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Chapter 36

Moving Day

"Wheredoweputitwheredoweputitwheredoweputit?"

"To the right," Zuko replied. He and Sokka took a few more steps before lowering the chair into place against the wall.

"I can't believe your uncle let you have this," Sokka groaned as he flopped into the recliner.

"He said there were days that I'd need it," Zuko said. "Today's probably going to be one of them by the time we finish. If we get the dressers next that should be the worst of the heavy lifting."

"When's the last time you were in Katara's room?" The red the appeared on Zuko's face spurred Sokka on. "Don't answer that. The point is she has like four bookshelves we'll have to move too. Those books will still be heavy after boxing them up."

"Yeah, but by the time we get around to moving the boxed up stuff the man of your house will be helping too."

Sokka just glared at Zuko as the young man tried to hide his grin.

"I'm gonna tell her you said that."

Zuko's grin vanished quickly.

"So what brought all this on, anyway?" Sokka asked as he glanced around at the small apartment. "I mean, I know it was going to happen eventually, but why now?"

"It's partly a favor for Azula and Dwight," Zuko admitted. "Also because it's high time I got out on my own. Everyone else has started moving forward and it's time I did too."

"This is about your dad then?" Sokka asked.

It was strange to see Zuko behaving this way. Sokka knew the guy had his introspective moments, but he had never actually been present for one. Add to that the fact that Zuko's father was a part of the process and it made for a very touchy subject.

"Yeah, it kind of is," Zuko finally said as he sat next to the chair. "It's weird. I mean all that time he was in jail I never gave him much thought and I was just mad. I was pretty much angry at the world before Katara and the rest of you guys came into my life. Go figure once he started playing an active role again I would end up letting go of most of that. Don't get me wrong, I know you guys are a big reason why I can let go of it, but after what I saw on that roof that night . . ."

Sokka gave Zuko some time to collect his thoughts. When he did not continue, Sokka could barely stand it.

"What did you see?" he asked. "It's not like you or Aang talk about it. At all. Even when we ask nicely."

"Honestly, I didn't see much of anything. It was already over by the time I caught up to them. Aang won't tell me what happened up there, but he has said that he thinks I should talk to him. I don't know if I can do that though. When I saw Ozai that night, he looked so . . . I don't know how to explain it. He looked tired I guess. Tired, but relieved. And I'm still not sure, but he may have been . . ."

"May have been what?" Sokka prompted.

"Never mind," Zuko said. "That's not important. The thing is I know Aang's right. I probably should talk to him. I just don't know if I want to know what he might have to say. Last time I spoke to him it was all threats and impending violence. The same thing happened the time before that. Almost every time I talked to Ozai before was like that. Something was different on that roof though. I know that man is a liar and a manipulator. He's better at it than anyone else I've ever met, Azula included. But I couldn't see any of that in him that night, and that's the weird thing. I've never seen him look so sincere, even when that was his intention."

"And that's a bad thing?" Sokka asked, slightly confused.

"It is for me," Zuko said. "If he's changing, and that's a big if, then he may say some things I'm not ready to hear. He may not be the same man that I knew. I'm afraid that if that's the case, then somewhere down the line I may even start to forgive him."

"You don't want to forgive him?"

"Of course I don't want to forgive him," Zuko growled. "He killed my mother! He almost destroyed my family!"

Sokka rose from the chair and sat himself in front of Zuko. He placed a hand on Zuko's shoulder and waited until their eyes met before speaking.

"You're thinking too hard about something you don't have to," Sokka said flatly.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"See? Thinking!" Sokka said again as he knocked on Zuko's head. "Stop thinking! No thinking allowed unless it's on how to get those dressers in here without having to do any real work!"

Zuko shook his head as he watched Sokka storm out the door and back to the truck. As if it was so easy to just stop thinking about something, especially when that something had to do with Ozai. Filled with frustration, Zuko followed after Sokka and they continued their task of bringing in the furniture.

Not long after Zuko and Sokka had finished unloading the two dressers, Suki and Katara arrived with pizza, drinks and most of Katara's books and shelves. Haru was not far behind her in his car loaded up with the remainder of Zuko's things from The Jasmine Dragon.

"So," Haru started innocently, "I couldn't help but notice this is a one bedroom place."

"Doesn't that make sense though?" Suki asked as Katara started to blush. "I mean Katara's going to be spending the majority of her time at University while Zuko's here on duty. It wouldn't make sense to spend more on space that's not going to be used."

"Yeah, and it's not like they're going to sleep in separate rooms when they're both home," Sokka added. "Even if I have sworn to use a dull, rusty carving knife to castrate anyone who touches my baby sister."

Zuko almost spewed his drink all over the room at this information. Haru had apparently gotten the reaction he had been looking for as he started laughing nearly hysterically. Katara glared at her brother even as she took Zuko's glass from him and set it on the kitchenette counter.

"Oh relax, Katara," Sokka said. "Besides, it's not like I could actually castrate him. He'd never let me get anything that sharp close enough. I'll just have to rig some kind of explosion trap instead."

"Okay, enough teasing, Sokka," Suki interrupted. "We all know you're a scary mad scientist and that it's a big secret that you like Zuko and have already given the two of them your blessing. Now go get the next load of boxes from the truck while we get back to the unpacking."

Over the next few hours Zuko and Katara's new apartment slowly transformed into their new home. Pieces of their lives filled the available space and gave it a definite feeling of two intermingling lives. Katara thought it was odd however that with all the time that they had been together, few of the things in their apartment said that it was their place. It felt more like a space that the two of them were both occupying rather than sharing. She would just have to see about changing that.

"You know, Zuko," she began as she pulled more of her clothing items out of a box. "I was thinking of taking the summer semester off. I know we talked about me attending classes, but now that we have this place I think I want to help break it in. What do you think?"

Zuko did not respond. Katara turned to see him sitting on the edge of the bed staring down at something in his hands. Upon closer inspection she could make out that it was a little wooden figurine of a dragon.

"My mom gave me this," he said quietly. "She gave it to me when I was a little kid. She told me it was a real dragon, once upon a time ago. I remember her telling me it became a statue, but I don't remember much of the story anymore. Mostly I just remember that it was about protecting something, or maybe it was someone."

Katara did not say anything. She moved over to the bed and took a seat beside Zuko before leaning against his shoulder. She stared down at the little dragon and the two stayed like that for a few minutes before he continued.

"I don't think he can change. I don't think he wants to change. But worse than that, part of me doesn't want him to change." Katara could feel him trying to fight back the tears of frustration. She placed her arm around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. "What kind of man does that make me? Actually hoping that he stays a monster?"

"You think that if he changes then you'll have to forgive him for what he did," Katara said softly.

She let the words hang in the air. It was not a question, and they both knew that had been what he was thinking about. After hearing from Aang how the Fire Lord had stopped fighting and seeing the news report of how he had turned himself in, this was something that Katara had also been thinking a lot about. She was not sure if the conclusion she had come to would help Zuko, but she wanted to share it with him.

"I don't think that you have to forgive him," she began slowly. "I think that even if he does change, even if he completely reforms, you don't have to forgive him. I don't believe that absolutely everything is forgivable. I'm not sure if I were in your place if I could ever forgive him. I don't even want to forgive him for hurting you the way he has."

Katara paused for a moment and let out a deep breath before turning to face the man she loved. He was staring so intently at her with that look of surprise on his face.

"At the same time though, you don't have to always hate him either. Just because I can't forgive him for what he's done to you, that doesn't mean that I'll keep hating him forever. Zuko, you don't have to forgive him in order to let go of the hate and anger you feel for him."

Zuko's eyes turned back to the small dragon in his hands. He stared at it for a few more moments as he ran his thumb over the intricate details etched into the wood. His head began to nod slowly as he thought.

"I'd been angry for so long," he told her. "You know better than most just how angry I was and stuck around long enough to help me get through it. If it hadn't been for you, I'd probably still be as bad as I was and I never would have moved forward at all. But all it took was for him to show up again for me to start falling back into that anger. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to hate him, but I can't forgive him."

"Then don't," Katara said as she rubbed his shoulder. "I can live with a man that can't forgive someone. It's pretty easy considering how much I love him."

Zuko wrapped an arm around Katara and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too," he smiled.

"Feeling a little better about everything then?" she asked.

"A bit," he answered.

"Good," she grinned. "I don't want you being all introspective when Song and Hope get here."

"I just hope that between them and the rest of us we don't destroy this place on our first night here," Zuko said. "It is kind of small for seven people to be hanging out in."

"We won't be here the whole time. We'll probably just give the girls a quick walkthrough before we all go out to eat." Katara walked towards the door giving Zuko a sly smile as she paused in its frame. "Besides, if this place gets destroyed our first night here, it's not going to be while we have company."

Zuko just stared after Katara as she stepped out of the room and returned to their friends.

There are worse ways to lose the security deposit, he thought with a smirk.