I'm right. But it could change everything. And with this whole big fight with the Fire Lord coming up I wasn't sure about talking to you, but-"

"Katara!" Zuko shouted. "You're stalling. What's going on?"

Katara took a deep breath. She was still not sure what to say to him. Whenever she tried to find the words she just ended up blabbering on and on without getting to the point. Finally, she reached down into the couch and pulled out the pregnancy test. She handed it over to him and watched his face, hoping to get an idea of what he might think about all this.

Zuko was clearly confused at first. Then his face shifted from confusion to shock. The change was easy enough to read. His eyes widened in the instant that realization must have dawned on him why Katara would give such a thing to him. He turned the box around in his hands for a moment before stating an observation.

"It's not open," he said, his face falling into an unreadable stone expression.

"I was afraid to do it without you here," Katara explained. "I'm more than two weeks late Zuko. I thought that maybe I might just be late because of the stress and all, but this is a bit much. And it is possible to completely skip once in a while for a number of different reasons, but I just got so nervous and worried that I thought that this would be best."

Zuko nodded in understanding. He still did not say anything about what he was thinking or how he was feeling about all of it though. Something that was worrying Katara just as much as the idea that she might be pregnant.

"Well, I'm here now," he said as he handed it back.

Katara lowered her head as she took the test from him. Without saying anything, she carried it with her towards the bathroom and left Zuko alone. Zuko's entire being was going crazy on the inside. There was no organization, no way of sifting through, and no way of comprehending all of the different things he was experiencing at once. He could not even tell what his thoughts were at the moment let alone voice them, and being alone to wait was certainly not helping any. Thankfully he did not have to wait long.

"It should be ready in just a few minutes," Katara told him as she sat back down. "Zuko, what are we going to do?"

"I have to fight," he answered. "This only strengthens that. I can't risk someone else cleaning up my family's mess, and I won't run the risk of my child being exposed to him."

For the first time that day, Katara truly smiled. Hearing Zuko say those words was all it took. His child. Those two simple words put her biggest concerns to rest.

"I've been thinking about this a lot," she said. "I'm more worried about what we would do life-wise. For now and, you know, down the road."

"Oh, man!" Zuko gasped. "I'm a cop!"

"Yeah, Zuko," Katara laughed. "You have been for a while now."

"No, Katara, I mean I'm a cop!" he stressed. "I could get hurt, or even killed! And not just because of Ozai!"

"Zuko, you'll be fine," Katara said. "Calm down. You weren't worried about that before now, were you?"

"I didn't have a reason to be worried before now," he sighed. "If something happened to me, you'd be able to handle it. Now there's someone else who's really going to need me to look after them."

"Maybe," Katara said.

"Even if not now, there will be later," he told her. "I mean, I don't think I'm cut out for the whole parenting thing all things considered, but I know you want kids."

"I think you'd make a wonderful father," Katara said.

"What would I do though?" Zuko asked. "I'd have to find other work. I couldn't be a cop and a dad."

"And I can't go to school and be a mom," Katara added. "Med school isn't something that you can leave and just come back to. There's an incredibly high chance that I would have to give up any chance of a career as a doctor."

"So what should we do?" Zuko asked.

They both knew that he was not really asking her. They both allowed the question to hang in the air as they retreated into themselves. Zuko was absolutely sure that he would be a lousy parent. He had a short fuse most of the time and got angry far too quickly. He was also very easily frustrated. Not to mention he had a history of violence. Granted that violence only happened one time, but the fact was that it happened. To Katara no less. And she was still with him.

Katara was still with him. This amazingly brave, strong, and gentle soul was still with him. The idea that someone like her would give so willingly of herself to him, for him, was hard to believe. Hard to understand. At least at first it was. Over the years she had continuously told him that he was a good man. That no matter how dark and troubling his life had been, he was still a good man. Of course there were scars to show for it, physical and otherwise. Somehow, some way though, he had still pushed through it all with his heart in one piece. Thanks in great part to her. And she said he was good enough. So why did he not think so?

As all of these thoughts were running through Zuko's mind, Katara was going through some thoughts of her own. Unlike Zuko, she had no worries about the child's family and home environment. She had complete faith in Zuko to be the man she knew he was, and that man was great and kind. He would undoubtedly be a good father. The fact that he was so quick to come to the conclusion he would have to chose a new profession was proof enough of that. Which is what caused Katara to feel guilty and selfish.

It was true that she wanted children, but not so soon in her life. Of course she would never give up her own child though, because she did not think she had the strength in her to do so. But that meant giving up the future that she had always wanted for herself. What were the chances that she could actually leave medical school to be a mother and still make it back in? Not just make it back in, but finish? And what if she did accomplish that with a child at home? How much would she have to sacrifice to achieve that? She would miss so many moments. So many milestones. How would she feel if she missed her baby's first steps? Her baby's first word? First laugh? First smile?

Katara knew that she did not have it in her to give up a child for any reason. Giving up a child covered more than just not being the parent though. She could not give up her child for any reason. Not for school, not for a job, not even for her dreams.

"I would give up school for this," she smiled with a tear in her eye. "Even if it meant I could never get back in. I would give up school for this."

"A dad," Zuko said. "I would be a dad. A good dad."

"Not quite," Katara told him. "You'd be a great dad."

"I don't know what I would do, but I'd find something."

"No, you wouldn't," she smiled. "You'd be a policeman. It's in your nature to do the right thing. To stop what you know is wrong. To protect. And I wouldn't deprive our child of seeing the kind of man their father is."

"What if something happened to me?"

"What if the baby were born with a hairy baboon butt?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Zuko laughed.

"Nothing," Katara said as she held up the test. She made sure that the results were still covered. "Don't borrow from the future, Zuko. We don't even know if there will be three of us to worry about yet."

"Are you ready to find out?" Zuko asked, his heart pumping faster than he had ever felt before.

Katara nodded. Slowly, Katara opened her hand and they looked at the results together.

Negative.

They both sat in silence just staring at the test for a moment longer before Zuko laid back on the couch.

"Relieved?" Katara asked.

"Actually, I feel a little disappointed."

"Yeah," Katara sighed as she laid down with him. "Me too."

"It's better this way though," Zuko said. "I mean, this is definitely not the best time."

"No, it's really not," Katara chuckled. Then Zuko noticed her tears.

"Someday though," he said, pretending not to notice them. "Definitely someday. I want to prove you right after all."

A/N: Sorry for the unannounced week long hiatus. My wife is now on pre-mobilization orders and I will not see her for two months. I wanted to spend every free minute with her. Once she gets back I'll only have her for a week before she mobilizes for another year. Thank you for your understanding. Next chapter stars either Ty Lee or Sokka and Suki! Haven't decided yet. Let me know who you want to see!