Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar
Chapter 34
A Final Toast
Azula watched him with a small amount of admiration. Dwight was handling himself well with how he continued to speak so jovially to people these past few days. It annoyed her to no end how no one else seemed to notice just how broken he seemed to be. Usually he oozed that annoyingly endearing charm of his, but lately it was completely absent. Sure he was still smiling and making jokes with the regular customers that had come to know him over the months, but she could see the effort he was putting into it. It had been bothering her how different he was being ever since the day the recreation center had been burned down.
That evening, once the customers had left and the kitchen had been cleaned, Azula was not surprised to find Dwight standing outside the kitchen's backdoor with a lit cigarette in his hand. Judging by the amount of ash dangling at its tip, he had not taken a drag off of it in the past few minutes.
"Hey, babe," he said without looking at her.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" she asked, ignoring the "babe."
"Not really," he sighed before looking at his cigarette and dropping it on the ground. He stepped on the butt and rolled it to spread the remaining tobacco before looking at her. "I'm going out tonight. The guys have put together a kind of memorial service to honor Dax."
It made sense then. Dax was the friend he had lost in the attack. Of course the Angels would have a service for him and anyone else they lost.
"Would you—" Dwight started and then stopped short. He took a shaky breath and then tried again. Azula could see the pain in his face as he spoke. "Would you mind coming with me?"
That was not something Azula had expected. If it were a memorial service for Dax, then Angel and the others should be there. There was no reason for him to ask her to go when so many of his friends who actually knew Dax were going to be there. One look in his eyes made it clear to her how much he wanted her with him anyway.
"I'll go get changed," she answered.
"Nothing fancy," he warned her. "It's not a place you want to wear something nice to."
Azula nodded to him before going up to her room and putting on a change of clothes.
Dwight had been serious when he had said it was not a place to wear something nice to. Of course it was a small place in Serpent's Pass that stayed open well into the late hours of the night, so that was to be expected. Inside the rundown looking building was an heavyset old man with a head of long greying hair and matching beard. His eyes were covered by a pair of dark sunglasses and he gave the two of them a nod over the other patrons as they came in.
"Looks like they already started."
For such a small building the crowd was already fairly thick, Azula had noticed. All available room seemed to be taken up and she and Dwight had to work their way towards the counter. As they drew nearer, the crowd parted more easily until Azula was offered a seat at the bar. Dwight offered her a smile before wading back into the throng of people to find his friends.
"You don't look familiar," the bartender said nonchalantly as he grabbed a mug from beneath the counter. "Friend of Dax's?"
"No," Azula said dryly. "I hardly knew him at all. This seems more like a rave than a wake."
"Wow, you definitely didn't know that boy," the bartender laughed with a gravely chuckle. "He'd never stand for a solemn event. Kid was all about fun. Didn't really do depressed or sad."
Azula leaned in her seat to find Dwight. He was slightly taller than most of those in attendance, and she found him talking and laughing with Angel near the side wall. His eyes were still empty though. He was still trying to force his attitude. It bothered her more the more she saw the fake smile and happiness.
More people arrived as time marched on. The red headed girl and her enormous boyfriend made their appearance just before midnight and with them came more raucous laughter and noise. Azula overheard stories about Dax and the things he had done, but never spoke to anyone. Mostly she just watched Dwight. Every so often he would turn to find her still in her seat and he would smile at her. Those few moments throughout the night were the only time his smile seemed to carry any of its true feel.
It was strange to Azula. Dwight was in a room full of people who had known him for years. People he had lived with, who had taken care of him and who he had taken care of in return. These were the people that were closest to him and yet the only time he smiled even remotely close to the way he used to smile was when his eyes found her. In this time of pain and loss it was her of all people that he found comfort in. It was . . . strange to be that for someone.
As the night lingered on and began to cross into morning the crowd slowly died down. People were leaving with sad smiles on their faces after having relived some of their most cherished memories of their lost friend. While Azula was busy thinking these thoughts she realized that Dwight was making his way back towards the bar. He leaned in close and began to speak softly.
"Are you doing okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she replied as she accepted the drink he held out to her. "The real question is how are you doing?"
"Working through it," he answered before turning to the bartender. "Hey, Bart, you still got that old thing?"
The older man moved towards the back of the bar and disappeared through a doorway before returning with an old guitar. He patted it fondly like an old pet before lifting it over the bar and passing it to Dwight. He smiled genuinely to her as he positioned the strap over his shoulder and began to strum out a soft melody. Azula was surprised when those around her began to fall silent in a wave effect as the tune continued. All eyes fell upon Dwight as Angel, the red headed girl and the giant all came to the front of the now small crowd.
From Serpent's Pass to Hui Ying Fai and all between
You have left us here a life of memories
You've forever changed the lives of all of us who have known you
Truth be told this world feels cold without you
You gave all of us a better name
The words were soft and barely audible over the tune itself, but Azula was hanging on every word. In this song was the pain that Dwight had been carrying with him that he was doing his very best to hide over the past few weeks. She could hear his voice shaking slightly as he continued.
So here's a final toast we raise to you, dear friend
Good times will never be the same
And our thoughts still remain
We'll hold you in our hearts forever and a day
And we'll never be the same
So the last toast that we raise goes to you
No one said anything as the tune continued without Dwight's voice. Azula could see the tears forming in his eyes though he pretended they were not there. She and everyone else listened to the guitar patiently as he collected himself enough to continue. When he did, one of the tears he was fighting slid down his cheek.
So if you've ever lost someone that's close to you
Waiting for the answers like the spring to bloom
I hope their tears are wiped away
When they're at the Pearly Gates praying for you
You have made this world a better place
The music began to stutter a bit with that line. Dwight tried to will his way through his emotions and continue, but it became more noticeable as he continued that he was falling apart. A pain clutched at Azula's chest as he moved on through the words.
So here's a final toast we raise to you, dear friend
Good times will never be the same
And our thoughts still remain
We'll hold you in our hearts forever and a day
And we'll never be the same
So the last toast that we raise
That was all he could manage. His fingers fell across the strings as his voice broke and he choked back a sob. Everyone remained silent as he fought with the pain. Tears began to fill Azula's eyes as she watched him. She reached out to him with one hand and placed it on the back of his neck and pulled him to her. As he bent down and placed his face on her shoulder, Azula raised her glass and continued for him. The others slowly held their glasses aloft and joined her voice.
So here's a final toast we raise to you, dear friend
Good times will never be the same
And our thoughts still remain
We'll hold you in our hearts forever and a day
And we'll never be the same
So the last toast that we raise goes to you
Then he cried. Unrestrained and unashamed, like a child Dwight cried as Angel pulled the guitar from him and Azula held him. As his body racked with sobs Azula found herself crying silently with him. Not because she felt the loss of a young man she never really knew, but because Dwight was in pain. Azula, who had not cried at the loss of her own mother, cried for Dwight over the loss of a friend. She cried because his pain made her hurt. She cried because she could not remember the last time she was able to feel something like this. She remembered earlier that night when she had thought it was strange how someone had chosen her to take comfort in. Stranger still was the thought that she wanted to be that for him. That she was grateful that she could feel this pain and cry these tears.
And so, she held him tighter as they cried together.
After a cab ride home to the tea shop with the sun coming up in the distance, Azula and Dwight made for the stairs to their rooms. Uncle Iroh did not say anything upon seeing their faces and simply smiled to them as they passed. Being the gentleman he was, Dwight had let Azula ascend first. As she stopped by her door she knew he would walk passed her to the room he shared with Zuko. Time seemed to slow down as he stepped beside her. After one more stride he stepped ahead of her and for some reason she panicked a little inside. As though for some reason, if he walked away now the tenuous connection with him that had been forged would be gone. Azula reached out desperately with a single hand and took hold of Dwight's tightly.
"Azula?" he asked as he turned to look at her.
Azula's eyes were downcast and she could not look at him. She wanted to. She hated that she felt scared for absolutely no logical reason. If she let go of him right now they would go to their separate rooms, sleep, wake up and go downstairs together. There was no reason it would be any other way. Still, she was afraid. So when he squeezed her hand, she shook her head almost imperceptibly as she opened her bedroom door and gently pulled him with her.
Without a word she closed the door and guided Dwight over to her bed where the two of them lay down; he with his arms around her waist, her stroking his hair as she held him against her chest. She wanted so badly to tell him how cathartic it was to cry as she had. She wanted so desperately to tell him about the revelations the night had brought. However, now was not the time for words. So here they would lay, allowing themselves to find comfort and peace in each other. Dwight would mourn the loss of a friend, and Azula would celebrate the discovery of something precious within herself she had never thought she had.
A/N: "The Final Toast" was written and performed by Hawk Nelson (first line edited to fit the chapter)