Operation Essentially Doom Young Ninja Is A Go
Chapter 8
"ARGH. WHERE. ARE. YOU?"
Ino and Shino flinched as yet another table was sent crashing to the side. The pair of them hadn't managed to get far before Hidan had leapt back up -promising to strangle their mothers in front of them- and given chase. Now the pair of them were crouched under a table in the food court, watching with worried eyes as Hidan rampaged towards them. By now the mall had been evacuated, people running screaming from the area.
"What're we going to do?" Ino hissed as quietly as possible.
Shino shook his head. "I don't know," he returned. "Call for help?"
"We'll be dead by the time help arrives." Ino whispered back.
Shino shut his eyes, well aware that this could quite possibly be the truth. Suddenly he opened them again when he was struck by inspiration.
"I have an idea." He murmured quietly.
"Lay it on me." Ino returned, her eyes focused on Hidan who was now only four tables away.
The man had taken to flipping each table with his scythe, his expression murderous as he did so.
"I don't think you're going to like it," Shino murmured back. "But we need to distract him…and, frankly," the boy glanced back at Ino's legs. "Uh…you're the biggest distraction."
Ino's eyes widened as she realised what the boy was implying. "What?" She hissed. "What are you telling me to do!?"
"Seduce him and then I'll kick him in the face." Shino said seriously.
"Seduce him?" Ino whisper shrieked. "I doubt I'll be able to get my head above the table before he rips it off!"
Shino winced. "…Legs first then?"
Ino gave him a long incredulous look and then closed her eyes for a short while. "How do you know this will work?"
Shino leant back and started fiddling with something near Ino's foot. Ino yelped.
"What're you doing!?" She demanded angrily, kicking out at his hand.
"No, no. Ino!" Shino began to protest.
"Get off me you little bug boy shit!"
"I'm trying to do something import-"
"Ooh, you're a little pervert…" Ino trailed off when the table above them was suddenly lifted.
Hidan grinned down at her. "Hello whore." He greeted.
Ino risked a glance to the side and saw, to her dismay, that Shino had done a runner. She looked back up at Hidan who was raising his scythe.
"WAIT!" She yelped.
"Oh I've done enough waiting! I've been wanting to cut your pretty little head off since I first set eyes on ya!" Hidan roared back.
Swiftly Ino rolled out of the way of his crashing scythe and jumped up. "Hidan wait!" She yelped.
Hidan turned to her, his gaze maniacal. "No fucking way!" He returned.
Ino jumped out of the way of his next attack. "Sensei! Don't you want to know what I've been wanting to do since I first set eyes on you?"
This stalled Hidan. "Eh?" He returned.
Catching her breath, Ino managed to place a hand on her hip. A somewhat shaky smirk made its way onto her face. "You're like totally the hottest guy I've ever seen."
It took Hidan a few moments but then he grinned, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, yeah. I know. It's a shame I have to kill ya, cuz you're a pretty fine piece of work yourself bitch."
Ino glanced down at the ground kicking a piece of rubble before looking back up. "Well…I mean…we could do other things before you killed me?"
Hidan's grin widened. "Yeah? Like wha-" The man was cut off when Shino suddenly came swinging into the scene.
"DEATH TO ALL BUG HATING SCUM IN THIS WORLD!" He yelled and then he kicked Hidan's head off.
Ino let out a scream of horror. "You just killed our Sensei!"
"Ino!" Shino yelled, trying to grab the attention of the girl.
"You kicked his head off! You just straight up punted it! He had a head and now he doesn't. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." Ino began flapping her arms up and down, spinning in circles of horror. She stopped in her gabbling however when a loud voice cut through her.
"OW. That fucking hurt. You stupid punk kids. As soon as I'm up I'm going to kill the fuck outta you!"
Ino turned to look at where the voice was coming from and then emitted a loud screech as she saw Hidan's head glaring up at her.
"Ino! He's immortal remember?" Shino reminded the girl.
As if to prove this point, Hidan's body came racing towards the Kunoichi, swinging the scythe wildly. Ino let out a long loud scream, bracing herself to be hit. But then, suddenly, the girl was pulled up into the air by her ankle. She stopped screaming, looking around in confusion to see a rope tied to her ankle, Shino jumping away, holding onto the other side.
The Leaf Ninjas departed quickly, leaving Hidan's body to flail around uselessly.
"Hey, calm down jerk!" Hidan roared at it. He glanced in the direction his two students had departed in. "Heh. Pretty good."
"Mm, the water's so good."
"Come into the water Sensei!"
"For the last time, no."
Tenten and Hinata pouted in response to their Sensei's refusal, but quickly got over it, grinning as they began splashing each other.
Kakuzu watched them with a bored expression for a while. He had never been so bored in his whole entire life. He grumbled slightly to himself and then padded into the bathing house, wondering if he could at least get some good tea.
"Hello," he said to the now scared looking proprietor of the hot springs. "Do you serve tea here?"
"I, uh…yes." Replied the owner.
Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "Give me some."
The owner yelped and suddenly produced tea from nowhere, bowing his head as he shoved it upwards to the Akatsuki member. Kakuzu took it from him, bringing it up to his mask to sniff it.
"Hn…thanks." He muttered, beginning to make his way back to the hot springs outside. He walked slowly, dragging his feet, trying to delay the inevitable…that was until he heard something that made his hackles rise.
"Hey! Look at these two sweet things. Hello darlings, what're you doing out here all on your own?"
It was coming from the area he had left Tenten and Hinata. Eyes narrowing, Kakuzu threw his tea to the side, moving forwards discreetly. He glanced outwards- two punk kids were standing by the edge of the spring pool, leering at his students. Both Tenten and Hinata looked uncomfortable, Hinata hiding behind her older friend.
"Wow, look at the knockers on that one!" Said the other kid, pointing at Hinata.
"Why don't you stand up love? Let us see those-AHHHHHHHHH!" The boy's screams soon became choking noises as Kakuzu lifted the pair of teenagers up by their throats, glowering at them both furiously.
"What." He muttered dangerously. "Are you doing?"
The two boys did not reply, they simply spluttered, their words trapped in their throats. Kakuzu dropped them and then grabbed them both by their shirt collars before they could run away.
"I asked you a question." He growled, his nose wrinkling with distaste.
"We didn't mean anything by it!" Yelped one of them. He was in tears and Kakuzu's nose wrinkled even further when he looked down and saw that the poor sap had pissed himself.
"We didn't know they were with you sir! We're sorry!"
Kakuzu snarled at the other boy. "It shouldn't matter whether I'm with them or not," he said lowly. "You should be respectful of young women."
"We're…we're sorry!" Yelped the boy that had peed himself.
"I don't care." Kakuzu replied and then he threw both boys threw the wall.
The owner inside the establishment let a long wailing scream and then fainted.
Kakuzu turned to look at his students. "Are you two ok?" He asked.
Tenten and Hinata were both looking at him with shining eyes, their hands clasped to their chests.
"Kuzu Sensei!" Tenten breathed.
"That was amazing Sensei." Hinata murmured.
"You're the best man in the world ever!" Tenten said.
"I, uh…" Kakuzu's usually tanned coloured skin took on a pinkish glow and he itched his face awkwardly. "It…it was nothing." He muttered lamely.
"We love you Kakuzu Sensei!" Hinata exclaimed.
Kakuzu balked. "No you don't." He returned hurriedly.
"We do!" Hinata replied and Tenten nodded along importantly.
"I'm so bored!" Kankuro whined.
"You've been saying that for the last four hours," Sasori growled. "We get it."
"But I'm bored!" Kankuro replied.
Sasori turned on the boy, the tail of his puppet whipping out and pointing into his face. "I swear to God," he hissed. "I will kill yo-" the ginger haired male cut himself off when a shadow suddenly passed over the clearing they were in.
Hardly daring to hope, the Akatsuki looked up only to see Deidara's bird fly by.
"Hey what's that?" Kankuro asked, pointing dumbly at the bird flying over them.
"A bird," Shikamaru replied. "Don't tell me you've never seen a bird before."
"Shut up Shikamaru! I've seen plenty of birds, probably more than you!" Kankuro roared back.
Shikamaru stared at him for a short while and then turned on his heel, following after Sasori who had suddenly taken off without a word.
The threesome rushed through the woods, Sasori occasionally looking up at the bird above them, until they arrived in another clearing. Deidara and another boy that Sasori did not recognise were standing together, glancing around dumbly.
"Deidara!" Sasori yelled, hardly able to contain his joy as he ran towards his partner.
"Huh?" Deidara turned around and looked to his friend. A smile appeared on his face. "Sasori my man! How goes the training hm?"
Sasori's brow lowered. "Don't." He muttered. "Don't ask."
Deidara gave him a funny look, about to reply, when Rock Lee suddenly stepped forward.
"Hello!" He greeted loudly. "I am Rock Lee! Any friend of my illustrious Sensei is a friend of mine!" He bowed. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Sasori looked at him and then looked at Deidara. "Who's the kid?" He asked.
"This is my student Rock Lee yeah!" Deidara said enthusiastically. "He loves me hm! Thinks my art is the best thing ever! He's enlightened."
"I can't even be bothered to tell you how wrong you are about your art," Sasori returned. "That's how relieved I am to see you."
Deidara grinned broadly. "I knew you'd miss me hm," he glanced over his friend's shoulder. "Are those your students?"
"Hey!" Kankuro suddenly pointed at Deidara as if only just realising who he was. "You were teaching my sister weren't you?" The boy began looking around frantically. "Where is she? What have you done with her!?"
Deidara placed his hands on his hips, looking aggrieved. "I haven't done anything with her yeah!" He retorted. "Rock Lee and I think she fell off my bird, which is a really stupid thing to do if you ask me."
"Fell off your bird!?" Kankuro nearly ripped his hat off. "Is she dead?"
"Have no fear!" Rock Lee suddenly shouted enthusiastically.
The other ninjas in the area looked to him, Kankuro's expression hopeful.
"Gai Sensei gives the most stunning eulogies! Your sister's funeral is in good hands!"
"Noooooo!" Kankuro screamed, falling to his knees and beginning to sob.
Shikamaru sighed and then tapped the boy on the shoulder.
"Get off me!" Kankuro yelped. "My sister is dead."
"No. She isn't," Shikamaru grumbled. "If you'd direct your attention over to that giant boulder you'd see that."
Kankuro looked up, his makeup smudged, and gave Shikamaru a confused glance before looking over in the direction the Leaf Ninja was pointing. Temari's fan was hanging out from behind the rock.
"T…Temari?" The boy sniffled.
Temari breathed in deeply through her nose. Great. Now it was these two boneheads, her brother, another Akatsuki member and Shikamaru. Lord give me strength.
Neji and Choji were halfway through the forest when they heard it. A loud horrific scream of rage.
"Oh God!" Yelped Choji as both he and Neji began running.
"Shut up Choji!" Neji hissed. "Just remain calm and AHHHHHH-" Neji was sent flying away, hitting a tree and spinning into the distance.
"NEJIIIIII!" Choji screeched.
Konan suddenly appeared in front of him, flying backwards, looking like some sort of evil witch.
"I. Made. You. Cupcakes!" She roared, sending out a flurry of paper towards Choji.
"Ok then,"
Itachi, Sasuke and Sakura were now stood in a clearing. Itachi stood in front of them, smiling pleasantly.
"Now that we've gotten to know each other and we've eaten, I would say it's the perfect time to get down to training. Wouldn't you agree?"
Sakura nodded, but Sasuke simply glowered furiously at his brother.
"I thought we could start with some genjutsu," Itachi continued. "Watch this," the man suddenly disappeared into a bunch of squawking crows.
Sakura let out a breath, but Sasuke simply tutted in a bored manner. Itachi appeared behind him.
"Not impressed?" He muttered. "Very well then Sasuke, what would you like to do instead?"
"I'd like to cut you apart." Sasuke retorted.
Itachi was just about to reply, but he silenced himself when Sakura suddenly grabbed his younger brother by the collar.
"Listen here Sasuke Uchiha!" She roared. "It is breaking my heart every single second standing next to you knowing that you're probably not going to be coming back with me to the village afterwards, but you know what? You need to shut up! We're not stuck in this situation, so if you really want to leave then leave. You and I both know that you're not going to kill Itachi today, or the next day, or even next freaking week. So peter down and listen to your brother because I, for one, would like to listen to him and you at least owe me that!"
There was silence.
Itachi watched this with raised eyebrows. Sasuke simply stared at Sakura, his eyes wide. Sakura was breathing heavily, a vein popping in her forehead.
After a few short moments, Sasuke opened his mouth. "Sakura," he murmured, his tone soft.
Sakura's eyes softened in reaction to his voice. "Sasuke?" She croaked.
Sasuke moved his hand up slowly. "Out of the way!" He yelled and the he pushed her aside, hurling a kunai at his brother.
Itachi lifted up a kunai of his own and deflected the attack, sighing softly to himself.
"Uh, Lady Tsunade?"
Tsunade's heart caught in her throat as she watched Kakashi raise his hand. The Hokage and all the Jōnin were stationed in one of the training rooms, all of them awaiting any calls for help. Now, as Kakashi raised his hand, Tsunade began to worry. Kakashi was connected to both of his former students, Sakura and Naruto. What if something had happened to one of them?
"What is it Kakashi?" The blonde rushed over to the man, Shizune hurrying by her side.
Kakashi turned to look at her. "Well, I feel like I should perhaps go see if Naruto and Gaara are alright."
"Why?" Shizune questioned, her eyes frightened. "Has Naruto called in for help?"
"Uh," Kakashi scratched his head. "Not exactly." And then the man put his wire on loudspeaker.
"What are you doing!? You can't be in here!"
"Woo! Party! Party!"
There was static and then many screams of grown men. Tsunade and Shizune drew back, giving each other worried looks.
"What on Earth is going on?" The Hokage pressed.
Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know. But that voice talking about 'partying' didn't belong to either Gaara nor Naruto."
Tsunade closed her eyes. "Go." She muttered.
Kakashi nodded and then body flickered, disappearing in a poof of smoke.
"I hate to say I told you so-" Shizune cut herself off when she saw the look Tsunade was giving her. "I mean…I'll go check on the others." The woman scurried off.
When Kiba returned to the table, Kisame was sitting there, by himself, smiling happily, hands folded.
"Hey Sensei!" Kiba greeted jovially before glancing around. "Where's Akamaru?"
"Hm?" Kisame looked up as if only just now becoming aware of the dog's disappearance. "Oh. He must have wandered off."
"Wandered off?" Kiba's brow furrowed. "Nah, Akamaru doesn't just 'wander off'."
Kisame shrugged. "Well he's not here now." He grinned.
Kiba looked thoughtful. "What could've…" He trailed off then looked up at Kisame worriedly. "You don't think he's hurt do you?"
"Huh?" Kisame replied dumbly.
"Akamaru would never just wander off, he's my best friend. If he's gone…" To Kisame's horror, tears suddenly pricked up in Kiba's eyes. "Something terrible must have happened!"
"What?"
"AKAMARU!" Kiba wailed. "Akamaru where are you boy?" The brunette began trying to whistle, but failed each time, simply spluttering until he burst into tears. "Where's my dooooggggg." He wailed.
Kisame stared at him in horror.
"I can't say I'm surprised, of course it's Hidan who's fucking everything up."
Zetsu was currently on his way to report Hidan's stupid behaviour to Pein. None of the other Akatsuki had reported in as of yet, but the first person Zetsu had visited had been Hidan…Headless Hidan. Black Zetsu frowned.
"Apparently he's not the only one." White Zetsu returned.
"Party! Party!"
Pein, Naruto and Gaara were dancing on tables in one of the richest men only clubs in town.
"What the fuck is going on?" Black Zetsu demanded.
"Party." White Zetsu returned.
"Shut up."
An: LOOK WHAT'S BEEN UPDATED! I doubt anybody will review this as I've been away for so long. I'm so sorry though! My inspiration just dried up, but it's back now ^_^ Hope you enjoyed this chapter!