I had a hard time getting the conversation with Jake down to my satisfaction. It is hard to tell how much a little one like he is in the story would really understand. I hope you enjoy the chapter. I rewrote it a couple times before I finally just went with this one.
By the way...only one or two chapter left to go. I am wrapping this one up. It has been fun to see what you guys think. All your reviews kept me going even after my muse tried to run away.
Happy reading!
Chapter Twenty-Three
"Stop staring at me like that," Elizabeth stated calmly as she sat on the couch. Watching as Emily and John looked at her with concern, she exhaled loudly. "I am sorry that I did not tell you all sooner, but this right here, this is why. I don't want you all staring at me, hovering and smothering me." Her bright eyes fell to Emily's face. "You of all people should remember what is like to not want everyone to know, Em."
"I do remember. But I am still mad that you put off getting treatment."
"Speaking of that, when are you going to start whatever needs to be done?" John asked. Seeing her glance over at Johnny as he sat beside her and pulled her close, he had to wonder why Johnny had tensed up. "You are going to, aren't you?"
"Yes," Johnny snapped, cutting her off as she opened her mouth. "She is."
The tension immediately rose in the room and John and Emily both frowned. Emily cleared her throat. "Are they able to do anything besides surgery?"
"No. I will have to have a complete hysterectomy. Kelly and I knew from the beginning that it was the only option." Not really wanting to discuss any specific details or answer the next question that she knew was coming, Elizabeth looked around. "Where is everyone?"
Recognizing the evasion tactic, John decided to play along. He knew that Emily would be more blunt in getting Elizabeth to talk. He could also see that O'Brien seemed to be lost in thought. "Um, Jason spent some time with the boys and then left. Zander was going to go see Alexis. And Jerry left to go spend time with his brother and he is bringing food back from the Metrocourt."
"And Jax will send him back with enough food to last for a week," she added.
"Probably," Emily agreed. "Now enough avoiding the topic. Since things are settled, when are you having the surgery?"
"It will be awhile," she started slowly.
"No it will not be," Johnny cut in, his voice low but with emotion. "Damn it, Liz. Kelly said that this was risky."
"And my choice!" she snapped. "Stop and think, Johnny, about what you are saying. Stop just reacting. You have a level head. You are one of the most stubborn men that I know, but you are not thinking straight."
Lost about what the issue was, Emily frowned while John just sat there and thought for a minute. As he finally understood, having a pretty good idea what was going on, he kept silent. There was no way that he getting involved in this. Emily however, was not about to just sit there and listen to her friend take a chance with her life. "Elizabeth, how could you even think of waiting? You are one of the people that rode me over getting help when I had breast cancer."
"I am not having an abortion just so I can have this surgery."
"That is not what I said! Do you think that I like either option, Elizabeth?" Johnny growled. "Because I don't. I want you and this baby. But Kelly said that you could get so sick that you and the baby may not make it."
Uncomfortable with the private conversation that was starting, John tugged a shocked, but unresisting, Emily to her feet. "Come on," he whispered. "This is not a conversation that they need to have with an audience."
Closing her eyes briefly, she released a breath. "Johnny, please, you cannot honestly think that I would terminate this pregnancy. Especially considering that after I have the surgery, they will be no more kids." Turning, she reached for his hands. "I love you, and I want this baby. Do you not want to have any kids?"
"Of course I do," he whispered. "But I want you too." Anguish resonated in his voice, making her eyes water. "What I am suppose to do if anything happens and you don't make it. Dr. Lee said that it would be a risky chance."
"No, she said that there was a chance that we could both not make it. A small chance. It is more likely that I will be fine. And right after she did a C-section, she would perform the hysterectomy. I have no intention of giving up, of not being here with you, Cam, and Jake. But I also refuse to not try and give our child a chance at life."
Torn, he swallowed thickly as he pulled her snug against him. "God, I love you so much, Lizbits. Of course I want this baby. And if you weren't facing the possibility of killing yourself to carry it to term, I would be ecstatic." He kissed her temple and rested his head beside hers. "You can't leave me. We went through so much to be where we are."
"What are you saying?" she asked softly as she breathed in his scent.
Tangling his hand in her silky curls, he brought her face to his and kissed her deeply. "I am saying that you have to be honest with me about how you are feeling, every step through this pregnancy. You can't hide the smallest thing about your health. You follow all the doctor's orders."
A huge grin broke out on her pale face and her eyes shined with happiness. "I love you so much! It will be okay, Johnny. I can feel it. Everything will be fine."
Praying that she was right, he smiled back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~b~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening the door, Johnny motioned him inside. "Hey."
Taking his leather coat off and tossing it over the back of the chair, Jason looked around. "Hey. Is Zacchara still meeting me tonight?"
"Yeah. I heard that you had her moved to a safe house last night. I think that they all thought that you were going to do it on your own." Leading the way into the empty kitchen, he poured two cups of coffee and gave one to Jason.
"Naw. I thought about it, but I did tell you that I wouldn't do on the night that Francis was buried. How is Elizabeth?" he asked, unable to hold it in any longer.
Johnny paused for a second before taking a drink of his coffee. "She is feeling pretty good this morning. Are you ready to tell Jake that you are his father?"
"I am," Jason said with a smile. "I never thought that I would have this chance, to really be a father to him. I just wander how much he is going to understand."
"More than you might think. He is a bright kid, Jason."
He nodded. "I know. Him and Cam are both extremely smart and pick up on things quickly. She has done a great job with the boys, considering that most of it was done with no help. God knows that Spencer was not helpful in the least."
Grimacing at even the name, Johnny nodded. "She said that you called this morning and wanted to talk to her before you both told Jake. Zander and I are going to take the boys outside and let them play in the snow to give you some privacy. But do NOT upset her, Jason. She needs to stay calm and not be overly emotional as much as possible."
Understanding the warning for what it was, Jason could not blame him for feeling the need to protect her. "I have no intention of purposely upseting her, O'Brien. But I do want to clear the air. Even though I regret the chances that I wasted, I want to have a good friendship at least with the mother of my son. Jake deserves parents that are not constantly on edge near one another."
"I agree." Johnny turned as Elizabeth entered the kitchen. "How are you feeling?"
She smiled brightly. "I am fine, Johnny." Her eyes traveled over to Jason before she grabbed the cup of orange juice that Johnny handed her. "Zander already took the boys out the front door. Nik brought Spencer over too. So you three should have your hands full."
Casting one more warning look at Jason, Johnny kissed her quickly before disappearing out the room.
"Before we discuss anything else, are you going to be okay?"
Hearing the sincerity, she offered him a small smile as she sat down at the table. "I will be fine, Jason. But thank you."
Sitting across from her, he looked at his hands. "I don't really know where to start, Elizabeth. I owe you an apology for so much."
"Jason, please don't," she interrupted. When he looked up, she saw the emotions swirling in his eyes. "You made mistakes. I made mistakes. We both have regrets too. I know that you are sorry. I also realize that even though we never quiet got it right between us, I don't regret what we had. We got Jakie out of the deal. I will never regret our son."
"Me either," he whispered softly. "He is the one thing that I can honestly say that I have no regrets about. But, Elizabeth, I hurt you. I stood by and let Sam hurt you. Going even further back, I knew that Zacchara was alive and hiding to keep you and Cam safe. I helped hide the fact."
"I know." Tears gathered on her lashes. "And that hurts, more than I think you know. I was so scared, Jason. But we both know that he helped make that situation. And I survived. Just like I survived everything else."
"How can you move past everything so easily? I hurt you, repeatedly." He paused and watched as she took a deep breath. "Are you alright?"
Waving away his concern, she took a drink of her juice. "I am fine, just a bit of an upset stomach. It will pass. And I am not forgetting, but I refuse to live my life holding on to so much anger. Yes, you hurt me, but I hurt you too. Most of the damage that you are blaming yourself for is Sam's work. While you may have been blind to what she did, SHE did it. I'm not forgetting," she repeated. "But I am telling you to let it go. Because I am. It is the only way that I can move on. And I am moving on, Jason. I love Johnny." Seeing the pain in his eyes, she looked away to gather herself. "I moved on, Jason. I am happy with him. He loves me and the boys. I am taking the chance. And you need to forgive yourself and find someone that can make you happy. Someone that accepts you and knows that you aren't perfect but loves you anyway. I don't want you miserable, Jason. But I also cannot go backwards with you."
"I know that you love O'Brien. You can see it whenever you two are near each other," he admitted. "I wish you nothing but happiness, Elizabeth. And I know that there is too much damage between us. But it still hurts. Then yesterday, hearing that you are sick, it made me realize that I didn't want anything to happen you, ever. But especially while the air was still thick between us with pain and anger. You were always a friend. And if I can't have you as more than that, I want my friend back."
"Oh, Jason. We never stopped being friends, not really. After I thought that I had lost Jake, I broke. Nothing was right. I was wrong to blame you for so much. You thought that you had lost him too."
"I really don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am happy that you are offering it. I know that it is probably mostly for Jake, but thank you anyway."
She shook her head, an amused smile gracing her lips. "I already told you, we both made mistakes. Yes, you hurt me, and I hurt you. But we never did it intentionally. That makes a huge difference."
Taking a drink of coffee to gather his thoughts, Jason looked out the window and saw the boys playing and running wild while laughing. "Before we talk to Jake, are you going to be okay? Really okay."
"I will be. I will have the surgery that is needed and as long as that goes as expected, I will be cancer free."
Relieved, he sat back and stretched his long legs out. "Will you have it soon?"
Biting her lip, she answered evasively. "As soon as I can."
Catching the tell that she was leaving something out, he caught her eye. "Why not right away?"
"Jason."
"No. I am concerned. That won't change, now or ever."
"Well, I have to wait to have the hysterectomy because I am pregnant." Seeing his eyes widen, she shrugged uncomfortably. "I am barely a month, so it will be awhile."
"Um, congratulations. I am sure that you and O'Brien must be thrilled," he responded softly.
"Thrilled, but extremely worried," Johnny answered as he swept into the room. "Sorry, but Jake is wanting to come in. Are you two ready?"
"Yeah. Are you taking Cam to meet John at Kelly's? I heard them talking about it this morning."
"I am. I will bring you back lunch." Tossing another warning look at Jason, he opened the back door. "Jake! Come on, buddy. Mommy wants you." He turned and grabbed his phone that was on the counter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~b~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watching Jason hold his son and joking with him, Elizabeth felt her heart ache. They both should have known each other all along. She blamed herself for their time that they had missed. Her selfishness in wanting to protect Lucky had hurt her baby boy, and Jason. Just like she had told him earlier, she knew that she had made mistakes and had regrets too. That was one of her biggest. Denying her son and his father of their rightful time together.
"Um, Jakie. Mommy wanted to talk to you about your daddy," she started slowly, unsure exactly the best way to do this.
His head jerked up and he frowned at her. "Lucky was no my daddy, Mommy."
Startled, she nodded. "No, baby, he wasn't. And I am sorry for letting him pretend to be."
"Jake, how did you know that Lucky wasn't your real daddy?" Jason questioned, wanting to know how he had figured it out.
The little blond haired boy looked up and smiled. "Lucky tolds me when I was gone. Him said that my daddy looked like me and that I was just a way to keep Mommy unders controls."
Quickly banking back his anger, Jason looked up and saw Elizabeth was silently crying and wiping her eyes.
"D-did he tell who your daddy was?" she asked, knowing the answer already. Lucky was too selfish to give her little boy any type of joy.
"Nopes! But I knows anyway," he announced, startling them both. Jake turned and smiled up at Jason. "Yous! I look likes you! Even Cammie said so. Are you my daddy?"
With his eyes wet, Jason nodded. "I sure am, Jake. And I have missed you so much. I love you!"
Wrapping his arms around his father's neck, he smiled. "I likes you. You will be a nice daddy! You don't yells all the time."